Surrogate and Wife (14 page)

Not that he even remembered another woman. Not when he had Kate. It was only her. Only the water pounding on her back to the rhythm of their movements. Only the thrusting of her hips bringing him closer to ecstasy. Only the feel of her clenching around him. Driving him over the edge.

The intensity of their joining left him shaking. And shaken.

Because with her, it wasn't enough.

It would never be enough.

T
hey'd been sleeping together every night for almost a week now. Ever since he brought home those test results.

He wanted her to trust him, he'd said. And part of her did. She trusted that he would never hurt the baby. She trusted that he wouldn't intend to hurt her. And she trusted that he wanted to be with her.

But she knew better than anyone how temporary desire could be. It was as transient as love or affection. In less than four months, she'd give birth, Beth and Stew would take custody of the baby, and this would all be over.

What would her life be like then?

Probably she'd go back to the way things had always been. Her, all on her own. Completely independent. Protected from life's disappointments and pains because she never let anyone close enough to hurt her. Once she would have sworn that was exactly the way she wanted things. Now it just seemed terribly lonely.
How could she go back to that life now that she'd experienced a baby growing inside of her? Now that she knew what it was like to sleep with Jake curled against her back?

She thought briefly of the McCain divorce that was on her docket for Monday. For years, everyone in Georgetown had seen them as the perfect couple. Well matched in every way. They certainly hadn't started out their relationship intending it to end in a messy divorce. No one ever did.

The thought disconcerted her so much, the comfort of Jake's sleeping embrace started to feel smothering.

As gently as she could, she slipped out from under his arm, but the extra weight of the baby made her clumsy. Before she could exit the bed, Jake was awake.

“What do you need?” He raised up on his elbow, his gaze clear and alert in the darkness.

“I was just going to…” What? Escape to the other room to brood in peace? Fret endlessly over their future? She fumbled for an explanation and finally finished lamely, “…get a glass of milk.”

“You're thirsty?”

Thirsty? Panic-stricken? Sure, those were about the same. “Yes.”

He rolled off his side of the bed. “I'll get it for you.”

She started to follow him, but he stopped her. “No, stay here. I'll bring it back for you.”

Before she could protest he started propping pillows behind her and helping her to sit up in bed. “You want milk or something else?”

How about your love?

Oh, crap. Where had that thought come from?

“Milk will do.”

She watched him leave the room with a sinking feel
ing in her gut. Then she flopped back against the pillows and pressed her hands to her face.

“How about your love?” she muttered to herself.

God, she was a mess.

She didn't really want him to love her, did she?

And it certainly wasn't as if she loved him.

Did she?

She didn't give herself time to search her heart. No. She didn't. She wouldn't be that stupid. Not when she'd spent her whole life being so smart when it came to her emotions.

“Here you go.”

She pulled her hands from her face and opened her eyes to find him standing over her, a tall glass of milk in hand. “Thanks.”

He handed her the glass, then sat beside her on the bed. “Hey, what's wrong?” he said, running a hand up her arm.

A shiver of awareness followed in the wake of his caress. She wanted nothing more than to set the glass of milk aside and lose herself in his touch. To let him banish the worries that kept her up. To make love with him until she was too exhausted to remember all the reasons she was on a collision course with emotional heartache. She didn't let herself do any of those things.

She did, however, avert her gaze. “If it wasn't for me, your life would be a lot easier.”

After being in the kitchen, Jake's eyes hadn't fully adjusted to the dark of the bedroom, making it impossible for him to read her expression. But he could hear in her voice that something just wasn't right.

Once again, he marveled at her complexity.

So tough one moment, so vulnerable the next.

There were a hundred things he wanted to say to her. None of them she was ready to hear.

So he settled for, “If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be about to become a father.”

“You're thinking about keeping the baby?”

“Even if I agree to let Beth and Stew raise her, I'll still be a father. After this, I can't imagine not being a part of her life. Can you?”

Instead of answering his question she said, “If you agree? So you are thinking about keeping the baby?”

“You can't tell me you haven't thought about it.”

“I…” She frowned, pulling away from his touch. “What do you want me to say? That I'm tempted? Of course, I am. But I know Beth and Stew will be better parents for this baby than I could ever be alone. For that matter, either one of them would be better than I would.”

“I disagree.”

Obviously frustrated, she swung her legs over the other side of the bed and stood. “It's a moot point. There are two of them and only one of me.”

He stood, as well, and caught her in his arms as she rounded the bed. “But there are two of us.”

Even in the dark, he saw her gaze widen. “What are you saying?”

What
was
he saying? That he wanted them to be together?

Yes, it was what he wanted, but did
she
want it?

Come on, Morgan, you want to be in the game, it's time to ante up.

“Let's stay married. Let's raise this baby on our own.”

He heard her sharp intake of breath. For a second she seemed to be actually considering it. Then she shook her head and pulled away from him. “Oh, Jake, I don't know.”

He felt a sharp stab of disappointment. He'd wanted… What? Surely not a declaration of love from her. A little enthusiasm maybe.

But she hadn't said no. Which meant he still had a chance of convincing her.

“What's not to know?” He cradled her face in his hands. “We're good together.”

“Sure, in—”

“Not just in bed. In life. I love you. I love the baby.”

She pulled away from him, turning her back on his arguments, but just before she did, something in her gaze wavered. Instantly he knew how to win her over.

“Come on, Katie. You care about the baby, too. You can't deny it. She's
our
baby. We can be a family together.”

He ran his hands across her shoulders, down her arms, praying his touch would be more convincing than his words.

She stiffened at first, as if to reinforce her defenses against him. Then slowly she relaxed, leaning her back lightly against his chest.

“Okay,” she finally whispered. “Let's do it.”

He pulled her fully against him, wrapping his arms around her chest. Beneath one palm, he felt the pounding of her heart. Beneath his other lay the baby that had brought them together…and convinced her to marry him.

He'd hated playing that card. Hated manipulating her like this. But not as much as he hated the thought of losing her.

 

It was day one in the divorce proceedings of the most important case of her career. And all she could think about was Jake.

He didn't really love her. He'd just said that.

How could a man like him—someone who loved being a hero and rescuing people—really love a woman like her? She was the last person in the world who needed saving.

Agreeing to stay married to him had been an extremely stupid thing to do. But how could she resist when he painted such a compelling picture of their future together?

She could see it so clearly in her mind. Lazy Saturday mornings making love with Jake. Lazy Sunday mornings around the kitchen table, she and Jake sipping coffee, a towheaded toddler sitting on his lap, gumming a waffle.

She was on the way from her chambers to the court, smiling at the images in her mind, when the first wave of pain washed over her.

Immediately she put a hand to the wall to brace herself and grasped her belly with her other hand. Her stomach felt unnaturally hard beneath her palm. The muscles taut and cramped.

The pain seemed to last forever before slowly easing. The whole time, she'd breathed out sharply through her mouth. Praying the sensation would pass. Praying this wasn't a sign something was terribly wrong.

As the last of the pain dissipated, she pressed her back against the wall, needing its support to catch her breath. Even after she was breathing normally, she found she couldn't move.

Her heart began pounding, her fear threatening to overwhelm her. Something was wrong. Something was
very
wrong.

She glanced down the hallway toward her chambers. There was a sofa. She could lie down. Drink some water. All of her pregnancy books seemed to recommend drinking water when things were wrong. And call Jake. He would know what to do.

But then her logical mind scoffed.

Yes, he would rush to her side. Be there in an instant
if she needed him, but would having him there really be any more helpful than drinking a glass of water?

She looked to the other end of the hallway. Just beyond a pair of double doors was her courtroom, where the McCains, their lawyers, and a myriad of reporters and sundry people were waiting for her.

All she had to do was walk the twenty meters her courtroom. Then she could spend the next four hours sitting comfortably in her chair. She could drink all the water she wanted.

She'd almost convinced herself it was the right thing to do when Kevin rounded the corner and spotted her leaning against the wall. He practically ran to her side. “What's wrong?”

She forced herself to straighten away from the wall, moving cautiously, terrified the pain would return.

“Nothing,” she said, but her voice sounded strained, and Kevin didn't look like he bought it.

“I find you leaning against the wall, gasping for breath, and you say nothing's wrong? Talk to me, Kate. Something's not right.”

The concern in his voice tore at something deep inside of her and she felt her fear give way to tears. Furiously she blinked them away. She would not cry. She was not that weak.

“I felt a…” She struggled for the right word. Not wanting to admit, even to herself, how badly she'd felt. Or how badly she wanted Jake there with her. “Tightening. In my belly. I just had to catch my breath.”

Kevin's eyes never left her face, but a deep furrow formed between his eyebrows. “A tightening? Isn't that the word women use to describe labor pains?”

Oh, God. Was it
?

“I don't know. How do you know?”

“Two sisters. Five nieces and nephews.” He placed a hand at her back. “Come on, let's get you back to your chambers. You can lie down on the sofa while I call the doctor.”

The thought that something might really be wrong terrified her, so, she automatically protested. “No, it's nothing. It's passed now.” She stood up straighter, to prove to herself and him that nothing was wrong. “Besides, it's probably just those fake contractions, right? What are those called? Hicks something.”

“Braxton Hicks? Yes, you may be right. But your doctor will know for sure.”

“But the trial—”

“Kate, no,” Kevin chided, steering her toward her chambers when she would have headed toward the double doors. “The trial will wait.”

“But—”

“Stop being so freakin' stubborn. Nothing is more important than this.”

He was right, of course. Yet somehow, giving in to him meant admitting something might really be wrong. Despite that, she allowed him to lead her down the hall and into her chambers.

“What's your doctor's number?” he asked, flipping open his cell phone.

She stopped herself just short of giving him Jake's number first. Yes, Jake would rush to her side, but what if this really was just Braxton Hicks contractions? Wouldn't it be better to wait until she knew if she needed him?

As she rattled off the doctor's number, she lowered herself to the worn leather sofa. The moment she sat down a second wave of pain coursed over her stomach. Automatically she curled onto her side, cupping her belly in her hands.

Kevin crouched beside her. “When was the first one?”

At first she couldn't answer. She was panting for breath as fear and pain overwhelmed her. Finally the pain subsided. “I don't know.” It seemed as if time was stretching endlessly. As if a lifetime had passed since she left her office. But logic told her it had been mere minutes. “What time is it now?”

He glanced at his watch. “Nine-o-eight.”

She'd left for court with a few minutes to spare. “Maybe ten minutes. Maybe a little longer.”

Kevin's frown deepened and he snapped the phone shut. When he spoke, his voice was so deliberately calm, she knew how worried he was. “It's still probably nothing, but I'm taking you straight to the hospital.”

She wanted to protest but then thought of what Beth had said about letting people take care of her.

But Kevin was right. Nothing was more important than the baby. Certainly not her stubborn pride.

So she let him help her up from the sofa. “My purse and briefcase are in the bottom desk drawer. Can you get them for me? And you'll need to find my bailiff, Celia, and let her know what's happening.”

“I'm on it.” He dashed behind the desk to grab her bags and met her by the door. “What else can I do?”

“You can call Jake and have him meet us at the hospital.”