Summer at the Shore (Seashell Bay Book 2) (26 page)

“I’ll love you forever, Ryan Butler,” she whispered out loud. “Damn you.”

L
ily tightened her grip on Morgan’s arm as they inched down the ferry dock through the mob waiting to board.

“You sure you’re okay to do this?” Lily asked. “It’s hell saying good-bye here, even at the best of times.”

Their glacial pace made Morgan feel like she was in a funeral procession. That somber analogy seemed almost appropriate, since Ryan’s impending departure was just about killing her. She’d been telling herself for the last four days that she’d be fine, but it was so not true. Not only was she a wreck, she truly felt like there was unfinished business between them.

Morgan practically had to clamber over a huge pile of suitcases left in the middle of the dock by a noisy family of tourists. “I can’t let him go without telling him how I really feel. I was a total coward not to tell him that day on the beach, when I had the chance.”

“You’re no coward at all, crazy woman. And I still might murder Ryan. Aiden and I have been fighting about it ever since you told me. Men always stick together on crap like this,” she said with disgust.

“Thanks, sweetie,” Morgan said, “but Ryan has to do what’ll make him happy. I don’t blame him for that.”

Lily shot her a skeptical glance but didn’t say anything more. Just ahead, Ryan and Aiden were in the middle of a pack of islanders waiting to catch one of the early boats into the city. The crowded scene wasn’t exactly the setting for a quiet, tearful good-bye, and that suited Morgan just fine. She’d already cried enough to last her a very long time.

Since their fight on the beach, she’d been wrestling with the fact that she’d never told Ryan straight out that she loved him. Not that it would matter—not in any way that counted. Her life was in Seashell Bay, with Sabrina, while Ryan’s life was clearly and probably permanently in Texas. Then there was the little fact that he’d made it abundantly clear that he’d never wanted a long-term relationship, much less declared any feelings of love for her. That was a fairly daunting impediment.

Still, if Morgan let him get on that boat without taking the chance to declare her true feelings, she knew it would dog her for the rest of her life. For her own sake, she had to put it out there. How Ryan responded was mostly beside the point.

Mostly.

“Aiden finally promised me that he’d take another shot at Ryan on the boat,” Lily whispered as the approaching ferry edged sideways to butt up against the dock. “To try to convince him to stay.”

Morgan grimaced. “Talk doesn’t change people’s minds, Lily. They have to want it deep in their hearts or their guts or wherever those emotions come from. Ryan’s heart is telling him to go.”

“No, his stupid head is telling him to go. The dope
could have the best woman on Earth
and
a great job with Aiden, and instead he’s going off to teach mercenaries and bodyguards how to fight better? That’s the definition of stupid if you ask me.”

Morgan thought so too, although she couldn’t bring herself to admit it.

The guys looked surprised when Morgan and Lily squeezed through the crowd to reach them.

“I didn’t expect to see either of you this morning,” Aiden said to Lily. “Shouldn’t you be hauling traps right about now, babe?” He bent and gave her a kiss.

“The lobsters aren’t going anywhere,” Lily said. “We couldn’t let Ryan slip away without a send-off, could we, Morgan?”

Morgan forced herself to smile at Ryan.

“You look amazing,” Ryan said, taking off his sunglasses. His dark gaze locked on her with surprising intensity.

He obviously approved of her pink sundress—the one she stopped wearing last year after she gained five pounds. But she’d shed those five and a few more since her father’s death. Oh, well, she’d always liked this dress, so she guessed that was a plus.

“I see Jack Gallant over there,” Lily said. “Aiden, let’s go say hello for a second.” She pulled on her husband’s elbow to get him moving.

“See you on board,” Aiden said to Ryan over his shoulder.

Ryan nodded absently to his friend, keeping his eyes on Morgan. “I really didn’t think I’d see you again.”

She sucked in a breath for courage. “I had to come. I had to tell you something important before you go.”

When a couple of teenagers bumped into her, Ryan took her by the arms and moved her to the side, shielding her with his body. She gave him a grateful smile, her heart breaking a little bit more at the way he so instinctively protected her.

“I should have told you the other day that I loved you,” she said quietly. “Before that, really. I’ve never said those words to any man before, Ryan. But I do love you, with all my heart, and I needed you to know that.”

If not so stricken, she would have laughed at the stunned look on his face, kind of like she’d just punched him in the gut.

He took her cheeks in his big hands as he leaned down to give her a brief but heartfelt kiss. “I’m glad you told me. And I’m really going to miss you, Morgan. I’m sorry for leaving like this. I’m sorry for . . .” He didn’t finish his sentence, shaking his head instead.

Sorry for me falling in love with you?

Morgan guessed that might be what he was trying to say. But it wasn’t his fault. It couldn’t be, because she’d loved Ryan Butler for a very long time. She just hadn’t been able to see it clearly before this summer, much less say it to him. “You don’t have to be sorry about anything, Ryan. I have no regrets.”

“Jesus, Morgan,” he said. “I—”

She poked him in the chest. “Well, maybe I do have one regret. It’s that you weren’t able to mount my new weather vane before you left.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “You did promise that you’d do it, you know.”

His mouth dropped open. “Uh, well, you said it would be ready today, and I told you I could stay until Sunday. You were the one—”

She poked him again. “Idiot. I’m trying to lighten things up so I don’t start blubbering all over you.”

“Oh, okay.” He gave her a hesitant smile before glancing at the crowd streaming onto the boat. “Aiden is driving me from the ferry to the airport before he goes to work.”

“That’s nice of him,” Morgan said inanely.
Ugh
.

Now he was looking almost as nervous as she felt. “I’d better get on board before they pull the gangway,” he said, hoisting his duffel.

This was it. The moment she’d been dreading all summer. In a few minutes he’d be out of sight and out of her life.

She went up on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Be safe, Ryan, and be happy.”

But Ryan didn’t move, not even when Aiden gave his arm a quick tug. He waved his friend away. Aiden got the message and hurried on board.

“I was just thinking that this is the first time in my life that I’m sad to leave Seashell Bay,” Ryan said in a gruff voice. “You be happy too, Morgan Merrifield. Know that I’ll never forget you.”

He turned and strode across the gangway without looking back.

Lily appeared by her side and slipped an arm around her shoulders. “Are you okay, sweetie?”

Morgan shook her head. She wasn’t okay. She couldn’t watch the boat cast off. Didn’t want to know if Ryan was at the rail waving or not. It felt like her heart had been ripped out and would travel away with him.

“I know it’s practically the crack of dawn, but how does coffee with a shot of Irish whisky sound?” Lily said. “It might be just what the doctor ordered.”

Morgan sniffled as she squeezed her pal’s waist. “Two shots sounds even better.”

Ryan didn’t need to hear any more reasons from his oldest friend about why he should stay. He knew them all and hadn’t been able to think about much else since Capstone’s call. In fact, he’d been driving himself crazy with doubt since the moment he’d told Morgan he had to leave, and saying good-bye to her on the dock had almost done him in. It had taken all his willpower not to let her see how torn up he was, making their parting even more heart wrenching than it needed to be.

“Look,” Aiden said, taking the exit to the airport. “If you take the position with me, I’ll get the lawyer to put a clause in the contract giving you an out after six months. If it doesn’t work—either with Morgan or with the job—you can always go back to Double Shield.”

Ryan shook his head. “Like I said, I really appreciate everything you’re trying to do. But if I don’t take this opportunity now, I won’t get another chance for years. And maybe never.”

Aiden threw him an irate glance. “That combat training job really means that much to you?”

Yes. No
.

“We’re talking about the rest of my life here. The rest of my career, anyway.”

“Sure, but jobs come and go. I used to think my life would be as good as over when I couldn’t play pro ball anymore. I get that this opportunity is rare, but does it really mean more than Morgan? That’s the question you should ask yourself one last time before you board that plane. Because after that it could be too late.” He pulled
up in front of the departure area drop-off and put the car in park.

Ryan figured what Aiden said was true enough. Once he and Morgan were two thousand miles apart and absorbed by work, life would move on for both of them. There would be no recapturing that lightning in a bottle.

Yeah, and the more fool you to pass up the chance
.

Grimly ignoring that inner voice, he got out of the car. He grabbed his duffel from the backseat and leaned in the passenger side window to say good-bye. “Thanks for the lift, man. Thanks for everything.”

Aiden shook his head, looking disgusted. “At least try not to be such a stranger, asshole. A lot of people here are going to miss you, believe it or not. Including me.”

“I’ll work on that.” Ryan tapped the roof of the SUV and headed for the terminal.

Fifteen minutes later, he’d checked in, passed through security, and grabbed a copy of the Portland paper from one of the shops. As he was paying, he noticed a display of colorful sun catchers in a corner of the shop window. Birds, lighthouses, fish, and various other designs dangled from suction cups. But only one truly caught his eye—a green-and-white lobster boat, its bow riding high over choppy blue waves. The little glass sun catcher reminded him of weather vanes and Morgan’s sweet but heartbreaking attempt to lighten things up on the dock as he was departing. It was just like her to try to make him feel better, and he’d gratefully taken it, shaking off the emotional intensity of the moment.

But now that moment when they’d said good-bye was replaying in his mind in living, horrible Technicolor, and it hit him hard. Installing her new lobster boat weather vane wasn’t a big deal—Brendan or Micah could do it
for her in an hour—but it seemed to symbolize what was beginning to feel like a total abandonment of Morgan and of what they’d meant to each other. When it came down to a choice, he’d picked Double Shield and packed his bags, leaving so much unfinished at Golden Sunset.

Including telling Morgan exactly how he felt about her. She’d had the guts to tell him, but he’d taken the coward’s way out.

He absently wandered over to get a cup of coffee before heading back to his departure gate. His flight wasn’t scheduled to leave for another hour, so he had plenty of time. But as soon as he started poring over the sports section, he realized he was reading the same paragraphs over and over again. His mind wouldn’t focus, not even on the baseball coverage. Not on anything. He couldn’t think of a damn thing other than that sad little half kiss Morgan had brushed over his cheek before he left and how he’d rushed off the island like his damn ass was on fire.

And he’d done it after she’d looked him straight in the eye and told him that she loved him.

Jesus
.

He put the cup down and began pacing the departure lounge. He told himself he was just stuck in the moment, that he’d leave it behind once he put some distance between himself and Seashell Bay. That once he got to San Antonio and got working, he’d put everything that happened this summer with Morgan into perspective.

But as he stared blindly at the planes coming and going out on the tarmac, he knew he was kidding himself. He was actually dreading the arrival of his flight at the gate. What should have felt right to him—the start of a new life—felt all wrong.

He’d only been away from Seashell Bay and Morgan for an hour and a half, and already the thought of not seeing her and that dumb little island again for months or even years sucked. And it would likely be years, because she’d told him to stay away, to give her the chance to get over him. But would he ever get over her? Would he ever feel like he truly belonged anywhere other than Seashell Bay?

With Morgan.

Against every expectation, he felt completely right when he was with her. Like he could finally trust and be open again, instead of the closed-down jerk he figured he’d become after everything had blown up with Callie. He’d deliberately shut everyone out, including his parents and his friends, focusing on his work above everything else. His friends all joked and called him the mystery man. He still remembered how Morgan had called him Mr. Enigma on the ferry, the day he arrived in June.

But the truth? Fear had kept him in a rut, afraid of doing something different. And afraid of letting someone get under his skin, like Morgan had. Brave, funny, and beautiful, she’d taken the risk and let him in, even knowing how much he could hurt her.

He’d had her in his arms, in his life, and he’d let her go.

But it’ll be worth it, right? After all, you finally got the life you wanted
.

Movement out on the tarmac caught his eye—the plane that would take him away was pulling up to the gate.

M
organ’s hand was a little jittery as she held her coffee mug out for a refill. Lily had made her three cups already this morning and this one, like the last, didn’t include a shot of Irish whisky. The generous amount Lily had poured in the first cup had calmed her down to the point that she’d suddenly had no desire to do anything other than hang around with her pal all day. After that, the two of them had taken a long stroll to Sea Glass Beach and kicked along the pebbled shore arm in arm, strictly avoiding any mention of Ryan Butler and talking only about all the good stuff happening at the B&B and with Sabrina.

You will be okay
.

Sooner, Morgan hoped, than later.

Back at Lily’s cottage, Morgan put her bare feet up on the coffee table. “I’m sorry you had to take the whole day off from fishing. I know I’m being a total wimp.”

“Oh, stop it.” Lily flopped down on the sofa. “Erica agreed that we both could use a day off, and what better way for me to spend it than kicking back with my main
girl. Besides, do you really think I’d let you go through that kind of gruesome good-bye scene all alone?”

“No,” Morgan admitted, “Ms. Mother Hen Lobster Boat Captain.”

“Ha! You should talk. You’ve been mothering me forever.”

Morgan had to smile. “What are friends for other than to be brutally overprotective?” She glanced at her watch for probably the twentieth time since they left the ferry dock.

Lily didn’t miss the time check. “Can’t let it go, can you?”

“Guilty as charged. Right now he’s in Philadelphia waiting for his connection to San Antonio.” She exhaled a little sigh. “How insane is it to be thinking about where the man happens to be at any given moment, like that makes a difference?”

Lily gave her a wry smile. “I’d be doing the same thing if it was Aiden.”

“Maybe it’s some kind of natural response,” Morgan said. “An unconscious way of adapting to the change. Like I’m actually feeling him move farther and farther away.”

“It’s perfectly understandable. Some form of self-flagellation, but perfectly understandable.”

Morgan sighed and hauled herself to her feet. “Well, I’d better pack up my whips and chains and get moving. Sabrina will probably kick my butt for slacking off all morning. There’s a fricking boatload of work waiting for me if we’re going to be ready for the Labor Day weekend.”

Lily rose too. “I want you both to come for dinner tonight. In fact, I insist. I don’t want you two sitting home reinforcing each other’s gloom.”

“Sabrina’s actually okay, thank God. She’ll miss Ryan,
but she’s kind of happy for once that she gets to be the strong one.” She gave her friend a hug. “Thanks, darling. You’re the best.”

“You know I’m always there for you, honey.”

Morgan just smiled since her throat had gone tight again. She ducked out the door, gave Lily a wave, and headed for her truck. After she got in, she picked up her cell phone from the console and checked for messages. There was one text.

From Ryan.

“Ryan?” He could hear her voice go up on the second syllable.

“Yeah, it’s me, babe. How are you?”

“Uh . . . okay.”

In the background, the ferry gave a short blast on its horn to signal its departure from the terminal. Morgan would of course be intimately familiar with that sound.

“Ryan, where the hell are you?” Now her voice had gone sharp.

“I’m at the terminal, and the boat’s pulling out right now. Look, I know this is going to sound totally weird, but could you pick me up at the dock? I’ll need a lift, so I’d really appreciate it.”

When Morgan didn’t answer right away, a shiver of apprehension raced through him. Was she so pissed off at him that she didn’t even want to see him? Ryan had hoped to surprise her—in a good way—but maybe he’d miscalculated. “If you’re tied up, I can always call my mom,” he added quickly.

“But why aren’t you on the plane?” Man, now her voice was shaking.

“I’ll tell you everything when I see you, okay?”

He didn’t want to torture her with suspense, but he really did want to spring his surprise on her. Well, another surprise, since not taking his flight had obviously knocked her for a loop. Hell, he could barely believe he’d done it himself. He’d made the toughest decision of his life because his gut and his heart had told him he’d be the idiot of the century if he got on that plane.

“Okay, sure. I’ll see you at the dock.” Morgan was sounding a little more confident now. “But you’ve got some splainin’ to do, mister, that’s for darn sure. And it won’t be pretty if I’m not satisfied with your answer.”

Her parting shot had him grinning. Any lingering doubts that he’d made the right decision slipped away on the cool harbor breeze.

Morgan had never been as freaked out in her life. She almost wished she smoked, just so she’d have something to do with her trembling hands. But how could she not be out-of-her-mind nervous? The next few minutes held the potential to change her life forever.

The ferry was closing in on Seashell Bay. Morgan couldn’t seem to get enough breath into her lungs as she sucked gulps of air through her dry-as-dust mouth. Crap, she should have grabbed a bottle of water. If Ryan actually wanted to kiss her, she would be like smooching a piece of toast.

Please, God, let me have another chance with him
.

As soon as she hung up with Ryan, she’d raced back into Lily’s cottage and told her astonished friend the news. She’d barely been able to spit it out amidst her wild, breathless excitement and shuddering, naked fear. Every
cell in her body screamed out the belief that Ryan was on his way back to her. Still, she was scared spitless. Too many things had gone wrong in the past year for her brain to actually believe something was about to go right.

As the ferry approached, its big bow swinging out to line up with the dock, Ryan suddenly appeared on deck, his duffel slung over his shoulder.

He brought his duffel
. Did that mean he was planning on staying? A night? A week? Forever?

Morgan would happily take forever and never look back.

Ryan leaned against the starboard rail and let his gaze scan the crowd. She just barely stopped herself from jumping up and down and somehow managed to give him a wave and a half smile. He smiled and waved too, but his ball cap and sunglasses obscured his expression.

The boat nudged gently against the dock.
Wait. Just wait for him to make his move. Leave it in Ryan’s hands
.

That’s what Lily had told her. But that sage advice was easier to say than to obey. Morgan had to grab the railing and plant her feet to keep from rushing into his arms as soon as he crossed over the gangway.

Then she realized she’d have had a hard time throwing herself into his arms anyway since he had his heavy duffel over his left shoulder and a flat box tucked under his right arm. A huge flat box.

What the heck?

Ryan picked his way through the milling crowd while Morgan remained rooted on the west-side rail of the dock. It seemed to take forever for him to reach her, and she stared at him the entire way, trying to read his face. He dropped the duffel and set the box down, propping it against his thigh.

“Well, are you going to kiss me,” he asked as he took off his cap and lifted his sunglasses, “or are you going to insist on explanations first?”

His crooked grin completely did her in.
To hell with playing it cool.
She flung herself into his arms, closing her eyes as their lips met.

Apparently, that was all Ryan needed. One brawny arm looped around her waist and the other clasped her back as he crushed her to his chest. When his tongue forced her lips to open—not that she resisted—the white-hot intensity of his kiss turned her knees to water. Her mind blanked, and she gave herself up completely to the strength of his embrace, her arms falling limply at her sides.

“Oh my God,” she said, gasping after he finally broke away. She had no more coherent words.

Ryan sucked in a huge breath as he eased her back down on her heels. “Well, I call that a hell of a welcome back.”

You ain’t seen nothin’ yet, dude
.

Morgan wanted to jump up into his arms again, but she mentally cautioned herself to hold back until he told her what the hell was going on.

She glanced down at the box. “Is that monster box the surprise you were talking about?” She had a weird feeling that she should know what was inside it.

“Yep. How about we load this stuff in your truck and I’ll show you?” He slung the duffel back up over his shoulder and picked up the box. Though Ryan was a total hard body, he bent his knees and slowly lifted the awkward and clearly heavy parcel.

Halfway down the dock, she suddenly got it. She poked the box that was now wedged securely under Ryan’s
arm. “Ah, that wouldn’t be my new weather vane by any chance, would it?”

Ryan laughed. “Good guess, Merrifield.”

Okay, this was getting weird. “Obviously, I should have known that.”

“They did a beautiful job,” Ryan said. “You’re going to totally love it.” Despite all the weight he was carrying, he picked up his pace, making Morgan hurry to keep up with his long strides.

A few moments later, Ryan laid the box in the back of her pickup and broke the tape that sealed the top of the package. Her heart firmly lodged in her throat, Morgan stared as he slid out a couple of bars of polystyrene and then the weather vane, wrapped in blue plastic. He quickly stripped off the wrapping to reveal the perfect depiction of Lily’s lobster boat that Morgan had hoped for.

“Oh, Ryan, it’s . . . it’s awesome,” Morgan breathed.

“I’ll have it on top of the inn’s highest gable within an hour,” Ryan said, obviously pleased. “Sure is going to beat that dumb old rooster.”

The nerves that had tightened Morgan’s insides now twisted them into an agonizing cramp. She sucked in a couple of gasping breaths as she closed her eyes. Had Ryan only come back so he could make good on his promise to put up the weather vane? Given the superhot way he’d kissed her, that seemed crazy, but she wouldn’t put it past him. She knew how much he hated walking away from an obligation.

You’ve got to be more than an obligation to him, right?

“Honey, what’s the matter?” Ryan said, grasping her shoulder. “Are you okay?”

She opened her eyes. “I’m fine. Just a little stomach thing, I guess.”

His dark brows knitted into a frown.

“Must be all that Irish whisky I drank after you got on the boat this morning,” she said. His eyebrows shot up at that, but she rushed ahead. “Since you brought your bag, I was just wondering if you were planning on staying . . . uh, well, longer than it’ll take to put up the weather vane.”

Ryan’s smile returned. “Well, that depends.”

She narrowed her gaze. “On what, pray tell?”

He slid his hands onto her hips and pulled her close. “On whether you’ll forgive me for being such a moron to think I could ever leave you.”

Her heart skipped a beat. Well, several. In fact, it felt like it actually paused, and that time stopped too. Then it started up again, beating solid and strong. It was a pivotal moment, and a perfect one. A moment she’d remember for the rest of her life.

Morgan wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him as hard as she could. “The only thing that matters is that you came back to me,” she whispered.

“I’m not going anywhere, babe. As long as you’re here in Seashell Bay, that’s exactly where I’m going to be too.” His mouth was muffled against her hair, but she heard the catch in his voice.

He pulled back just enough to tip her chin up, and then he claimed her mouth in a kiss that was first tender and then as hot as any kiss in the history of the world had ever been.

When they came up for air, Ryan held her at arm’s length, his gaze intent and serious. “You want to know what happened? Why I didn’t get on the plane?”

She gave him a breathless nod.

“It’s kind of crazy, really. I saw a lobster boat sun catcher in the airport, and suddenly all I could think about
was that I’d promised to put that damn weather vane up for you. And how much I
wanted
to put it up, to make good on that promise—on all the promises I made to you and then some.” He grinned. “So I took a cab to the vane company and convinced the owner to let me take it.”

“The bill must have been something of an epiphany too,” she said. “I know exactly how much this darn thing cost.”

He laughed. “Yeah, but it’s totally worth it.”

Morgan hugged him again, resting her head on his muscled chest. “I’m not dreaming, am I? You’re really not going to Texas? You’re really going to give up that job?”

And would he come to regret that in time?

He cradled her in the shelter of his body. “I can always find another job, Morgan. I can’t find another you.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Ryan,” Morgan whispered. “I’ve loved you forever.”

The fact that he was willing to give up so much for her lit her up like fireworks on the Fourth of July. She’d do whatever it took to make him never second-guess his choice. “You said you’d have the weather vane up in an hour?”

His mouth kicked up in a questioning smile. “More or less. It’s a pretty simple job.”

“Why don’t we make that two hours? As much as I’m dying to see this cutie on the roof, I have a much better idea for how to spend your first hour back home.”

Home
. That Ryan was home sounded so incredibly right.

“I like your idea,” he said, smoothing his hand down the back of her T-shirt until it rested on her butt. “But let’s
make it three hours.” His hand started to slide under the waistband of her shorts.

“Yo, Butler,” called a voice from across the parking lot. They both turned to see Bram Flynn loading some boxes into his truck. “Get a room, you pervert,” Bram yelled with a huge smirk on his face.

He wasn’t the only spectator either. Several locals who’d come in on the ferry and were heading to their cars regarded Morgan and Ryan with amused interest.

She let her head thump against his chest. “That is
so
embarrassing. I was ready to let you grope me in front of half the town.”