Summer at the Shore (Seashell Bay Book 2) (23 page)

“It’s not about blame,” Ryan said. “My life’s just not here, man.”

Aiden frowned. “So you’ve said. But where is it, then? You’re obviously not that happy doing your thing with Double Shield.”

That wasn’t the point, as far as Ryan was concerned. But he held his fire, not wanting to argue.

From the look on Aiden’s face, he knew what Ryan would have said anyway.

“Look, I get it,” Aiden said. “After I left at eighteen, not for one moment did I ever think I’d want to come back to Seashell Bay to live. Hell, I didn’t even want to visit. But now, I’m happy with it. And not just because Lily’s here either. This is a good place to put down roots. It’s . . . peaceful. Good for the soul, and not in some New Age crap kind of way. It’s real.”

Ryan nodded. He understood that now—a lot more than he did before this summer.

“Back in high school, you and I couldn’t see that,” Aiden went on. “We were hell-bent on making another kind of life for ourselves on the mainland. But that’s not the only choice, and I think maybe you realize that now.”

Aiden was saying that guys like them just needed some time—maybe a lot of time—away from this little corner of the world. Maybe work whatever it was out of
their systems. In Aiden’s case it had been true, but was it true for Ryan too? Was it—whatever “it” was—out of his system?

He was far from sure. He had to admit that his feelings for the island were shifting from day to day. The only thing he was certain about was that saying good-bye to Morgan was going to be a hell of a lot harder than he’d ever thought it would be.

Screw it
. The whole conversation made Ryan uncomfortable. It was great that his friends cared about him and wanted him to stick around, but he didn’t need the pressure, even if it was unintentional. “Yo, this is your wedding day,” he said. “You should be thinking about your beautiful bride and your honeymoon, not about me.”

Aiden shook his head. “Yeah, but you might be talking to Double Shield before Lily and I get back. That’s why I wanted to talk to you about something before we leave.”

“And I figure you’ll get around to that soon,” Ryan said sarcastically, realizing Aiden wasn’t going to let him off the hook.

His friend ignored the friendly jab. “Look, Lily and I have been throwing around an idea. We’re a long way from opening the resort, but we’re going to need to start hiring some key staff soon. Like security staff, for one thing.”

Security staff. Ryan figured he was getting the picture but didn’t say anything.

“I didn’t have a clue what a security operation at a resort of our size should look like,” Aiden continued, “so I talked to my friend Colton Booth. He runs a resort up the coast and is helping us get ours off the ground. Colton told me we’d be looking at a chief, plus about three other staff to cover all the shifts.”

“And you thought of a certain ex-soldier you know?” Ryan asked drily.

“Exactly.” Aiden said, obviously dead serious.

“A security guard, dude? Seriously?”

Aiden snorted. “I’m talking about chief of security, obviously.”

Wow
. Ryan hadn’t seen that one coming. Was Aiden nuts?

Hotel security had never crossed Ryan’s radar screen. Corporate security, yeah. He’d even been offered a financially attractive gig by one of the CEOs he’d protected, but he’d have had to spend half the year in Kuala Lumpur. But resort security? All he could think about was a guy in a dark suit knocking on the door of rowdy guests to tell them to shut the hell up so people could sleep. Or dealing with somebody losing her purse and thinking someone stole it.

He’d die from boredom in a week. “We’re talking about Seashell Bay, Aiden. All those security people sounds kind of excessive to me. You might need to keep Daisy Whipple from pilfering some of your potted plants, but I’m not sure what else could go wrong.”

Aiden didn’t laugh. “I’m serious, man. This resort aims to attract well-off clients. People like that expect top-notch security. The best technology, and especially the best people.”

“Okay, but what do I know about hotel security?” Ryan parried. “Not much.”

“Bull,” Aiden shot back. “Those corporate types you’ve been bodyguarding must have demanded the latest in technology and tactics.”

Ryan couldn’t deny that. “Pretty much.”

“Right. And there isn’t anything you don’t know about keeping people safe.”

This time Ryan did sigh. “Yep.”

“Then just think about what I’ve said, okay? We can talk about it again after Lily and I get back from Quebec City. We’ll only be gone a week.”

Ryan gave a little nod. “Look, I appreciate this. And I will think about it. But I’m not taking anything away from the island when I say that I still can’t see sticking around here for long.”

It was true that they’d both been determined to leave Seashell Bay, but Aiden had wanted to escape his family even more than playing pro baseball. Ryan loved his family, but he’d needed to see the world and life beyond the island. He hadn’t been escaping anything—he’d been running toward something.

Aiden stuck out his hand, and Ryan shook it. “While you’re thinking about it, remember this. Morgan’s not the only one who wants you to stay—not by a long shot. People here have always liked you, and everybody admires your service to the country. But after they’ve seen everything you’ve been doing for Morgan and Sabrina this summer . . . well, let’s just say that your hero status is rising to new heights.” He clapped Ryan on the shoulder.

“Oh, please, what utter bullshit,” Ryan said.

“Just telling the truth, man. So think about it.”

Ryan exhaled a relieved sigh when Aiden headed off toward Lily’s group. But the fact remained that Aiden had gotten him thinking about things—things that had been lurking below the surface for some days and would no longer be ignored.

But he had no intention of dealing with them right now.
All he wanted now was a beer and Morgan, and definitely not in that order.

“That suit of yours totally did me in,” Morgan said as she lay plastered against Ryan’s side. “You looked so freaking hot I thought I might have to pull you into a dark corner of the hall and have my evil way with you.” She reached up and lazily ran her tongue along the hard plane between Ryan’s navel and sternum, savoring the faintly salty taste of his hot skin. “But this was totally worth the wait.”

Boy, was it ever
. She and Ryan had cut out as soon as Aiden and Lily left the dance. The newlyweds were spending their wedding night in a Portland hotel before hitting the road in the morning for a five-or six-hour drive to Quebec City. Morgan had practically dragged Ryan back to his little cottage, and they only managed to make it as far as the sofa before he was inside her. After their first, almost frantic bout of lovemaking, they’d gotten themselves as far as his bed.

“You had me wondering for a while there.” Ryan smoothed a big hand down her naked back. “You ignored me at the wedding and for half the reception.”

Her heart jolted a bit that he’d noticed, but she forced a little laugh. “Poor baby. You have to admit I was a little busy with my maid-of-honor duties.”

“Onerous as they were,” he said sarcastically.

“It’s not a real good idea to sass me when I’ve got your junk in my hand,” she said, reaching down to cup him.

He tilted his head forward to smirk at her. “Do weddings always make you this horny?”

“First time,” she said softly, sliding her hand up to his waist and snuggling even closer.

Ryan ran his fingertip along her jawline and tipped her chin up. “I have to admit I’m glad about that.” His dark gaze was warm and tender.

“Really?” she asked doubtfully.

“Yep. Guess I can’t help being a Neanderthal, at least when it comes to you.”

“Well, then, if you knew my entire sexual history, you’d be completely thrilled.” Though she said it in a joking voice, the words contained so much truth. She hadn’t exactly been a nun, but she’d been averse all her life to sex just for the sake of sex.

“You can enlighten me if you want.”

“Only if I wanted you to pass out from boredom. Besides, I have much more interesting things in mind once we’ve had our little rest.”

“Rest and recuperation. I like it.” Ryan raised himself up on an elbow and nuzzled her lips before flopping back down on the mattress. “We can always talk later.”

Talk later. About what, how she’d fallen madly in love with him? And even if she did tell him, could it possibly influence him to stay in Seashell Bay, with her?

She had no idea. But one thing Morgan did know was that if she put her heart out there and got nothing back from him in return, she’d probably want to crawl into a closet and hide. Aside from what it would do to her emotionally, it could also put their work to save Golden Sunset in jeopardy. She’d become so dependent on him to help her pull through the latest crisis that she was terrified that a falling out would damage their working relationship.

Ryan wasn’t looking for forever, and she knew that too.

So don’t say it, then
.
Play it safe, like you always do
.

“Holly’s going home the day after tomorrow,” she said, taking the easy way out.

Ryan rolled onto his side to face her, frowning slightly. “I thought she was going to stay longer.”

“Me too. But she’s getting around fine with her crutches now, and she’s desperate to get back to work.”

“Don’t blame her for that,” he said, sounding wry.

Ouch.
Was he also starting to miss his work—his real work?

She forged on. “Anyway, I’m going to go with her to Boston and stay over a day or two. Help her with shopping and getting her place organized.”

“You’re a hell of a good friend, babe.” Ryan kissed her again, this time on the tip of her nose. “Since I need to go to Raleigh, I might as well go at the same time. That way we won’t miss much time together.”

He tipped her jaw up again and started kissing her neck. Her surprise warred with her instinct to give in to his ability to reduce her to a puddle of pleasure.

“You’re going to see Double Shield?”

“Yeah. It’s time I talked to my controller,” he said, sounding distracted.

Despite the bone-melting sensation of his hot breath against her skin, something like a shiver went up her spine. “What are you going to say to them?” she ventured.

He paused for several long seconds. “I’m still working on that.”

R
yan’s boss and mentor gave him one of his usual bone-crushing handshakes. Oliver “Cap” Capstone was a two-hundred-pound, grizzled rock of a man with a prosthetic leg—courtesy of an IED that had demolished his armored vehicle and left two of his Double Shield team dead. That had been the last field assignment for the legendary Cap Capstone, and Double Shield had given him a well-deserved desk job in Raleigh as a reward. From an unassuming office building overlooking a wooded ravine in the burbs, Cap now managed more than a hundred operators—mostly men but some women—who worked and traveled in the most dangerous parts of the world.

“Thanks for making time for me,” Ryan said, taking one of the uncomfortable metal chairs in front of Cap’s tidy mahogany desk.

His boss waved him off. “Hey, you hauled ass all the way from that chickenshit island in Maine. How the hell are you anyway? Good to see you haven’t let yourself go soft. Yet.”

“I’ve been logging a lot of miles in my kayak, paddling around and thinking about stuff.”

Cap leaned back in his executive chair, giving Ryan an assessing stare. “Thinking about stuff. I’m not sure I like the sound of that.”

“You taught me that there’s nothing more important on a mission,” Ryan said sardonically.

“You’re not on a mission in fucking Maine, Butler. What’s going on? You want even more time off?”

Ryan shook his head. “I didn’t come all the way to Raleigh to ask for that.”

When Cap thumped the desk with his fist, it shook his brass nameplate hard enough that Ryan had to snatch it before it slid to the floor. “So you’re quitting. I can see it in your damn eyes.”

Ryan didn’t flinch in the face of his boss’s belligerent growl, since it was mostly for show. “I appreciate everything Double Shield has done for me, Cap. And I’m grateful for all the support you’ve given me personally.”

He paused, collecting himself. His boss continued to level his death stare right at him.

Man up, dude. Get it out there
.

“Here’s the thing, Cap, plain and simple,” Ryan said. “The job just doesn’t seem right for me anymore. I figured if I took some time off and went home, things might start to become clearer. And I guess they are. I still don’t know what I want to do after this job, but I know it isn’t to . . .” Ryan checked himself, not wanting to say anything that could be taken as devaluing Double Shield’s work. It was good work, necessary work, and he had no regrets about his time with the company. “I know it isn’t to keep bouncing all over the world.”

Cap grimaced but nodded in understanding. “It’s not an easy life. But you’re damn good at it, Ryan. One of the best I’ve ever had. And your client evaluations have been top of the list. You can pretty much write your own ticket on assignments.”

It was the first time Capstone had ever called him Ryan. And he was shocked by the compliments too. He knew he had Cap’s respect for the work he’d done in the field but had no idea that his boss considered him one of his best operators.

“I really appreciate that. And you’ve been a great mentor, Cap.”

Capstone studied him for several long seconds, then sighed. “I don’t suppose I’ll be able to talk you out of it, you pigheaded son of a bitch,” he said with no rancor. “But you gotta know you’re going to be bored out of your mind doing anything else. Guys like you and me are born for this, Ryan.” His gaze skirted around the room. “I don’t mean
this
, obviously. This desk job is pure bullshit, though it pays the bills. I meant we were born for the life. For what you do. For what I used to do.”

The old whispers of doubt feathered through Ryan. He could hear the frustration in Cap’s voice at being stuck behind a desk, the boredom that came with that kind of life. It worried him too.

Still, what he’d been doing wasn’t right anymore. “I’d just like to stay in one place for a while. See how that works out.”

Capstone snorted. “On that chickenshit island of yours?”

Ryan shrugged. “Somewhere in the States. No deserts. No jungles.” He gave a little laugh. “For some reason, Seashell Bay seems like a good place to settle down for a while.”

“Settling down with a wife and kids and a house with a good old, white picket fence? Jesus, that sounds like a recipe for disaster, at least for guys like us.” Cap didn’t mask his disdain.

Maybe not if you’re with the right woman.

“Well, I’d like to have kids someday, and kids deserve to have a father around.”

“Lots of our guys are married with kids,” Cap countered. “Military wives know how to cope with jobs like ours. You know that.”

Many could but a lot couldn’t. And military girlfriends often ended up sending their boyfriends shitty Dear John letters, like the kind Ryan had gotten from Callie while he was overseas.

Still, despite that bitter personal betrayal, he couldn’t really blame a woman who didn’t want to spend most of her life coping with everything on her own while her husband was deployed, not to mention having to take nearly all the responsibility for raising the kids. “I’d never ask that of a woman.”

When Cap didn’t respond, Ryan spread his hands wide. “Look, I could be making a big mistake. You obviously think I am. But right now I feel like I have to change things up.”

His boss brightened a bit. “Change things up, huh? Well, maybe we could do something about that. What if we could smoke out some assignments that’d keep you stateside a lot more?”

Ryan swallowed a curse. He hadn’t planned on getting into a bargaining session with his controller. He’d just come to quit. Still, he might as well raise the one thing—the only thing—that could make him reconsider.

“I appreciate that, Cap, but actually the only thing that could tempt me to stick around would be one of the combat training jobs at the national center. But that’s a nonstarter since you’ve made it crystal clear that those only go to operators with years of service and a broad range of assignments under their belts.”

Capstone didn’t say anything for several seconds, as if he was really thinking that through. But then he gave a tiny shake of the head and put his palms flat on the desk to push himself to his feet. “Okay, Ryan. But if you have second thoughts, you know you’re more than welcome to come back. Guys like you don’t grow on those loblolly pines out there.”

Well, that’s it. You pulled the plug
.

Ryan stood and extended his hand. The meeting had been as tough as he’d expected. And the fact that uncertainty still tugged at him suggested he wasn’t nearly as convinced about his decision as he’d made out to his controller. “That’s great to know, Cap. Thanks.”

Because who knew how he’d feel in a month or a year? While his decision felt mostly right in the moment, walking out now wasn’t going to be easy. It already felt like he was closing the door on the only kind of life he’d ever known. And he had to admit that the prospect, although exhilarating, was also intimidating.

Cap pumped his hand. “I’m guessing she must be one hell of a woman, Butler. Now get your ass out of my office.”

Morgan filled the kettle and turned on Holly’s high-end gas range to boil water for tea. “I can’t believe how pleased the surgeon was with your progress. It’s awesome news.”

Holly smiled at her from the sofa in the open-concept living room of her Boston condo. The Marlborough Street brownstone was old, but the unit had been completely renovated before she moved in. Morgan was happy that her friend could afford a gorgeous apartment on a tree-lined street in central Boston, because she certainly deserved it.

But she was a tiny bit envious too. Morgan had once felt herself well on the way to financial independence, but that was nothing but a memory retreating in her mental rearview mirror.

“I attribute the progress to good sea air and a whole lot of TLC from the best people in the world,” Holly said. “Starting with you, sweetie.”

Morgan filled an infuser with loose-leaf green tea and readied the pot. “You’d do the same for me. And Lily would take care of both of us.”

“Of course, but you were taking care of me in the middle of your own personal crises.”

Morgan pulled a couple of mugs out of a cupboard. “It hasn’t exactly been an easy summer for either of us, has it?”

“At least you’ve been getting laid. By one of the hottest guys on the planet, I might add.”

Laid and how
. “Maybe your big-shot New York investment manager will pay a visit soon and remedy your abstinence problem.” Morgan grinned. “Might be interesting to come up with some new positions to avoid trashing your cast.”

“Fat chance. Jackson couldn’t even be bothered to come to Maine the whole time I was there. And to be honest, I’m just as glad he didn’t. He’s a lot of fun, but he can be a bit of a brat.”

The kettle started to whistle. Morgan grabbed and filled the teapot. “Well, it doesn’t help your relationship that he’s in New York and you’re here. Long-distance romance is pretty tough.”

How many times had Morgan pondered that very problem when it came to Ryan? Would he ever want to keep the relationship going if they were separated for months at a time? Could it have any future, or would they gradually drift apart with another woman taking Morgan’s place in Ryan’s bed and heart? She had no doubt that, wherever he ended up, women would be lining up to date him.

It was probably all idle speculation anyway, because Ryan had never spoken in terms of their relationship extending past his departure this summer. And she sure wasn’t holding her breath.

Holly shrugged. “You know that Jackson and I are more about having fun than anything deeper, so it’s not really an issue for us. But I think if people truly love each other, they can make a long-distance relationship work. For a while anyway.”

“For a while,” Morgan said with a rueful smile.

“Speaking of long distance, you really don’t have any idea why Ryan headed down to North Carolina today?”

Morgan shook her head. “He was so tight-lipped about it that I didn’t want to press him. My guess is that he’s going to try to talk the company into giving him a new kind of assignment. He did say that he’s had enough of running around from one country to the next.”

“Maybe he’s going to tell them he’s quitting and staying in Seashell Bay.” Holly tilted her head. “He might, especially if he thought you weren’t going back to Pickle River.”

Morgan had been as tight-lipped about her plans as Ryan. Then again, it had only been in the last forty-eight hours that she’d gravitated toward a decision, and even now it remained uncertain in the face of the B&B’s future. “On that note, I think I know now what I have to do.”

Holly reached for the mug Morgan brought in and cradled it in her hands. “Honey, if your expression is any indication, you’re not exactly certain.”

“No.” Morgan forced a smile. “Well, actually I do know one thing. I know I need to stay in Seashell Bay and help Sabrina with the B&B. And obviously not just for a few months like I’d originally hoped. The only question remaining is whether or not the place will survive at the end of the day. Even with renovations and a new focus, the jury’s still out.”

“That doesn’t mean that you’ll give up teaching for good, does it? You’re thinking of a temporary situation, right?” Holly shook her head. “Teaching’s all you ever wanted to do since you were a little girl.”

Morgan’s chest went tight. It was true—she’d always wanted to be a teacher. She’d loved school, and as she’d gotten older, she’d also realized how much she liked children, being around them and helping them to learn and grow. The idea of permanently giving up her teaching career seemed unthinkable.

“It still is. But Ryan and the guys have given us a second chance with Golden Sunset, and I have to go for it, especially for Sabrina’s sake. I have to give it everything I’ve got. So yes, I’ve decided to take the plunge and cut my ties with Pickle River.”

Holly’s eyebrows shot up. “Um, I sure didn’t see that one coming.”

“But I’m still planning on teaching,” Morgan said quickly. “Just not full-time and not in Pickle River. Portland is often on the lookout for experienced substitute teachers, and I’m hoping to be able to work a few days a week there while I help run the B&B. At least until things shake out.”

Holly smiled her approval. “That sounds like a really good plan, actually.”

Morgan breathed a sigh of relief knowing that at least one person whose judgment she trusted didn’t think she’d gone psycho. Giving up her long-standing post in Pickle River might be the hardest decision she’d ever make, but she saw no other realistic option at this point.

“Have you told Sabrina and Lily yet?” Holly said. “They’ll be delirious to have you moving back home.”

“Not yet. I just made the decision over the last day or so. I kind of wanted to test it out on you first.”

She realized now she’d been clinging to a fraying thread of hope that somehow she’d find a magic answer that would let her go back to her job and still do right by her sister and father. But continuing to put off her decision wouldn’t be fair to anyone, least of all her principal and school board. They and the kids deserved to have a stable, permanent teacher, not one who kept extending her leave of absence for as long as they’d allow her.

“I wonder what Ryan will think when you tell him,” Holly said, thoughtfully tapping her chin. “He should be happy that you’re going to see the B&B through, especially after all the work he’s put into it.”

Morgan wasn’t sure. “Maybe, but he also told me I shouldn’t be living my life for other people. He’ll probably think I’m crazy to walk away from a secure job that
I love.” She shrugged. “But, hey, does it really matter what Ryan thinks? He’ll be gone soon enough, and who knows when we’ll see him again in Seashell Bay.”

Holly didn’t look like she was buying any of that but fortunately let it pass. “When is he due back from North Carolina?”

“Tonight, I think. He was a little vague on that. You know how he is.”

“Well, I’m dying to hear what happened,” Holly said with a sly grin. “Maybe he even quit. Now wouldn’t that be something?”