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“Uh, okay, then what was it?” Because generally, you only kiss people because you want to kiss them. Because you want your mouth and their mouth to touch as a sign of affection. I mean, I didn’t have a lot of kiss experience, and none with another girl, but I was pretty sure that was how things worked.

She tossed her hands in the air and a few wisps of hair floated around her face.

“I don’t know! God.”

“Jesus, I’m not interrogating you. I just want to know what was going through your head,” I said, trying to use a calm tone. She looked on the verge of flipping out.

“I . . .  It was just . . .” She clamped her teeth down on her bottom lip and shook her head.

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“What would I understand?” I asked gently. She shifted her feet; ready to bolt.

“You just wouldn’t, okay?” she snapped.

“Try me.” I was both curious and freaked out to hear what she had to say. Because I was pretty sure I understood exactly what she was talking about and what she’d been thinking because I had been thinking the same thing about her. There was no denying it now.

I liked Stella. I really, really liked her and if she kissed me again, I’d kiss her back. I would so kiss her back.

I
shouldn’t have left the classroom, but I had to get out. She was looking at me in a way that made me want to drag her out to my car and throw her in the backseat. She was still sort of doing it, actually.

I mean, I was a total hot mess, but I guess that worked for her?

I kept telling her that she wouldn’t understand why I tried to kiss her, but I wasn’t getting that vibe now. I was getting a completely different vibe that made my cheeks flush and my skin too tight.

I’d already told her that I didn’t want to kiss her because I was into her, which was the biggest lie ever.

I liked her a lot, but I had no idea if I could trust her. She could just as easily turn on me and I couldn’t handle that. I stood there, weighing the risks as she waited. She tilted her head to the side just a little and it was so unbearably cute.

“Come on,” she said, lifting her chin.

“Come on what?” I said.

“Come on,” she said, backing up and heading toward the door. All of my stuff was still in English, except for my purse, which was in my locker.

“Okay,” I said. This was either the best decision I was ever going to make, or the worst.

Time would tell.

I
followed Kyle out of the building, after a brief stop at my locker. We didn’t say much until we were in the parking lot, presumably headed toward her car.

She stopped and unlocked the door with the press of a button on her keychain.

“Get in,” she said, but it wasn’t a command. It was more a question.

I looked over my shoulder toward the school. The minute I got in this car, things were going to change. They already had. They had the second I’d signed up for AP English. That first day that I looked at her and felt something new and hot swirling inside me.

I got in.

K
yle didn’t turn the radio on and the car was terribly quiet.

“Where are we going?” I finally asked.

“You’ll see,” she said. That was it.

“If you’re going to take me out to the woods and strangle me, I’d like to inform you that I’ve taken several self-defense classes and I think I could take you.” For a moment, she took her eyes off the road and gaped at me.

Then she laughed. Such a surprised and delighted sound that it made little things in my chest start fluttering.

“You’re adorable,” she said when she was done, a smile lingering on her face.

“Am I?” I asked.

She sighed.

“Yes. You are. It’s driving me crazy.” I froze. I stopped breathing and thinking and I was pretty sure my heart stopped for a moment.

“I drive you crazy?” I asked in a small voice.

She pressed her lips together and her face flamed up. I didn’t think she was going to answer.

“Just a little,” she said with a wry twist of her lips. “Just a little bit, Stella.” I wasn’t sure what to say to that, so I didn’t say anything.

Kyle kept driving and I kept stealing glances at her. Maybe more than glances. I wanted to lay in a flower-filled field and stare at her skin as shadows and sunlight played across it.

Ugh, I wanted to punch myself in the face for that thought. I was making myself sick.

I shouldn’t have gotten into this car, but here I was and we were headed somewhere and . . . I had no idea what was going to happen.

I didn’t like Kyle being in control. I didn’t like anyone being in control of my life but me, ever.

“I don’t trust you,” I said.

“Oh, I’m sure you don’t trust anyone. Even yourself.” Ouch. She’d hit too close to home on that one.

“Shut up,” I said. Brilliant response. She laughed a little.

“You don’t like it when other people figure things out about you either.”

“Just stop talking.” I was getting more and more irritated and annoyed.

“I never should have gotten in this stupid car with you. I have no idea why I did,” I said, crossing my arms.

“But you did, Stella. You did get in the car and now here we are.”

Here we were.

“And also, here we are,” she said, stopping the car.

We’d arrived at the lighthouse. I’d been here before on class trips and so forth, but not in the fall. In the summer the parking lot was be jammed with tourists, but now there were just a few cars here and there.

And us.

“Come on,” she said again. And again, I did what she said. We both got out and I wrapped my arms around myself because it was always chillier on the coast than inland.

“Here,” Kyle said, handing me a sweatshirt. I gave her a look, but she just shoved it at me. Reluctantly, I put it on. And almost passed out because it smelled like her. The sleeves were a bit too long, so I rolled them up. Kyle coughed and I turned to find her staring at me, her face red.

“It . . . it looks good on you,” she said, looking at the gravel parking lot.

“Thanks,” I said. “So should we . . . ?” She nodded and we walked, not toward the lighthouse, which stood like a tall white sentry protecting boats from the ravages of the rocks below, but toward those rocks.

A portion of them jutted out into the ocean, like granite fingers. Kyle and I picked our way down and headed toward the water, but not too close. One nasty fall could send you tumbling into the water, and you probably wouldn’t make it out alive. The water rushed and smashed against the rocks, as if it had a vendetta against them.

I could understand that anger.

Kyle and I sat on a rock that was far enough away from the water that we wouldn’t get sprayed, but close enough that we were surrounded by the rushing sound and it felt a little bit dangerous. As if we were on the edge of something dark and all-consuming that didn’t care about us and our problems.

“Why did you bring me here?” I asked, pushing my hair back. It kept blowing in my face. Kyle reached into her pocket and pulled out a hair tie, handing it to me without a word. I tried to pull my hair back like hers, but I could feel that it didn’t look half as good.

“Not sure. I just always come here when I need to think about something. I know it’s cliché, but I don’t care. Hashtag deep-thoughts.” I laughed a little and she looked at me.

“This is kind of crazy, isn’t it?” she asked.

“Yeah, you could say that.” She scooted a little bit closer to me. Our legs were almost touching.

“Do you? I mean, you kissed me because you wanted to. And I freaked out. And I’m assuming you think it was because I didn’t want you to kiss me,” she said, tracing a black vein in the rock we sat on.

I couldn’t move. If a wave came right then, it would sweep me away and I wouldn’t move to get out of its way. The ocean churned and I waited for her to continue.

She didn’t.

“Did you want me to kiss you?” My words were so soft, they were almost lost to the noise surrounding us.

Her response was even quieter, but I would have heard it in a room with a thousand other voices.

“Yes.”

We stared at one another and something crackled between us. And then I was leaning forward and she was leaning forward and our mouths were meeting. We both initiated it this time and the brush of Kyle’s lips over mine didn’t stop. Didn’t end.

It was delicate, hesitant. She shook just a little. A whisper against my mouth, but we both waited. Held onto that moment.

It was unlike any other kiss I’d ever had and I melted into her. One of my hands slipped up to cup her cheek and the other wound around the back of her neck. Her hands were on me too, but not to push me away.

To pull me closer.

Her mouth opened and her tongue darted out to tease the seam of my lips. It was sweet and a little aggressive at the same time and I moaned in the back of my throat because hell, she tasted so good. Completely different than kissing anyone else.

Our tongues touched so carefully and then something ignited and we were devouring one another. Her nails dug into my skin and the little jolt of pain made it even better. She stole my breath and my lungs ached, but I couldn’t stop.

Kyle could. She pulled away and I opened my eyes to see hers. Behind her glasses, her eyes were green. So green.

Beautiful.

“Wow,” she breathed over my lips and I almost reached out to capture her mouth again.

I couldn’t talk.

“So that’s what it’s like to kiss a girl,” she said, moving her face away and studying me. Her lips were a little red and her cheeks were flushed.

I could stare at her forever.

“Stella, can you say something? I really need to know what you’re thinking right now.” I opened my mouth and then licked my lips. They tasted like her. I shuddered and gathered myself.

“I don’t know what I’m thinking, Kyle. I have no idea. All I can think about is that I want to kiss you again.”

“Really?” Her face broke into the sweetest smile ever.

“Yes. Really.” She let out a breath, as if she was relieved.

“Fuck, I was scared there for a minute, thinking I was the only one. Because holy fuck, Stella.” I wanted to roll my eyes at the excessive cursing, but I couldn’t.

“I know. I know.” That was all I could say.

“So we should probably do it again. Like right now, yes?”

“Yes.”