Sweet Vengeance (24 page)

She'd
used most of the extra money she'd earned from her job to upgrade and remodel her
apartment until it was the warm and cozy home she'd always dreamed of.  She
loved the way the lavender and plum pillows accented her sofa and complimented
the soft yellows in the adjoining kitchen. 

She
headed for the bedroom to change from her professional attire.  Her room had an
old-fashioned, comfortable feel to it, with bleached woods and hushed pink
tones.  The fact she'd been able to create a comfortable and beautiful living
space was one of her favorite accomplishments.  It was a home.  A real home. 

Her
home.

Allie
chose comfortable jeans and a black cotton shirt.  The color set off her dark
hair and eyes, she thought, as she closed the bottom button of her shirt and
started working her way up.  She paused at the button between her breasts, catching
a glimpse of the tattoo on her right breast that reminded her daily of her
past.  Whether it was painful or not, the time had come to have Joey's tattoo
removed as well.  She'd never be able to truly embrace the freedom from her
past if she didn't get rid of everything. 

Except
Boo.  He was
her
dog now.  And, damn, she'd have to get rid of the
Blackberry Jase had given her.  She loved that phone and all the little
features that came with it.  But she could ditch the one he'd given her and buy
her own.  The service for it couldn't be that expensive.  And she really wanted
to update it.  Electronics were ancient after six years. 

Allie
ran her hands through her short hair and finger-combed her spiky bangs.  What a
difference a few years could make.  She was no longer a know-it-all teenager,
but a woman who'd discovered life in the real world.  She'd worked hard to
improve her mind and her physical strength.

Would
Jase even recognize her now?

She
huffed in disgust and turned away from the mirror.  Lately, he'd been invading
every thought of every day.  Normally, she could keep it to a handful of
thoughts daily.  Could it be Ryan's persistence they sleep together that made
her think of Jase?  She hadn't had sex with another man since Oregon.  The loss
of her first love, Joey, and the quick and painful flash of a love affair with
Jase had made her more than a little careful when it came to men.

Of
course, there hadn't been anyone who'd tempted her until Ryan.  He'd been
extremely patient, but she'd run out of excuses.  There was no logical reason
why she shouldn't want to spend the night tucked in the arms of the handsome,
caring man who waited for her in the other room. 

Instead
of joining Ryan, she plopped on the edge of her bed.  So why couldn't she forget
Jase?  There hadn't been a morning she hadn't woken and thought of him and the
child she'd given away.  What would they both be doing?  Was Jase still in
Chicago?  Her daughter would be enrolled in first grade that year.  If she saw
her, would she recognize her? 

On
and on the questions cycled through her mind.  After a few years, her thoughts
had shifted from wondering
when
she'd gain serenity in her life to
if
she'd ever have peace of mind.  Then Ryan had shown up and temporarily
distracted her.  So why was she reverting to her old bad habits?

When
she returned from her bedroom, Ryan had made himself at home.  He sat with his
feet on her beautifully refurbished cherry wood coffee table, a beer in one
hand and the remote wrapped around the other.  At least, he'd had the brains to
take off his shoes.  She walked between him and the couch, forcing his feet to
the ground while she searched for Boo's leash.

With
his tie missing and the top two buttons of his dress shirt opened, Ryan was
attractive.  Who was she kidding, he was always attractive.  More so with his
shirt undone.  Working his way up the ranks of a pharmaceutical company, he was
a woman's dream come true.  There were a lot of similarities between his looks
and Jase's, Allie admitted, but when it came to the man inside, Ryan was completely
different.  Warm and lighthearted, friendly and fun.  He was everything she
wished Jase could have been.  There was only one problem.  He wasn't Jase.

"Want
to come walk with me and Boo?" 

He
flashed a quick glance at her.  "Nah, I'm tired.  I just want to catch a
few minutes of the game."

It
didn't take long for Allie to return from taking Boo out for a bathroom break,
but when she re-entered the apartment, she knew something was wrong.  The TV
was on mute.  The remote and Ryan's beer had been abandoned on the coffee
table.  She was about to berate him for not using a coaster to protect the
wood, but the look on his face stopped her.

Ryan
watched her with hard eyes, his lips pressed in a firm line. 
"Again?"  He waved the bank notice.

She
swallowed, not wanting to fight with him, and yet a little peeved he'd looked
at her mail.  She unleashed Boo and walked past Ryan, snatching her bank
statement from his hand.  He followed her into the adjoining kitchen.  With what
she hoped was a telling gesture, she put it with the rest of her mail and set
the pile on top of the fridge, away from him.  "I've told you.  I have no
control over what he does."

"There
has to be a way to make him stop." 

"I've
tried." 

"Can't
you move your account?"  The anger in his voice had softened to
frustration as he took a step closer to her. 

She
took a step back, bumping into the bar that separated the small kitchen from
the living room.  "I've already changed banks.  Twice.  You know this." 
And Jase had still managed to find her.  Then again, what did she expect from
someone who worked with criminals? 

"Why
can't you ask someone in your office to help you?  The police should have
available resources to deal with this kind of thing." 

"No." 
She couldn't do that.  She didn't want them knowing anything about her prior
life.  Jase had gone to great lengths to get her a new identity, one that
passed police scrutiny.  She wouldn't compromise it now.  "I don't want
people in the office to talk."

He
took her hand.  "Why not?"

She
broke eye contact and tried to step around him. 

Ryan
put an arm around her waist, stopping her.  "Who is this guy...really? 
He's sending you five thousand a month.  What kind of guy does that or can even
afford to do that?"

She
had no choice but to look at Ryan.  His frustration had faded to the warmth and
sincerity that had first attracted her.  He held her close enough that their
breath mingled.  But there was no spark, no heat licking at her, making her
want to move deeper into his arms. 

"I've
explained it before.  He's a guy from my past.  He was a wealthy man who helped
me with college.  I haven't seen or heard from him for six years.  And I told
you, I'm not spending the money.  It means nothing to me."  Besides, she'd
already told her department during the background check they did on her, the
monthly deposits were from a trust fund.  To change her story now would be
grounds for dismissal. 

"Yeah. 
I know.  You've told me."  He took her chin in his hand as though holding
her there would force her to give him the answers he wanted.  "But there
has to be more.  There's a reason he's still sending money."  He studied
her face.  "It's his way of holding on to you."

"That's
a lie.  He didn't
want
to hold on to me."  A gush of emotion washed
through her from hearing Ryan speak her long-buried wishes.  She blinked
several times.  "He couldn't care less."

An
odd look crossed Ryan's face.  "You still
love
him."

"No." 
She couldn't.  Not after how he'd abandoned her.  She was smart enough to
realize her future happiness stood in front of her.  "I love
you
,
Ryan."  At least, she wanted to.  Given time, she knew she would.

He
held her face, studying her, and then crushed his lips against hers.  He
slipped one hand behind her head, the other one around her waist, pulling her
tight against him.  She couldn't breathe. 

She
tried to kiss him back, tried to mimic his passion, but he'd caught her off
guard.  Before long, she felt his fingers on her shirt buttons, and she froze. 
She couldn't pull away, or he'd think she didn't love him.  But she wasn't
ready to make love to him.  Not now.  Not in the kitchen.

His
deft fingers slid the shirt from her, and she gasped as the air hit her skin. 
His hands were greedy on her back, and they quickly moved to her shoulders.  He
slid the bra strap off her left shoulder and before she knew it, he palmed her
bare breast.  Her mind whirled.  It was all happening so fast and not how she'd
imagined.  Then again, after she'd left Chicago, she'd never pictured herself
with anyone but Jase.

Ryan
broke their kiss, capturing her gaze with his.  He held them for a moment
before placing a kiss on the underside of her neck.  He stopped as though
waiting for her reaction. 

She
held her breath.  She wanted to stop him, but she didn't dare say so.

He
kissed her shoulder, and then he stopped again.

She
waited. 

Her
collarbone.  Stop.  The top of her breast.  Stop.  And then he sucked her
nipple into his mouth. 

A
wave of dizziness swept through her.  But it was not a good feeling.  It was
more like fear or nausea, and she pushed him away.

That
did it.  "What the hell, Alex?"

She
covered herself, unwanted tears springing to the surface.  "I'm
sorry."

He
raked a hand through his hair, frustration etched across his features. 
"What the hell am I supposed to think?  You say you're over him, but he
sends you five thousand a month.  You say you love me, but you won't let me
touch you."  He slammed a hand down on the kitchen counter.  "I don't
know what to do."

"I'm
sorry."  She reached out toward him, but he backed away.  "I do love
you."

"Then
why don't you ask for help?  I'm sure there's someone who'd help you find a way
to stop those payments.  Somebody else might help you deal with your physical
aversion to me."

She
winced at the accusation but was clueless how to defend herself.  "I
can't."  She knew she sounded lame.  She should trust him and tell him
everything about her past.  But she couldn't.  Not yet.

"Right." 
Ryan grimaced.  "No.  If you loved me, then you'd be honest about this
guy.  You're holding something back, and until you're ready to deal with it and
kick him out of your life for good—" he shook his head, "—I'm outta
here."

"Ryan—"

"Think
about it, Alex.  Think about what you're asking me to accept.  It's not
fair."

She
reached for his arm again, and this time he didn't stop her.  She wrapped her
fingers around his wrist and held on.  "I know I'm asking a lot." 
She wiped her tears with her free hand.  "But I don't want to lose you. 
Just give me a little more time.  I'll make things right."

He
shook his head, his blue eyes sad.  He pulled away and headed for the door. 
"Call me when you're interested in an honest relationship."

She
stood, looking at the closed door.  Her hiccup echoed through the silence.  She
took a deep breath and let it flow out of her.  Her heartbeat settled, and
alone, she felt more in control.  Boo had stayed out of the line of fire by
sitting in his favorite spot on the couch, but now that Ryan was gone, he
wanted her attention.  He brought his favorite orange tennis ball and dropped
it at her feet.  Her sweet puppy had always been there when she'd needed a
friend.  "
You
get to stay, Boo."  She picked up the ball and
tossed it across the room with more force than was necessary.  "But
everything else that reminds me of my previous life has to go."  Joey's
tattoo, Jase's money, and most of all the memories.

Unfortunately,
she knew now there was only one way to get Jase out of her life for good.

*       
*        *

Jase
studied the photograph Max had handed to him.  The picture was a close-up of a
gunshot wound which had pierced a tattoo on someone's skin.  Chinese symbols
edged the left side of a heart with the letters A and J resting inside. 
Whatever had been on the right side had been blown away.  Jase set the photo
down on his office desk and looked up at his sidekick.  "So?"

Max
grinned as he pulled out a chair on the opposite side of the desk and sat. 
"It might be the clue we've been bustin' our asses looking for all these
years." 

Jase
tried to ignore the spark of hope Max's comment had ignited.  He'd been
searching for a way to get revenge on the Trasatti family for far too long. 
For all his efforts, he'd only managed to cause them some headaches and not the
serious trauma he'd hoped for.  At least, he'd been able to slow some of their
underhanded dealings and reroute some of their money to help out the locals
who'd suffered at the mob's whims.  Jase nodded at the door, and Max leaned
over and kicked it shut.  "What kind of a clue?"

"This
is a tat Joey Pagano had on his chest."  Max looked like he'd just won the
lottery, but Jase wasn't so certain.