Surrender the Dark (17 page)

Tears filled her eyes at his solemn, sincere proclamation. It was more than she’d ever thought to get from him, and certainly more than she felt she deserved.

“Dammit, don’t cry,” he whispered, the pain on his face clear and agonizing.

“Come here,” she said on a sob-choked breath. “Please.”

He slid up and pulled her tightly into his arms, rocking her against him, pressing her face to his chest and burying his face in her hair. “I’m here for you, Rae. I know I haven’t been before, and I may not be again, but I am now.”

She sniffled and pulled her head back, looking up at him. “That’s not enough,” she said. “But it will have to be.”

“No!” he said sharply. “Don’t you dare settle, Rae. Dear God, the last thing you should ever have to do is settle. If you don’t want me—”

She silenced him with a kiss. It was hard and deep and instantly consuming. She grabbed his hand and placed it over one breast, rubbing the tight peak against his palm. She broke off on a gasp and said, “The only thing I’m settling for is time.” She kissed him again, more softly. He groaned, and his hand began a slow, sweet massage. “I don’t think I’ll ever have enough, but I
will
take what I can get.”

This time Jarrett kissed her. He claimed her mouth just as she had claimed his. And he took his time about it, easing away from her so he could explore the rest of her body more fully.

Fair was fair, and Rae did some exploring of her own.

“Take off your shirt and your bra. I want the rest of you.” He nudged her nipple with his thumb. “And so do you.”

She immediately reached for the hem of her shirt, with no qualms this time. They were past that now. There were more scars, on her back, on her breasts, but she knew Jarrett would deal with them as the time came. And so would she.

“Take off your sweats,” she ordered as she tugged her shirt over her head. “I want to see the rest of you too.”

His head jerked up, breaking his intense concentration of her emerging flesh. His look of surprise quickly faded into another one of his slow smiles.

“Damn you’re getting awfully good at that,” she whispered.

His eyes glittered. “I’ll trade you.” He glanced down, unabashedly drawing her attention to the strained fabric of his sweats. “I might need some help with mine.”

She snorted. “I’ll just bet you do.”

He reached out and tugged the string of her sweats. “I was shot just a couple of days ago, you know,” he said. His first attempt at gaining pity was woefully inadequate.

“Yeah, and I can see where it’s really slowed you down.”

In answer he scooted down the bed and tugged her sweats down with him, revealing plain white bikini underwear. He looked up at her as he pulled the elastic band away from her skin with his teeth.

Rae had raised up on her elbows, unable to keep from watching him touch her when his tongue began doing the most amazing things to simple white cotton. Her head dropped back on a long heartfelt groan as he slid her underwear off completely.

“Lord, I want you,” he growled.

She lifted her head again, somehow finding the strength. She needed to see his face, needed to see him when he spoke to her like that. He’d pushed up to a sitting position, bracing his weight on one arm. And he was just staring at her. All of her.

“Take off the bra,” he directed roughly.

She did.

Pain and anger warred with the raging desire in his eyes when he saw the scars. It spoke volumes about their understanding of each other that she felt the need to comfort him. “It’s okay,” she whispered.

“No,” he answered solemnly as his gaze roved over her entire body. “It’s the least okay thing I’ve ever seen.” He lifted his gaze to hers, and she felt every muscle she had tighten. Possession. That’s what she saw. Fierce, primal, politically incorrect, no-holds-barred possession. “And if anyone else ever lays so much as a finger against any part of you ever again, I will kill them with my bare hands.”

She started shaking. She wanted him, wanted his possession, his protection, even though she knew she shouldn’t. She’d fought too hard to gain total control of her life. Yet she’d never wanted something so badly in her entire life. Even more, she felt just as fiercely possessive about him.

“The only fingers I want on me are yours.” She found the strength to smile. “And a few other more interesting body parts as well.”

It took a long moment, but the wild light faded from his eyes, replaced with a hot silver one. “You are without a doubt the damnedest woman I’ve ever met.” He pulled himself up and scooped her against his chest, rolling to his back before she could so much as gasp. She barely had time to raise her knees to straddle him so as not to whack his thigh.

He scarcely gave her time to catch a breath before he
pulled her head down and kissed her. When he finally let her go, he dropped his hands to her waist. They both moved their hips at the same time, their groans long and loud.

“If you want those other parts,” he said hoarsely, “you can have them anytime you want. But if you want them inside you, you’d better move fast.”

Rae was way beyond the point of needing to be asked. She reached between her legs and tugged his sweats down far enough to free him, then immediately took him in her hand.

He groaned and lifted his hips. “Dear Lord, there is a heaven.”

Rae got sidetracked by the wondrous feel of him sliding in her hands. The softest skin covered the most amazing hardness. Jarrett was moving under her, his hips undulating, and she somehow managed to drag her gaze upward. His head was tilted back, his eyes closed, his mouth parted in the sort of ecstasy that made her press her knees more tightly against his hips.

He lifted his head, his eyes clouded with sensuality. They drilled her as he gripped her hips with his broad hands and lifted her. She guided him in as if it were the most natural thing in the world, and they both gasped and held their breath as he slowly sank into her.

Rae couldn’t control or contain the emotions and sensations rocketing through her. She didn’t even try. She fell forward and Jarrett caught her shoulders, gently lowering her until he could lift his head and take her mouth.

His hands slid back to her waist, and he rocked her
against him, just as he plunged his tongue in her mouth. He lifted his hips, moving her faster, then bent his good leg to push her even higher.

They broke the kiss, their eyes locked, both panting as he thrust even deeper and she rode him even harder.

The tension built inside her, it grew and grew, need coiling tighter and tighter until she knew she’d fly apart when it hit. She held it off, sitting up, throwing her head back on a low groan as he slid even deeper.

“Rae.”

His voice focused her. She looked down at him, their eyes locking instantly. He grabbed her hips and pressed her down hard, then trembled to a stop. A breath-stealing moment later, he jerked upward and held himself there while his release shuddered through her. The instant he relaxed she let herself shatter and fall, certain it would be okay. “Jarrett,” she cried as she convulsed around him. He’d catch her.

And he did.

Still trembling, Jarrett gathered Rae close. She curled down onto his chest, her arms cradling his head, her knees tucked close to his sides. His body was totally spent, his emotions in complete chaos. He wanted—needed—to sort them all out, yet couldn’t seem to get a hold on any one thought.

But he knew one thing with a clarity that required no analysis.

He tangled his fingers in her hair and gently tugged
her head up. When she looked at him, he said, “I don’t want you to go away.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” she assured him, snuggling closer. “Wild wolves couldn’t drag me away right now.” He must have flinched, because she pulled up and looked at him with concern.

“Are you okay? I’m hurting your ribs, aren’t I?” Her eyes widened. “Or did I hit your leg?” She started to slide off him, but he grabbed her back to him, none too gently either. His instincts didn’t run to gentle and soothing, but Rae didn’t seem to mind. In fact, unless he counted that soft look she got in her eyes whenever she thought he was hurt, she wasn’t all that gentle herself.

“Jarrett!” she said in surprise, but he noticed she relaxed against him.

God how he liked that.

“I’m fine,” he said in answer to her concern.

She shot him a warning look.

“Honey, I don’t care if I’m crippled for life,” he said, as serious as he was honest. “But you’re not leaving me or this bed until it’s absolutely necessary.”

She froze, and her eyes widened with what might have been guilt. Groaning, she pressed her face into his neck. “It’s absolutely necessary,” she mumbled against his damp skin. “Unless of course you kill me first.”

Totally confused by her reaction, he pulled her up. “What are you talking about?”

“The modem transmission from Zach. It came through.”

“When?”

She lifted a wary eyebrow at his even-toned question,
apparently expecting him to go ballistic any second. Well, she was in for a surprise then. He wouldn’t have traded the last hour for anything, not even the mission. Of course, he also knew the response from Zach couldn’t have come more than an hour ago, and an hour wasn’t going to jeopardize anything.

“About an hour ago, when you were in the shower,” she answered. “I fed and cleaned up after the pup, then ran up to check just as it was coming through. I printed it and deleted the file. I’m pretty sure it’s directly from Zach.”

Jarrett allowed a small smile. “Picked up that much of the code just from the short message you sent, did you?”

She smiled too. “Learned from the best.”

“I’m not too sure any longer who’s teaching who.”

“Whom.”

He ignored her correction, but his smile stayed when he asked, “Where is it?”

“In the kitchen on the table. I figured you’d want to read it while we ate. I came in here to get you, and well, you know the rest.” She grinned at him without even a shred of modesty.

His heart pounded, and he felt himself grow hard inside her. He stifled a groan at his apparently insatiable need for her.

Rae tightened around him in response, but then gradually relaxed. She tipped her forehead to his chest, then looked at him, all teasing gone. “I know we have to get up and get on with this. But I just want you to know—”

He placed a finger across her lips. “Shhh. Don’t.”

Rae stared at him, a bit hurt, until she saw the desire, the need. And the denial. “Yeah, I guess it’s better that way,” she said quietly, and pulled away. This time he let her. As she sat on the edge of the bed and fished for her clothes, she hated it that she suddenly felt so … cast adrift.

“I meant what I said, Rae.” He traced a fingertip over the thin scars webbing her back.

She shivered under his touch, pressing her knees together as desire for him clutched at her again. Would she ever stop wanting him? She refused to think about the fact that she’d never get the chance to find out.

His voice was deep and rough when he said, “I don’t want you to go.”

This time she understood what he’d been trying to say earlier. She didn’t look at him. “I have to, Jarrett.” She pulled on her shirt and underwear.

He moved suddenly, the mattress dipping low behind her. “Maybe I can get Zach to—”

She spun around to face him, her sweatpants clutched in a ball on her lap. “No, he can’t. If you thought he was a viable alternative, you’d never have asked me.”

He shifted his weight onto one elbow and regarded her for a long moment. “You believe that?”

“Yes,” she answered instantly.

He dropped back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. “Good. Because, you’re right,” he said at length. “I wouldn’t have.”

“Zach may be able to sneak me into the country undetected,
but he’s not skilled in information transfer, much less in dealing with people like this. You’d be as good as signing his death warrant if he got caught.”

Jarrett closed his eyes. His jaw was clenched so tightly, she could see his cheek muscles twitch from the effort.

“I know,” he bit out. He opened his eyes and looked directly at her. They were pale gray and bleak, the smoky sensuality gone, the icy hardness shattered. “I know.”

It hit her then, all the power of what she felt. Of what he might be feeling. If she was reading what was in his eyes correctly … If she dared to believe …

No. Suddenly cold, she turned away and hugged herself, her sweats falling to the floor in a forgotten heap.

“Rae.” He reached for her.

She practically leaped up to avoid his touch. Right now she was barely holding it together. If she let him pull her back into the protective shelter of his arms, the comfort and solace of his big warm body, if she let herself believe the promise she’d seen in his eyes when he’d come inside her … She might let him talk her out of this.

“I know what I’m doing. I’ll be okay,” she assured him, certain of no such thing. And her mind wasn’t on terrorists or the dangers she faced in Bhajul.

She yanked on her sweats, hopping off balance in her haste. “I’ll reheat the food and meet you in the kitchen.” She made it to the door, but the overpowering sensation of his gaze boring through her back had her turning at the door.

The words in her heart tumbled out. “I know the risks, Jarrett. I also know neither of us planned on this.” She waved a hand. “Any of this.” She curled her fingers into her palm. “But I
am
involved now. And not just for JMI and those people whose lives are on the line. And not just for you. I’m doing this for me too. I left two years ago because I had no choice. I was beaten. Not just physically, but in all ways. This is a chance for me to leave the right way, with it all intact.” Her hand dropped limply to her side. “But I will promise that this mission is it. My life is here.” Her voice faltered as she added, “I can’t live in yours anymore.”

Jarrett found her just after nightfall, but not in the shop where she was supposed to be working.

He leaned in the doorway of the garage much as she had the afternoon before. She wasn’t playing tug-of-war with the pup, though. The wolf was sleeping, stretched out with his head and back pressed against her thigh. Rae was leaning against the wall, her work gloves discarded in her lap as she absently stroked his fur, her thoughts apparently a million miles away. Or more likely a few thousand. In Bhajul.