Summer at the Shore (Seashell Bay Book 2) (25 page)

Her sister slowly nodded. “Since Dad died, every time you talked about your kids and your school it scared the shit out of me because I know how much it means to you. It made me think you’d never stay in Seashell Bay, no matter what happened. I felt like my heart was being ripped out too.”

“But now?”

“Well, I’m okay, I guess. And I understand how much you love it. It’s like how I love the inn.” Sabrina blew out a breath and smiled. “Hey, even if you are only part-time at Golden Sunset, you’ll still be living with me and working with me. I really, really hope Ryan sticks around, but even if he doesn’t, I’m just so freaking happy that you’re staying.”

Morgan pulled her chair right next to her sister’s. “You’d better give me a big hug right now, ’cause I really need one.”

Sabrina hugged her as if her life depended on it. “I love you so much,” she whispered in Morgan’s ear. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”

M
organ had secretly hoped that Ryan might be waiting for them as the ferry nudged against the Seashell Bay dock. It made no sense since he’d know her truck was parked at the landing. But that hadn’t stopped her from hoping that he’d be there, eager to be with her and help them with their stuff.

How girlie can you get, Morgan?

She chided herself for being a dope, even as she scanned the length of the pier for any sign of him. Maybe it was because the day had gone so well that she’d indulged in a little wishful thinking. Everything finally felt like it was coming together after a long time of feeling like it was all coming apart.

“It was awesome to spend the whole day with you in the city,” Sabrina said as they lugged their purchases to the parking lot. “We won’t have many chances to get away together once we reopen.”

“Oh, the glamorous, twenty-four-seven life of B&B owners, right? At least ones that can’t afford hired help.”

“It’s pretty sweet, actually,” Sabrina said. “We don’t
have to take orders from some dumb boss. And as a bonus, I get to spend lots of time with my sister.”

That comment alone made Morgan feel like all the struggle and angst she’d endured along the way had been worthwhile. “I feel exactly the same way,” she said.

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately about your idea to rename the place,” Sabrina said. “And I guess I’ve changed my mind about that.”

Morgan stared at her sister. “Really?”

Sabrina gave a quick nod. “How about calling it The Merrifield Inn? I think Dad would like that. It would be a nice way of honoring his memory, don’t you think?”

“I absolutely love it,” Morgan said, her heart overflowing. “It’s a fabulous idea.”

Morgan gave Sabrina a long, heartfelt hug and then they loaded the stuff into the truck and drove the short distance to the B&B. Morgan’s heart did a silly flip when she spotted Ryan’s dumpy, old golf cart in the driveway, simply because it was his.

She had it so bad.

Sabrina pointed down the slope to the beach. “Ryan’s been out in his kayak again.”

Shading her eyes, Morgan turned her gaze and saw Ryan slowly climbing the path. He wore only navy swim trunks and sunglasses. Against the ocean backdrop, with the sun behind him, he was like a freaking bronzed sun god rising up out of the azure sea. Just looking at him made every muscle in her body go weak.

“I’ll take this stuff inside,” Sabrina said. “I’m sure you two will want to . . . uh, talk.” Her sister grabbed the various bags containing their shopping haul and disappeared into the annex.

As Morgan started down the path to meet Ryan, tendrils of anxiety whispered through her. Even from a distance, she could tell something was wrong. Though he was smiling, it wasn’t the sunny smile she’d gotten used to, nor even the wry one when he was about to tease her or make fun of himself. No, this smile was tentative, maybe even worried.

She sucked it up and gave him a big smile as he came up to her.

“Sabrina and I had a wonderful day,” she said after his hello kiss. “The weather vane place is going to custom make us an awesome lobster boat, and I’m getting it painted in Lily’s colors. They said it’d be ready on Friday, so I was hoping maybe you could put it up over the weekend?” Realizing she was babbling, she stopped and took a deep breath. “How was your day?”

“Okay.” Ryan let her go and eased away. “Can we go for a walk on the beach and talk?”

Oh, shit
.

Now he was looking grim. And in her experience, when somebody said they wanted to talk, it meant nothing good was in store. Morgan instinctively looked down at her feet. Her low heels weren’t really suitable for strolling on the pebble-laden beach, but she wasn’t about to waste time running into the house for sandals or sneakers. Not with him looking like he had a parcel of bad news to deliver.

“What’s going on, Ryan?” she said impatiently.

“Wait a minute and I’ll tell you everything.”

Everything. Ugh
.

Ryan reached down and grasped her hand, leading her quickly down to the beach. Still holding on to her, he
didn’t say anything for a few moments as they started to pick their way across the seaweed and driftwood-laden mixture of sand and small pebbles. Though it had been hot again today, the breeze off the ocean made it feel cool. Maybe that was why Morgan had a sudden chill.

“I got a call early this morning. Right after my run,” he said.

“From Double Shield?” she guessed. Had to be.

Ryan nodded. “From Cap. My controller.”

It blasted through her in an instant, like a hurricane.
My God, he’s going to tell me he’s going back.
There was barely a shred of doubt in her mind. “He was trying to talk you into coming back, wasn’t he?”

“He told me the brass at HQ didn’t want to lose me,” Ryan said, staring off in the direction of a lobster boat that was hauling traps a couple of hundred yards offshore. Then he turned his gaze back to her, shoving his sunglasses up on his head. His expression was somber but determined. “They’re offering me a combat training position in Texas. A three-year contract for now, but it could be a long-term thing.”

Morgan didn’t need to ask if he was going to take the job. She could read it in his eyes. Everything she’d been afraid of was happening right now.

Nausea swamped her. How had she let herself think even for a moment that Ryan might stay in Seashell Bay? That he might actually give up the military life he loved and become an innkeeper, a handyman, a security chief, or who-knew-what on this little outpost? She’d been hopelessly naïve.

She dredged up every ounce of control and self-respect she had in her. After all, Ryan had never promised her
that he’d be staying. He’d always been honest about that—honest that he loved what he did, just as she loved teaching. Really, how could she criticize him for following his dream?

“I understand. I really do,” she said.

“I haven’t agreed to take the job yet, but I don’t see how I can turn it down,” he said. “It’s what I wanted. It’s what I’m good at too, and I figure I could do it for a long time, right here in the States. Openings in those training positions are rare, Morgan. Really rare. I’m lucky they’re even considering me, much less offering me the job.”

She turned away, toward the ocean. She couldn’t bear for him to see how gutted she was, how she struggled with an irrational sense of betrayal. “You don’t need to convince me, Ryan. I said I understood. And I can tell you’ve made up your mind, so you don’t need to try and justify it.”

Shaking off his hand, she wandered blindly across the beach to a big jumble of rocks, one nearly as tall as her. She kicked off her shoes and climbed onto the flattest one, staring out to sea. A moment later, Ryan climbed up behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders. Though her instinct was to twist out of his gentle grip, she forced herself not to react so childishly.

“Okay, but we can still talk about it,” he said.

“Please don’t worry about it,” she blurted out. “We always said we’d take it one day at a time. Things change, and we have to adapt. Like I had to after my dad died.”

“True,” he said softly. “Maybe the worst part is that I have to be there by Monday. They gave me an ultimatum to be there or forget about the job.”

“Monday?”
How can this be happening? We made love
just this morning, and everything was fine. How can it all be falling apart again?

“I’m sorry, babe. It’s tearing my guts out to think about leaving before we get the kayak operation in business, or the inn is finished. I could probably help some from a distance, but I know that would still leave you in the lurch. That part really sucks.”

And what about leaving her? Didn’t that suck too?

Morgan had no hope right now of wrapping her brain around what it would take to get the kayak operation running or what his leaving would mean to reopening and rebranding the inn. All she could think about was what his leaving meant to
her
.

“That’s not your responsibility,” she ground out. “Sabrina and I will manage. We always do.”

He put a little pressure on her shoulders to try to turn her around to face him, but she resisted, planting her feet even more firmly on the slick surface. She wasn’t ready to look at him. If she did, she might dissolve into a puddle of tears, or maybe she’d even explode in anger. The jury was still out on which. For the moment, she simply fought to maintain control.

“Of course you will,” he said, sliding his hands down her stiff arms and letting her go. It was an echo of the absence that was soon to come. “But as soon as I can manage a chunk of time off, I’ll fly back here for a few days and—”

A silent detonation went off inside her head. She whirled around so quickly that she almost lost her footing. When Ryan jerked out a hand to steady her, she knocked it away.

“No!” she snapped. “When you go, I want you to stay away for a long time, like you’ve always done. And please
don’t think we could just pick up where we left off when you came back home for a visit, because that can’t happen. I can’t be your island booty call.”

I can never let this happen again. Never
.

It would kill her if she let him back into her life, knowing he would never stay.

His gaze went wide with shock. “Jesus, Morgan, it was never that, and you know it. I care for you, a hell of a lot.”

She closed her eyes, forcing herself to throttle it back. She took several deep, slow breaths to calm her racing heart. When she opened her eyes again, he was watching her with a look that seemed both wary and anguished.

“I’m sorry, that was uncalled for,” she said. “I know you do. But we both know what the reality is here, Ryan. So it’s better for me if you just stay away for a while, okay? Give me a chance to find my balance again.”

To get over having my heart shredded
.

He took a step back down off the rock, holding up his hands. “Okay, I get it.” He shook his head, and his jaw went tight with frustration. “Jesus, this sucks.”

She sighed. His decision likely wasn’t much easier on him than it was on her. Ryan was a good guy, and she was sure he felt like he was abandoning her, and Sabrina too.

“I’m sorry, Ryan. I’m just a little . . . I guess it’s just all too sudden for me to take in. You’ll need to give me some time to sort things out. It’s . . . it’s a big change from this morning, you know?”

His tender smile broke her heart all over again. “Believe me, babe, I know.” He glanced out at the lobster boat and pulled his sunglasses back down before looking at her again. “It doesn’t have to be over, Morgan.”

His voice was soft and infinitely kind, but she heard no conviction in it. Morgan knew full well how he felt about long-distance relationships, since he’d mentioned it often enough. This was his guilt talking.

“Really?” she said. “With you in Texas and me in Maine? It’s not exactly like you could pop back here for weekends. Let’s not try to kid ourselves that we could make that sort of thing work for very long.”

“Morgan—”

“I don’t need your pity, Ryan,” she said. “And you don’t owe me anything.”

That shut him up. He stared at her, probably trying to figure out whether she meant what she said.

“Maybe you’re right,” he finally said in a voice that sounded like it had been dragged over gravel. “But at least we’ve got a few more days together, and I’ve got a bit more time to work on finding someone to take over the kayaking project.”

Morgan didn’t think she could take it. Being with him day and night until he left, letting him in again but knowing he would then be walking away from her forever. It was an awful prospect.

“No,” she said in low voice.

Ryan shot her a puzzled look. “Did you say no?”

“I think it’s best that you just get on the boat and go. Or if you do stick around the island until Sunday, don’t come around here. I mean it, Ryan. It’s the only way I can deal with this.” Like ripping off the biggest, stickiest Band-Aid in the universe, one the size of an entire planet. She could only do it once.

Nothing brought a relationship into sharper focus than ending it, and every bone in Morgan’s body told her she’d
been crazy to get in so deep with a guy who she knew would probably leave. It was her fault, and it was time she started digging out of the wretched hole she’d made for herself.

“Honey, at least let me walk you back to the house,” he said. Now she could hear the anguish in his voice.

She shook her head. “No. I want you to go.”

Ryan turned away and took a few steps down the beach. Slowly, she stepped down from the rock.

When he turned and started back toward her, she jumped. He shoved his glasses back up again, his gaze zeroing in on her with breath-stealing intensity.

“If that’s what you really want, that’s what I’ll do,” he said. “But be sure, Morgan. Be really sure.”

No, it’s the last thing I want!
But it was what she needed. “It’s for the best. Sabrina is going to be very upset, and I think it would be better if you two didn’t see each other again before you go.”

Sabrina would not only be angry with Ryan, she’d likely give Morgan hell for letting him get away. It was not going to be a happy discussion.

Ryan shook his head. “No, I want to say good-bye to her and explain why.”

“Not until I break the news. And it’ll be up to Sabrina, but I’ll let you know.”

“Shit,” he shook his head, as if he couldn’t believe it. “Well, I guess that’s it then.”

“I guess so,” Morgan managed.

When he took a step forward and enfolded her in his arms, she didn’t resist. But she turned her head away so he couldn’t kiss her. So he couldn’t see the tears flooding her eyes.

“Please go, Ryan,” she said in a choked voice. “I’ll call and let you know about Sabrina.”

He held her tightly for a moment longer, stroking her hair before planting a kiss on the top of her head. “You’re an amazing woman, Morgan,” he whispered. “You’ll always be in my heart.”

She didn’t look up when he let her go and retreated down the beach. She managed to resist for almost a minute. After that, she didn’t take her eyes off him until he disappeared up the slope.