Summerfield (18 page)

I had started chemotherapy and it had been taking a hellish toll on my body and mind. They had put up with my intense mood swings and my breakdowns, and my crappy moods. I couldn't count how many times within the last two weeks that I had been at the hospital that I would wake up in the
middle of the night and just begin to cry. Sometimes it was just the
strangest times of day and I would all of a sudden get very testy and
just not talk and act sour. It was very frustrating for my family. But
no matter how much of a mess I was, I was always surprised by other's
reactions and how they would seem to be. Dad, for the first time in so
long, seemed so hopeful. Every Sunday he went to church and every
night he prayed. He really believed that I would be okay. He held out
hope. Ben though, he was still stunned, I think. He still to be
processing it all. I knew that my late night calls to him while I
would be crying and depressed weren't helping him.
Bu he came every day, and Dad had practically moved into the hospital
with me. I knew it was very rough on him, because it was the same
hospital Mom had died in, and for me it brought back terrible
memories. The worst ones imaginable. I couldn't imagine how hard Dad
was taking it. But he seemed to find peace through believing, and I
was happy that he had. I think he would have gone insane otherwise.
Ben tried his hardest to be so strong, but I could see he was slowly
breaking. Sometimes I would have to practically beg him to go home at
midnight and he'd been there since 6am. I think our relationship
became only more intense in this time. I had never really doubted
Ben's love, but in those two weeks he proved it to be very strong. He
was a passionate guy, and I loved this. He held me and kissed me,
always so gently as if I would break. I think he was scared of the
rapid weight loss since I had been admitted. Hospital foods were
dreadful. I assured Ben, Dad, and Dr. Harvance that as soon as I got
out of the hospital I would be right back to fried chicken, mashed
potatoes with gravy and two glasses of root beer every day.
And after those very long, very tiring, and very emotional two weeks,
they finally let me leave. I think in that hospital, telling my family
for the first time had been the first really time I had ever felt
sick. I had been through symptom after symptom, but I was just finally
coming to terms with it. It had been an ordeal.
And right now, I couldn't imagine being anywhere but on my front porch
again with Ben. But I'll tell you; those steps don't do much for an
injured girl. When I had first returned home I had originally felt
very smothered. I came home and the fridge was full of all my favorite
stuff. Root beer galore, cheez-it’s...my comfort snack. There was ice
cream, brownies, cakes, cookies. I seriously had wondered to myself
just how fat they wanted me to become. No one ever let me lift a
finger. Ben would always offer to even cut my meat for me during
dinner. I finally just told them that it was very nice that they were
taking care of me, but that I wasn't 105 and incapable of breathing on
my own.
Every Friday I enjoyed going to hang out with Ben and his friends. I
had begun to get close to all of them, even Drake and I had broken a
barrier. Every Saturday was family night, and I really began to enjoy
those little things. The security of it, and having a tradition and
routine. In less than a week Kara was coming to visit too, and I
couldn't wait. I knew I would have to tell her the truth, and that
would be very hard, but I needed to have some time with her before her
summer was over and she was back to Lavance without me. And the best
thing yet, was that I had gotten to ride Buttercup, if only for the
last time. We went on a long ride, just the two of us, and I felt to
lifted and relaxed. It was the best thing in the world. I, in a way,
felt like Buttercup was a savoir. He always had been in the past, the
thing I would confide all my darkest secrets too. Now, both of us had
failing health and we connected. And when I rode him, and when I
talked to him, I always felt better. Like the world had been weighed
down.
"Paul McCartney?" Ben's voice broke through my thoughts like
lightning. Lately I had become very distracted. I would often go into
other thoughts, drifting away from the conversation I was in.
"Hmm," I pondered as I relaxed in Ben's embrace as we swung steadily
on the porch swing. "Funny looking eyewear he only thinks is
fashionable?"
Ben chuckled and shook his head at my guess. We had a new game we had
created during "boring time" at the hospital, as I like to refer to
it. And trust me; there was a lot of boring time. So, we made up a
game where he would name someone and I would have to guess how they
became famous, or the other way around. It kept us entertained, and
sometimes while I would be overly emotional he would try to get me to
play so that I could get my mind away from my own thoughts. I had
never noticed how truly frightening it could be inside my own head.
"That may be slightly accurate, but I'm going to go with a wrong. The Beatles."
"Overrated," I said, waving it way with a sweep of my hand. "But
really? The Beatles? I thought he was that gay guy?"
"There was a gay Beatle?" He looked cute when he was confused.
I shook my head, shaking the thoughts. "I don't know. Was there?"
We just stared at each other for a moment before we both shook our
head and he announced, "Okay, let's move on."
"Yoko Ono!" I pronounced after a moment. "He was with that chick Yoko Ono."
"Yes, but do you know what she was famous for?"
I paused to think. "For having the oddest human name?"
"Second chance."
"Breaking up the band?"
He pondered this. "I think that's it. I'm sure she's done other
things, but I've only ever heard about that."
"Oh yeah, she really was disliked."
He laughed, kissing my forehead as I closed my eyes to savoir the
moment. I would do that a lot lately. "Can I ask you a question?"
"I swear, I really don't know if there was a gay Beatle."
"Ha ha, I'm laughing." He replied sarcastically in a teasing tone. "It
was something else."
I laid my head comfortably on Ben's shoulder and glanced at him. "Go
for it." I said in a softer tone. He looked serious.
He seemed to fidget a moment. "I want to give you something."
I wanted to make a joke, asking if he wanted to give me something
completely outrageous. For example, a mango tree with monkeys. But I
refrained, because he looked like he was having a hard time saying it
already and I didn't know how he'd appreciate the sarcastic humor. I
was finding humor easier to comply with then trying to be so serious
all the time. I wasn't a very serious person to begin with, and I
hated having my life controlled by something so straining and bad. I
knew that if I kept a good spirit about myself that I would probably
live a lot longer.
He cleared his voice before reaching into his pocket, pulling out a
box that usually held rings inside. I suddenly became fidgety too, and
blurted, "You're not going to ask me to marry you, are you?"
He did what I wasn't expecting, he laughed. I actually hadn't been
joking. For a moment I was scared that he was actually going to
propose. Not that I didn't love him and always want to be with him,
but I'm still only sixteen. What did I know?
"No," Ben chuckled as he slowly opened the box. It wasn't an
engagement ring, but it looked like a very nice one. It had a blue
ring around it and a lighter blue jewel in the center. Very pretty.
"It's a promise ring." He explained, catching my eyes.
I looked down at the ring with a smile too hard to try to hide. "A
promise for what?" I wondered out loud, looking back into his shocking
blue eyes. Sometimes they were so intense that it almost made you
forget everything and just cause you to stare.
"A promise that I'll always love you."
I swear that my heart almost exploded when I heard those words. That
was possibly the sweetest thing in the world to me. I still couldn't
totally get my head around how I was so fortunate enough to find
someone like Ben. Who cared for me, who loved me, who supported me,
who stood by me. He was my blessing.
"Ben, that's so..." I slightly choked a little, swallowing the lump
growing in my throat. "Wow." I finally breathed.
"Well, I've never really known you to be speechless, and quite
honestly it's making me nervous."
All I could do was place the ring on my finger and lean up to kiss Ben
gently, remembering everything. "I love you, Ben Stanley." It was
Cliché and mushy, but with every fiber of my being, I did love him.
Even if I only was seventeen and still slightly clueless. I knew enough
to know that I loved him. And at that very moment, that was all I
needed to know.
"I love you too, Belle Lawrence." He whispered, pressing his forehead
to mine after kissing it.
And for that moment, I had my happily ever after. And I learned, above
all, that we may not have a lifetime. But we have this moment.