Surviving the Pain (A Baby Saved Me Series Book 1) (3 page)

It never got any easier leaving him behind, even though she knew he was in excellent hands. They weren’t her hands, and that was where he belonged. With her always. Before she realized it, she was pulling into
Cumin Diner
. The name always made her crack a smile. It’s their play on ‘Come in’ and it brought many people in too. At first, people in town thought this was some kind of kinky sex place. Needless to say, their food won the town over. Now, it’s the busiest place around.

It made tips bigger, and she was able to pay her bills, that was all Ember cared about at this point. Supplying for her child was number one on her list of things that came first. Anything that involved her son was always top order on that list. Reaching into the seat next to her, she grabbed her bag and headed inside.

The noise was her first indication of how busy it was going to be tonight. Though she thrived on the place being busy – it made it harder for her to count down the hours until she was back with her baby boy – they played hell on her back and feet. Winding between people and other staff, she headed back to the office. Knocking on the door frame, the owner – Kenny Thomas – lifted his head from the paperwork he was doing.

“Hey, Em. You’ll have section seven tonight. It’s super busy, and I need my best waitress on the busiest section.”

“Okay. Can I store my laptop in here? I brought it so I could do my homework on breaks.”

“Oh, sure. Yeah, just put it in the closet over there,” he pointed with his pen diagonal from him at the closet.

“Thank you, Sir.”

Quickly stowing away her bag, Ember grabbed her apron and headed out to the floor after clocking in. Just as she thought, it was super busy tonight. So busy, in fact, that she didn’t get her breaks, and her lunch was cut short. She didn’t complain either. It was money, but it also drained her by the end of the night. Once she gathered her tip money, her bag, and clocked out, she headed to her car and ready to see her son and hopefully rest. Ember’s homework still needed to be done, but she was off tomorrow. Hopefully, she could have it all caught up then.

When Ember arrived at her parents’ house, they made her stay and eat. After a several minute debate on her staying at the house or at least leaving Hudson, she ran off with the promise to come by tomorrow for Everett to have more time with his grandson. Honestly, it still shocked Ember on how supportive her parents have been through it all. They could have turned their backs on her. They could have yelled at her, kicked her out, but they didn’t. Instead, they helped her and continue to do so. Ember, honestly, didn’t know where she’d be without their help, love and support.

Hudson cooed away in the backseat on the way home. His little noises – just him – filled Ember with so much love and happiness, she could almost forget the pain in which his arrival was possible. Almost. Sage was never far from her mind. How could he be, she stupidly still loved him. That day, that last day that she saw him, his eyes had tried telling her something. Ember has spent many nights trying to figure out what that was, but still she couldn’t. No matter, something was still off that night. Ember was probably reaching for something that wasn’t there, but it helped her through the days either way. Believing in a lie made the heartache a little easier to handle.

Pulling into her designated parking space, she turned off her car. Sitting there a moment, she stared at the run down building. Life may not be what Ember had hoped it would be only a short time ago, but it was still filled with so much promise. Hudson has changed her pain to lessons and her loneliness to love. No matter where the future took them, as long as she had Hudson, it was in her plan. Her new plan. Her plan to move past Sage’s shadow and live for the little boy in the backseat. Collecting all Hudson’s things and hers, and then lifting her son into her arms, she headed inside.

Hudson continued to coo away and move his arms around rapidly. It brought a smile to Ember’s face. Dipping her head, she kissed him tenderly on his forehead.

“We’ve been through the wringer, you and I. But no matter the pain, no matter the tears, you make every moment worth it. You and me against the world.” She caught his hand and brought it to her lips, kissing softly. “I can’t regret anything in my life because it brought me you. Mommy may be sad for losing your daddy, but I’m the happiest I’ll ever be because of you. I’ll do my very best to never let you down.”

“I
understand what you’re saying,” Ember urged, trying her best not to cry. “I just don’t want to hear anything on the matter. I need to move past it all.”

Ember’s father – though his heart was in the right place – just informed her that he’s been tailing Sage. Now, he wanted to tear down the walls she’d worked hard to construct over the year he’s been absent. If she was to continue with her promise to not only herself but her son too, then he needed to stop. Sage was not here, and he never would be. He didn’t want Ember, only sex. That was what he’d said to her so callously a year ago. Ember could still remember that day like it happened yesterday. No, it was bad enough she still dreamed about him and that moment, she didn’t need this too.

“Emmy, I know he hurt you, but I really think he may be in some serious trouble.”

Sighing heavily, she looked at her father’s concerned face. He always did love Sage, figured he was the best thing to happen to her. Maybe he’s having a hard time letting go too. Maybe he’s having a hard time accepting the fact that he made a mistake – just as Ember had – and it cost his only child their heart and many tears.

“Daddy, I love you. I really do, but I can’t keep holding on to hope. Do you know how many times over the past year I have gone over that day and tried to see something that was missing – something that was never really there? I screwed up and loved the wrong man, but I won’t let that mistake ruin my life or bring my son down. He’ll know who his father is. I’ll tell him all the good times… but that’s it. I need to let go and so do you.”

Reaching over, Everett took his daughter’s hand in his. “I know this is painful for you to talk about, but I thought you might like to know that his words may not have been the truth. If he’s in trouble, he could have been saving you.”

Shaking her head, she clenched her eyes shut tightly. “No,” she whispered. “I can’t give him credit where he failed.” Ember opened her eyes and looked at her father. “I love him, Daddy. I always will, I think. No one will measure up to him, but he knew we’d help him if he were in trouble. He knew he wasn’t alone. You can’t make any more excuses for him and neither can I. We need to focus on Hudson. We need to make sure he’s loved enough that his missing father won’t bother him so much. Your grandchild should be your focus, not on the man that doesn’t even know he’s a father because he tossed the mother aside like yesterday’s garbage.”

“Honey…”

Ember cut off her father’s sentence. “I know you care about him. I think you viewed him as the son you never had. If you want to keep following him, by all means do it. Please, please, don’t involve me in on it. My heart can’t take it anymore.”

Her father sat back in his chair for a moment, chewing on his upper lip. This was a classic sign that he was thinking. It wasn’t so much the lip he was chewing on, but the mustache that covered it. There was more he wanted to say, more that he wasn’t sure Ember wanted to know. Looking at the struggle on his face, Ember broke. She sighed heavily.

“Tell me, daddy. Tell me whatever else it is that you’ve found out. Then once you’ve said your peace we need to drop it. Okay?”

His head dropped to his chest, and he took a long deep breath. “Maybe we can save it for another time?” He asked lifting his head and his eyes hopeful.

“Fine, Daddy, but when you do tell me that’s it. Okay? Promise me.”

He nodded his head sadly. “I promise.”

They stared at each other for a moment before Ember’s mom’s voice broke into their private conversation. Her mom strolled in carrying a fussy Hudson in her arms.

“I think someone wants their mommy,” she smiled sweetly at her.

Taking her son from her mother, she kissed him on each cheek. Smiling down at him, Ember talked softly and soothingly to the miracle that she brought into the world. A miracle she’d worried might have been lost to her just as his father was. A miracle that looks so much like the pain of her past.

A sigh filled the quietness that settled around her and her son. She looked up and saw her mother with tears in her eyes. A small smile played on her lips.

“What?”

“You are such an excellent mother. I’m so proud of the woman you’ve become, Emmy. So proud of you. You’ve fought a long and hard battle over the past year, and you don’t complain or try to take the easy way out. You just keep pushing. I’ve never been more proud of you.”

Tears filled Ember’s eyes as she looked back and forth between her parents. She wasn’t being stubborn just so she could get some praise from her parents about how strong she was. What would her parents think of her if they found out that in her heart of hearts, she still wanted to curl in a hole and die sometimes. That her heart was still with Sage, and it still hoped he’d come back around. How pathetic was she to hang on to a man that didn’t want her? To hold on to a man that made it very clear, she meant nothing to him? Epically pathetic, that’s what she was, but there was nothing she could do about it. Sadly, nothing she wanted to do about it either. Life was better this way. Safer. Hudson was safer this way. Everything was about him. No one else mattered. Not her broken heart, her stressed mind, her troubled soul, none of that mattered. Just Hudson and it would forever be that way.

Hudson’s first birthday…

Smiling, Ember looked around her little apartment. Today Hudson turned a year old. Tomorrow, tomorrow Sage, the man Ember couldn’t seem to forget, turned twenty. Honestly, she had thought that he’d be back already. Thought maybe that he’d wake up and realize what he pushed away, but that’s never happened. Today was not meant for that. Today was all about her living miracle. Ember also had a surprise for her parents.

Since leaving school after getting pregnant, Ember’s circle of friends has shrunk to just a select few from work and her parents. It didn’t bother her. She only wanted Hudson surrounded by people he could count on. In the beginning, Ember had contemplated telling Sage’s parents about their grandchild, but she quickly changed her mind. Donna and Collin Jacobs were not good parents to Sage to begin with. It was probably why he left to make a name for himself to begin with. When that reasoning hit her, she harbored anger for them. Ember blamed them for all the pain she’s suffered and was still suffering.

Two years. Two years of heartache and suffering. All of which could have been stopped long before it happened if they were better parents. Better anything. They barely even spoke to their son. As if they weren’t low enough on her Richter scale, they came to see Ember when they realized that he had left. One week after Sage was gone. It took them a whole damn week to realize their own son was gone. The vile that poured from them that day made Ember realize why he had left. She understood why but still hated that he was gone.

Loud pounding sounded throughout the house. It was borderline on breaking their front door. Huffing, Ember set the towel she was folding aside and made her way to the front of the house. As she entered the living room, she could hear screaming, but couldn’t make out the words clearly. Peeking through the peephole, she hesitated on opening it. Sighing, she pulled the door opened and prayed for mercy. Ember didn’t think that Sage thought this through when he decided to leave. He left Ember with his baggage here. Mercer Falls was a suburb of Henderson. It wasn’t tiny, but it wasn’t big either. It was just small enough that everyone could know your business by the end of the week. Thankfully it was big enough that not everyone knew every single person in the town.

“Mr. and Mrs. Jacobs, what ca…”

Ember didn’t figure she’d get a full sentence out before they started in, but she tried anyway. Manners were something that her parents had drilled into her at a young age. Just because they lacked the manners and social etiquette, didn’t mean she did.

“Where the hell is he?” Donna Jacobs hissed in her face.

“I don’t know,” Ember answered honestly.

“Don’t play us like fools you little shit! Where is my son?”

“I don’t know,” she stated again, and she really didn’t. Maybe this was why he never told her. He might just have known this would happen.

“Look you, little tramp, you’ll tell me where he is, or I’ll figure out ways to make him come back,” Collin hissed darkly as he leaned into her getting right in her face.

“I think it’s time for you to leave before I call the police.” Everett’s voice boomed through the small entryway.

The nervousness Ember had been feeling vanished with her father’s presence. She looked over her shoulder and thanked him with her eyes. Mr. Jacobs was not giving up so quickly though. He stepped closer to Ember and held her chin in his grubby hand.

“This isn’t over. That little bastard will pay for this, just remember that. You’ve not seen the last of us.”

It had actually been the last Ember had seen of them. She wasn’t exactly sure what her parents had done, but she remembered the anger in her father’s eyes as he held her. They were just foul creatures. For the longest time, Ember was scared that they’d find out about Hudson, but her father promised he’d take care of it, and he did. There would always be that niggling fear in the back of her mind, but she didn’t have to let it take control of their life. If it weren’t for her parents, she’d have left this town behind a long time ago.

Shaking from her trip down memory lane, Ember made sure everything was in order for the party. Kimberley and Everett would be here soon. Over the past couple years, Ember’s parents have gone above and beyond for her. She could never thank God enough for the parents she was given. If they hadn’t accepted her pregnancy and the fact that she was not giving it up, she’d probably be a hell of a lot worse off than she was at the moment.

Her friends Holden, Aspen, Jada, Grey, Bexley, and Isa would be along closer to the start time. Ember had asked her parents to come early under the disguise of needing help setting up. Jada, Bexley, and Isa wanted to do a girls night after the party, but Ember just wasn’t sure she was ready for that. No doubt that they would not be giving up until she caved. Ember had not been just her since Hudson was born. She didn’t regret it, but sometimes she missed what it was like to be carefree. To forget what was needed at the end of the day and just be her. Maybe she could for just one night. Maybe she could be a teenager and have just one night to relax.
Damn, their speeches are really starting to wear on me,
she thought to herself.

Knocking on her apartment door brought Ember out of her head and into the present. Quickly, she hurried from the living room, through the kitchen to answer the door. Opening it, she smiled at her mother and father.

“Hey, thank you for coming early,” she said as she hugged both of them tightly.

“We can’t have our grandbaby’s first birthday not look perfect,” Mom beamed.

As they walked into the house, they saw that the house was already fully decorated. Balloons floated in the air in all corners of the room and were attached to Hudson’s highchair. Streamers decorated the small table for presents and the walls of the dining room and living room. A big ‘Happy Birthday’ banner hung high and proud above his highchair. Ember spared no expense making sure this day was perfect as perfect could be. Her many presents for her little boy already occupied the table for gifts.

“I don’t get it. You said you needed us here early to help.”

“I did.”

Everett started laughing. “What exactly are we helping you with?”

“I need you to open this. It’s
your
present for all you’ve done for me since… since… well, it’s for all you’ve done.”

Both sat down on her couch and stared at the box she had handed them. Neither made a move to open it, looking at it as if it were a bomb. The looks on their faces and their tense bodies caused Ember to laugh. Their heads popped up at her and frowns formed on their faces.

Smiling softly, she kneeled down in front of her loving parents. “Open it please,” she spoke so softly she was afraid they hadn’t heard her at first.

“You aren’t telling us you’re pregnant again, are you?” Kimberly tried to joke lamely.

Even though she knew it was a joke, it still hurt. With Sage, they’d taken precautions, they’d used a condom, but she still had Hudson. In Ember’s mind, Hudson was given to her to ease the pain and betrayal of Sage. He has too, without a doubt in her mind. Forcing a weak smile to her face, Ember shook her head.

Her father lifted his hand and took the top of the box off. The song that played as he opened the book that was on top was
Imagine Me Without You
by Jaci Velasquez. The song, though Christian, really related to how Ember felt about her parents. If they’d not stuck by her all this time, she hated to think of what would have happened to her or where she’d ended up. As the song played, the tears in their eyes grew. Of course, the photos and written comments could have been the cause of the influx in tears too.

Inside that book, were pictures of Ember as a little girl. Each highlighted special moments and the comment with them matched the moment that she recognized as a stepping stone to the woman she’d became and would still grow to be. Then there were several pictures of Ember and Sage. As she was making this book, she remembered when each was taken and in the pictures you could see the love shining brightly between the two of them. As she made this album, Ember found herself wishing for him home, her heart breaking more with each photo she scrolled through on her computer. She hadn’t looked at pictures of them since that horrible day. Ember knew, however, that this was the only way to make their gift perfect. She wanted it perfect as they were for her.

Finally, there were pictures of Hudson, from sonograms to just yesterday with the two of them. Then on the last page, there was a typed up letter. As they read the letter, Ember watched their expressions change between sad, happy, and pride. Her mom’s hand covered her mouth several times as they continued to read it.

To the world’s greatest parents,

This book is in honor of you. In honor of the daughter you’ve raised, the grandchild you have bent over backwards to take care of, to the marriage you’ve built. This is to honor your incredible way of accepting that nothing is perfect and that it makes that imperfection even more beautiful. This is to you.

I know that I’ve put you through the wringer over the years, but I’ve never been more proud of you than when you held me while I cried, laughed until our sides hurt, talked until we fell asleep, and loved me with all there is out there to love. There’s never going to be enough words to tell you how thankful I am for you being there through everything with Sage and to welcoming my precious baby boy. I pray that I’m half as good a parent as you were to me.

Since this book is for you, about you, your great successes, I thought I’d add one more on here. To be able to share this with you, honestly, I didn’t believe that it would happen. Here we are, though. You never gave up on me. No matter how many mistakes, or how big they were, you stood by me and made me see what I could be not what I had become. Because of that, I’m so excited to tell you that…

WE DID IT!

As of last month, you are looking at a high school graduate. I ended with a GPA of 4.0, and my test scores were in the well above average range. Your daughter has also been awarded a full ride scholarship to any school that I wish to go to. Can you believe it?! Without you guys, this would not be possible and because of that, this is your achievement too, your moment, your success.

I love you both so very much. Hudson is so lucky to have you guys as his grandparents.

Forever your baby girl,