Susan Spencer Paul (19 page)

She was sitting across the room, staring thoughtfully at her hands and looking very much as she had on that first day when he had spoken with her in his private chamber—when he had first told her that she was his prisoner. What an eternity ago that seemed to him now. At Lillis’s feet, carefully arranged, were her bags, all packed.

Very slowly, he sat. “Lillis.”

Startled, her gaze jerked toward him.

“What do you do there? Take off your clothes and come back to bed.”

Her eyes rested upon him solemnly. “You are awake, my lord. I’ve been waiting for you to be so.”

“Come back to bed,” he repeated. “I want you again.”

“No. We must speak first. I want to know when you intend to let me leave Gyer. I am a free woman now, and I wish to return to my home. You promised me that I could when the king’s approval of our marriage arrived.”

The rage that stung Alexander surprised him. It was the same rage he’d felt when he’d first seen her packing, when he’d first understood that she meant to leave him.

“I seem to be even worse at expressing myself than I realized,” he said. “Let me be perfectly blunt then. You aren’t leaving Gyer, Lillis. You are staying here as my wife, and as Lady Gyer.”

Her breasts rose and fell rapidly with the sudden shortness of her breath, and her hands trembled.

“Alexander,” she whispered, “I want to go home to Wellewyn. My father needs me. You made me a promise. You said I could trust you.”

“And so you can,” he said. “Always. But you’ve given yourself to me, Lillis. By your own words you’ve done so, and now you are mine. You are my wife complete, in every way. I’ll not let you return to Wellewyn now.”

She shook her head. “I’m only your prisoner. Still your prisoner, my lord.”

“You’re my wife,” he insisted with growing aggravation. “And if you’ll only behave yourself you will be treated exactly as any other wife would be. I promise you shall.”

“Your promises, my lord, leave much to be desired. And what of my father? He has waited more than patiently for me to be returned to him. If you don’t allow me to leave at once you’ll have broken the contract you made with him.”

“Don’t speak to me of your father, my lady,” Alexander suggested. “If I hadn’t come to care for you I would have returned you to him forthwith. But I do care for you. You are precious to me, more than I can tell. You are
mine
now, and I would never give a possession I valued to a devil such as Jaward of Wellewyn.”

“How can you speak to me so? My father is not a devil! I love him! If I were as precious to you as you claim you would never say such things in my hearing! If I meant anything to you at all you would let me go to him at once! Can you not understand how I long to see him?”

“I never said you wouldn’t see him. We will travel to Wellewyn, just as I promised, as soon as the weather clears. It shouldn’t be more than a day or two.”

“A day or two!” she shouted. “My father is ill! He needs me now!”

“I don’t give one good damn what your father needs!” Alexander returned just as hotly. “I’m only taking you to see the bastard because I know how much it means to you. In future I’ll keep you so far away from him that you’ll forget what he looks like!”

Lillis shot out of her chair. “I’ll not have it, Alexander of Gyer. I
will not!
I’ll not stay here and be some kind of plaything for you!”

Alexander tossed the covers aside, intending to go and fetch her. “You said you love me, Lillis. I don’t want you for a plaything. I want you for my wife!”

“What of Barbara?” Lillis asked, her eyes widening as she watched his bare legs swing over the side of the bed. Her question made him stop and look at her.

“What of her?”

“You love her, do you not?”

“Why must you always speak of Barbara?” he demanded. “What I feel for my cousin has nothing to do with us. How many times must I tell you that?”

“Not one more time, sir,” she assured him. “I understand you perfectly.”

“Good! Then quit this foolishness and come to bed before I fetch you back.”

She defiantly crossed her arms over her breasts. “No.”

“Lillis—” Alexander warned.

“What happened between us this afternoon was a mistake. It won’t happen again,” she promised.

“What happened between us this afternoon was pure heaven,” he corrected, standing and starting toward her. “And I’ll not spend time courting you anew in order to have you again. You are my wife, Lillis.”

Lillis moved behind the chair to fend him off. “As you don’t love me, my lord, I would hardly dignify the lust we shared this day as anything so grand.”

“Damn you, Lillis—” Alexander started, only to be interrupted by a furious pounding at the door. “Damnation!” he swore again.

“Alex, are you in there?” Willem shouted.

“What is it?” Alexander shouted in return, his tone indicating that whatever it was, it had better be good.

“It’s Barbara! She’s taken a horse from the stables and was able to get past the guards at the gate. I’ve sent men after her but we haven’t been able to find her yet.”

“She’s gone out riding in this weather?” Uncaring of his nakedness, Alexander strode to the door and flung it open. Willem stood in the hallway, dripping wet. “At this time of night? Why in the name of all that is holy would she do such an empty-headed thing?”

“I don’t know, Alex,” Willem replied rather breathlessly, worry written all over his face. He took in Alex’s bare body with shocked curiosity, then peered around his brother’s large frame to stare at Lillis. “She was crying when she left, that’s all I know. The guards in the stable said she was hysterical when she went there demanding that a horse be saddled. They tried to reason with her but she only became more upset. They did as she asked in an effort to calm her, but they never meant to let her go. One of the men sent a message asking that I come at once, but by the time I got there Barbara had already mounted the steed and ridden out into the rain. She was at a full gallop, they said, heading in the direction of Dunsted.”

“Dunsted! How long ago was this?”

“Little more than half an hour past. I gathered ten men and we searched the immediate area, but we couldn’t find a trace of her. This damned rain covers every track at once.”

Alexander frowned grimly. “I want fifty men mounted and ready to ride in ten minutes. Make certain there are plenty of wax torches. They may not do any good in this weather but they’ll be all the light we’ll have. Go! I’ll be there in a moment.” He strode from Lillis’s chamber without looking at her. “Fyodor!” She heard him bellowing for his squire. The door to his own chamber slammed loudly.

Lillis stood where she was, staring out the open door at her two guards, who stood in the hallway, looking back at her. Everything happened so quickly! One moment Alexander had been there, declaring his concern for her, and the next he was out the door and on his way to rescue his beloved Barbara.

She went to the door and closed it, then leaned back and wearily shut her eyes.

The chamber’s adjoining door suddenly flew open, and Alexander stormed in, his squire right behind him, still in the process of fitting the chain mail hauberk over his master’s large body.

“This isn’t over,” he told her, stalking toward Lillis and grasping her hands. She tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t allow it. “Lillis! Don’t make yourself miserable over this. There’s no merit in it, I vow. You’ve said that you love me, wife. Have faith in me.”

She kept her eyes turned from his. “Let me go, Alexander. If you care for me at all, let me go. Only then will I have faith in you.”

“You are my wife—”

“I’m
not
your wife, Alexander of Gyer. I’m your prisoner.”

His mouth was set in a grim line. “If that is the way you will have it,” he said, “then so be it.” He pulled her mouth forcibly toward his. His kiss was gentle but insistent, yet Lillis refused to participate. When he let her go she turned her face away. Alexander left without another word.

“L
illis, I tell you I didn’t know my people were planning this celebration. I had no idea they wished to have a fair on Michaelmas, and I had nothing to do with it. Why must you behave as though I’ve committed some crime?”

Alexander felt as though he were beating his head against a rock. Lillis sat gazing out the window, totally implacable, refusing to even look at him.

“Kidnapping is a crime, my lord,” she stated very calmly.

“Damnation! I did not kidnap you! You know very well Hugh and Hugo did that without my knowledge and that I punished them severely for it!”

Lillis shrugged.

Alexander ran a hand across his eyes in exasperation. Lord, he was weary of this! It didn’t seem to make any difference what he said, or how many times he tried to explain the matter, she refused to listen or to even try to understand him.

When he’d returned to her three nights before, after chasing Barbara down, he’d been ready to settle matters between them. He’d been wet to the bone and weary and emotionally drained, as well, for the wretched state they’d found Barbara in had horrified him. His delicate little cousin had been struggling through the mud and rain on the road to Dunsted, half-crazed with hysteria and obviously confused about which direction Gyer was. Her horse had taken fright at a bolt of lightning and had thrown her onto the muddy road, stranding her in the darkness. Alexander hadn’t taken any time to ask her what in God’s name she’d meant by leaving Gyer in the first place, he’d simply had John take his sister up on his steed and they had all returned to the castle as quickly as they could. He still didn’t know why Barbara had behaved as she had, for she had steadfastly refused to explain herself or even to speak of that night.

When he’d walked into Lillis’s chamber, fully expecting to finish the conversation they’d started earlier, it had been to find her already abed. He’d taken that as an encouraging sign and had lost no time in undressing and joining her there, wanting nothing more than to hold her warm body against his own chilled one and find his rest. But she’d been stiff and unyielding when he’d taken her in his arms, and had actually tried to get up, insisting that she would rather sleep on the floor than share a bed with him. He hadn’t let her do such a foolish thing, of course, and had forcibly held her down, but in the end he’d given way, and had gone to sleep alone in his own bed for the first time in more than a week. He’d been too exhausted to argue and too certain of his ability to win her over once he had a chance to explain himself, but that had been three days ago and Lillis was as unyielding now as she had been then.

“It doesn’t have to be this way, Lillis,” he said patiently. “The only one who makes a prisoner of you is yourself. I’ve told you time and again you may be as free as you please once you’ve agreed to behave yourself.”

“And I have told you time and again, sir, that I wish to return to Wellewyn to see my father.”

“I don’t know why you should be so difficult about this!” he exploded. “I thought you would have been happy to remain at Gyer rather than live out your life in that ruin your father calls home.”

“You are possessed of the bad habit, sir, of assuming a great many things. Had you asked me, Lord Gyer, you would know exactly how I feel about the prospect of living at Wellewyn, but as you haven’t I do not think you’ve any right to be surprised that my feelings aren’t what you expected them to be.”

Alexander made a gesture of impatience. “Your sense of such things is too fine, my lady. Before my brothers intervened, you were happily willing to marry Jason de Burgh without ever having even set eyes on the man
or
his home.”

The sudden rush of sound that came from Lillis was as furious as the tone of her voice. “Jason de Burgh at least had the decency to
ask
for my hand in marriage, and I was given the chance of accepting or rejecting him. You, my lord, have only ever
told
me what I will or will not do. It is quite obvious that my wishes and feelings mean less than nothing to you.”

Alexander was fully insulted. “Madam, that is damned untrue. If I didn’t have a care for your feelings I would have sent you to your father without a thought of the wretched future you’d have with him, instead of wanting to keep you at Gyer as my wife and lady. God’s feet, Lillis,” he said angrily, “you said that you love me!”

She stiffened. “I have asked you, Alexander of Gyer, not to use my own words as argument against me. It isn’t fair. Besides, it matters not whether I love you or no. You don’t love me, and love not matched is as a bow with no arrows, utterly useless. But I do not wish to discuss that topic with you any further. We have strayed far from our subject, sir. You promised me long ago that on the first day on which we had fair weather you would take me to Wellewyn to visit with my father. The sky is clear today, and I fully expect you to fulfill your promise.”

“And I have told you, my lady, that my people have planned a fair for today, to celebrate Michaelmas and the running of the Eel River, and that I must, as the Lord of Gyer, attend. We cannot go to Wellewyn today. We’ll go tomorrow.”

Still staring out the window, Lillis seemed to struggle with herself, then at last she spoke, slowly and carefully, “Alexander, please let me go to Wellewyn today. You know that my father is ill, that he is so very worried about me. I’ve tried to be patient, but it’s been more than two full years since I’ve seen him. I cannot be patient any longer. Please, Alexander. If you’ll not take me, at least let Willem do so. He has already said that he would. I promise you, I swear to you, that I shall return to Gyer this eve.”

The softening in her tone affected Alexander deeply, and as angry with him as she was he knew it cost her a great deal to speak to him so pleadingly. It was the closest she would ever come to begging, and he wished he could give her what she so sweetly requested. But he couldn’t avoid attending the fair that his people had so quickly put together; as Lord of Gyer it was his duty to attend. And he’d be damned if he’d let his lovesick brother take Lillis all the way to Wellewyn. And, in truth, she was being exceedingly foolish. It made little difference whether she saw Jaward today or tomorrow; she would see him all the same.

Thinking to soften his refusal, and hoping to soften her anger, as well, he carefully approached her, placing his hands upon her shoulders. Lowering his head, he kissed the side of her neck.

“I’m sorry, darling,” he murmured, squeezing her shoulders lightly. “We’ll leave first thing in the morn. I promise it.”

She was taut beneath his hands but said nothing, and Alexander took her silence as a sign of encouragement.

“I’ll tell you what,” he said more happily, moving his fingers to caress the soft skin at the sides of her neck. “Put on your prettiest surcoat and come to the fair. We’ll have a good time, I vow, and my people will be glad to have their lady attend. There will be contests and dancing and all manner of entertainment. It will help to take your mind off your father, and the day will have passed before you’ve realized it.”

She shook her head. “Thank you, my lord. I shall stay here and await tomorrow’s morn.”

Alexander sighed. “Don’t be foolish, Lillis. Why should you suffer because of your father? Come to the fair and enjoy yourself. You’ll be the most beautiful woman there by far, and I want to show you off.”

Lillis shot out of the chair in which she sat and gripped the window’s ledge.

“I am not some fine acquisition to be put on display for your pleasure, my lord. I am your prisoner. Nothing more and nothing less. If you want a willing female to play lady beside you, I suggest you take your cousin Barbara to your precious fair. She, at least, is desirous of your company.”

Alexander had had enough.

“You are quite right, madam. Barbara is desirous of my presence, a fact she has made perfectly clear these past few days while another female in this household has done naught but give me her back and the sharp edge of her tongue. I’ve no doubt that Barbara will be a far preferable companion than my shrewish wife.” He strode to the door and flung it open. “I will bid you a good day. May you have the joy of your own exceedingly unpleasant company. I, for one, intend to enjoy myself to the full. I can only thank God that my lovely cousin possesses a disposition so much sweeter than yours.”

He left, slamming the door. Lillis dropped her head into her hands and burst into tears.

* * *

Barbara had realized long since that Alexander had left her, if not physically, then at least in his thoughts. She watched him surreptitiously as he paced near the trestle table at which she sat. All day he had been preoccupied and short-tempered, so that she wondered whether he had enjoyed himself or any of the entertainments at all. He had performed his duties as lord readily enough; none of his people could complain about that. He’d handed out awards at various contests with enough pomp and ceremony to delight one and all, and he’d been duly complimentary to the many musicians and performers who had plied their skills during the day, and of course, he had taken his place among the dancers when the sun had finally begun to set, dancing with as much vigor and skill as any one else present. And through it all he had dragged her along with an almost desperate sort of determination, until Barbara had begun to feel rather like a prize put on display, there for show and little more. How different it was from the days when Alexander had treated her with a gentle, almost reverent, deference. Strangely, though, Barbara believed she preferred it this way.

She watched Alexander as he hovered at the edge of the crowd of swirling dancers. He kept pacing and glancing at the castle over and over again until she thought he would go mad with his agitation. Suddenly he stilled, turning toward the dancers and letting his gaze wander carefully over them. Aunt Leta and Edyth of Cantfield were taking turns dancing with Candis and Justin and his eyes lingered on them momentarily. Willem had blushingly given way to dancing with some of the village maidens who had pleaded with him tirelessly to do so, and the twins had long since disappeared into the nearby woods with a pair of giggling girls. Finally he set his eyes on Barbara herself, and she instantly appeared to be thoroughly enchanted with the dancers. He stared at her for an uncomfortable moment, then he turned on his heel and was gone, striding purposefully toward Castle Gyer.

Barbara was glad to see him go—relieved, almost. She needed a moment of freedom; she needed to rest. She had rarely ever needed to do so before, when she had played out John’s parts for her, but things had changed since that cold, foggy day in the forest of Dunsted. Everything had changed since then. Careful not to attract the notice of Alexander’s guards, she quietly rose from the table, then slipped away unseen. There was a large tent behind the table at which she had been sitting and she stole into its shadow, edging her way along until she was safely hidden behind it.

She took a deep breath. John had signaled to her earlier that he was leaving with some of his men. It was a perfect time. Alexander and the people of Gyer would be too busy with their fair to notice that he had gone. Barbara had no doubt that tomorrow she would hear of some destruction that had been done to either Gyer or Dunsted.

She stood behind the tent, hugging the back of it and looking all about, then sneaked into the coppice of trees nearby. There were not many trees, but enough so that she felt safe from watchful eyes. A giggle, followed by a moan, made her aware of the several lovers who were lying nearby. She picked up her skirts and ran deeper into the woods until she was certain she would be completely alone. Only then did she let down her mask. She sank gratefully onto the cool ground and put her hands up to massage her weary eyes.

Suddenly, without warning, a large, strong hand closed around her mouth, and another equally large and strong arm grasped about her waist, picking her up.

She tried to scream and struggle, but the noise was silenced by the hand and her motion was stifled, as well. Oh, God! she thought in a panic, envisioning the terrible thing that was about to happen to her and begging for some kind of miracle. The arms holding her turned her about roughly, bringing Barbara face-to-face with a hooded man whose angry visage looked extremely familiar.

“Greetings, Lady Barbara.” He pulled back his hood to let his long, black hair fall free. “I’ve been hoping—nay, praying—for the pleasure of meeting you again.”

“Jason,” she whispered in disbelief. “Jason!” She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him with all her might.

He pushed her away. “You remember me. I thought you would.”

He was angry—very, very angry. Barbara knew he had every right to be, yet she begged, clutching him, “Jason, please let me explain.”

He shoved at her until she fell to the ground. “Explain! I’ve not come to hear your explanations!” He knelt, grabbed Barbara by both shoulders and pulled her up until their faces were level. She could see the pain in his eyes as he spoke. “I came because I couldn’t believe what my men told me. I
wouldn’t
believe that you were Alexander of Gyer’s cousin. I searched the forests for you for three days after the fire—the fire you helped to make possible. A man died in that fire, one of
my
men, yet I spent every damned day for three days after looking for
you!
” He shook her, hard. “My God! What a fool I was!”

“Jason, forgive me,” she whispered, reaching out a hand, wanting to still his pain.

“Don’t.” His expression held clear revulsion. “Don’t touch me. Your touch sickens me.” He seethed with anger and hurt, half pulling her toward him and half pushing her away. “You’re worse than a whore. You’re
his
whore. Do you think I haven’t watched you giving yourself to Alexander of Gyer all day long? You’re not even his wife and still you give yourself to him. You shame the woman who was to have been mine. Did you think I hadn’t known?” He looked at her with disbelief when she shook her head. “Lillis of Wellewyn was to be my wife when Alexander of Gyer married her by force. Now she sits locked away in that castle, the Lady of Gyer, while you flaunt yourself with her husband like the veriest of lemans.” He finally pushed her back to the ground, then stood.