Survival Instinct (7 page)

Nadine expected him to go for his pistol at this time, and she prepared herself to kill him. She couldn’t risk her life or the life of her child. Her gaze cold, she strode forward now, all purpose and intent. But he made no move. If anything, he looked resigned to his fate, and that made her all the more cautious. But an errant thought halted her forward momentum, and she studied him coolly.

“How did you receive this vaccine? It’s been months now since the first batch of vaccines. And you’ve been bitten as well,” she said, eying him up and down.

Ryan looked up at her, keeping those shrewd green eyes locked on hers. “Would you sit and hear my story before you choose to kill me? I’ll kick the gun to you if you prefer,” he added as her eyes flicked to it, “but I’d really prefer you hear me out. If you think I deserve to die afterwards, I’ll even let you use my own weapon against me.”

She wondered if he was out of his freaking mind, but he seemed as though he actually meant that.
True to his word, he slowly extended his foot and flicked it sharply, sending his service weapon skittering across the floor to land at her feet. She reached down, keeping her eyes on his as she felt for the gun before picking it up. Nadine checked the safety, and once she was sure it was engaged, she tucked it behind her in the waistband of her maternity pants in the small of her back. Then she cautiously lowered herself to a seated position on an air mattress where he’d obviously been sleeping for God knows how long. “I’m listening,” she said shortly.

Ryan didn’t speak right away. He seemed to be gathering his thoughts, and she waited semi-patiently. After all, it had likely been some time since he’s spoken to anyone, judging by the raspy quality of his voice. Hers was hoarse as well from disuse, so she’d let him figure out how to tell his story, and watch him like the proverbial hawk to see if he was telling her the truth.

“My note was mostly true, the one you found,” he began, and then nodded at her when she pulled the notebook out of the bag she’d set to her left. Jonesy was curled up at her right, and he, too, watched Ryan intently. “Yes, the note you have there. I did go AWOL, I did go see my mother, and I returned to the chaos at base. That was all true. But what I didn’t mention for fear of no one coming was that I’d had my vaccine before sneaking off base that night.” At her frown, he raised one bushy eyebrow. “Yes, that’s exactly it. I knew this place was as safe as I could make it, and I wanted to make sure everyone had a chance to find it. Of course, you took the letter…” He allowed the sentence to drift off and smiled when she blushed.

Oh boy, she was in trouble here. He had dimples, deep ones, evidently, as they showed even when the corners of his mouth twitched. She was a sucker for dimples. Forcing her mind back to the present, she responded. “So, knowing you’d been vaccinated with the very thing that caused this epidemic, you invite everyone to join you in your fortress? How kind of you,” Nadine shot back. Sarcasm was her natural reaction to discomfort, and she slipped it in place like a well-loved robe. It felt wonderful to be sarcastic towards someone other than herself once more.

Ryan merely expanded that twitch to a full-wattage smile, and she inwardly cursed her pregnancy hormones. “It led you here, and I’m not into cannibalism.” She nodded as he continued. “Anyway, I felt sick, miserable, and like I had a cold after the vaccine, sort of how people complain about flu-like symptoms when they get vaccinated against influenza. I slept for a few hours and woke up feeling like myself, except for the reaction to the vaccination site,” he said, lifting his disfigured arm for emphasis. The skin around the puncture mark was blackened and peeling, about the size of a golf ball. But there were no signs of it spreading, or red lines running up and down the length of his arm, hinting at infection. “It’s looked like this since March 20, and there’s been no change.”

Nadine mulled that over. He didn’t seem ill. His eyes weren’t red-rimmed or runny, although fatigue was obvious and to be expected. His nose wasn’t red and puffy. He seemed like any healthy, tired man. “All right, so say I believe that. I suppose, come to that, I actually do, as the evidence pretty much speaks for itself.” She leaned forward for emphasis. “You still haven’t explained the bite mark
,” she accused.

Ryan rubbed absently at his wrist, not like it hurt, but more in a gesture of something rapidly becoming a habit. “I’d fled the base, obviously, once I saw how it was all playing out. I wasn’t about to stand around and become chow for those men and women I’d once served with. I survived so much- I wasn’t about to die like that.” He pushed his saggy hair back from his forehead. You could tell the curls had once been close-cut in the standard high-and-tight worn by military men, but months had gone by since his last haircut, and the first of the curls were rapidly closing in on his eyes. “I was careless on my way here. I saw some signs of life but didn’t want to risk having to explain the vaccination to a horde of angry, scared civilians. I ditched my motorcycle-
that’s what I’d been driving to make my way here, but it was too loud and I didn’t want to draw any added attention to my travels. But I overlooked a crawler.” At her puzzled expression, he clarified, “One of the undead with no legs that is. I literally tripped over her.” His eyes were haunted. “She couldn’t have been more than four,” he murmured, talking more to himself than Nadine at that point. “Before I processed what I was dealing with, she sank her teeth into me. I used my combat knife, not much different than yours come to think of it, and pried her jaw loose.”

He trailed off, and so Nadine prodded him. “So what did you do next?” She’d relaxed throughout his tale, and the hand not holding the gun stroked
Jonesy’s soft, matted fur. She thought absently that she wasn’t the only one in need of a bath and a hairbrush, but they would all need to wait before that happened.

When Ryan looked up at her, his green eyes swam, and the look in them was bleak. “I
jammed the knife up under her jaw into whatever primitive brain was left. Then I got to my feet and ran like Hell until I found a house to hide out in. I barricaded myself inside after I’d killed the things off that were still inside, and then I sat down and waited to die.” Those eyes pierced into hers, and she against felt that stir of heat in her belly. “And I’m still waiting, all these weeks later. Ready to kill me now?”

The basement might have been sweltering, but it was cozy and loaded down with supplies. There were military rations, foods that would keep for a very long time, as well as more than fifty gallons of bottled water. Ryan had a few water filtration systems for later when their supply ran short, as well as a few battery-powered lamps and some little lanterns. There was a miniscule window above, and he’d secured it with blackout curtains so no light would leak through, and then applied chicken wire over it. Once Nadine explained that she’d found the door due to the leak of light around the doorway he had immediately worked out a way to fix the problem. No one would find them unless they chose to be found, and for now that was the last thing either of them wanted.

“You’ve obviously put a lot of thought into this,” Nadine commented as she wandered the large room. She took in every detail, from the four large air mattresses, a hand pump to blow them up, a corner filled entirely with food and water, a giant container filled with clothes of all sizes, and even a large bathroom he’d rigged up. When the toilet was used, the user simply flushed then refilled the tank. They might eventually run out of water, but for now there was plenty, as well as what seemed like a lifetime supply of toilet paper. The sink was used for sponge baths, with a
stack of washcloths for cleaning up. The water was room temperature, which would be fine for all conditions. “What made you decide to go to all this effort?”

Ryan was still seated against the wall.
There was a box of popular fiction novels nearby as well as a selection of puzzle books for surviving those moments of overwhelming boredom. For now he seemed content to just spend time with another living person, and the piles were ignored. “Look, I’ve been in the military for some time now, and I was an Army brat. I know how they work, and it was only a matter of time before things went to Hell. So I started slipping away to this cabin on leave and preparing it.” He frowned, apparently worried about how that sounded. “I’m not one of those doomsday people, nor do I wander around with a bug-out bag, waiting for the end of the world. But I knew things would be bad someday, and just in case it was in my lifetime, I wanted to be prepared. Whenever my friends wanted to donate clothes, I stockpiled them. I added to the… selection in here a little at a time. I just wanted to know I would be safe if I needed to be.”

Nadine nodded thoughtfully. It made sense to her. She’d lived on base for years, and she
, too, knew how things went. She may not have been a soldier, but she’d been engaged to one and heard the best and worst about people, and the best and worst of the military itself. They played with toys they didn’t understand, like children fascinated by electrical outlets. An accident was as inevitable as it was tragic.

Ryan picked up a coin, dancing it across his knuckles with a dexterity that spoke of practice. “Tell me about yourself, Nadine.” At her frown, he shrugged before switching the coin to his left hand and starting the dance again. “
Look, who the Hell knows how long we’re going to be here? We need to do something or go insane. And I don’t like the idea of sharing space with someone who won’t talk to me. So I’d like to know about you. Why not start with something simple- how far along are you?”

To his shock and horror, Nadine started sobbing. He made a helpless gesture and moved as though to comfort her, but she waved him off. “It’s these damned hormones,” she said in a watery voice.
“I’m about 27 weeks along, and apparently all I’m good for at this point is shedding tears.” The disgust was thick in her voice as she raised the hem of her shirt to mop her face. She didn’t really want to talk about her life- after all, that was the past, and it would never be the same as it used to be. That part of her life was as over as the reign of dinosaurs, so what good did it do to dig it all up? But she knew his story now, and it was only fair to return the favor. She wouldn’t be comfortable being with someone mysterious, so she shouldn’t expect him to be fine with it, either. “I was only 19 when I met Graham,” she began. It wasn’t so difficult, really. Painful, but also cathartic. It was nice to be able to talk to someone who understood the way things used to be, and who understood loss. So she told him everything, and when the tears came next, they were healing, wiping away some of the sorrow from her soul.

Ryan said nothing in response to her story
, merely sat quiet as he played with the coin. Nadine supposed he was giving her time to deal with the emotional whirlwind she’d been through, and she appreciated that. When he handed her some tissues, she took them with a smile of gratitude and nothing more. No words were necessary now- they both had a lot to process.

Now that she’d vented, she really did feel better. Her mind felt clearer, and she was nearly overwhelmed with relief. It had been so long since she’d been able to really think. She’d been running, hiding, scavenging and killing for
almost 15 weeks now, and it was kind of scary to be able to stop and relax, to really sleep and sleep deeply without fear. 15 weeks since the military had destroyed everything and everyone she’d ever cared about… which reminded her…

“Why is the military after you?” Nadine asked bluntly. She folded her arms beneath her aching, swollen breasts- just one more annoying side effect of this pregnancy, she thought bitterly.

Ryan looked at her, shock writ large over his face. Either he truly was stunned by her question or the man should have a dusty shelf of Emmys upstairs. “What the Hell does that mean? As far as I know, no one is chasing me. I’ve been here for weeks now and no one has ever come after me… except you,” he said with a smirk.

Nadine shook her head. “The men who tore apart the upstairs of this place were in Class C uniforms, carrying military firepower and driving Humvees. You were a member of the military. So I ask you again, what do they want with you?”

He gestured helplessly at her, frustrated, tired, and sweaty. This was not at all what he’d imagined when he decided to let people know where to find him. “You worked on base and stole military files,” he reminded her with a triumphant expression on his glistening face. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe you’re the one they want?”

Ryan and Nadine settled down into a routine of sorts, albeit an uncomfortable one, at least for her. He seemed so easygoing that she couldn’t tell if their lifestyle irked him or not, and that made her pissy. Her hormones raged just beneath the surface these days, like a river teeming with fish- but the river was dark and nasty, and the fish were piranhas. She stayed as quiet as possible, not because she wanted to, but out of fear of what she’d say if she allowed herself to speak. He’d done nothing wrong- he’d been a perfect gentleman. No shadowed looks when he thought she wasn’t looking, no leering when she readjusted her aching breasts inside the maternity clothes she was sick to death of. He was a very kind man, and although that’s exactly what she wanted, exactly what she needed, it also pissed her off.

The hardest part of their new lives was the simplest- divvying up chores. She wanted to walk Jonesy, but it wasn’t
a good idea. She was now 32 weeks along, and she felt like she was losing what little sanity she had left. She was stir-crazy, suffocating with the cabin fever, and even though it wasn’t his fault, he made one Hell of a convenient target. So she was a good little housewife and did their laundry, washed their dishes, kept things clean. Ryan walked Jonesy since he could run like mad if he had to, and all she managed was an awkward waddle these days. It wasn’t his fault- there was no fault to be had- but he let her take it out on him, and that made the guilt worse.

“I can’t stand this shit anymore,” she yelled, fingers locked in her hair as she fought for control. Ryan was on his mattress doing a crossword puzzle while she stalked the floor like a caged predator seeking a way out. He rolled his eyes up to look at her and the barely controlled amusement on his face made her want to slug him. “I’m sick of all of it,” she continued, pacing back and forth from one end of the room to the other.

“What can’t you stand?” he asked, and even his tone annoyed her. It was the mildly curious tone one would use when asking about the weather, and she struggled not to scream. He scratched Jonesy’s fur absently and the dog rolled onto his back to give better access to his belly. She hated that even that made her jealous. Jonesy had been hers- she’d rescued him, fed him, and even loved him. Now she had to share, and she didn’t want to.

Nadine plopped down onto her
mattress, not exactly worn out, but tired of herself. If she could run away from anything or anyone, she’d be running for the hills to escape herself at this point. “I’m tired of being cooped up, I’m tired of being pregnant, and I’m sick to death of wondering when life will be normal again.” She rubbed one hand over her cheek, surprised to find there were tears now. She hadn’t even known she was crying.

Ryan gave her a sympathetic smile. “I can answer the last- never. Normal is done- it’s as done as it gets. This is the new normal, and what we all had we can never get back.” That made her cry harder, and he rose, cautiously moving to sit beside her. He put an arm around her, hesitantly, as though he expected her to reject him.

With a strangled sob, she threw herself into his arms, burrowing like a child. Ryan froze, unsure what to do. Nadine felt rejected, and pressed even harder. She touched her lips to his, locking her arms around his neck. She wanted comfort, the touch of another person, and the overwhelming proof of life that only sex could give her. A niggling guilt wormed its way into her head, and she pushed it away ruthlessly. She was using him, yes, but maybe they could use each other.

“Nadine,” he began, not pushing her away but not holding her, either. It only made her feel worse, and she was desperate.

“Ryan, please,” she said, running her hands along his upper body as though she was starved for the touch of another human. And she was- she needed the feel of skin against hers, she needed the touch of another. She needed to feel alive, and they could do that for each other, if only he would hold her. “Please, touch me, Ryan. Touch me.”

Without a groan, he gave in.
He wrapped himself around her like she was a lifeline, and maybe she was. He stripped off her shirt, peeling it off quickly before grabbing his and tugging it over his head. Then they sat there, gasping, sucking in air like two drowning victims afraid of going under once more.

Nadine suddenly realized she wore only the maternity pants pulled up over the large bulge of her stomach, and the plain white nursing bra that would be a staple of her wardrobe after the baby was born. Uncomfortable, she crossed her arms across her body, trying to huddle in on herself and cover as much as possible.

Ryan gently pulled her hands away, and then reached behind to unhook her bra. She blushed, but she kept eye contact with him. She wanted to see his face as he saw her nude for the first time. She needed to know that she didn’t disgust him. He slipped the bra off slowly, his eyes on hers until her upper body was as naked as his. Only then did he drink in the sight of her. And then he looked back at her and smiled a bright smile that was all male and full of naughty thoughts. “You’re beautiful,” he said, reaching out to stroke his fingers across her chest. “You’re beautiful, Nadine,” he said again. Then he laid her down upon the air mattress and proceeded to prove it to her.