Surviving the Pain (A Baby Saved Me Series Book 1) (8 page)

The front of the card just held her captive. A daisy. A white daisy. Her favorite flower in the world. He remembered. The card looked to be custom designed for her. Swallowing hard, she opened the card and read the inside.

Ems,

I know you told me to leave you alone, but I can’t. I can’t forget about you. You’re on my mind every second that I’m awake, and when I sleep, you’re in my dreams. Yes, I know I screwed up big time. To be honest, I’d hoped I could come back and make up for what I messed up. However, after I saw you, I realized that it may be too late for that. Again, I’d still love the chance to explain why. Yes, I could write it all out now, but it’s not how it needs to be said. You deserve that conversation face to face.

Ems, I love you. I’ve never stopped. The day we last saw each other was the worst day of my life. It was the day my life ended. It was… Again something that needs to be explained in person. What I can say in this is that I love you, so very much. I always will no matter what you choose to do. It doesn’t even matter to me if you’ve moved on. I’ll love you always.

I wish I could be there to celebrate your birthday with you, but again another thing that I don’t deserve right now and maybe never will. Happy Birthday, Ems. I hope that it’s everything you dreamed it would be and more.

Love,

Carefully, she put everything else back in the box and shoved the whole box under her bed. Turning her light off, she climbed into bed and cried herself to sleep as she clung to his card. Maybe Jada was right. Maybe she needed the answers to move forward with her life. That was what continued to run through her mind as she finally fell asleep.

Two weeks later…

“Mommy.” Ember barely registered the sound of her son’s voice in her half-asleep, half-awake state her mind was in. “Mommy!” Hudson said louder.

Jerking up on the bed, she looked at her laughing son. “What time is it?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “I no not know dat, Mommy.”

She quickly corrected her son on how to say ‘I don’t know that’ properly. She stretched for a moment. Blinking her eyes rapidly, she looked at the alarm clock next to her bed. “Oh! Booga, it’s only five in the morning.”

He shrugged. “My door open.”

A chill ran down her spine. “Get up in Mommy’s bed, sweetie.”

Her son looked at her quizzically but still scurried up into her bed. Giggling softly, he cuddled under the blankets. But just as quickly as he climbed up in her bed, he jumped down screaming ‘Potty!’ and ran to the bathroom before she could stop him. A loud scream filled the apartment, and her son hurried back into the room at the same time that she heard a loud crash in the other room.

“Mommy!” Hudson cried in her arms as she shut the door and locked it. It wouldn’t save them. These were flimsy ass doors and could not stand up to anything, but hopefully, it bought her some time.

“Come on,” Ember whispered as she walked him over to the stand next to her bed, grabbed her phone and then took both of them in the closet. “You have to be really quiet, okay? Can you be a big boy and keep quiet for me?”

All he did was nod his head and curled around his knees in the far back of Ember’s closet. Turning her phone on, she dialed her father’s number. The phone went immediately to voicemail, and she cursed under her breath. After trying her mom and Grey, she finally got a hold of Holden.

“I’m a bit busy at the moment.” He answered instead of saying hello.

“Please help us, Holden.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, but she knew he heard the fear in her voice.

“What’s wrong?” The moaning in the background stopped, and a whine filled the silence.

Ember cringed at what she just interrupted. “S-s-someone’s in the apartment.” She could hear whoever’s steps thud down the hall. “Hurry please!” Then she disconnected the call. Turning to Hudson, she lifted his chin so he could see her face. “Listen to me. If they find us, I want you to stay hidden. Then when I say ‘get out’ I want you to run for the door and make sure that Uncle Den gets here okay?”

Tears streamed down his little face as he nodded his head yes. Ember pressed a long kiss to his forehead. Resting her head on his, she told him one more thing.

“No matter what you hear as you’re running… You keep running, okay?”

“Mommy,” he croaked.

“Everything will be okay. Just promise me you’ll do that, all right?”

Her son’s little head bobbed up and down as he took a halted breath. Ember scooted them further back in the closet and covered her precious little boy with blankets. That’s when she bumped the box that had once been under her bed, until a few days ago. She never did finish looking at it. It was trading pain for fear, but it was a trade Ember wanted to exchange at that moment. Opening the letter, she was shocked when money fell from inside the folded piece of paper,
a lot
of money. Stuffing that back in the envelope, she hid it in her closet and turned her attention back to the letter.

Ems my love,

I’ve sat here and stared at those three words for what feels like hours. I’ve already boxed up your gifts and your card. If I know you, and I’d like to think I still do, you opened the card first and this letter second. You never were a material kind of person. You’d much prefer the person’s thoughts, feelings, or actions over that of a monetary gift. Only I can’t do any of those things because I’ve let you down. I left and never looked back, or at least that’s what you thought. The thing is, I did look back and have since the day you found me. The time I had with you, it was my only happiness. It was more than that, though. You are my only peace. When things got worse, your memories were the reason I was able to smile, to keep moving, to survive.

I know I keep saying this, but I need to explain this all to you. I’m going to be away for a little while, and I’ll explain that then (whenever you allow me to talk to you, and I’ll wait forever if I need to) too, but please should our paths cross again… I hope you’ll let me explain things, if for nothing else but for you to have answers to all the questions that I know have been spinning in your beautiful mind. I won’t lie, I hope to get a chance to rekindle things with us, but I also understand that the bridge may have already been burnt for that.

Take care of yourself. Enjoy your life. Love ‘til your heart’s content. Laugh often. Forgive freely. And remember that no matter where our paths take us, my love will forever be yours to carry you through any tough times you may have.

With all my love,

Looking at the jewelry boxes, she knew at that moment that she needed to hear him out. Nothing about her heart would be involved, though. She’d make sure that was locked up tight. No, this was for answers. Answers she definitely needed to have so she could finally move on with her life. The hurt – and still pissed – part of her wanted to not believe a single word he wrote. Then there was the other part of her – the part that still loved him – that knew he loved her. Even that side, however, questioned if it was enough to move past the pain and years he’s missed.

Just then another loud crash filled the silence followed quickly by a lot of thumping. Hudson whimpered beside her, and she knew she needed to fight back. The problem was that Ember had no clue who or how many were out there. Hiding in this closet seemed to be the smart thing.

“Hudson,” Ember whispered.

She could see the pile she had on him shift in the darkness of the closet. “What,” came Hudson’s scared little voice.

“Do you think those dinosaurs know we’re here?”

“Dinos? Huh?”

“Well,” she worked to laugh past the panic. “We are being attacked by dinosaurs, aren’t we?”

A huge grin – that Ember could see even in the darkness of their close quarters – spread across his face. Right there, in that single smile, she knew pretending they weren’t in any real danger was the right call. There were a lot of things that Ember wasn’t sure she was doing right when it came to raising her son alone. This wasn’t one of them.

“Uh huh! Shhh!” He put his tiny little finger to his small mouth. “Day hear you,” he whispered loudly.

For an unknown amount of time, they pretended they were climbing mountains and swinging through trees. He was laughing, and Ember held her breath every time praying they didn’t hear. She heard a knock on the bedroom door. Turning back to Hudson – whose smile just fell – she forced a smile and continued their charade.

“You hide in the bushes over there. I’m going to go see if the dinosaurs can see us.”

His smile wasn’t so bright this time. Still, he climbed back under all the things she’d previously covered him in just as she’d asked. Quietly, she opened the closet door and crawled quietly out of it. Another knock. The absurdity of why they’d be knocking on her door hit her like a ton of bricks. She stood from the floor and walked to the door. Another knock sounded on the door. This time, it was followed by a voice.

“Ember? Are you in there?”

Holden!

Quickly, she unlocked the door and flung it open. The minute she saw his face her body started to shake. Holden immediately held her tightly. He joked about having to stop using him as a tissue but never loosened his hold. The soft whimper from the closet reminded her that she needed to keep it together. Wiping away the tears, Ember looked up at Holden.

“D-d-did you get whoever was out there?”

His face dropped as he shook his head. “The place is destroyed, though. You guys need to get out of here.”

“No, I’m not leaving. But if you don’t mind, will you stay here until I can get Hudson to my mom’s. He doesn’t need to see this. I’ll get it all cleaned up after I buy a new door and locks on my way back.”

“Emmy…”

“Don’t,” she snapped. “This is
my
home, and I’ll be damned if I lose it because some punks want a quick buck.”

His eyes widen in shock. The truth be told Ember didn’t really want to stay here for another minute, but at the same time, she didn’t want to fail either. She wouldn’t move back home. Turning around, Ember headed to the closet. After several minutes of convincing him that the dinosaurs left, she gathered her keys, put a coat over his head so he didn’t have to see any of the mess that she knew would be there and carried him out to her car.

One month later…

It took a long time for Hudson to be able to sleep at night after the break in. Even now he’ll come into her room to sleep in her bed. It didn’t bother her, though. Hudson was a heat box, and it helped lull her to sleep at night. Today, Ember was going to take Hudson to the park. The gang said they’d meet them there. It should be a lot of fun for Hudson. His favorite thing is the jungle gym. It, of course, was where she had the most heart attacks.

“Park!” Hudson cheered as they pulled up in front of a city park. “Oooo, dair Jaja Mommy!”

“Yes,” Ember chuckled. “Everyone came today to play with you.”

“Yay! Yay! Yay!” he cheered loudly.

The minute he’s set free from the car, he’s off like a light toward Jada. Ember laughed as she watched Jada hurry to catch him when he launched himself at her the minute he was close enough. Her son definitely did not lack for love that was for sure. He had three incredible aunts, three protective uncles, and grandparents that thought he hung the moon. What child could possibly want more than that?

He needed a father, his father
, the thought popped into Ember’s head before she could stop it.

Just then Grey yelled out Hudson’s name. She watched as her son froze and looked in the direction his name came from. A smile so big and so blinding spread across his face before he ran full pelt into Grey’s outstretched arms. Grey stood up, hugging him tightly and spun around. His laughter was joined quickly by Hudson’s. The whole thing just broke Ember’s heart.

Turning away from the sight before her, she found the bench near the jungle gym and sat the bag down and pulled out a water bottle before sitting down. Everyone strolled over hugging Ember hello. Hudson squirmed out of Grey’s arms and ran over for a drink. Grey moved over next to me, hugging me tightly. It was quiet, and she almost missed the words that he whispered in her hair.