Still Water (8 page)

CHAPTER TEN

Todd

T
HAT FUCKING BLUSH WAS GOING TO
destroy me. I've never been this physically attracted to another girl in my entire damn life, not even with Elizabeth. I pulled my eyes away from her in effort to calm the overwhelming need to drag her to my office and just end this now. Jace's self-righteous laughter drew me out of my thoughts.

"Go fuck yourself, man. Like you have any room to talk," I said with irritation at his judgment. Jace was probably a bigger whore than I was. He just hid it. Whereas I — I put that shit right out on display. What was the purpose of hiding it? All those things will come and bite you in the ass eventually.

The hot blonde was lingering by the door. She was waiting for me to bite at the bait she was waving under my nose all night, but I wasn't sure I wanted what she was offering. I was over it. I closed my eyes; Lily's kiss was on repeat in my head, her damn pink lips that tasted like berries. I hadn't ever tasted anything so sweet.

"Hey, that chick won't leave, and we got to lock up." Jace clipped me on the shoulder with his fist. "You sending her packing or what?"

This night was so confusing, and I wasn't sure what to do with all this excessive tension. Part of me wanted to send this chick on her way. I didn't need this shit anymore, but the other half — the half that saw shame in Lily's eyes no matter what she said — that part of me knew better. Still water runs deep, and deep down I was empty. Empty like an abyss. Void of anything permanent. I wasn't worth the commitment. Why should I offer anything more when all of me is never good enough?

"I got this." I smiled up at the blonde and walked to the front door.
Fuck it.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Lily

A
LL THAT WAS RUNNING THROUGH MY
mind on my way home from work was the sight of Todd's back as he left the bar with the skanky blonde. She was so obviously desperate for his attention, it was sad. I watched as she touched his arm, laughed at his jokes, ran her fingers through his hair. A few hours earlier I'd been doing the same thing, and my easy behavior was making me angry. The thing that was pissing me off more than anything was that he chose her over me. I hated myself for caring. I was mad that he'd go home with her, share his bed with her, but not with me. It was disgusting how I was letting all my insecurities boil to the surface. Self-doubt started to pull me under as I turned into my driveway. All the dumb girl questions started flowing like a sieve. Did he not like how I kissed? Was my body not good enough for him? Did he think I was too inexperienced?

My internal monologue was absolutely ridiculous. Todd was a player; I didn't need a guy like him in my life. I would go to work, do my job, sing for Frank, and get the deal I needed to make my album. I quietly walked down the stairs to my basement apartment. My feet were killing me, and all I wanted was a hot shower. There was no way that was going to happen. Eve would have a damn come apart if I woke Christopher. Instead, I got in my worn sleep pants and my dad's gray band T-shirt. Once my head hit the pillow, I couldn't hold back the tears. What the hell was wrong with me that I would be so drawn to this guy who was so obviously and completely emotionally unavailable?

I missed my father so much. If he were still here, still alive, I could talk to him about this. He would be able to give me an answer. If only I had listened to him like I should have.

The hard rain fell onto the roof of my house making it hard to sleep. Derrick broke my heart tonight when I saw him with her. He never really loved me, and my dad knew it. He said he saw Derrick with her the other night at the bar. He had played a show at Marquee and saw my boyfriend with Becca, my so-called best friend. I didn't believe him.

The worst part is I told my father I hated him, and now I didn't know where he was. I wanted to apologize and tell him he was so right. I shifted to my right side. The red glow from my alarm clock taunted me. It was very late. The digital display read 2:30 a.m. Why wasn't my father home? I exhaled an anxious breath while the thunder rumbled loudly and rattled my windowpanes. I rolled to my back. My mind was running a mile a minute. My life here as I knew it was over. My boyfriend was screwing my best friend. My father is pissed at me. I lost my music scholarship.

Worst. Week. Ever.

I stared at the fake palm-frond ceiling fan and finally let myself cry. The sound of Johnny Cash's 'Ring of Fire' startled me. My father's ringtone. My cell phone almost vibrated off the bedside table, but I caught it in time.

"Dad? Where are you?" My voice was wobbly from crying. I hoped he hadn't noticed.

"Lil? Honey, this is Gabe." Gabe's voice sounded like he was in a wind tunnel.

"Gabe? What's up? Where's my dad?" My internal panic was starting to swell. This wasn't right. Why was Gabe calling?

"Lily… honey… there's been an accident."

This reminded me of that night. Me lying in bed, late at night, crying over a boy, missing my father. Except then, my father had still been alive. Well, at least that's what I'd thought.

W
ORK WAS HORRIBLY BUSY.
The band Red Light that had canceled yesterday seemingly rebooked tonight, and the place was stuffed to the gills. The house, so to speak, was full of college kids. Jace, Tiffany, and I could barely keep up. Todd hadn't shown up yet, and we really could have used an extra hand. I tried to pretend that I didn't care he wasn't here. I kept telling myself he was of no significance, but, every time the door opened, I looked up hopeful that he would walk through it. Each time, the disappointment would quickly turn into frustration. I was repulsed with myself. He went home with another girl. My stomach turned at the thought of him with her. The memory of the heat of his hands on my body made it so much worse. Those hands. Where had they been?

I decided that I wasn't going to waste one more minute obsessing over my hot, man-whore of a boss. I had a small, hormonally challenged lapse in judgment. I mean no one could blame me. He was absurdly attractive. Todd's eyes were like hot water on my skin. The peppermint flavor that lingered on his lips and those hands… they felt like home.
Crap.

"Lily, this band is so great, right!" Jace shouted. His smile beamed as he rocked his body to the music.

"Yeah, they remind me of
Modest Mouse
." It was next to impossible not to return his smile.

"Hell yeah! I love it." Jace started playing air guitar, and I laughed at his silly display. "What are you doing tomorrow?" Jace's smile was appealing and open. The complete opposite of Todd.
Stop It!
I had to stop thinking about him.

"I don't know. That's right, bar's closed tomorrow. Probably just veg out." I opened a beer and handed it to a customer. "Thanks," I said as I took his money and placed it in the till. I pulled and tightened my crazy curly ponytail and heard Jace snicker.

"What?" I smiled up at his crooked grin.

"Want to go out? You're new in town, right? Let me show you around." Jace's blue eyes sparkled with excitement and something else I couldn't place.

"On a Sunday?" I didn't know what it was, but something about Jace's easy smile and boyish good looks was off-putting, like he was trying to hide something. The blue fervor in his eyes flickered brighter. It dawned on me that maybe he liked the chase. Was I a challenge? He and Todd seemed very competitive. The other night Todd had pretty much tried to stake his claim on me. Could I go on a date with another co-worker after kissing my emotionally unavailable boss? Should I even consider it? Was Jace a player too? All these questions made my head hurt with anxiety.

"Yeah, Lil, on a Sunday." He laughed and shook his head. "You game?" Jace's muscular biceps contracted as he dried the inside of a pint glass. Holy hell, was I game? Why not? Todd made his decision when he said I shouldn't want him and then went home with that bar fly.

"Sure. Let's do it." My smile was small. I needed a break from my realities for a minute.

Jace's sudden mischievous grin gave me butterflies in my stomach, but not in a good way. He almost looked smug. I started to feel nervous all over again.

"Let's do what?" Todd's deep voice behind me caused chills to run up my spine as heat gathered along my chest and neck.

"Me and Lil have a date tomorrow night." Jace's azure eyes were challenging. "I'm thinking about taking her to Ledge and then maybe dinner. You like rock climbing, Lil?" he asked, but never looked me in my eyes. He was too busy staring intently at the man behind me. The man, that for some reason, I was afraid to face.

"Um… sure sounds good," I lied. I was terrified of heights. I was feeling overly warm and just wanted to go and hide in the break room and collect my thoughts. Todd placed his hand on my shoulder, and I jumped.

"
Lil,
I wanted to talk about your audition piece for Frank. Follow me." I didn't miss the way he said my name. It seemed Jace had gotten under his skin.

"Sure. You and Tiff got the bar for a minute?" I looked out at the floor; Tiffany was running drinks to one of the far tables. I felt guilty leaving them out here on such a demanding night.

"Yeah, just make it quick. It was nice of you to show up, by the way, Todd. It's been a shit show." Jace's tone was thick with accusation.

"I had some shit to deal with. You guys survived. Let's go, Lily," Todd barked.

"Be back in a sec, Jace." I smiled, trying to keep the peace. I'd like nothing better than to stay up here and run my butt off rather than talk to Todd.

I turned and kept my head down. I didn't want to see the look on Todd's face; the tone of his voice spoke volumes. I hurriedly walked past him through the bar to the back offices. Once the back hall door shut, the loud live band was muted and I could hear my heavy breathing. As I entered Todd's office, the vision of us on his desk made me feel all rosy and, for some reason, guilty. The sound of the door clicking and locking behind me made me turn sharply.

"You're not seriously going out on a date with Jace are you? Not after—"

"Not after what?" I interrupted. I raised my chin and stood a bit taller. The implication in his voice pissed me off. Especially, after who he went home with last night.

"After I had you straddled around me and my cock pressed up against you on this very desk,
Lil.
" My heart skipped a beat, and my breathing felt shallow at his rough words. My cheeks must've been crimson. His dark eyes locked on mine.

"Excuse me?" I was incredulous.

"Oh, you heard me, Red." He stalked toward me causing me to take a step back. My backside hitting the familiar desk. The sensation of the hard wood against my legs made me think of how, just yesterday, my body
had
been wrapped around his on this very spot. I closed my eyes and inhaled trying to gather all my faculties, but Todd's clean scent was everywhere, surrounding me, making me feel things I didn't want to feel.

I opened my eyes and found him staring at my parted lips. I bit my bottom lip out of apprehension and watched as he licked his own. He was so physically overpowering. Everything about Todd drew me in. I wanted to kiss him so badly. Those full lips did crazy things to me, made me want to do things I shouldn't want to do after only knowing him for three days.

"He'll just use you." Todd closed the distance between us and took my face between his hands making me feel breathless. His brown irises faded as his pupils dilated. "That's what Jace does. He likes the thrill of the chase, Red."

"You mean like you did? She didn't make you chase her very long though, did she?" The hateful sound of my voice surprised me. Todd dropped his hands from my face and stepped back like I'd slapped him. "I sure hope you used protection. She seemed a little easy, even for you. Get your kicks with me and then finish off with a stranger. Nice move, boss."

"
You don't know what the hell you're talking about,
" Todd's anger filled every word.

"I don't? Tell me you didn't take her home." I sounded doubtful.

"I didn't take her home."

"Sure you didn't." I rolled my eyes and tried to walk past him. He grabbed my shoulders.

"I didn't take her home, Lily." He exhaled and looked at me directly. All I saw was honesty. "I wanted to and I normally would have, but it felt wrong. Just like you going out with Jace is wrong." He gritted his teeth.

"You don't own me, Todd. For hell's sake, I've known you for like three days." His hands squeezed my shoulders, not enough to cause pain, but enough to know what I'd just said hurt him somehow.

"Damn it, Lily. He takes trophies from the girls he's laid. If I'm no good, that guy is the devil." He took a deep breath. "Trust me."

"That's the thing, Todd. I don't know you enough to trust you, and after last night, the way things went down, I can't deal with this bullshit. I'm my own person,
I have my own plans
." I pushed his hands off my shoulders and stepped sideways away from his reach. I moved quickly to the door trying to avoid getting stuck in
that
stare. I just couldn't let Todd consume me, because I have no doubt that's what would happen. The attraction between us was unreal, and fires that burn this bright die fast. I unlocked the door and slowly opened it.