Authors: Melanie Shawn
Justin and Amanda stepped to the edge of the pond, on
the opposite shore from where the falls emptied into the serene body of water.
She held the carved wooden box out in front of her, and she and Justin looked
at it, and then each other. They seemed to understand instinctively that there
was nothing that could be said which would enhance the solemnity or import of
the occasion, but rather, trying to capture the significance of the moment in
anything as limiting as mere words would only cheapen it. This was a moment
meant to be felt, not spoken.
Amanda opened the box and held it out to the wind.
Parker's ashes billowed out over the pond, some of them being folded up by the
rushing falls on the far side of the water, and some floating up into the sky
and being carried away by the breeze. Suddenly, unexpectedly, Amanda felt a cry
tear from her throat. Pain stabbed her, so intense that she involuntarily
doubled over, sobs wracking her shoulders. In one part of her mind, she
understood that the loud cries and weeping she heard were coming from her, but
she felt like it was happening entirely outside of herself, outside of her own
control. She felt Justin's hand rubbing her back and heard him say, “I'm sorry,
Amanda, I'm so sorry...”
This brought her back to her feet, and she turned to
him and started pounding on his chest. “Are you sorry?” she cried, “Are you
really sorry? How can you be? You left, and now he left! Everyone leaves! How
could you abandon me like that? How could you? How could you!”
Justin held her upper arms while she punched him again
and again, until finally her anger burned itself out, leaving only bitter tears
which she continued to cry. Justin folded her into his arms, resting his chin
on the top of her golden head. She fit as perfectly with him as she remembered,
their bodies like two flawlessly interlocking puzzle pieces. She nestled her
forehead into the spot on Justin's neck, that spot she loved, where his neck
and his chest and his shoulder met, forming the perfect niche. Countless times,
she had stared at that spot and dreamed of snuggling into his embrace and
fitting her head into it. Every time he had given her a platonic hug, she had
fantasized about it turning into a passionate embrace, and of kissing that
spot.
And now, he was holding her as she had always dreamed
of, and she felt not ecstasy, not joy, and not love, but rather anger and
betrayal. Those emotions, so long buried, had rushed to the surface when the
finality of her father's passing had penetrated her consciousness, carried by
the billowing ashes.
“I loved you so much,” she gasped through her tears,
“how could you just leave me, without saying goodbye? How could you abandon me
like that? Didn't you care about me at all?”
Justin barked out a laugh, “Care about you? Are you
kidding me? You were the single most important person in the world to me! You
and your father – you were literally the only two people in the world I cared
about at all, or that cared about me. I've thought about you every single day
since I left. I've missed you so much that sometimes I thought it would make me
crazy.”
Amanda drew back in surprise, “Well, why did you
leave, then? If I was so important to you...how could you do that to me?”
Justin looked squarely into her eyes, “Your father
told me to.”
--- ~ ---
Amanda stared at Justin in stunned, uncomprehending
silence for a few beats. She had heard the words he had spoken, yes. It was the
meaning behind them that she was having a difficult time connecting to. Her
father had told Justin to leave? Her father had been the cause of the single
most painful event in her life? Her beloved father had caused this agony?
Unthinkable.
“What do you mean, my father told you to?” Amanda
asked suspiciously. Perhaps she had misunderstood.
Now it was Justin's turn to look puzzled. “He never
told you this?”
Amanda shook her head, “I have no idea what you're
talking about.”
Justin said slowly, “Well...about two minutes after
you left me that last night, Parker walked into the bunkhouse. He couldn't look
me in the eye. He took my duffel bag down from the wall peg where it hung and
threw it on the bed. He stared at it for a few seconds and then turned to
leave. As he walked out, he said, 'Son, pack your things. Be gone by morning.'
Those were the last words he ever spoke to me.” Amanda heard his voice get
thick with emotion as he uttered the last sentence.
Amanda, shocked, countered with, “And you just did it?
You didn't ask him why?”
Justin shook his head, “I had a pretty good idea why.”
“You still could have said goodbye to me!”
Justin looked her full in the face as he said, slowly
and with great consideration, “I've always assumed that you asked him to come
tell me to leave.”
This statement hit Amanda like a punch in the gut. The
idea that Justin could be under the impression, no matter what had transpired
between them, that she could ever want him out of her life was unthinkable.
“Why would you jump to that conclusion?”
“Well, how else would he have even known that anything
had happened between us, that there was even a reason to ask me to leave? It's
pretty convenient timing otherwise.”
Amanda shook her head, “No, I didn't speak to him that
night. I ran straight to my room. I didn't tell him anything about it until the
next day, and by then you were gone.”
Suddenly, Amanda saw exactly how it must have
transpired. The entire scenario played out in her mind, as if she were seeing
it on a screen in CinemaScope.
“Oh, God, Justin. I know what happened,” she breathed,
“I ran out of the bunkhouse in my bra, holding my shirt, and crying. He must
have seen me...”
“Oh, no,” Justin continued, picking up the thread, his
face losing color. “He must have thought I tried to force myself on you. Oh my
God. He really thought that of me. I think I'm gonna throw up.”
“Justin, no! No, even if he thought that, it was only
until the next morning. I spilled the entire story. You know I could never keep
anything from Dad. He knew that it was all on me, that you did nothing – that
even the feelings were all on my part.”
A further realization occurred to her, “That must have
been his reasoning behind changing his will as a way to bring us back together.
When he found out the true story, found out how wrong he'd been...this was his
way to make it right.”
Justin's brow furrowed, “Do you think so?”
She laughed bitterly, “Yes. I loved him, but he was
stubborn, and he was prideful. He never would have been able to admit to you
how wrong he was, or apologize. This whole scenario – bringing you back here,
leaving the resort to us both – this was his mea culpa.”
Justin looked at her, his eyes boring into her soul.
She felt the tension between them grow, and knew that the next words out of his
mouth were going to be of great import, possibly even of the life-changing
variety. “You know, Manda,” he said softly, taking a step forward and gazing at
her intensely, “the feelings weren't all on your side. Not by a longshot.”
Suddenly, every cell in Amanda's body was tingling in
anticipation, her breathing was shallow, her cheeks were flushed, her thoughts
were muddled. No one but Justin had ever been able to put her in this state at
all, let alone the way Justin could – immediately, and with only a word or a
glance.
Then his lips were on hers, urgent, desperate. His
arms were around her, and she felt her own arms snake around his neck as her
mouth met his need with her own equally desperate desire. She felt his tongue
enter her mouth with an electricity that jolted her very core.
Justin moaned her name, and she threw her head back in
abandon. As Justin began to kiss his way down her neck, his tongue trailing
small circles over her collarbone, she felt the heat of arousal in a way that
she had never experienced. Justin's fingers slipped under her blouse, caressing
her waist and trailing their tantalizing way up her back, leaving scorched
paths of heat in their wake. God, she thought to herself, I've gotten more
sheer carnal pleasure out of just this kiss with Justin than I've ever gotten
from sex with Geoffrey!
The thought of Geoffrey's name brought her back to
reality, and her head snapped up. What was it about the topic, or the presence,
of Justin that made her completely forget Geoffrey's entire existence?
She jumped back, pushing Justin away. “I can't do
this!” she cried.
Justin looked supremely confused, “What? What are you
talking about?”
“I have a boyfriend,” she protested weakly, “this isn't
right.”
Then, because she knew it was the only thing she could
do which would keep her from continuing down the road that the kiss had started
her on, she turned around and fled down the path. It was a weak attempt to
escape, she knew, as escape attempts went. After all, Justin was taller than
she by a full foot, and his legs were just that much longer. If he chose to go
after her, he would catch up to her in half a dozen strides.
However, it was what she could do, in terms of taking
a stand. And besides, she realized with chagrin and more than a little regret
and she made her way as quickly as she could down the path, he doesn't seem to
be coming after me anyway.
Chapter 19
“I hereby call to order the very first meeting of the
Fabulous Four Book Club, of which each of the individuals currently present is
a charter member,” Karina intoned solemnly.
The four girls were sitting around that evening in
Amanda's living room, drinking wine and laughing, and Karina had come up with
the idea of starting a book club, as a way to keep them all in touch. Even from
different cities, they could use video chat technology to see each other and
chat in real time, and it was a way to know that the four of them would hang
out together, at least virtually, once every month.
“Since the idea of this book club was only proposed
about 15 minutes ago, we can forgo having a book to discuss this one time,”
Lauren said, a touch severely, “but in the future, we really need to have a
book. We don't want this to turn into one of those 'wine and complain' parties
that other women have, under only the thinnest guise of calling it a book club.
We're better than that.”
“Oh, yeah,” Karina said somewhat incredulously, taking
a large swig of wine from her glass, “We're wwaaayyy better than that.”
“Well, we are,” Lauren went on, undeterred, “and we
are going to prove it, every single month, when we exercise our intellect by
actually reading a book, and then discussing it, like civilized adults,” she
paused, then, grinning wickedly, “after which, of course, we will drink and
gossip until we pass out. But not before we talk about the book, dammit!”
“Because we're better than that,” Karina intoned in a
mock serious voice.
“Damn straight we are,” Lauren said with a victorious
smile.
“Well, this month we don't have a book,” Sam said with
delicious anticipation, taking the merest sip of her wine. “And I'm in
training, so I can't even knock back the wine at the same rate as you ladies.
So that means I have to get drunk on gossip.” She rubbed her hands together in
glee, “Who's first? Who's got some juicy dirt?”
“I have a better idea,” said Amanda mischievously,
“How about a good old-fashioned game of truth or dare?”
“Oh, I'm game!” Karina exclaimed immediately.
“What a shock!” came Lauren and Sam's voices together.
“Oh, you two think you're real funny,” Karina
grinned”, “You're gonna find yourself on the receiving end of one of those
couch pillows you always think it's so cute to bop me in the head with.”
“Well, to avoid that terrifying prospect, why don't we
start the game,” Sam suggested.
“OK,” Amanda began, “I have one for Karina. But first,
some ground rules. Nothing that's said here leaves the room.”
“What happens in Amanda's living room stays in
Amanda's living room,” Sam agreed.
“Yes, absolutely,” Lauren chimed in.
“You know I agree, I don't want my business in the
tabloids,” Karina finished.
“All right then, Miss Karina, here's my question for
you. Who's the most famous person you've ever had a fling with?”
Karina grimaced, “Ew, you guys, famous guys are gross.
I like to be the most vain one in my relationships, thankyouverymuch.”
Sam's jaw dropped, “So you mean you've literally been
famous all this time, and you've never taken advantage of that fact to have a
tryst with some hot A -lister?”
Karina shook her head, “Nah. Not interested. How about
you, Sam? You're famous, too.”
Sam snorted, “Oh please! I'm well-known in my field.
That's not the same thing as you – you're constantly on magazine covers,
getting your pictures taken by tabloids...”
Karina groaned, “What part of that sounds appealing?”
“Well, you're rich. That's something a lot of people
would love to be.”
“There are a lot of ways to make money. Fame ain't all
it's cracked up to be.”
“Well, then,” Amanda said reasonably, “Who would you
say was the love of your life? Famous or not?”
Karina shrugged, “God, you guys, I don't even know –
isn't that sad? I mean, I've dated guys. I've even loved some of them. I dated
my first manager for two years, I definitely loved him, while we were involved.
But the love of my life? That phrase seems epic. None of my relationships have
had that epic 'I can't live without you' feel to them.”
“Yet,” Amanda appended.
Karina laughed, “Oh yes, my dear little optimist. I
forgot to add 'yet' to the end of that sentence.”
Amanda continued, “There's still time! You're young!”
Karina shrugged, “I don't know. I think maybe I'm not
wired that way. I've never loved a guy as much as I love music. I think maybe
that's my destiny. Maybe music is meant to be my great love.”