Stripped Raw (21 page)

Tessa slips her robe back on and hugs me tightly. “Zoe saw me and started crying. She wouldn’t stop.”

I sit her down on the bed with me and keep my arm around her. “Zoe just sees her beautiful mother. She’s probably cutting a tooth or something.”

“You think so?”

I squeeze my sister carefully, feeling like her bones will break. “I’m sure of it.”

“She won’t have any memories of me, Kenzie. Not one.”

“Her heart will remember her mother’s love,” I say, turning Tessa’s face to mine. “And I’ll fill in the rest. I’ll tell her about the time you made out with Tommy Shaw under the bleachers in high school. And about the time your water pushup bra exploded. And the time you passed gas during. . . .”

Tessa elbows me hard. “You better not.”

“Oh, I will,” I say. “And I’ll tell her how brave you were carrying her. How I held your hand in the delivery room, and we both sobbed.”

“Promise me you’ll be there to take her wedding dress shopping. And don’t let her buy one of those heinous mermaid dresses, either.”

“I promise.”

“And promise me you’ll give her my pearl earrings and necklace when she turns sixteen. Because you know it’s bad luck to buy pearls for yourself.”

“I will.”

“And my diamond stud earrings when she turns eighteen.”

“Got it.”

“And my gold cross when she. . . . I’ll make you a list.”

“Okay.”

Tessa takes a deep breath, squeezing my hand. “Okay, so how was the party for the station?”

“Alright.”

“You just saw me buck naked. You can give me more than a one word answer.”

“I just don’t want to be stupid again and ignore the nagging warnings in my head.”

“Kenzie, when did you do that?”

“With Charles,” I say. “There were red flags all over the place, and I completely disregarded them. I don’t want to do that with Kane.”

“What kind of red flags?” Tessa asks. “You gonna finally tell me what happened?”

“I lost myself for a little while. I promised myself when I moved to Europe that I’d embrace my new life. That I’d stop running out of every relationship. That I’d try something new.”

“That’s a good thing.”

“It didn’t work out that way. I was young and inexperienced, and he was much older and worldly. I just got lost in him, and I didn’t see it. I blinded myself.”

“Go ahead.”

“You won’t understand, Tessa. You’re used to every head turning when you walk in a room. Men always fell over themselves for you, Michael and Sawyer included.”

“Whatever, just tell me.”

“You have to understand. He doted on me. Always wanted me with him. I never got that from any man in my life before, so I ignored the little voice in my head, the warning signs. I’d never been in love. He could manipulate me so easily to get what he wanted. I was young, weak, and stupid.”

“You might have been young, but you aren’t weak or stupid.”

“I was so flattered he pursued me the way he did. I couldn’t imagine a man like him wanting me.”

“That’s ridiculous. You’re a catch.”

“I fell hard and fast. It was like a whirlwind. Suddenly, I was living in this huge mansion, traveling all around with him. My life was working and being wherever he was. At first, it was fabulous. He bought me clothes. He had a cook, a driver, personal trainer.”

“Sounds fabulous.”

“It was at first. He took really good care of me. No man had ever done that before. But what I didn’t realize was that it was control. He controlled the menu, my workouts, what I wore, where we went, what birth control I used. But it was all under the guise of him loving and taking care of me. By the time I realized what was happening, it was too late.”

“Did you love him?”

“At the time, I thought I did. I was in over my head. Things were good for a while, but when I started to branch out, or wanted to hang out with people from work, he’d get upset.”

“Upset how?”

“Everything was always about him, his needs, what he wanted.” I look up into my sister’s eyes. “When you think you love someone, you want to make them happy. He took advantage of that. It was all about pleasing him.”

“Kenzie, you’re scaring me.”

“When he was in control of me—when I was doing everything just the way he wanted me to, things were great, but when I didn’t. . . .”

“He’d hurt you?”

“He used to say he’d fuck me into seeing it his way.”

“What does that mean?”

“At first, I thought it was funny, a cute way to end a disagreement. You know, he’d pin me down and tickle me and say he could make me see it his way. I didn’t realize how serious he was until one time when I wanted to have drinks after work with friends. He didn’t want me to go. He wanted me home with him. I refused, and he tried his usual tactic.”

“What happened?”

“I told him I was going to fuck him into seeing it my way,” I say, shaking my head. “I really thought it was a game.”

“It wasn’t a game?”

“No. He got really mad when I refused to let him touch me. Said no woman had ever said
no
before. It really pissed him off.”

“Did you go out that night?”

“Yeah, and he showed up at the bar about an hour later, acting like the perfect boyfriend.”

“Controlling.”

“It was like he thought he could do whatever to me as long as he took care of me after. It confused me. I would go from feeling worthless to treasured in two minutes. But after that night, something shifted in me. I became defiant.”

“The real Kenzie showed back up.”

“We started to fight a lot more, really argue. I’d been in Europe close to two years and hardly had any friends. I’d moved up in my job and wanted to have my own life, which caused a lot of tension with Charles. One night, we were supposed to go to some function, and he bought a new dress for me to wear. He always picked what I wore, ordered for me at restaurants. Anyway, this night, the dress he got was short and backless. I thought I’d be cold, so I wore something else.”

“What happened?”

“I was sick of having no say in my life, and we got in a big argument. It ended when he back-handed me.”

“He hit you?” Tessa cries. “You never told me any of this.”

“I flew across the room and hit my head on the dresser.” I held my face. “No man had ever hit me before. I didn’t even cry. I was in shock, I think. When I finally got to my feet, Charles was gone—to the party. He just left me on the floor, bleeding.”

“Fucking son of a bitch.”

“I’m alright, Tessa.”

“What did you do?”

“I got up and threw the few things Charles hadn’t bought me in a bag.”

“You left?”

“I was going to,” I say. “But I wanted him to see my face when I walked out. I guess I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me.”

“Did you hurt him?”

I look out the window. “I waited for hours and hours in our bedroom. Finally, I heard the door open. I think a part of me was hoping he’d apologize—beg my forgiveness.”

“He didn’t?”

“No, Charles doesn’t say he’s sorry, and he definitely wouldn’t beg me to stay.”

“So what happened when he got home?”

“He brought another woman with him.” I lower my head in complete shame. “I meant so little to him, just like every other man in my life. They can take me or leave me, doesn’t matter.”

“I’d like to rip his balls off,” Tessa grumbled.

“Don’t worry,” I say. “My last words to him were, ‘You’ll think of me when you fuck her.’”

“Good for you,” Tessa cheers. “Did you ever see him again?”

“No, I went back a couple days later to get some things I left. Pictures, books, that kind of thing. I waited until I knew he was at work before I went. When I got there, all my stuff was gone. He’d already gotten rid of everything. Threw it out, I guess.” I shake my head. “I was with him for two years, and he cleared me out in two days.”

“Why didn’t you press charges?”

“Charles would’ve destroyed me. Besides, I didn’t want anyone to know how stupid I was.”

“And you think you’re making the same mistake with Kane?”

“No!” I say. “Kane’s not controlling or anything like that. But I can’t seem to shake this voice in my head that he’ll leave me eventually. And now he’s off doing some stupid errand for his ex-wife, and I’m wondering if. . . .”

“Kane loves you, not her.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“The moment he walked into your shop that day, I just knew. I could feel it from across the room, the energy between the two of you. You can’t fake that.”

“But he’s still. . . .”

“Did you tell him not to help her? Did you tell him it makes you insecure?”

“No, why would I admit that?”

“Because when you love someone, you let them see your insecurities.”

“He knows my insecurities,” I say, slapping my ass. “I mean, he wakes up to it every morning.”

Tessa laughs, placing her hand on my heart. “I’m talking about the ones in here.” She gives me a little smile. “Go to him. Go tell him how you feel.”

*

Tessa is always
right! I throw down his car keys on the table in the foyer. “Kane,” I call out over and over again. I check around downstairs, but I can’t find him anywhere. I place my hand on the banister of the staircase, looking up. Kane said there is nothing up there, but I can’t find him anywhere else. Maybe he’s up there? I need to check. I start up the stairs into the darkness. When I reach the top step, a small light peering from under a door down the hallway catches my eyes. I walk towards the light, something drawing me. “Kane?” Pushing the door open, my hand flies to my mouth as I walk to the middle of the room. I can’t believe what I’m seeing.

Kane says my name from behind me. I’ve never heard his voice sound like this before. Usually, it’s deep, sexy, but now it sounds shaky and uncertain. I turn around, seeing him standing in the doorway. “Kenzie,” he says again.

“This is very sweet,” I say, running my hand across the white baby crib with pink bedding. I do a slow spin, admiring the half-finished nursery. “I can’t believe you’d do this.”

“Kenzie, I’m not sure what you think, but. . . .”

“This isn’t for Zoe?” I ask. His eyes close tightly. The room begins to spin, and all the air has been sucked out of it. I hear him say the room isn’t for Zoe, but it sounds like a far off echo. My eyes dart around the room. “I need to get out of here.”

Suddenly, he’s right in front of me, blocking my way out. He looks frantic. “Kenzie, let me explain.”

“I feel sick. I need to go home.” I push past him and head down the stairs. I need air. I need to get outside.

“Okay, I’ll drive you,” Kane says. I hear him grab his keys, his footsteps closing in on me. “Please stop.”

I fly out the front door, trying to outrun the truth that is chasing me. I can’t do this. I can’t believe this. I pace around the driveway. I’m trapped. I don’t have a car and a cab will take forever. Where is my phone? Where is my purse? I have no choice but to let him drive me. I walk to his car, not giving him the chance to open the car door for me, and hop inside. Kane gets inside, and the doors lock. I’m trapped with the truth. “Oh, my God, you have a child. You have a baby!”

KANE

I’m so screwed!
Fuck! I look over at Kenzie in the passenger seat. She’s close to hyperventilating, and I don’t blame her. Why in hell did she have to walk upstairs? “Kenzie, please. . . .”

“Not now,” she says. “And drive five miles over the speed limit. I need to get home. Don’t think you’re going to draw the drive out.”

I speed up, but I’m not about to sit in silence for the next thirty minutes. I’ll drive in circles until she listens to me. She has such a horrible sense of direction, I doubt she’ll notice. When we get on the interstate, I start my defense. I need to make sure she doesn’t bolt out of the car at a stoplight. “Kenzie?” I reach my hand towards her, but she angles the other way. She is trembling, goose bumps covering her arms. She lets out a little whimper and covers her mouth.

“Oh, God, Lily’s pregnant? You were still sleeping with her after your divorce. She’s pregnant!”

I swerve the car over to the side of the road and put on the hazard lights. “Jesus, Kenzie. What kind of man do you think I am?”

She looks over at me, her eyes narrowing. “She’s not pregnant?”

“No, of course not.”

“If she’s not pregnant, and it’s not for Zoe, then why do you have a half-finished nursery?”

“The baby. . . .” I take a deep breath and stare at the open highway. I’ve never said it out loud before. “The baby was stillborn.” All the air leaves the car, and Kenzie’s eyes fix on me. “I just can’t bring myself to pack up the nursery.” She tilts my chin up, and her brown eyes are round and soft. She undoes her seatbelt and slips into my lap, tightly wrapping her arms around me. I pull her closer and bury my nose in her hair.

“I’m so sorry—for the baby, for the way I acted. I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t run away from me,” I say, my arms cinching around her waist. “I can’t lose you, too.”

“Oh, Kane,” she says, gripping me harder. “Is this why you got divorced?”

“We couldn’t make the marriage work after that.”