Survival Instinct (3 page)

Nadine stayed in the sporting goods store for three days.
Although she wanted nothing more than to press on, she had valid reasons for staying put that couldn’t be set aside. For starters, it was a typical spring, and the sky had poured buckets, flooding the parking lots, making the grass soggy and treacherous. She risked injury trying to travel in those conditions, and even if she escaped any harm she’d risk serious illness. Now was the worst possible time to get sick- she couldn’t just curl up in bed and sleep it off, or schedule a doctor’s appointment. Any unnecessary risk was to be avoided at all costs.

Also, she wanted a firm plan in place, not just this hectic scramble from one building to another. Right now she was just blindly moving along, trying to get… where? What was the point? Until she knew what she was looking for, she was better off staying in a spot she knew was safe rather than rushing along with no destination.
She’d already added a stack of printer paper and a selection of pens to the rapidly growing pile next to her little nest, and she’d been busily making notes, trying to reason out what she was looking for, how to find it, and how to make it to wherever it was she chose to go safely. Obviously the military was out- they’d been the first to turn, so there was no safety to be found for her there. Maybe the CDC? Surely the Center for Disease Control was still in operation, right?

Her final reason for staying put was the most important in her mind. She was exhausted- not just of body but of mind. Her life since the plague, or whatever else it should be called,
had been a nonstop trek of horrors, and she needed some time to decompress. It all felt pointless- the life she’d treasured was nothing but a memory, and her new life was one of terror and a constant, aching watchfulness. She’d make a mistake soon if she didn’t take some time to get her shit together.

It made her so damned angry. A cold- a vaccine against a cold. It was the stupidest thing she’d ever heard of. Since the vaccine had passed it’s extremely rushed animal trials, they’d foisted it off on every US military base for everyone stationed there as well as all employees. So what had saved her? An egg allergy- how insane. If it wasn’t for the fact that, like the vaccines for influenza, it contained
trace amounts of egg protein she’d have taken the cold vaccine herself. It was ironic that an allergy Nadine had spent her life bitching and moaning about would save her life.

Listlessly, she pulled her stack of paper closer and started making notes.
She started with what she knew, which sadly wasn’t much. With the stack of charts by her side, she started flipping through them, jotting down any common denominators. It all came back to the vaccine- that was the only thread that tied it all together. She had known that already, but it was good to see it in black and white. Now if only she knew what use that information could be.

Next she flipped to a clean sheet and started making a list of supplies. Some things were obvious- she’d need food and water, and preferably extra clothes and
maybe a sleeping bag. But she was pregnant, and that meant there were other things she’d need. Maternity clothes were preferable, but she’d settle for sweats if that was all that she could find. After all, this was about survival, not about looking sexy. Who cared what she looked like if she didn’t have Graham to share this journey with? She stifled a sob and forced herself to concentrate. Prenatal vitamins went on her list, and so did sanitary napkins- it was a fact of life that couldn’t be ignored. If she didn’t need them during the pregnancy, she’d certainly require them after.

Speaking of after... she hastily grabbed another sheet of paper and tried to figure out what she’d need, and could realistically carry, for her baby.
Pacifiers were something she’d hoped to avoid- she wanted to breastfeed, and she’d read about nipple confusion, but she had a feeling they’d be a necessity. A screaming baby could only be a recipe for disaster. Nadine refused to think about it, jotting ‘pacifiers’ on her list and moving on. She wouldn’t need formula, and she was thankful. That would become a thing of the past, wouldn’t it? Breastfeeding would be the only way to provide nourishment for babies until someone figured out how to make formula again- and she doubted that would be during her lifespan. Shaking her head, she decided she wanted a couple of different carriers for her baby- one of those deals that went over both shoulders, and a simple sling. At least those could be picked up later on- she wouldn’t need any of these items right away, and that would make her journey a safer one. Maybe she’d even find somewhere safe to call home before she needed to start collecting baby items.

That ma
de Nadine pause. Was that really what her ultimate goal was- a community to become part of? It made sense, she knew, to seek safety in numbers, but she’d been a loner. Yes, she’d lived on base, but she wasn’t really one of them. She was an employee, not a dependent. She was engaged to Graham, but she wasn’t a military wife. She’d never fit in there, but she’d never tried to, either. Once people found out what she did for a living they often became uncomfortable near her. She laughed now- she’d spent her adult life working with the dead- now she would spend the next- God knows how long- trying to avoid them. The irony was thick enough to choke on.

The rain had let up the day before, and all she really knew was that it was time to move on, even if she wasn’t quite sure where she was going. She’d keep heading southwest, away from the city and the coastline, moving diagonally inland and see where she ended up. Wherever she went, it would have to be better than being here, surrounded by memories of what used to be.

It had been a week since Nadine moved on. She had stopped reading the road signs along the way- they didn’t matter. She had no destination and no place to be. All she cared about was feeling like she’d done something. She’d killed with the cold precision of the military she’d never been a part of and her days were a haze of blood, guts, brains and other things she just didn’t have the heart left to care about. They’d been people once, all those creatures she’d killed, and so she let herself keep that eerie distance. It kept the nausea at bay, and enabled her to ignore the little aches and pains of her travels. Her back throbbed at night when she finally bedded down wherever she happened to be when the night claimed the day. Her knees and ankles were a dull agony that was easier to disregard than the jelly-like consistency of her arm muscles.

Still, there was a stubborn streak a mile wide to her personality, and she forced herself to press onward no matter how weary she was. She wasn’t one of those dried-up, defenseless women she’d often read about or seen on screen. She could defend herself, and did so with vigor. She didn’t need a man to help her out. She wouldn’t faint at the sight of blood- hers or the enemy’s. She bled- various scrapes covered her body where she’d fallen, tripped, or just didn’t duck far enough in her travels. It didn’t matter- she was alive, and not a single mark on her was from the dead. It was a matter of pride for her that they’d not laid a hand on her since her journey started a month ago.

A month- the thought brought her back from the brink of sleep where she’d been hovering a moment before. She was camped in a first-floor apartment, grateful beyond belief that there was a clean bed to sleep in. Most of the people she’d come across in her travels had bought it in bed, and she’d been forced to find alternate sleeping arrangements. But not tonight- tonight she could relax in a bed and let her body enjoy the comfort of a top-of-the-line mattress. Even though her eyes protested, she forced them to open and sat up so she could ponder her situation.

She’d left the base on March 21, and it startled her to realize that spring was well underway. Where had April gone? How the Hell was it approaching May already? She was 16 weeks pregnant now, nearly halfway through the usual term. She knew from her research that a typical pregnancy was 40 weeks, but a lot of first-time mommies delivered a week or more late. Somehow she didn’t consider this a typical pregnancy- surely the stress would reduce the length of her pregnancy. For all she knew, she was already halfway through. 32 weeks was early, but no unheard of. Could they survive? She pushed the thought away, unconsciously using her hands as though she could physically move the question out of her mind.

Speaking of the pregnancy, she hadn’t taken a vitamin today, and she dug grimly through her bag for one of the five bottles she’d managed to remove from the pharmacy before being
attacked. There were 90 pills in each bottle, which would take her through her delivery and well into the first year of her baby’s life. She’d need them- she’d read up on pregnancy and learned the importance of proper nutrition before the world had gone to Hell. Since a healthy diet was out of the equation for the time being, she had to rely on the giant pink pills that made her gag and left her nauseous for the following hour. She’d originally taken them before setting off for the day but discovered that triggered her gag reflex and left her struggling for most of the morning. Taking it at bedtime was definitely better.

Nadine allowed herself to fall back to the pharmacy in her mind. It was just after she left the sporting goods store. She hadn’t gone more than a mile through town be
fore coming to the large store. This wasn’t one of those tiny town pharmacies where the druggist knew each customer by name, but one of the large ones where she imagined teenage boys went for their condoms so word didn’t reach the parents, or where scared women bought their pregnancy tests. The thought made her chuckle even as she pulled the door open and cautiously crept inside. This store hadn’t fared as well as some of the others- the power was off, leaving shadows throughout the depths of the aisles the farther she walked from the entrance. Reminding herself that she could do this, she crouched, wincing at the gunshot-pop of her knees cracking in the silence. She had a mental list, and a physical one in one of her packs if she needed it. She’d carried two packs out of the store, and she carefully slipped them off her shoulders to enable her to move quickly if need be. They weighed twenty pounds apiece, easily, with all that bottled water, but she refused to take a smaller load. She had spent three weeks starving, dehydrated, and God knows how close she’d been to death. She couldn’t let it happen again- she’d keep her packs full if she could, refilling anytime she came across something useful.

She had a third pack that she brought along, deliberately empty. She wanted supplies to get through this- she couldn’t rely on good luck to help her survive.
Nadine read the aisle signs, deciding to save first aid supplies for last. She wanted some antibiotics and maybe even some low-dose painkillers to bring along. They wouldn’t be good for the baby, but she might not be alone forever. The thought of meeting up with another survivor pleased her- she blamed that for her slow reflexes. A smile warmed her face as she said hello to the man raiding the druggist’s shelves behind the counter. The smile died as he spun and pointed the gun barrel with deadly accuracy into her shocked face.

Nadine pulled the pillow over her head, muffling her sobs so as not to draw any undue attention her way. She’d had as much interaction as she could stomach for one day. Reaching for the nightstand, she grasped for her bottle of water, fingers brushing the hilt of her knife, still sticky with blood. That was all it took- she rushed to the bathroom and was violently ill. The cheese dip, burning on its way back up, was a stark reminder that she needed to find something healthier to eat. She debated on another prenatal vitamin as she’d sicked up the one she managed to take, but decided maybe some had gotten into her system after all. She didn’t want to risk a second today. Wiping her mouth with the back of one trembling hand, she looked into the mirror and winced back from the reflection. Once upon a time, she thought cynically, a strong, confident woman fell apart like a giddy teenager at a horror movie. It was time to grow the fuck up, she ordered herself, staring into her haunted eyes, trying to see past the deep circles beneath them into the strong woman trapped inside this shaking mess.

She forced herself to remember it all- it was a matter of pride now, demanding she be strong enough to handle what she’d lived through.
She remembered the man’s gravelly voice as he ordered her to join him behind the counter and lie down. She couldn’t protest- what use was there in arguing with a man with a gun? Slowly she’d done as he commanded even as her mind struggled for a way out of the situation she found herself in. Her opening came as he was greedily unbuttoning her shirt. It was the last mistake he ever made- had he just ripped it open and fallen on her like a beast, or patted her down first, he might still be alive, and she’d be dead or a captive. Instead, he leaned over as though to plant a sensual kiss on her lips, allowing her time to grasp the knife hidden in her right boot. She took a deep breath and raised her hand, jamming the blade hilt-deep into the center of his throat. Gagging, she rolled away and threw up, crying as he died.

Pulling back to the present, she told herself to be grateful- there could have been a group of survivors like him in there, or he could have simply put a bullet in her. She should be glad he’d been considering rape- it was a death sentence for him, and she had walked free with the prenatal vitamins, pain pills, four different antibiotics, and a
plethora of first aid supplies. The store next to the pharmacy happened to be a women’s clothing boutique. The blood-soaked clothing she’d peeled off was lying on the floor of the dressing room, and the only reminder of him was the knife she’d yet to rinse clean.

It was nasty work, but it had to be done. There was no hot water- as
there was no power to the building she imagined that lack must have rendered the hot water heater useless. Nearly a full bottle of soap later found the blade spotless and her hands white and wrinkled from so long under the shockingly cold water. Grabbing a towel that the former occupant of the apartment had once hung carefully over the bar bolted to the wall, she dried the knife carefully so the blade wouldn’t be as worthless as all the electronics left behind.

With that task finished, Nadine ruffled through the closet in the master bedroom, looking for clothes that might fit her. A woman had lived here, and most of the items on the hanging rod were bright, colorful, and completely useless. She’d be highly visible in the electric blue scoop-neck tee shirt that caught her eye, or the yellow tank top with big, bold flowers of various neon shades. Regretfully, she ignored the bounty before her, merely choosing a nightgown to sleep comfortably in, her clothes placed carefully on the empty pillow beside her so she could snatch them up easily enough if need be. Slipping the simple cotton gown over her head, she climbed back into the bed and prepared herself to fall asleep.

Cursing under her breath, she gave it up as pointless. Now that she’d allowed herself that moment of weakness, she couldn’t shake the vision from her mind. She should be dead. If any one thing had changed, she’d be dead by now, more than likely. She’d considered so many dangers- fellow survivors hadn’t been one of them. She’d lived in a world of relative peace before everything changed last month. The military base was a structured environment. Women weren’t attacked there. She could come and go, and had, at all hours of the day or night with no fear for her safety. She’d thought herself strong and prepared, and she’d naively let herself believe it was so. She’d learned a hard lesson that day, but it was one she wouldn’t forget.

That wasn’t to say all men were a danger- there had to be some decent males who survived- logic said so. But being on her own in this new, dangerous world meant she needed to be wary of men who hadn’t touched a woman in God only knows how long. She couldn’t just blindly stumble along any longer, hoping for the best.

A crushing loneliness took over, and she wept bitterly. She hadn’t thought she’d ever feel worse about going through all of these things on her own, but she’d been so very wrong. Nadine closed her burning eyes and prayed to meet up with someone, anyone, she could trust. She prayed until weariness overwhelmed her doubts and insecurities, and finally she fell into a troubled sleep.