Summerfield (13 page)

wearing. I told as few people as possible about my limited sight.
"Hi." I replied back in monotone.
"What are you up to?"
I held up my driving handbook, my shoulders shrugging a bit. "Studying
for my permit test. It's tomorrow." I had actually planned it out
pretty well. I had simply told Dad that I was going into town to take
my permit test, which I was, which gave me the opportunity to go to
the doctors without questions being asked.
"Oh, well, that's nice." He gave a slightly forced smile, still looking fidgety.
"Yeah."
"So you uh, moved some stuff around." He observed, looking to where my
bed had been and where it was now. Turns out that when you wake up at
5am you get kind of bored with not sleeping. I had tried it as a way
to focus on something else, but once I had moved almost everything in
my room around by eight, and managed to wake everyone in the house, at
I was still just as worked up as I had been before.
I shrugged, glancing around the room a second. It did look quite
different now. "Yeah, I woke up early and kind of got bored.
Lance chuckled a bit before he sighed, seeming to ease just a tad. "I
was kind of hoping you could do me a favor."
"Hmm?"
"Well, Ella is very stressed out right now. I mean, incredibly worked up."
I knew that had been true. Once Ella got serious about something
she went on over drive. I actually didn’t think I had seen her in a
couple of days; she had been so busy preparing for the wedding.
"Yeah, I know what you mean."
He smiled, looking a little pleading. "I was hoping maybe you could, I
don't know, ask her to go shopping with you or something. Just
something to kind of get her mind off the wedding for a little while
before she has a meltdown." He tried to laugh, but I could tell he was
a little concerned.
I nodded, smiling knowingly. I felt for that guy. "Sure. No problem."
He smiled graciously, looking a bit relived. "Thank you. I really
appreciate it."
Maybe a shopping trip was what I needed at the moment.
***
"Then there's the decorations and the cake-oh, Lord. The cake."
I was honestly trying to be a good niece and not laugh at my
favorite-and only- Aunt's insanity, but quite frankly...it was amusing
me. And hearing Ella freak out about all these things made me
slightly forget about all of my issues. It was nice to be able to
focus one someone else problems instead of just my own for a while.
Though it was clear in my mind that tomorrow I would be finding out
what was wrong finally. I had been hoping for good results, but I was
sure I knew what this was. And how could I not be scared by this?
"I was thinking ice pink, but I think maybe that's just a bit over-done, you know? Oh, that reminds me, while were here we should go to the bridal shop. We need brides’ maid dresses. While we're here I'll
get you measured for yours."
"I'm a bride’s maid?" My voice sounded a bit rough, but mostly because
I had barley spoke during our shopping trip.
Aunt Ella looked surprised, like she had only just remembered that I
was there. "Of course you are. Didn't I tell you?"
"No." I shook my head, my eyes glancing over her shoulder at a cute
dress I had seen in one of the store's windows. Sure, I was going
through a major trauma right now, but I'm still a girl who likes
pretty things.
"Oh, sorry. Must have slipped me. I've been running myself ragged
trying to get everything planned for the wedding. It's only a month
away, you know."
"Why so soon?"
She shrugged, smiling sweetly in my direction. "Because I wanted you there."
I smiled at the gesture. "Thank you Ella, but you don't have to plan
your wedding around me. I can always fly home from school for the
wedding. Honestly, you should take your time instead of stretching
yourself so thin."
"Really? You think I'm looking thin? Because, I have been cutting down
on carbs." She smirked, winking.
I laughed at my Aunt and simply shook my head. "Well, just ruin one of
my few serious and generous moments here."
She wrapped an arm around my shoulder, giving me a squeeze. "Well,
maybe we won't have to worry about you going back to Oregon."
"What you talking about?”
"Me and your dad were talking and he's thinking that maybe it's time
you came back home to come to school."
"Seriously?" I asked, excitement was evident in my tone. "It would be
amazing if I could, especially now since I met Ben and-"
"That's another thing." Aunt Ella interrupted, looking a bit frazzled
as she held up an index finger.
I frowned. "What?"
"He's getting a little...suspicious of you two. If you want to stay
here you can't let your dad know you two are together or he'll
definitely send you back to Lavance."
I shuddered at the name. "Oh, crap. What did you tell him?"
"That you two were only friends. I told him that you had no interest
in him or a relationship."
I breathed a sigh of relief. Dad listened to Ella more than most
people. "Okay, good. Thanks."
She nodded, smiling. "It's fine. So um," She coughed awkwardly. "How
serious have you and Ben gotten?"
I sighed. "Aunt Ella."
"I'm simply curious."
"Well...I love him." I replied sheepishly. I didn't expect her to believe me.
"You do?" She didn't sound surprised.
"Yes. I know you don't think that I honestly do or that I'm too young,
but when I'm with him it's like everything else bad disappears. He
always makes me smile and he makes me happy. I'm competently myself
around him and I feel perfectly comfortable with him. I mean, from the
moment I met him I couldn't get him out of my mind and I still can't.
And it's like no matter what happens I just know that he'll be there.
I feel protected, loved, cared for, special." I sighed; I was
completely lost in thoughts of Ben. "You probably think I'm an idiot."
When I looked at her she had tears in her eyes and a smile on her
face. She shook her head softly. "I think you're in love."
***
One brides maid dress and one sweater saying 'World's coolest Aunt'
later, we arrived back home. I grinned at the sight of my newly
painted pink truck that sat in the yard. Ben and I had finished the
painting just yesterday and I have to say, it had been fun. It gave us
a chance to just have fun and laugh all day while spending it
together. After we had it painted it had taken it for a test drive out
to the field that still remained nameless to us. We simply called it
our field.
I bit my lips, standing in front of the full length mirror Ella
had placed against my wall. She stood behind me, beaming with
excitement as she studied the fit.
"It looks great on you."
I admit, out of most brides maid dresses, this one would be considered
cute. It was a lavender, near pink color with a large bow in the
front. It wasn't necessarily my style, but at least I wouldn't utterly
humiliated while wearing it.
"I guess."
Ella's face fell a bit, looking concerned. "Is something wrong
with it? I thought you liked it?"
My eyes widened when I realized that she was about to have another
little break down. "No, no, I love it. It's really beautiful." I
reassured her.
She sighed with relief, her whole body becoming more relaxed. "Okay, good."
"Knock knock." Ella and I turned to find both Dad and Lance at
the doorway, to both of our surprise. "Huh," Dad observed. "Snazzy
dress."
"Thanks." I mumbled, chuckling a bit to myself.
"We were wondering if you two lovely ladies would like to join us for
dinner." Lance grinned, his gaze directed toward his fiancé.
Ella blushed a bit, smiling at her soon to be husband with
adoring eyes. "What did you two have in mind?"
"Pizza." Dad answered quickly.
Ella and I sighed in unison. Guys.
***
I gulped before I cleared my throat, rocking from on my heels as I
stood the next morning in front of the full length mirror that was
still leaning against my wall. I had a frown on my face and I noticed
that many of my nervous little habits were suddenly shining through. I
simply wore a pair of knee ripped jeans, a tank top and my favorite
grey hoodie. The hoodie was an old one of Dad's, but I had found it in
the closet one day and it had then become kind of my comfort hoodie.
And today, I needed whatever comfort I could possibly have.
I had considered telling Ben about the appointment and asking him to
go with me, but I needed to do this on my own. And if I was sick, I
didn't really want him to know quite yet. I didn't want anyone to
know at all.
With shaky hands I reached for my necklace. It was simply two old
rings on a chain. But the rings had been Mom's ring from when she had
been my age and her wedding band. I only wore them when I wanted to
feel near her, to remember. I wore them a lot while I would be upset
or when I felt I truly needed my mom there. Right now, I couldn't
imagine needing her more.
With a ragged breathe, I tugged a strand of hair behind my ear and
made my way downstairs. I had no intention of eating breakfast because
I was unsure if I would be able to even keep it down.
"I'm leaving. Bye Aunt Ella, bye Lance." I called as I rushed past the
kitchen. Less conversation made the better.
"Bye kiddo." Ella called. "Good luck on the test."
I had almost forgotten my cover up plan for going to the doctors. "Thanks. Bye!"
I practically flew from the house and ran towards my truck, eager to
get away. I wasn't sure why I was so rushed, but a part of me knew that
I couldn't calm down until I knew what was happening. And from past
history- the more worked up I got, the more likely I would get light
headed and possibly faint.
I spotted Ben riding Lace out of the stables and took another ragged
breathe. Instead of going to say hi before leaving, I climbed into the
truck with Dad. I wasn’t sure I could face him at this very moment.
***
Thankfully, Dad had dropped me off at the DMV and went to run some errands. I told him I wanted to do some shopping afterwards so I bought myself some time. Now I was just having the issue of the small heart attack I felt like I was having. But I guess if I am having one then it's a good thing I'm in a doctor’s office.
"Belle, I'm glad you finally came in to see me." Dr Harvance had a
warm smile on his face, but I could see that he was trying his hardest
just to put me at ease. He was probably worried I would go off on him
again.
I didn't say anything, just forced a small smile and nodded my head
once. Dr. Harvance continued, "How have you been feeling?"
I shrugged, feeling very unsure. I actually felt like just running out
of the room screaming, but that might draw some unwanted attention to
myself. "Better."
He nodded, a smile still plastering his face. He reminded me of one of
my old teachers who never stopped smiling. She would be screaming at
you, insulting you, and totally creeping you out all at the same time,
but she always had a smile on her face while she was doing it. "Good,
good." He murmured, looking over my chart with an observing
expression.
"Um, so, what exactly were my test results?" There was a nervous edge
to my voice that was apparent, but I needed to know. Faking like
everything was just dandy was only stressing me out more.
Dr. Harvance looked up from my chart and I found myself inhaling
deeply. His expression was dead serious, saddened, and concerned.
I felt my eyes begin to water. "I'm..."
He sighed, shaking his head dejectedly. "I'm so sorry Belle. You have leukemia."

I felt like I had been stabbed in the stomach and my heart exploded.
"Am I going to die?" I whispered, not trusting my voice. It was shaky
and frightened. And this was the only question I could think of. It was the only question that honestly mattered.
I wasn't aware if my heart was beating or if I was even still
breathing. I could feel nothing. I was numb. My senses had faded and
the only thing I could see was a clear picture of me crying as they
laid my mom to rest in the cemetery. Easily the worst day in my life.
All I could think now was how everyone would react to my own funeral.
"Belle, this is in no way a death sentence, so don’t think that way. You have to try to be positive in this situation. There’s treatments-"
"What if I don’t want treatments?." The words left my lips without my
permission, but I knew they were words of the truth.
Dr. Harvance was clearly surprised at my decision. "What? Without it
though...Belle, you won't really have any control over it."
I nodded; my body was seeming to work without my mind. "I know." I
glanced at Dr. Harvance for the first time since I had asked my
question. "I just know how hard treatment can be on someone and there’s no guarantee. So what if I spend all my last days being miserable trying to fight something that I can’t fight?”
"Well, nothing's guarantee, but you have a higher survival chance.
You're young and we found it soon enough that we can do more about it."
"I don't want to spend my life like that; In and out of a
hospital, never really having any peace." I felt a tear roll down my
cheeks and quickly wiped it away. "If I'm going to die then I'm going
to do it my way."