Stilettos & Stubble (26 page)

When it was put
like that, it really was quite scary.  We couldn’t let him wallow any more.

‘Percy, if I’m
totally honest, we won’t survive this hit.  The club is falling apart around
our ears, there’s no way on earth we can ever find that amount of rent and, if
I’m brutal, the queens
are
getting on a bit, aren’t they?  It’s all
hopeless.’

I grabbed my bag
and threw it over my shoulder.  ‘Sorry Tittie, but I didn’t have you down as a
quitter.  This club is packed out with happy customers nearly
every
night.  Nobody complains that
some
of the acts are close to collecting
their pensions.  They just see a talented group of people who make them laugh. 
I, for one, am
not
giving up that easily.  You can sit here and feel
sorry for yourself all you like but it won’t do you any good.  I’m off to see
Annie and, trust me, he won’t stand a chance.’

Chapter
Twenty-Six

Annie opened the
door with a wan smile.  ‘Oh Tit’s sent in the heavies, has he?  Come, in you
old tart!’

We went through
to the sitting room and I sat on the armchair next to the sofa where Annie had
obviously taken up residence.  His ashtray was overflowing and a glass and
bottle were on standby.

In the background
a voice-over on the TV was telling us that ‘Melvin from Glamorgan was having
trouble with his meringues’ and Annie flicked the off switch with an, ‘Aren’t
we all, Sweetie!’

‘Thanks for the
voucher,’ I started.  ‘It was really kind of you.  But it doesn’t mean I’m
going to go easy on you.  Understood?’

Annie nodded and
lit a cigarette, batting the smoke away from his face.  ‘OK.  Spit it out.  I
guess you’ve come her to lecture me, so you might as well get it out of the
way.  Drink?’

I shook my head
and took a bottle of water out of my bag, downing some paracetamol with it. 
The dehydration and headache were kicking in again.

‘Heavy night? 
Annie asked.

‘Don’t even go
there!’ I replied.  ‘And don’t change the subject. 
You
are acting like
a selfish twat and it’s got to stop.  If you don’t go to the doctors, you’re
going to lose the best front of house girl you’ve ever had.  Got it?  I mean
it, Annie.  I
will
resign.’

Annie blew a thin
stream of smoke as he took in my words.

‘Ooh!  Fightin’
talk, eh Perce?’  He then burst into a silent sob.

I let him cry, stroking
his shoulder and muttering soothing words.  He needed to get this out and I was
sure the floodgates had opened enough to give me the opportunity to coax him
further.  He’d been treating Tittie badly but he’d also been sparing him from
these raw emotions.  The breakdown could only be for the good.

‘I’m so scared,
Perce.  It’s all I can think about and it’s driving me nuts.’  He managed a
wobbly little grin.  ‘Pardon the pun!’

I handed him a
tissue from my bag and topped up his glass.  He needed some Dutch courage -
that much was clear - and if it took him to get slightly tiddly before he
agreed to my demands, so be it.  I was
not
leaving that flat until I had
the result I wanted.

‘What if I’m
dying, Perce?’ he asked with sad eyes.

‘What if you’re
not
?’ 
I replied matter of factly.  Under my brave façade I wanted to scream and
holler with him but that would get us nowhere.  It was time for the no nonsense
approach that my mother had taught me so well.  ‘
Period pain?  Tough!  Just
get on with it!’

‘Lumps don’t
always have to mean the worst, Annie.  You’re an intelligent man.  You should
know
that.  But sitting worrying about it, and putting Tittie through hell, is
not
the answer.  You need to get sorted and then get back to the club and put a
plan into action.  Will you ever forgive yourself if you lose the business
because you were too busy being a big girl?’

He sipped at his
drink and stubbed his cigarette out, immediately lighting another.  ‘You’re a
gobby cow, aren’t you?’

‘Yep!  That’s why
you love me.  Now what do you say?  There are too many people relying on you
for you to go down without a fight.  People who care for you, you miserable old
git.’

He dabbed the
tissue at his eyes and let out a huge sigh.  ‘OK, you win.  You’re one scary
piece when you’re wound up - not had a shag for a while?’

‘As I said, Annie,
let’s not go there.  Right!  Where’s the number for your surgery?  Let’s strike
while the iron’s hot.’

Annie gave me the
number, adding, ‘I’ll only go if you come with me
and
help me explain to
the girls what’s happening with the club.  Deal?’

‘Bloody hell, you
drive a hard bargain.  But if it helps get you sorted.  Deal!’

We spat on our
hands and shook.

*****

We managed to get
an emergency appointment for later that afternoon and relief flooded through
me.  I had a sneaking feeling that if he’d had to wait until the next day,
Annie would have backed out.

I made us both
some strong coffee, chucked the remainder of his drink away and stored the
bottle in the cupboard.  ‘You can have a stiff one when it’s over,’ I promised.

‘Let’s just hope
I don’t have one when the doc’s having a feel, eh Perce?’ Annie said, making a
brave attempt at humour as he left the room to have a quick shower.

We had an hour to
kill until his appointment so, once he emerged from the bathroom, I handed him
his mobile and said, ‘Just put in a quick call to Tittie - put his mind at rest
and tell him to get all the girls together for a meeting at six.  Let’s just
deal with it
all
today.’

He took the phone
from me with a loud huff.  ‘I should fire you, you know, but I’m a sucker for a
bully.’

Both problems
partly dealt with, we set off for the surgery arm in arm.

*****

In an effort to
take Annie’s mind off the wait, I confided Lubov’s secret to him, making him
swear not to breathe a word.

After an endless
stream of, ‘Well knock me down with a feather boa’, ‘Ye, God’s and little
fishes’ and ‘My flabber’s just been gasted,’ he finally sat in quiet thought. 
‘Oh, how sad!  How awful for that poor girl!’

‘Well she’s
hardly a
girl
, Annie.  She’s fifty-four!’  I told him.

‘Shit a brick,
Perce!  She looks bloody good for her age, doesn’t she?  Bitch!’  He smoothed
the skin around his eyes and stretched his head up in an attempt to eliminate
any double chins.

He was stopped
from any further bouts of jealousy when the surgery’s display screen flashed up
‘Mick Jamieson to Room G2’.

Annie stood and
winked at me as he left.

My very dear
friend was about to discover his fate and I’d only just learned his real name.

*****

We were sitting
in ‘The Queen’s Head’ with a large brandy in front of Annie and a modest
G&T for me.

The doctor had
been helpful and reassuring.  He was pretty certain that the lump was nothing
to worry about but recommended an ultrasound scan, just to be on the safe side.

‘So, it’s not
like he said the Big C word straight away, is it Perce?  I
will
be OK, won’t
I?  Oh, I can’t thank you enough for being so mean to me.  I’ve been a right
pain in the jacksie, haven’t I?’

‘Yes, Annie you
have.  But the main thing is you’ve done the right thing
now
and I’m
sure if the doctor had any concerns he would have told you.  They have to be
very careful with their words.  How long until the scan?  Any idea?’  I sucked
at the lemon in my drink and winced.

‘
Not
your
most attractive face, Girlfriend!  And the scan should be within a week or so. 
Then I can hopefully get on and enjoy Christmas.’

At the sound of
that word, my mood dipped.  I’d had such high hopes for that year and they’d
all turned to dust.  My mind drifted to the cupboard full of wasted presents -
I might as well sort out the receipts and return them.  If The Glove
did
close, I’d need the cash.

‘Why so sad,
Perce?  All not well with in the Land of Lurve?’  Annie gestured to the barman
to get us another round and he swivelled on his stool for my answer.

‘I’d rather not
talk about it, thanks.  Feel a bit talked out.  Let’s just drink up and get to
the club.’

Annie looked
disappointed but sensed not to push it. ‘Well, when you’re ready, you know where
I am.  And if an arse needs kicking, I’m your man.  My seven inch red ones
deliver a beauty!’

*****

The girls were
all gathered like condemned men in the club.  Some were sitting at tables in a
semi state of drag, others crouched on the stage still in jeans and jackets.

A deathly hush
fell as we entered and Tittie ran over to place a quick peck on Annie’s cheek,
whispering something in his ear.  Annie smiled and nodded and you could almost
touch the look of love that passed between them.

Annie clapped his
hands together to signal for quiet and then took his place on the stage.  The
others moved off and found spare seats, ready for his announcement.  I spotted
Lubov at the bar, looking a little green around the gills as she chatted to
Dave - he must have popped in for a catch up and I raised my hand in a wave. 
He gave me the thumbs up and blew me a kiss.

Clearing his
throat, Annie started, ‘Well I guess you’re wondering why I’ve called you all
here - as the famous quote goes - and, in all honesty, it’s not good news
guys.  I know I’ve kind of taken my eye off the ball these last few months but
it’s been my way of coping.  It’s not helped things and I realise that now.’ 
He stopped and wrung his hands, looking out to his assembled staff - staff who
had become friends - and I could see it was proving tricky for him.  ‘I’ve had
a bit of a health scare but I
think
that’s all going to turn out OK.  I
just wish I could say the same for the club.  The landlord’s hiked the rent and
we just can’t meet it.  In short, aside from a frigging miracle, I think we may
be done for.’  He raised his shoulders and lifted his hands in resignation.

A shocked babble
started up around the group with everyone talking to the person closest to
them.  Annie let them continue for a while, realising that they’d need to deal
with the news.

Suddenly they all
started addressing Annie at once.

‘Couldn’t we just
take a pay cut for a while?’

‘What about
looking for new premises?’

‘Why can’t we
appeal against the rent increase?’

Annie tried to
hush them all and answer their questions in turn but they kept on coming thick
and fast - no one seemed prepared to roll over and accept their fate.

Everyone was
trying to come up with innovative ways to keep the club afloat and if enthusiasm
counted for anything we’d go a long way.  But Annie, Tittie and I knew that it
would take a whole lot more than that.

Lubov suddenly
started making her way to the stage and Annie stepped aside to let her speak.

‘Peoples, listen
to me!’  The girls hushed and turned their attention to her.  ‘I vill not let
this place die.  Ve must sink of somesink soon.  Ze Glove took me in ven no one
else vould.  I even found love at ze Glove.’  She smiled and shrugged her
shoulders.  ‘OK, it didn’t vurk out but I still found it.  Ve must fight!’  She
looked a little scary as she thrust her fist into the air - like some kind of
Russian militant.  As she was about to step down she added, ‘By ze vays, I am really
a voman!  But don’t let that put you off.’

Another round of babble
started up - this time a mixture of shock and confusion.

Then it was
Dave’s turn to quieten them all.

‘Guys!  Guys! 
Hush!’  Everyone looked at him. ‘I’m with Lubov on this and I don’t give a shit
if you’re a woman, Lube!  We’re all here for our own reasons - some straight
forward, some not - but this place helped me when I needed it most.  I’m sorted
now but I couldn’t have done it without the break Annie gave me.  I know I’m
not really a part of it any more but I’ll do all I can to help.  We
need
to keep this place going.’