Survival Instinct (10 page)

“Oh, thank God you’re awake,” Ryan gasped out as he rushed to the bed and scooped the sleeping baby into his arms. He held her slightly away from his body as he headed for the portable playpen he’d set up in the corner behind the bed. Nadine hadn’t even noticed it until now, and she was once more touched by his thoughtfulness. Her daughter was a baby without a father, and he was a father without a daughter- it only made sense that he’d take to hers as though she was his own.

She stopped her wandering thoughts. “What the Hell is wrong?” she demanded, fear rising up to coat the back of her throat with sickness.
She pushed herself to her feet and only now realized she was in a nightgown instead of travelling clothes. Shaking her head, she went for her bag of clothes in the corner, disgusted by the selection. She needed to find a clothing store soon- the maternity pants fell off of her these days, and since they didn’t have belt loops, her only option had been to wrap cord around her waist to prevent slippage. It was a ridiculous way to wear clothes, but it would have to do until she found better.

Ryan went for the supplies he’d brought in and tossed her a belt. “Here, use this,” he said before answering her questions. “There’s a huge horde coming this way. There’s a group of survivors as well and they’re not making any effort to be quiet. It’s drawing those things like moths to a light,” he explained as he opened a bottle of water and sucked half of it down. Rooting in another bag, he came out with a bottle of ibuprofen. Thumbing off the cap, he shook four into his palm and tossed them back with the other half of the water. Casually, he dropped the empty bottle to the floor. There was no point in being neat any longer- it wasn’t their house, and they’d be moving on as soon as Nadine dressed and gathered her gear. While he waited, he filled the bags with as much as he could carry before filling two other bags with lighter loads that Nadine would travel with. Neither of them could afford to be weighted down, and he packed accordingly. Much of what he’d gathered would lay behind for anyone else to pick through, but he couldn’t worry about that now.

Nadine was finally clothed and armed. Once she’d heard ‘horde’ and ‘survivors’ she hadn’t needed anything else. She’d learned not to trust in anything or anyone but Ryan. He’d kept her alive at his own risk. Once she’d gotten sick it would’ve been easier to just leave her to her own fate. He could’ve travelled farther and faster alone. Instead he’d taken care of her and her daughter, and scavenged supplies. Sometimes she wondered if Graham would have been as good in this crisis, and then stifled the thought. He was gone- she needed to focus on survival, not on could-have-been’s.

She pulled the sling over her head and settled it in place before putting on the packs Ryan set beside her.
There was the sound of gunfire outside, too close for comfort. She picked up Cassidy and secured her in the sling, releasing a sigh of relief as the baby slept on, unaware or uncaring about the change in location, before arming herself. Ryan was looking out the curtain, checking their surroundings as she moved to his side. “I’m ready,” she said, and he turned, gesturing for the rear door.

They slid out the door into the approaching evening, automatically looking overhead at the setting sun to calculate how long they had before they needed to find shelter. They might be able to make two hours on foot, but Ryan was prepared for that, as well. He gestured proudly at the tandem bike he’d scavenged the day before. “We can pedal together,” he said, “or take turns to conserve energy.” He practically glowed, and Nadine beamed a grateful smile at him in return. She was exhausted, and walking just didn’t appeal to her. They’d get further and faster this way, and there were even a couple of baskets, one attached to the handlebars and another to the rear of the bike for stowing their bags. She threw her arms around him, hugging him close for a mom
ent before climbing on. Ryan took the front and they were off.

They had no destination, no timeframe to be there, and no real care about where they were going. All that mattered was a safe, quiet way to travel that could be quickly hidden if someone approached. In his spare time the night before as he stood watch, he’d carefully spray-painted the entire bike a dull grey-black. Even the spokes and handlebars were now the same dark color. If they needed to be sure not to be spotted, this was definitely the best that could be done.

Nadine settled into the rhythm of their travel, her mind drifting even as her eyes were roving from place to place looking for any danger to them. This bike had likely belonged to some young, happy couple. She made up a dozen stories in her head for the lives they must have led- weekend warriors who were always seeking the next thrill, newlyweds anxious to spend every minute together, parents who used the bike as a way to reconnect with one another outside of the house. In each scenario she saw herself and Graham, and a tear trickled down one cheek, chilling her with the wind whipping by. She missed him, that was true, but she found herself missing what might have been their future instead of the lives they’d actually lived. There would be no raising a family together, no huge, fairytale wedding, no growing old together, no sitting on a porch swing holding hands in the twilight. The time they’d once hoped to spend together would never be, and she grieved for that almost more than she did for him.

“Shit,” Ryan growled under his breath, and she tensed her body, eyes seeking the danger. She clutched Cassidy tight to her body with one arm, the other clenched on the rear handlebars as she spotted the problem. Up ahead, large and nearly unseen in the encroaching darkness, was
a Humvee. And there was obviously someone sitting in the driver’s seat.

Ryan had told her as they’d ridden along that he wanted her to hop off as quickly as possible if something was wrong, so she did as they’d discussed. They were fortunate enough to be near a drainage ditch and she took advantage of the cover, sliding down the grassy embankment on her behind, ignoring the dampness brought on by early dew as it soaked through the bottom of her maternity jeans. Ryan was right behind her, dropping the bike into the overgrown grass where it lay, hidden and forlorn. If they’d been spotted they were screwed, but if they were very, very lucky then they’d be okay.

When five minutes had passed with no movement from the Humvee, Ryan whispered in Nadine’s ear. “Little miss is waking- feed her now while we’re stopped. I’ll scout ahead and see what’s going on.” He took off before she could protest, so she took him at his word and exposed a pale, heavy breast. Cassidy nuzzled closer, rooting enthusiastically before latching on with a wet, sucking sound and
nursing contentedly.

Nadine idly stroked her fingers through the baby’s downy locks. She loved this time, and had grown accustomed to it quickly. Cassidy was her reason for living, after all, and she couldn’t remember being this content. Her mind drifted, remembering her childhood. A dozen Christmases played through her mind like a beloved home movie. She saw school dances, embarrassing moments that were now humorous with the passing of time. She remembered her first date with Graham, dinner and a movie that had led to a sweet kiss goodnight and another date, and another… She remembered accepting his proposal
, the ring catching the light as it swam at the bottom of her glass of champagne.

She was concerned at the length of time Ryan had been gone, but there was nothing she could do. She removed Cassidy from one tender nipple before helping her latch on to the other side. She thought about Jonesy and mourned. The dog must be as gone as Graham by now, or surely he’d be by her side once more. The thought made her pause- she hadn’t seen another animal except for birds, and she wondered now if the only animals alive any longer were the remaining people.
She knew it wasn’t really important but it was definitely curious.

Cassidy drifted to sleep and Nadine wished she could join her. She was exhausted from her illness
and the hour they’d spent on the road so far. She alternated between pedaling and simply riding, but she’d still managed to overdo it. She prayed she wouldn’t relapse. That led her to wonder if there were any antibiotics left, and hoped she’d remember to ask Ryan when he came back. Hell, she hoped they’d live long enough for her to actually need them.

Where the Hell was he? He’d been gone for at least a half-hour by now, and she was really starting to worry. Nadine shivered and was suddenly irrationally angry with him. He hadn’t promised that he’d be right back, but that didn’t make her any less pissed with the situation. Night was nearly upon them and she’d fully expected that he’d be back with a location for them to make camp before full dark. She was soaked nearly all the way through now from being in this ditch so long, and she wanted to wrap Cassidy in another blanket to keep her dry and warm but couldn’t risk rifling through their supplies for an extra baby blanket until she knew they were safe.

A noise came from ahead and she didn’t think. She whipped her knife free from where it was tucked in her boot, grateful that in this position she could reach it so quickly. She kept it well-oiled and it made almost no sound as she opened it and prepared to slash or stab whatever came near her. She held her breath and cursed her racing heart- she could barely hear over the pounding in her ears. She was a strong woman but lately she’d grown too dependent upon Ryan taking the brunt of whatever came her way. He’d kept her safe and protected her child, but just now she loathed him for it. It made her softer, weaker, and left her feeling less safe when she was on her own. She knew she could defend herself but between motherhood and the blossom of her feelings for Ryan she knew she wasn’t the strong woman that had started the journey back in March.

The noise grew closer and she let the
air she’d been holding trickle out in little puffs before regulating her breathing. Her lungs burned with the effort but she was able to hear now and that was an improvement. The baby still slept on, unaware of her mother’s distress and oblivious to the chill in the air. Nadine said a quick prayer that her daughter would sleep on so she could focus only on defending them as she heard the noise draw closer. Whoever, whatever it was, was now only ten feet away from them, and her hand began to sweat. She tightened her grip and knew, had there been enough light, she would have seen white half-moons on her knuckles from clenching her hands into fists, but she would not let them take her. She would stay safe for her daughter’s sake, not just her own.

Ryan came into sight just as she slashed the blade down. He stumbled back, landing flat on his back in the ditch beside her as he evaded the knife. “Shit, woman, you
scared the Hell out of me,” he gasped out, and she let out a nervous laugh to ease the tension in her. Her whole body had been prepared for the fight that didn’t come, and she could barely believe what her eyes showed her- he was fine, the blood from his earlier hand-to-hand battle with the undead long dried. Ryan was back and he was safe. The relief overwhelmed her and the adrenaline abruptly fled. Tears flowed from her big, brown eyes and she sagged, wrapping her free hand around the baby where she lay in her sling. He was safe, and whole, and he was back.

“What happened? I thought you were dead,” she choked out, closing the blade and putting the knife back in her boot so she could wipe at her eyes.

Ryan’s face darkened, and the rising moon was just bright enough to show the hardness his features had taken on. “It was the other soldier in the Humvee,” he told her as he scooted closer to sit beside her, his hip comfortably pressed to hers. “He’s dead,” he said, his voice calm but cold.

Nadine stared at him a moment as though confused by the words. “Dead?” she repeated, unable to comprehend that the man stalking her was gone. “What happened to him?”

Ryan blinked at her and then gave a quick flash of teeth, more a grimace than an actual smile. “I killed him.”

Nadine stared at Ryan, blinking slowly as though the information was too difficult to process. “You… killed him? NoOne, the other soldier, he’s dead?” She stared at him as though she’d never seen him before. He was strong, she knew that, and he had been an active member of the military when the shit had hit the fan nearly six months ago, but she’d never seen him for what he really was. He’d done tours overseas, and possibly killed people while he was defending their country, but she hadn’t let herself think about what that really meant.

Graham had been an active duty member of the military as well but he was more brains than brawn. He’d done work with computers and remote control weapons, but never up close and personal. He’d been a sharpshooter, but that meant little- almost all of them were, after all. But Ryan wasn’t a computer geek- he was straight muscle, and he’d defended his country by gun and by action. She hadn’t wanted to think about it, but now it was here, it was in her face and there was nothing she could do to stop the thought. He was a killer- his country had trained him to be nothing less.

“I don’t like that look,” Ryan said, brushing a lock of his thick, black hair from his face as he studied her seriously. “What are you thinking?”

Nadine shook her head, but she answered him. “I was thinking that you’re a killer- you were trained to be, and I never stopped to consider what that might mean.” Her brown hair was damp from the night dew, and it laid cold and heavy against her back. She shivered, and she wasn’t sure if it was from her hair or the revelation.

He frowned at her, and she could have sworn he looked hurt. “We’re all killers now, Nadine,” he said softly. “These things lived once. They breathed, they ate, they drank, they made love and they felt true emotions. They were people, and we kill them to survive every day. We’re all killers,” he repeated.

She shook her head again, harder, trying to deny the truth in his words. She didn’t think of them that way. If she did, she wouldn’t have lived this long. She would have hesitated at some crucial moment and she would have died long before her baby had been born. Reflexively, she tightened her grip on her daughter, startling the baby into making a small cry of protest.

They both paused, holding their breath as they listened for any activity from the creatures still out there, roving around as they sought their next meal. A chuffing noise came from about thirty feet away, and another answered from twenty feet behind them. They were becoming surrounded, and neither of them had noticed. How foolish of them, how careless, Nadine thought at she let Ryan help her to her feet before approaching the bike. They needed their supplies, and they needed safety, shelter from the night. They could fight later, if need be, but they wouldn’t do anything if they didn’t survive.

Ryan led the way, mounting the bike first and holding it steady for her to climb on. “There’s a trailer up ahead, some sort of maintenance shack,” he told her as he pushed off, striving to balance them as they picked up speed. “We can hide there, and we will talk about this,” he said, and to Nadine’s ears it sounded like a warning.

“You killed a man,” Nadine whispered fiercely from behind him. “I get that. He was after me, and he’d probably have wanted my baby. It was the right call, and it sucks. But he’s dead, and that is the end of it.”

Ryan
stiffened, his pace slipping as he paused in mid-pedal before picking up the rhythm again. “He was bitten, Nadine,” he said, and his tone was not friendly as he said it. “He’d been bitten, and his eyes were glazed. He was dead already- he just hadn’t stopped breathing yet. I did him a favor- no soldier deserves a slow death and a miserable existence. That was his future if I hadn’t put an end to it here and now. Fuck you if you seriously think I killed him in cold blood.”

Nadine was shocked at the words, and then guilt swam over her. She’d accused the man who’d protected them and cared for them of murder. She’d condemned him for doing something necessary that she could never have done. Had she scouted ahead, she’d probably be dead now, and yet she’d judged him for saving them. Tears ran down her face again, and she burned with shame. “Ryan, I…”

He cut her off, swiftly, brutally. “Save it,” he ordered, and she shut her mouth. “We’re here. Take Cassidy inside and I’ll bring in the supplies.” He held the bike steady so she could climb off, and although she wanted to apologize, she knew he was too angry to hear it. Instead, she grabbed a pack and headed for the door to do as he’d told her. She wanted to protest, but her daughter was more important than her pride. Those things were all around them, and they needed to be safe before any drew too close.

The trailer was tiny, only one room, so it was obvious upon first look that it was empty. Nadine set a pile of blankets on the floor and laid the sleeping baby down, holding her breath until she was certain Cassidy slept on. Then she went outside, passing Ryan as he carried the majority of their supplies inside. All that was left was to drag the
bike into the overgrown shrubs beside the trailer, thereby making it nearly invisible to any nearby survivors while they rested for the night. She did so and then leaned against the bike. She was ridiculously exhausted after three days of nonstop sleep, but that had been the sleep of the sick, not a true restorative. She needed to get inside, and she would, but she wanted to catch her breath and gather the last shreds of her energy before doing so.

A strange noise caught Nadine’s attention, and she fought the urge to run. She was too tired to manage it, and she needed to identify it before notifying Ryan. A glimpse of fur caught her eye and she stifled a sob. Jonesy had made it- he’d found them.

“Jonesy, come here, boy,” she called, dropping to her knees on the wet grass and waving at him enthusiastically. His fur was matted and dark, wet with the dew riding the air, and he limped as though something hurt him, but he whined in the way she hadn’t known she missed as he made his way towards her. His head was down, nose to the ground, and weariness shone in every step. She called him, coaxing him, and called to Ryan to come out. He stood in the doorway, watching her and the dog, and even he was smiling. Jonesy had become a kind of mascot for them, and they’d missed him since he’d run off.

He was finally in the circle of light cast by the overhead moon when he lifted his head to Nadine and whined once more. She gasped, horrified at the sight before her. His one brown eye was a red ruin… the other milky and dead. She backpedaled, trying desperately for safety when he lunged, locking his jaws over her arm and biting down.