Survivor (The Soul Mates Series Book 1) (22 page)

*****

Ross

I wanted to say something, but I just couldn’t.  I wasn’t sure I trusted myself.  The perfect bundle of skin splashing around in the tub was mine.

I knew this, not because the kid looked like me, shit, he looked like a plucked chicken with eyes and limbs.  I knew this because my locked away, caged and under house arrest heart, broke free.

I swear to all that is holy, I felt my fucking heart beat again for the first time.

He was so tiny and I was so huge.  I was fairly sure that I could put him in my hands and mistake him for a football.

My son.

I staggered back to the bed and when I felt the bed hit the backs of my legs I dropped down in a heap.  I was well aware that I hadn’t said a word, but I was still too stunned by what had played out.

Cara was alive.

Cara’s mom was alive.

And fuck, fuck!  I had a son.

“Let me get him in a diaper,” her mom suggested, sending Cara looks of bewilderment.

“Ross…”

“No. Don’t talk to me,” I know I was saying things that were out of control.  “You did this to me.  You kept him from me.”  I finished, pointing at him with my finger whilst pinning her with my cold, hurt eyes. I didn’t care what pain I was causing, she needed to feel the brunt of what I’d been through.  I needed her to understand what it was like to come to breaking apart completely and giving up on… everything.

I saw her bottom lip start to wobble and the tears drop from her beautiful eyes.  I wanted to say I didn’t care, but I did and right then I needed her to grasp just how she’d broke me.  “I can’t be around you now.  Do not leave town with my fuckin’ son.  I know running is what you do best, but I swear to God,
swear to God
, if you run off with my son there will be no place you can hide.  Do you understand me?”

“Yes.” I heard her breath hitch around the words and ignored her mother who was now juggling a diapered mass of flaying arms and legs.  I looked at my boy and with some trepidation, I reached out and felt the zing of love buzz between us when I ran my index finger down his cheek.

Fuck, he was so soft and helpless.

He stilled immediately.  My boy stopped moving to check me out too, as if he knew it was important to let me connect with him.  It was like he knew this was the most important moment in the world to me and he let me breathe him in and link my now beating heart with his.

I wasn’t strong enough to look at the woman who had destroyed my very core, so I didn’t.  I passed her and pursued freedom to get my head together because I needed that more than anything, leaving the door wide open as I left.

Nothing I did helped me settle, I drove aimlessly for hours in my police jeep trying to look all official.  Right now, it was just another disguise I was wearing, because taking it off would leave me as ‘just Ross’ and I wasn’t sure how ‘just Ross’ was fairing at the moment.

I stopped for a coffee.  Caffeine did fuck all but bring attention from people passing by who had nit shit stuff they wanted dealing with.  For fuck’s sake people!  I had a child, I didn’t have time for this.

I drove to the dive bar on the edge of town, hoping the other extreme would help me.  It didn’t and everyone already in there couldn’t stand far enough away from me.  Sitting at the bar proved a step too far and when I was starting to affect the guy’s business, I decided to leave.

I knew I had to remove some of my anger before I saw her or my dad again.  My old man, I’d been duped by my old man.  Unbelievable.  So I targeted the next person responsible, I knew there was no way he’d pulled this off on his own.

“Jonas,” I growled down the phone.

“S’up?”

“You knew,” it was enough to get his attention and I suspect he was always expecting this call to come.

“I knew.”

“Why?”

“It was the best option, with the best outcome.”

“Outcome!” I roared.  “You know what that did to me.  I missed the birth of my fucking son.”

“I know because I have my girls.  You’ll never understand what making that decision did to me.  I went with the best long term outcome.  I had to be sure she was safe first.”

“You plotted with that motherfucker?  He was trying to kill her.”

“I did and it was for the best.”

“We’ll see,” I said, exasperated and hung up.

That only worked partially, time to get the rest of my resentment out, so I headed for my dad’s house.

He was on an old Adirondack chair in the yard with a beer when I pulled up.  He’d been expecting me.

“I swear to God if you weren’t my dad I’d beat the piss outta you now,” I started as I sat down beside him.

“I’m well aware of that.”

“How could you keep that from me?”

“It had to be convincing and there is no undercover training known to man that helps a man pull off grieving like the real thing.”

“I need answers,” and I really did.

“I can only give you the same ones she can son.”

“No, she can’t help me understand why you thought it was best for me not to be a part of my boy’s life from the moment he took his first breath.”

“Boy?”

I began to howl, real gut clenching bouts of laughter consumed my body.  “You didn’t know either.”

“No.  We had an agreement.  No personal information.  I knew she’d want to come home before it was safe.”  My dad looks baffled, the shock he’s experiencing is probably similar to what I went through earlier tonight.  “I have a grandson.”

“You have a grandson.” I confirm looking straight at him. I realize that he’s now got more family than he ever dreamed possible.

“You did it son.  You did what I was never brave enough to do.”

“Are you OK?  What’s wrong?”  He was starting to look a little peaky.

“I left it too late to leave, I took your momma and you for granted.  She never made me feel guilty for putting the job first, she knew my own guilt over that was already eatin’ me up.  You were too fuckin’ independent and the time for a son to need his dad had passed.  I missed out on all that too.”

“Dad…”

“I believed fate gave me your mom and took her from me because I didn’t cherish her.  I also think that Mouse ended up here by some greater plan.  You were going like I was, you were becoming me and she was sent to save you son.”

“She left me.  I asked her not to,” I whispered.  I’d never felt this vulnerable in all my life.

“Fate presented her with an out.  I was with her and I saw her faith in her brother restored.  He’d been helping her all along, leading the hounds down false trails.  By leaving you, she saved a part of him. She trusted him and accepted his help and if anyone needs redemption it’s that boy.  Life will catch up with him one day, but she can sleep better at night knowing she saved both of them and you as well.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“What’s not to know?  Her death caused you to save yourself from a job that would have either killed you or made you a lonely old man.  It forced you to put down roots, build a home and contemplate a real future with a normal job.  She saved you, now it’s your turn to save her.  Give that girl the life she never dreamed was possible.”  My dad got up and walked away stopping only to say, “She better be in that house by morning.  My house or your house, either way I wanna see my grandson, I want him to help me redeem myself and put my past to right.  It’s time to set ourselves free son.”

I sat for a while, waiting for the anger to fade, it didn’t take long because other emotions were taking hold.

Fear of the unknown.  I’d been presented with a life I thought I’d lost forever and was genuinely concerned that now it was a case of getting two for the price of one.

This was Cara, my Cara.  The woman I wanted to be with, the woman who had blossomed and bloomed when I gave her the confidence and freedom to do so.  I did that for her.  She was the woman who told me she loved me, knowing that when she said it, it could have been the last time she ever saw me.

An hour later I was knocking on her motel door feeling as nervous as fuck.  “Good evening Ma’am, I’m Sheriff Wilkes.  I believe you’re new in town.” I held my hand out, hopefully indicating I wanted a fresh start.

She hesitated for a while, “Hi, nice to meet you.  I’m Cara, Cara Wilkes.”

Hearing that she’d taken my name made my knees wobble.  She’d taken my name, her beautiful body had grown our baby and she’d come back to the one place she felt loved and safe.  There was no doubting this woman was mine, she tied herself to me in every way possible to keep our love alive.

I couldn’t fake my feelings any longer.  I reached for her, dragging her into my frame and engulfing her in an embrace I was sure we both desperately needed.

“Pack your shit baby and grab my boy, we’re takin’ him home.”

“Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!  Grandpa won’t let me do it and it’s my turn!”

“Settle down Wildcat, I’m just lining it up for you.”  I looked over at the latest piece of metal my dad was working on and marveled at him and his shadow.

He called Jake, our rowdy five year old, Wildcat.  Dad explained to him once that Wildcat’s have personalities of their own, they were inquisitive, playful and active.  They could be loving but preferred to be fiercely independent.

My boy to a fucking T.

Jake had brought my old man back to life, gave him purpose. Those years ago, when Cara came back to us I saw how much he really needed it.  Jake for him was a bonus prize and he was never letting go.

I ignored my son’s pleas for help, he’d got my dad wrapped around his pinky finger and his form of discipline was very different to what I remember growing up.  If my boy wanted something he got it.  I turned to watch my beautiful wife, yeah of course I married her, pushing our chubby girl on a swing set I’d built.  Katherine was three and we’d named her after my mom, much to my dad’s joy, she looked the little spitting image of her mother, smiling from ear to ear.  Jake announcing I was there meant she was clambering out of the swing seat, mid-swing with no sense of fear, she gave me heart palpitations and cold sweats daily.  I was dreading her growing older and figured the kind of mischief she was heading for was going to give me a different kind of heart attack.   A rage filled dad, hands off my fucking girl kind of one.

Helping her out and chucking her in the air caused her long curls to bounce in the breeze, there was nothing finer than watching all that brown hair and those big eyes move in the sun light.  I loved my life.

“Hey big guy,” my wife sidled over, she and the kids met me every day when I came home from work, the best part of my day.  Although when I say ‘my wife sidled over,’ I mean more like shuffled, Cara was pregnant and about to pop any day now.  I’d missed out on Jake’s pregnancy, made up for it with Katherine’s and was now enjoying this one because I considered myself an expert.  The new dad nerves didn’t apply any longer.

I leant in and kissed her, smoothing my free hand over our child, cooking safely in her stomach, “How’s my baby?”

“Fat,” she answered nipping my lips.

“I meant the baby inside you.”

“So did I,” she answered laughing, “Fat eh?  That’s gonna cost you Mr. Wilkes.”

“I’ll pay the price, whatever it costs.  Willingly.”

“I will definitely hold you to that later.”  I loved that wicked gleam in her eye, but it left me feeling irritated because we weren’t alone.  “Mom’s got dinner ready.”

Her mom was here, her and her guy, Bart, had flown in ready for the baby’s arrival.  It seemed strange that Cara, my dad and Jonas had managed to dupe me into believing I’d lost her.  I think it’s because I was so consumed with grief that my sanity took a fucking long vacation.  Either way, it makes me thankful for all the faces that sit around my table every day.

Cara still does the locals books via my dad, she says it keeps her sharp.  Sharp my ass, she doesn’t need help staying sharp.  That was something else my dad was right about all those years ago, I’ve never been able to win an argument with her and that kooky brain.  I changed tactics early on, sweet talk and sex are the only thing that saves my ass on a regular basis.  Cara also regularly practices her skills with dad, his card game has improved no end, he’s even managed to win big time and fleece Big Dave in Vegas.

For the first time work has taken on its rightful place in my life.  It pays the bills and keeps me from getting bored and restless, my life’s purpose snuggles up behind me every night.  Cara convinces me that even though she’s spent the day running around with the kids and my dad, she’s saved enough energy to give me sweet dreams too.

Years later, two kids and one on the way and that woman still makes me hard with a simple thought, smile or cheeky wink of her eye.

We never talk about her family, those conversations take place between her and her mom. I know her father finally died, I did my best to be there if she needed something, but she dealt with it alone.  That part of her life died when she met me.  Cara told me she knew she’d never go back, apparently enduring them for a lifetime of dread or having me, for a short period of blissful happiness helped her decide that.

No contest.

If it wasn’t for the fact that she wants an enormous family, I’d almost forget she’s Italian.  The thought of her having less time for me scares me senseless, but then I see her with my kids, my dad and remember she’s just giving her kids what she should have had growing up.  Then I get horny again because she’s so sexy, beautiful, sweet and caring… yeah, my wife is right, we’re heading for a big brood of Wilkes kids.

After we’ve eaten and bathed the monsters, she pretends to read them a story.  They love Dr. Seuss as much as she does, Cara reads from memory whilst the kids flip the pages and take in the crazy pictures.  At the end of every day we settle into bed together and I spend a moment thinking of everything in life and smile fucking huge.  Then my wife leans into me and whispers, “I love you.  Thank you for this life.”

I was wrong when I said coming home from work was the best part of my day, it’s the second best.

This, this right here, is the very best part because I know she’s mine and I get to keep her.

The End.