Steering the Stars (26 page)

       I just stood on my mark, frozen, completely unable to move or speak. Why was Miles staring at me like that?

       He gestured with his hands. “Eliza, don’t you think, he should
look where he’s going
?”

       “Oh!” I gasped. “Um—yeah. Look where—uhh.”

       The first line and I had missed my cue. Very first freaking line.

       Miles had even prompted me. Twice! And I
still
managed to butcher it. It took a special kind of pathetic to screw up something as simple as “Look where you’re goin,’ dear. Look where you’re goin!”

       I could hear everyone’s disappointed sighs and I could’ve sworn I heard my name being muttered in ridicule. God, they all hated me and I couldn’t even blame them. They had every right to start launching rotten tomatoes at me on stage. It was
my
fault we still weren’t ready for opening night because every other cast member had their part perfectly and I was still struggling with the first line.

       “I—uh—sorry—I just—I need a minute.” Blinking against an onslaught of hot tears, I threw my hands up and rushed off stage. I bypassed the backstage crew, almost knocking over Emma and Kristin, and found a deserted hallway in front of the supply closets. I leaned my back against the wall and drooped down until I was on the floor and my head was between my knees.

       Short, shallow breaths punched from my lungs. My face was wet with tears and beads of sweat. “I can’t do this,” I panted softly into my hands.

       I heard footsteps pounding toward me and lifted my head to see Henry racing after me. When he saw me sitting there, he breathed out and slowed down.   

       “What’s wrong?” he asked, sliding down the wall so that he was beside me.

       I shook my head and swallowed. “I can’t do this.”

       “Yes you can.”

       “You don’t know that,” I sulked.

       Henry chuckled. “Yeah, I do. I’ve
seen
you run through this entire play perfectly.”

       “Maybe when it’s just you and me practicing in my living room! It’s totally different on stage. I draw a blank and end up standing there like a moron.” I wiped at my cheeks with my fingers and when I pulled my hands away, I saw my fingertips were smudged with mascara. All Kristin’s hard work had gone to waste. “I think I need to quit once and for all and put everyone out of their misery.”

       He didn’t try to hide the disappointment on his face. “Caroline...”

       “This isn’t me,” I argued. “I’m not cut out for this sort of thing, Henry. I shouldn’t be center stage. God, I don’t even think I could handle a chorus part at this point!” I sucked in a breath before the rest spilled out. “ I mean, what the heck was I thinking when I agreed to this? Or even when I enrolled in the stupid drama class to begin with? Let me tell you what, the mating habits of sea urchins don’t sound so bad at this point! Do you think Mr. Kant would let me switch classes this late in the semester? I know I’d have to do a lot of make-up work and maybe even get a tutor, but it’d be ten million times better than having to step one foot back on that stage. I—”

       “Care,” he cut me off with a hand over my mouth. “Stop rambling.”

       When he removed his fingers from my lips, I sighed in defeat. “I can’t help it.”

       “I know and normally I like your rambling,” he said, smirking. “But you’ve got a whole cast waiting on you.”

       I shook my head. “Henry, I can’t do it. When I get on that stage with Miles and everyone else, my mind goes haywire.”

     
 
“So pretend,” he stated like it was the answer to all of my problems.

     
 
“What do you mean?”

       “Pretend that it’s just you and me practicing in your living room. Forget about everyone else.”

       “That won’t work.”

       “Yes it will,” he said confidently. “Just you and me.”

       I just stared.

       “Okay?” he tried.

       I took in a long breath. “Okay.”

       Henry pulled me to my feet and led me down the hall. We separated and I returned to the stage. Everyone was in the exact same position they’d been in before I left as though someone had just pressed the pause button. A few of the actors with smaller roles threw annoyed glances in my direction.

       I shielded my eyes from the stage lights and called out. “I’m sorry. Just having a mini meltdown.”

       Mrs. Cobb spoke back. “Did you get some air, Miss McKain?”

       “Yes, Ma’am.”

       “And are we ready to proceed?”

       “Yes.”

       “Very well. Let’s pick up where we left off, shall we?”

     
 
I stood on my mark. That’s when I saw Henry, peeking at me from behind one the curtains on the side of the stage. When he saw me notice him, he smiled and mouthed
just you and me
.

      
How many times had we gone over these lines in my living room? How many times had I watched this movie in my lifetime? I knew the words. I knew them.  So I focused on Henry. In my head I was no longer on stage with Miles. I was home, in my living room with Henry. And just like that it worked.

       I realized that Henry was right, I had been over-thinking this. I was just so worried about disappointing someone or screwing up. I was so sure that I didn't belong up here that I was sabotaging myself. The truth was, it’s not that I didn’t
want
to be up there on the stage because I
did
. I wanted to be the kind of person who shined. I had just forgotten that person could be me.
       “Now that’s more like it,” Mrs. Cobb said at the end of rehearsal. “There’s my Eliza.”

To: Hannah<
[email protected]
>

From: Caroline<
[email protected]
>

Date: October 10

Subject: Guess what?

I am no longer an epic failure! There is a slim chance I will survive this musical after all.

____________

To: Caroline<
[email protected]
>

From: Hannah<
[email protected]
>

Date: October 11

Subject: Re: Guess What?

What, pray tell, made for this sudden change of attitude? And, does it mean you’ll be trying out for the winter play?

____________

To: Hannah<
[email protected]
>

From: Caroline<
[email protected]
>

Date: October 12

Subject: Let’s not get ahead of ourselves

HA—not likely! And… “Pray tell”???? I’m startin’ to think you've been in London too long. You should consider a return to ‘Merica ASAP. We miss you!

PS: We also have Girl Scout Cookies here... Just sayin’

____________

To: Caroline<
[email protected]
>

From: Hannah<
[email protected]
>

Date: October 14

Subject: Dreamweaver

So weird… I had this dream that I was babysitting Grace and Chloe and a T-rex attacked the house. I tried to fight him off by throwing a bag of apples at him.

It wasn’t very effective.

<3 Hannah

____________

To: Hannah<
[email protected]
>

From: Caroline<
[email protected]
>

Date: October 15

Subject: Re: Dreamweaver

Want to hear weird? Two nights ago, I dreamed that I drank so much coffee that I stayed up for six days. And I painted every single room in this house a wild color AND I still had time to build the tallest Jenga tower in the history of the world and get a giant taco tattooed on my face.
I was on the news and everything.

____________

To: Caroline<
[email protected]
>

From: Hannah<
[email protected]
>

Date: October 16

Subject: HA

LOLLLLLL. OMG… I am dying here.

____________

To: Hannah<
[email protected]
>

From: Caroline<
[email protected]
>

Date: October 16

Subject: Re: HA

Hahahaha!

Hey, I meant to ask you… so how’s Library Boy? ;)

____________

“No pressure or anything, but you do realize that my expectations are ridiculously high?”

       Joel threw his head back and laughed. “Oh yeah. No pressure at all.”

       It was Saturday morning and we were walking toward a tube stop at the end of the road. The day was crisp enough that I needed a light jacket, but still warm enough that I was okay in a pair of jeans and sneakers with no socks.

       All around us, London was waking up and coming to life. Cafe doors were opening. Shop owners were setting up window displays. Dogs were being hooked on leashes and kids were being strapped into strollers. Even the sun seemed to be thinking about making a rare appearance. Flashy streaks of gold burned through a layer of morning clouds, revealing patches of a luminous blue sky.

       “You could always relent and tell me what we’re doing,” I suggested. Joel had insisted on keeping our plans a secret, only giving me ambiguous hints like
wear comfortable shoes
and
you’re not afraid of heights, are you?

      
His mouth twitched as we walked into the tube station. He stepped onto the downward escalator and turned to face me. “You’ll just have to wait and see.”

       I groaned in frustration but, really, that was for show. The anticipation was part of the fun.

       The elevator carried us into the bowels of the city where we scanned our Oyster cards and pushed through the electronic turnstiles. Then came a labyrinth of white-tiled underground tunnels. As we neared the southbound platform, we heard the whisper of the train pulling in and we both started to jog.

       “Made it!” I said triumphantly as the train doors slid shut behind us.

       Joel was flushed. He reached behind his back, found my hand, and guided me past the people crowding the area in front of the doors to a pair of open seats.

       Through a rectangular window, I watched London hurtle by in a series of dark tunnels. The train car jostled and every so often, it stopped with a discordant shriek of the brakes and a mess of passengers got on and off.

       “I think I’ve seen more people in the past three minutes than live in Libby Park.”

       Joel laughed. He was still holding my hand and I twisted my palm up so that our fingers were wrapped tightly together. Like always, I was amazed by how soft and smooth his skin was.

       He pointed out the stops, telling me where I could get off to pick up the Jubilee Line or take the Central toward Notting Hill. At one point, I felt my ears start to pop and I looked at Joel in surprise.

       “We’re going beneath water,” he explained quietly.

       “Oh wow.”

       He laughed and I blinked at him. “What?”

       “You’re so excited about what’s basically a ride on the subway.”

       “Don’t throw shade at me. I’m sure you’d feel the same if you grew up landlocked in Oklahoma.”

       His laugh dissolved into a grin. “It’s not shade. I love it.”

       I drew in a breath. I knew he didn’t mean love in that way. Still… the word on his lips turned my insides over. My heart kicked a little harder and my face heated. Hoping to hide my absurd reaction, I turned back to the window. Not long after that, a calm and authoritative voice came through the overhead speakers and announced we were pulling into Ladbroke Grove.

       “This is us,” Joel said, standing up and pulling me with him.

       I followed him off the train and through the crowded station. When we were on the street, I pulled my hand from his grip and found a tube of chapstick in my purse. As I quickly applied a layer, I asked him, “
Now
are you going to tell me where we’re going?”

       He cleared his throat before saying, “We’re going everywhere.”

       I just looked at him. “Everywhere?”

       “Well, as everywhere as we can get in a day. You’ve been here for almost two months but you don’t really know London yet. I’m going to show it to you.”

       “That sounds ambitious,” I said as we turned the corner onto a narrow cobblestone road. The buildings around us were old and a little shabby but they were still charming.

       He shrugged. “You said you wanted an adventure.”

       “You’re right.” I squinted through my eyelashes and smacked my sticky lips. “And where does this adventure begin?”

       He tipped his chin to indicate that our destination was up ahead. “In a spot that is sort of touristy but still a must for any Londoner.”

       A few roads later, we turned a corner. When I saw the street laid out before us, I sucked in my breath.

       “Welcome to Portobello Road, Hannah.”

       It was like a candy store or Santa’s workshop had exploded. The buildings were painted a disorganized rainbow of colors—red, yellow, blue, pink, green—and everywhere I looked was brimming with activity. Clothes and windchimes dangled from the awnings over doorways. Windows were decorated with posters and paint. Vendors packed in every inch of sidewalk space, selling roasted meats and fruits and colorful saris and trinkets for tourists. There was a stand with what I guessed were thousands and thousands of beads in every color imaginable. Behind it, I spotted a haberdashery with a wild array of hats on display in the window.

       I felt like Alice must have when she tumbled into Wonderland.

       We started at one end of the curved road and threaded our way through the tide of people and shops to the other side. We wandered into antique stores crowded with musty furniture and vintage toys, and we picked through the bright fabric in an outdoor stand until I found a scarf I wanted to send to Caroline. We stopped and clapped for a street magician in a silver hat and suit whose best trick was levitating cards. We ate warm bread with black currant jam from a bakery on the corner and I kissed him before he could wipe the crumbs from his lips. I didn’t care that it was the middle of the day on a busy street. I couldn’t help myself.

       After that, Joel showed me Borough Market and Russell Square and Kings Cross and a bunch of other places that I couldn’t remember the names of. He took me to Charing Cross where we sifted through used book stores and had tea in a little shop that boasted the world’s largest collection of ceramic porpoises.

       “I guess we aren’t really able to corroborate the claim,” I said, eyeing one of the shelves of porpoises with skepticism.

       “I think you’re right. I doubt the Guinness people have ‘porpoise figurines’ as an entry.”

       I set down my teacup and sat back in my chair. “So, where to next?”

       Joel smiled wanly. “A scavenger hunt.”

       “A scavenger hunt?” I did nothing to tamp down the excitement in my voice. “What kind are we talking about?”

       His smile grew wider and he teased, “You’ll see…”

       Ten minutes later, we were back on the street. It was already late afternoon and to my surprise and satisfaction, the sun was still shining, making even the dull grey buildings that surrounded us seem friendly. I liked to think of the unusually good weather as a cosmic sign or some sort of blessing from the universe.

       “The area we’re in is called Soho,” Joel told me as we walked past a music club.

       “Soho? Like in New York?”

       He nodded. “But this is the original.”

       “Okay. Is this where we start the scavenger hunt?”

       “Yes.” He stopped, gazed up. “We start right here.”

       “What are we looking for?” I asked, turning my body.

       “Noses.”

       I scoffed loudly. “Come again?”

       He pointed to the side of the building across the street from where we were standing. “Do you see it?”