Still Human (Just Human) (14 page)

I smile back, but sigh. “I feel like I don’t deserve it now. I should have trusted you.”

“God, no. After what I did and then what you saw, you did what anyone would have done. Please stop beating yourself up.” He reaches across to squeeze my hand. Then he looks at the table. “We should eat this food.”

“I know
,” I say taking a deep breath. A couple of sips of wine help me and we start to eat. It isn’t as difficult as I thought and the food is delicious. We make a good job of the starter and make some small talk. Fortunately the restaurant is busy, so the buzz fills the silences and it’s a while before our main courses arrive.

In the interval between courses, Danny picks up our conversation. “So do you feel any better now that we
’ve talked about it in more detail?”

“Yes
, I suppose I do.” I smile. I feel a lot better.

“Do you want to talk about it anymore?”

“No, not really.”

“So can we talk about the future now?”
he asks with a tentative smile.

“I guess so.” I smile. “You can start by telling me what your plans are
,” I say, regaining some of my confidence.

“What plans?”

“Well you jumped on a plane because I hurt myself and you’re still in limbo at Max’s a month later. How long are you planning to stay?”

He shakes his head. “Liv
, I’ve moved here,” he says simply.

I blink at him. “Even though we broke up?”

“I planned to come here to be with you, that’s what I’ve done.” He shrugs.

“Oh. So do you need to go back and get all of your stuff?”

“Nope, it arrived on Monday.”

“You shipped it? Where is it?”

“In storage.”

I look at him in disbelief. “So you aren’t going back?”

“I hope not.” He laughs. “My stuff is here, the apartment has gone, the truck is sold, Dad took my furniture and I cancelled my credit cards and cell. I think I’m better off here, don’t you?”

“What if I didn’t…what if we never got back together?” I stutter.

“I needed you to see how serious I was about us. It was a risk worth taking.”

I breathe deeply as my heart does a backflip.
I’m such an idiot. We are interrupted by our main course. Gah! Food again!

When we are once again alone, I continue. "So this is it? Are we star
ting again?" I’m a bag of nerves.

"I don't think we can start again, do you?"
he says. "We've wasted too much time already."

"So we just pick up where we left off?" I gulp.

"Too scary?"

"A bit. Don't you think?"

"I don't think it is. Look at it this way, if LA never happened, we would be together, right? So really it's just a question of whether you can forget what happened in LA and simply be with me like we were." He holds my gaze. "You're on my mind 24/7 and I see you watching me, it's all still there, so it just comes down to this…Can we put LA behind us?"

I’ve
been watching him and thinking about him too. I would love to erase the memories from my head, they have haunted me. But now I know the facts there is no point in going over it all ever again. I don't know what I'm afraid of. We have certainly been here before and despite all that has happened, I know a future without him is going to be harder than anything that comes at us when we are together.

“You told me once that you were afraid I would turn out to be just human and that I would hurt you. I told you then that I am just human and that I could be hurt just as easily. Well I’m still human…I’m still me and I know we could still destroy each other. But I don’t care, because a life without you isn’t worth living…I dare you." He whispers, with a cheeky tone. "Let me back in, you won’t regret it."

I grin, he has such a way of making me believe. "Okay," I say quietly.

"But with new rules." He adds. "I'm never going to lie to you again and you are going to confront me if you think I have. Deal?"

"Deal." I smile.

He grins back.
"Good, now eat your food."

We somehow finish our meal without taking our conversation any further, although my mind races with all of the possibilities. Will he kiss me? Will he take me home? Will he move in? Will we live happily ever after?
I’m giddy by the time our plates are cleared. The waiter offers us the dessert menu but we unanimously decline, opting instead for coffee while the waiter calls our car back for us. Danny pays the bill and we head outside. There is no sign of the car yet, but we both wanted to leave the restaurant.

Danny is watching me when I turn to him and he steps towards me so that we are almost touching. He strokes my face with the back of his hand and moves a strand of hair away from my eyes. "
I’ve missed you so much," he says as his fingers slip into my hair, bringing my lips to his. My lips part and his tongue explores my mouth slowly. I can't let go of my crutches, so I just stand there, locked in this unhurried reconciliation. I was expecting more urgency from both of us, but this has been a long time coming and it's worth savouring. Besides, we are a long way from home, so we can't tear each other’s clothes off.

Our car pulls up and Danny breaks the kiss. He holds open the door for me then climbs in
beside me. His hand finds mine in the dark as we set off for home and I sigh with relief as our fingers intertwine. I glance over at him and in the flickering light I see him smiling to himself too.

Chapter Fourteen

Danny

I'm not afraid anymore.

I direct the driver to the back of the diner, so that we don't announce to the world how well our date went. Liv goes ahead and opens the door while I pay the guy and I catch her up as she steps into her hallway. I wrap my arms around her waist from behind and kiss her neck, she moans softly. She lets go of her crutches as I turn her around, holding them in one hand as she wraps her free arm around my neck. I pick her up with ease and carry her upstairs. I stand holding her in the living room, reluctant to put her down.

“What is it?” she asks, wondering why I have let her go. 

I blink back to the present. “I promised myself I wouldn't touch you until you were better." I say breathing harder, feeling the tension. "But I don’t think I can wait that long to be with you."

"Neither do I." She drops her crutches and takes my face in her hands. 

“I can though, it does
n’t have to be tonight,” I murmur against her lips.

“Yes
,” she breathes, “it does.” She kisses me urgently and I respond, overwhelmed by how it feels to have her this close again. Even as our tongues caress, I can’t help reflecting on what it has taken to get here. I feel like stopping for a second to text Max and Jen, just to say ‘We did it!’. The feeling of triumph is amazing, but I’m afraid of pushing her too far emotionally or hurting her physically. We continue to kiss as I carry her into the bedroom and lay her gently on the bed. I switch on the lamp and lay down beside her. I’m so afraid to touch her that we just kiss.

“I won’t break you know
,” she says.

I laugh. “How do you do that?”

“What?”

“Know what I’m thinking
,” I say as I trail kisses over her face.

“I can tell you’re holding back.” She smiles and strokes her hand through my hair.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“I’m not made of glass, we’ll just have to do it old school. Can you cope with missionary?” She flashes me her beautiful smile.

“I’ll take anything if it means I can be with you.” I find her lips and lose myself in her.

Liv pulls at my shirt and untucks it from my pants. She pushes me up onto my knees and sits up, following me, not allowing our mouths to disconnect. Her kiss is full of longing, telling me that she has missed me too. Her warm breaths becom
e groans as she licks and nips at my ear. I moan when she moves down my neck, she knows how this gets me. She pulls at the buttons on my shirt until they yield to her shaking fingers and when she slides it off, her goal becomes apparent. She groans as she runs her fingers over my tattoo, appraising it with hungry eyes before she begins kissing and tracing the lines with her tongue. 

I laugh, easing her back onto the bed to do some exploring of my own. As I reach to peel her out of the dress that has driven me wild all night, her hand catches my arm and I hear her gasp. I freeze in realisation, pressing my lips together, I sit back on my heels. It has been almost a couple of weeks since I had it done and no
one has seen it, and as it’s mostly healed now, I kinda forgot about it.

“What the hell?” She recoils as she stares in disbelief at the side of my ribs.

I run my hand through my hair nervously, aware that I look like a total stalker. If I’d remembered I would have prepared her. But seeing it like this has probably just weirded her out.

I sigh. “I can explain
,” I say reluctantly as I pull at the bow of her wrap-over dress. Pushing the fabric away from her, I trace the words on her ribcage underneath our beautiful tree. 

‘You are always rooted here with me.’

“I never asked you about this,” I say, glancing at her briefly, but returning my eyes to the beautiful words on her skin. “I was afraid you’d say it wasn’t about me.”

“It is
,” she whispers.

“I know
,” I reply. “I knew the moment I saw it, it’s our place. When did you get it done?” 

She shrugs. “A long time ago.”

I laugh, shaking my head, more confident now. “You had it done four years ago, Max told me. Why is it so hard to admit that you have thought about me for years?”

She looks away from me. “Liv?” I bring her face back to mine with my hand.

“Because I didn’t believe I could keep you. And I didn’t want you knowing how heartbroken I’d be once you had gone again.”

“Is that why you ran in LA?”

She nods, tears threatening to roll from her glassy eyes.

“You thought it was inevitable, so why fight, right?”
 

She nods again.

After a moment, I ask her again. “When did you get it?” 

She thinks
. “Four years ago sounds about right.” She sighs. “Max and Charlie had gone off on their honeymoon. I’d helped them plan their wedding and once it was over I felt deflated. My dad had just died, it was before I met Mark and I was just low. I missed you. I’d tried not to for a long time, but with Max gone and everything feeling off centre, it really highlighted what was missing in my life.” She brushes her fingers over my skin. “Do you remember our tree?”

I smile and nod. “Of course I do.”

“I stayed away from it because it hurt too much, but at that time when I needed you, I went there and sat for a while, it made me feel like you were with me. I got this done because I wished you were by my side. Sometimes for me, this…” she waves her hand over her body.,“…is the only way of dealing with those kind of feelings. Everyone that has made an impact in my life, good or bad is represented here. Well everyone except you, because shutting it out was easier. Then those words came to me and I felt like doing this might be a cathartic experience.”

“Was it?”
 

She shakes her head. “Not really.” She half laughs. “Your turn to spill.” She says sitting forward.

“Okay.” I shift so that I’m sitting beside her. I touch her tattoo again. “I knew it was about me when I saw it, of course it was, that tree is like the symbol of us. I guess it helped me to know that you had been feeling exactly how I felt. I asked Max about it, because I was surprised that you’d been affected by me leaving enough to get this done. When he told me it was only for years ago, I couldn’t believe just how recently it had still been affecting you. I mean, I’ve been out of your life for twelve years. Why didn’t you look for me?”

“I had you married with kids in my mind.”

“You’re the only girl for me. You must know that by now,” I say, stroking her face.

She grins. “I didn’t then…and how is this explaining why we have the same tattoo?”

“Okay!” I laugh, relieved to see she isn’t angry about it. “When I came back here after LA, it was hell. You wouldn’t talk to me, you were hurt and I couldn’t help you. I had to hide in the shadows every time you came downstairs. At times I felt like I’d lost you for good. Then one day I was upset and I just went for a walk and found myself there. It’s still the same, I was surprised. I’ve struggled with the memory of it since I’ve been gone because that feels like where it all ended, but once I sat there in the peace and quiet, it wasn’t like that. Like you said, it made me feel like you were by my side.” 

I glance down at my tattoo. I chose to reflect her wording. Mine says,

‘I am always rooted here with you.”

“Max helped get me an appointment again. He could see I was in a bad place
. When I took the photos I had in to your guy, he remembered how yours looked but he said it wouldn’t be exactly the same because he did it free hand. I didn’t care, I just wanted to have it on me and I changed the words because yours are right. I will always be rooted with you, wherever you are.

 
“I needed to do this, either as a reminder to never screw things up so badly again, or…if I could get you back…a reminder that I had to keep you at all costs.” I sigh. “I thought it would show you that we are just the same. All our crazy insecurities are bullshit, you know? We are supposed to be together and the only thing that has kept us from doing that is fear.”

She stares while she takes in everything I’ve said.
 

“I’m not afraid anymore
,” I whisper.

After taking a deep breath, she smiles and runs her finger over the fresh ink. “Hurts there doesn’t it?”
she says, stroking the words.

“Like a bitch.” I reply, moving in to kiss her again. “Apparently, you took it better than I did.” I laugh against her lips, as my hand trails down her neck, pushing her dress off her shoulders and lowering her once more to the bed.

“It’s the worst place.” She breathes louder as my kisses fall lower and lower.

“It was worth it for you
,” I say against the skin of her hip.

She gasps as I pull her panties down.

“Have you really always felt that way?” she wonders aloud as I toss them on the floor.

I lift my hand to her mouth, spreading my fingers around her face and mashing my palm against her lips. “Liv, shut the fuck up and enjoy this.” I growl, only half joking. A sound escapes her, as I pull my hand away; part laugh, part moan, but all pleasure. It’s a sound that turns me on as much as she does and I waste no time moving my mouth between her legs.

She moans as my tongue works its way over her, turning circles and causing her to arch her back off the bed. I slide in my index finger at the same time as I land on her clit, which has the desired effect and she moans loudly, while her body shakes with pleasure. She is wet and ready, and my second and third fingers slide into her easily. She moans louder with my movements and I watch her, lost in the moment, her eyes closed. 

I’ve
thought long and hard about how I would play this if I got the opportunity. The last time we reunited it was mind-blowing, we each pulled out all the stops, but I don’t want this time to be a pleasure-giving contest. I want to be in it together, beginning to end. So, unbuttoning my pants and leaving them at my feet, I crawl above her. She watches me as I reach for her drawer.

“No need
,” she says. “I’m still on the pill.”

I grin, changing directions and settling between her thighs instead. We kiss slowly as I slip into her, savouring every inch of me pushing my way into her warmth, so slowly, until
I’m pressed in all the way. I hold still inside her and we focus on our kiss, the effect is amazing, I’m hypersensitive to every fractional movement as I hold off from moving inside her. Even our breathing creates a rhythm I’m aware of. When I do move, very slowly drawing out, we both moan loudly. The sensation is heightened. Pushing back in at an agonisingly slow pace feels just as amazing and I keep this up for a while, watching her as she watches me. 

I’ve
never felt such a connection to anyone. “I love you,” I whisper as I kiss her deeply again. Her eyes close at my words and I watch a single tear roll down her cheek. I know how she feels, but I don’t want her to cry, not now. I kiss her face again and again, holding her tight as I increase the pace slightly. We need this to wash it all away, we should have never been apart. I grind into her and she gasps, our warm breath mingles as we begin to move faster and faster. She is panting beneath me, but when her eyes open she isn’t sad, she wants it and she moves to meet me. 

We stare into each other
’s eyes and I feel like I’m close. I don’t know if she is, but I don’t want to break this connection we have. Her mouth opens and her breaths become sharper.

“I love you
,” she gasps and then gives a low cry as I feel her convulse beneath me. It sends me over as her insides grip me.

“I love you
,” I groan breathlessly as I come inside her. “Oh my God. I love you!” I gasp as the waves keep coming and I can’t stop this amazing feeling.

She pulls me into a deep kiss.

I stroke her brow as I lay beside her. We have barely moved for half an hour or more and we haven’t spoken. We have just stared and dealt with our own thoughts.

“Do you want to talk?” I ask, breaking the silence.

“No.” She kisses my nose. “But can you do something for me?”

“Anything.”

“Can you get my crutches? I dropped them in the lounge and I really need the loo!” She giggles, knowing she has shattered the moment.

I laugh
, scooping her into my arms. She shrieks and protests, but I don’t care.

“I can walk, I just need my crutches!” She wriggles. “Danny you are not putting me on the toilet!” But it’s too late, we
're there and she puts her face in her hands as I sit her down. 

“This is so embarrassing.” She sulks as I walk away laughing. I go to the living room and pick up her crutches from where they fell.

“Here,” I say propping them against the sink. I drop a kiss on the top of her head.

“Danny! Please, I’m having a wee!”