Susan Spencer Paul (20 page)

Barbara’s voice trembled badly when she spoke. “Jason, please give me a chance to explain.” She knelt before him in the dirt, her hands stretched toward him pleadingly. “I think I love you. Nay, I know that I do. I have been able to think of naught but you since that day we met. Please give me a chance.”

“You love me?!” He put his hands on his hips and barked with laughter. “You
love
me?!” he repeated incredulously. “Do you think me a complete fool, woman? Do you think you can sway me from my wrath by mere words? I should slit your throat for what you’ve done! The only reason I won’t is that I’m loath to touch such a filthy whore.”

Tears rolled down her face. “You have every right to be angry with me, Jason,” she sobbed, “even though I had no choice in what I did that day. You cannot think I meant to cause a man to die, though even if you do I still shall not blame you. You may go ahead and kill me and I will not care. I will love you even as you carry out the deed. I love you, Jason. I beg that you will believe me.”

He stood his ground, staring into her wet, miserable face. “And why should I believe anything you say, Barbara of Gyer? I have seen you with your lord this day. You throw yourself at him freely, yet you ask me to believe that you love me? I’ve let you trick me once already. I would be an idiot to do so again.”

“No!” Barbara cried, dragging herself along the ground until she could hug his legs. “I do not have a choice in what I do. I don’t love Alexander of Gyer, and yet I must make him think that I do. I love you, Jason. I tried to come to you three nights ago. I stole a horse and tried to come to you, but I was stopped by my Lord Gyer. Please believe me, Jason. I did try to come to you.”

He reached down and dragged her up off the ground. “Cease your sniveling! You tried to come to me, did you? It’s a good thing you were stopped then, for I surely would have killed you the moment I set eyes on you.” He pointed in the direction of the fair. “Go back to your lover before I do kill you. The very sight of you disgusts me.”

“Jason!” she cried, catching him by the arm as he turned to walk away. “Please take me with you! I beg you to take me!” She clung to him when he tried to disengage her. “I’ll be your servant. I shall be your slave. I will spend my life trying to make up to you the wrong I have done. But please, Jason, don’t leave me here to live without you.”

He practically had to break her fingers to get her to let go of him. “You only try to hold me so that I’ll be captured by your lover’s men,” he said. “You know he would kill me without a thought if he found me alone and unguarded on his lands, and no doubt you would further incense him by declaring I’d set hands on you. No!” He pushed her away. “I’ll not lose my life for such a one as you!”

His words stunned her. Barbara hadn’t realized how much danger he was in, simply being at Gyer. “Go, then!” She backed up until she came against a tree. “I don’t know how to prove to you that what I say is true, but I’ll not have you put your life in danger. Leave! Now! I will stop anyone who comes until you have had a chance to get far enough away. I swear by God that I shall.” She grasped the trunk of the tree with both hands put behind her, and watched him with tears and longing as he turned and made his way through the forest.

Jason only got a few yards before the sounds of her quiet sobs stopped him. He clenched his fists to his sides and silently declared himself to be a fool three times over.

“Damn!” he muttered, striding back to where Barbara stood, crying her heart out. He grabbed her to him, yanked her head back by her hair and put his mouth over hers for a hard, passionate kiss. Her arms were just coming around his shoulders when he set her away. Before she could even open her eyes, he had already run into the shadows.

She stood where she was for a long time, crying, terribly aware that even the forest had hidden eyes that might be watching her at that very moment. It would not go well for her if John came to hear of what had just transpired between herself and Jason de Burgh, though she didn’t care so much what happened to her. If it had only been her life she held sway over she would have been ready to receive whatever punishment her brother might give, but there were other lives to consider. Lillis’s and Alexander’s lives, and possibly even others. John had never been too clear about the details of his plans, but Barbara had some idea of all the people who might thwart his chances of success.

She stood there, staring at where Jason had disappeared, aching with love for him. He had every right to hate her—there was nothing about her at all that he could ever admire. Yet she was determined to prove that she could be worth something. Yes, she was going to prove to him how much she loved him, that she could be worthy of him, and she knew exactly how she was going to do it.

It took several moments, but finally Barbara was able to calm her body’s trembling. She wiped her face and took several deep breaths. Alexander’s men would be looking for her soon; she had to return to the fair. Another deep breath, a shake of her hair, one last check to make certain that her surcoat was brushed clean and set straight, then she picked up her skirts and made her way back toward the light and noise of the fair, her back perfectly straight and a beautiful smile set upon her face.

B
y the time Lillis awakened it was too late. Alexander had already slid into the bed. She tried to struggle away from him, but he caught her in a gentle grasp and held her tight.

“No!” she insisted with a groggy sort of fury, and struck out at him with both fists.

He grabbed her wrists and held them over her head, using his naked body to subdue her.

“Calm yourself, wife,” he murmured, lying on her heavily to keep her still. “I have something to say to you and I’m not going away until I’ve finished. You may as well keep quiet and listen to me.”

“You’ve said more than enough to me these past many days!” she said furiously. “I am weary to tears with listening to you! Why can’t you leave me in peace?”

“I can’t. And you are going to listen to me, else I’ll not go away. And you know very well what’s going to happen if I don’t go away.” He grinned at her lecherously.

She glared up at him, enraged at her inability to push him away. “Why did you come here? I can hear the music from the fair still playing outside my window. Never tell me your beloved Barbara grew so weary from dancing that she could no longer entertain you with her
sweet disposition.
”

His eyebrows rose. “No, my cousin’s sweet and gentle nature is perfectly intact, I thank you. If I didn’t know better, good lady wife, I’d think you jealous.”

Lillis gasped and struggled beneath him. “You wretched beast! If that’s all you came to say to me, then please leave! I’m sure the sweet and perfect Barbara impatiently awaits your return.”

Alexander easily kept her in his grasp. “That isn’t what I came to say, and I left Barbara at the fair without any intention whatsoever of returning to her.”

His words stilled Lillis, and she looked at him warily. Alexander offered her another smile, more wan this time, and his eyes roamed over her features, taking them in as though to memorize her forever.

“I have spent the entire day,” he said quietly, “trying to keep from thinking of you. I wanted to be angry, to remember the words we said to one another this morn, to convince myself that you have treated me unkindly, but I couldn’t. All I could do, Lillis, was think of how beautiful you are, and of how you make me laugh so easily, and of how good you feel when in my arms. I tried to enjoy Barbara’s company, but I wanted you. She is all that a man could ever want in a woman—sweet and beautiful and attentive. She once used to make me feel like the finest man on earth. Yet I didn’t want to be with her this day, not for even one of the moments that I was. I wanted to be with you, Lillis. Regardless of your anger and fury, I wanted to be with you. Is that not strange?”

They stared at each other in perfect silence, searching one another’s eyes.

“Is that love, Lillis?” he whispered. “Is it?”

“I do not know.”

“I don’t know, either,” he returned just as softly. “I think it is love. I truly think it is, but I don’t know. I’ve never known love, or what I’ve always thought it must be, not even with Barbara, and I’m afraid of mistaking such strong feelings. But is it enough, Lillis? Whatever it is, is it enough?”

Lillis could see the pain in his eyes, the pleading. “Alexander,” she murmured, her anger dissipating into a gentle sadness, “I don’t know what it is, and I cannot promise that it will be enough tomorrow, but for tonight, it is enough.”

The pain left his eyes, replaced by a sudden fire.

“For tonight then,” he whispered fiercely, “and we will let the morrow take care of itself.” He lowered his mouth and Lillis met him eagerly, opening to him.

* * *

But the morning brought no resolutions.

Alexander had spent the night making love to his wife with sweet desperation, yet when the sun dawned he felt chilled at the prospect of having to take her to Wellewyn. He didn’t want to do it and he certainly wasn’t looking forward to seeing Jaward again. When he climbed out of her bed to return to his own chamber he purposefully put away the tender emotions that Lillis had wrought in him.

Lillis, sensing Alexander’s withdrawal, likewise wrapped herself anew in her anger. Nothing had changed between them. He was taking her to Wellewyn, at last, but then he was going to force her back to Gyer, and when she returned she would become his prisoner again. There would be no more looking forward to someday being able to go home. She would be captive forever.

They ate their early meal in silence. Alexander had asked Willem to accompany them on the ride to Wellewyn, but Hugh and Hugo surprised him by rising early, as well. Since it was much too early for the rest of the castlefolk to be up and around, only the four of them sat at the long table, while all of Alexander’s knights filled the trestle tables below, eating their meal in preparation of the long ride ahead.

“Alex,” Hugh broke the heavy silence, “Hugo and I want to go to Wellewyn with you and Lillis.”

Alexander didn’t even spare him a glance. “No.”

“We have our own horses,” Hugo said, “and we are ready to go.”

“No,” said Alexander, his attention on his breakfast.

Hugh slammed his eating dagger into the wooden table with as much force and anger as a fifteen-year-old boy could, and he stood before the surprised glances of those present. “Damn you, Alex! Hugo and I want to go to Wellewyn with Lillis and that’s all there is to it. If you don’t allow us to go with her we’ll follow all the same.”

Lillis stared at Hugh in amazement. His eyes blazed with commitment as he stared down his elder brother.

She could feel her husband rising beside her and turned to look up at him. He towered above her, and his expression was one of outrage, but she was never to know what he had planned to say to his younger brother, for they were interrupted by one of Alexander’s knights.

“My Lord Gyer,” the man announced, “the Lord of Dunsted approaches. Sir Jason de Burgh.”

Every eye at the table turned to look at the man then. Willem exchanged glances with Alexander and stood. They made their way from the dais, toward the front doors of the great hall and out into the courtyard, followed by several of Alexander’s men.

Lillis found herself flanked by Hugh and Hugo.

“Don’t be afraid, Lillis,” Hugh told her. “We’ll not let de Burgh harm you.”

“That’s right,” Hugo said. “We’ll keep you safe.”

She almost laughed. “I have nothing to fear from Jason de Burgh,” she said, standing. “Come, let’s go watch from one of the windows.”

But the moment they stepped off the dais the castle doors opened once more.

Alexander entered first, followed by five strangers and Willem. Her husband looked very grim, Lillis thought, watching him with curiosity as his gaze searched the hall. When his eyes fell upon her his expression grew even grimmer. He moved toward her with one hand outstretched, and Lillis put her own hand out to let him draw her forward.

“This is my wife, Lillis Baldwin, the Lady of Gyer,” he said as the group of men stopped before her. Lillis nodded and received polite acknowledgments in return. “My lady,” Alexander continued in a tone of pure displeasure, “I make known to you Jason de Burgh, the Lord of Dunsted.”

A very handsome man with long, black hair bowed slightly, his blue eyes intense against the darkness of his skin and hair. He was large and muscular, the sort of strong, handsome man women dreamed of at night. This, then, was the man who would have been her husband.

He stepped closer to Lillis. “Now this is cruelty, indeed, Alexander Baldwin,” he said, taking one of Lillis’s hands and bringing it to his lips to gracefully kiss her fingers. “You have dealt me many a wrong in the past, but this is certainly the worst, to have deprived me of such a beautiful wife.” He smiled at Lillis. “Our children would have had blue eyes, my lady,” he remarked, his expression leaving no doubt as to what he was thinking. “It’s a pity we shall never know what color their hair would have been.”

Having never been spoken to so intimately by a total stranger, his words shocked Lillis, so that she could only stare at him, but Alexander reached up and snatched her hand from Jason de Burgh’s grip.

“Stop molesting my wife and speak what you’ve come to, de Burgh.” He pulled Lillis against his side. “You’re not welcome in my home.”

De Burgh nodded, his expression growing solemn as he turned his full attention to Lillis. “I regret to make your acquaintance under such circumstances, my lady, for I fear I bring you bad tidings.” He glanced at the many people who stood watching and listening, then looked at Alexander. “Perhaps we should find a place more private?”

The words made Lillis’s heart fall into her feet. The news must be bad, indeed, if Jason de Burgh wanted to speak to her privately. She felt weak, suddenly; her whole body trembled and she turned into Alexander’s embrace. His response, the way he held her as though he expected her to collapse, told her what the news was before the words were even said. “No,” she whispered. “Say what you have to say now. Say it quickly.”

“Lillis,” Alexander said gently, his voice sounding loud in her ears, “perhaps we should go to my private chamber.”

“No!” she shouted. “It’s about my father. Is it not?”

Jason de Burgh stared at her helplessly.

“Is it not?” Lillis demanded, fighting the hysteria that threatened to overtake her.

He nodded, and his gaze fell. “He was—found murdered in his bed last night. One of his vassals rode to Dunsted to tell me. He would have come to you directly, my lady, but he feared being made a prisoner at Gyer.”

“Murdered!” Lillis pressed her face against Alexander’s chest. “Murdered! Oh, my God! Father!”

Alexander held her tight. “My love, let me take you to our chamber.”

But she shook her head and pushed from his arms. The way she looked at him made Alexander shiver.
“You,”
she sobbed. “You did it! Murderer!”

“Lillis, love—” He reached for her even as she backed away.

She wasn’t able to say any more. She stared at Alexander with an expression of horror, her face gone white as death. She shook her head at his outstretched hand and then, for the first time in her life, Lillis fainted.

* * *

Alexander was surprised to find Jason de Burgh and his men still in the great hall when he came down the stairs a half hour later. He had carried Lillis to her chamber and stayed as long as his aunt and her maid would allow; once they’d gotten her into the bed, they’d made him leave, insisting that she shouldn’t be subjected to the sight of him when she finally came awake. If he hadn’t been feeling so much guilt and worry he’d never have obeyed, but he did feel those things, deeply, and hadn’t known any way to defend himself against Aunt Leta’s and Lady Edyth’s anger.

“Why are you still here?” he demanded of de Burgh, who stood by one of the fires, broodingly contemplating the place where Barbara and the other castle ladies sat across the way.

“I would speak with you,” he replied, offering Alexander an expressionless face. “There is, I believe, the matter of a bride we must discuss. I had a missive from one of the king’s regents, saying that, in exchange for the king’s agreement of your marriage to the bride who should have been mine, you have agreed to give me one of your marriageable cousins as wife.”

“This is truth,” Alexander admitted. “I did make this agreement.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“When may I expect the delivery of my bride?”

Alexander made a dismissive gesture. “I haven’t the time to consider the matter now, not when my wife’s abovestairs as she is. Now be on your way. Only make certain you don’t kill any cattle as you leave Gyer,” he added angrily. “My people are still reeling from your last such visit.”

Jason de Burgh flushed. “I’ve heard before this accusation that you speak. Neither I nor my people had anything to do with the killing of that cattle. I don’t know who did such a foul deed, but it had naught to do with anyone from Dunsted. We’re too busy fending off your attacks to make any of our own.”

“Ha!” Alexander laughed. “My people wouldn’t lower themselves to trespass on that muck and mire you call land. You speak of being kept busy, but you know naught of such things. I could teach you all about it! Between you and Jaward I’ve barely had a moment’s peace these past six months, and only God knows how my people have suffered!”

The expression on Jason’s face was one of full confusion. His gaze fell time and again on Barbara as he spoke his next words. “I suppose you will deny having anything to do with that fire in Dunsted some weeks past? The one set at a crofter’s hut? The one that killed a man?”

“What lies are these?” Alexander demanded. “I had naught to do with any such thing!”

“I have several of your banners in my possession that prove your guilt,” Jason insisted, folding his arms stubbornly across his chest. “They were left at the site of the fire for bragging purposes, I suppose.”

Alexander was equally stubborn. “And I have several banners of yours from the cattle killing.”

“I had nothing to do with that!”

“And I had nothing to do with your crofter’s hut burning.”

They stared at each other.

“Someone is playing us for fools, de Burgh,” Alexander finally stated.

“Aye, Baldwin,” Jason nodded, looking at Barbara again. “Someone, indeed, is playing us as fools. What are we to do about it?”

Alexander shook his head. “I know not, but I’ll spare no time thinking on the matter now. Give me time to take care of my wife and then we’ll talk. Perhaps I’ve misjudged you.” He rubbed the back of his neck wearily. “Perhaps I’ve misjudged many things. Let me help my wife deal with her loss, then we’ll settle matters between our people.”

“I’ll give you some time,” Jason agreed. “You may have my arm on it.”

The two men shook solemnly, and Jason’s men prepared to leave.

“That woman there,” Jason said, nodding in Barbara’s direction. “The redheaded girl. She is your cousin, is she not?”

“The lady Barbara is my cousin,” Alexander replied warily, “though a very distant one. We share a great-great-grandfather.”

“But she is still your cousin,” Jason stated, “no matter how distant. It
is
one of your cousins I’m to be given as wife, is it not?”