Tainted (4 page)

I nodded and turned to head to my usual table. When I found no one sitting there, I guessed it was permanently claimed by Breaking the Hunger, even after we’d been gone for months. I had barely sat down when a waitress I didn’t recognize appeared beside me.

“What can I get for you?” she asked cheerfully, looking me over.

I could tell from her expression that she liked what she saw, but I wasn’t interested. She was pretty, but she wasn’t Chloe. I mentally smacked myself as I compared the two of them in my head. They both had platinum blonde hair and blue eyes, but that was where the similarities ended. This girl was several inches taller with an athletic build whereas Chloe was all soft edges and beautiful curves.

Who was I kidding? No one would ever compare to Chloe, physically or mentally. I’d never met someone with her spark or her love of life. Her excitement over the smallest things had always made me smile. Even now, I couldn’t fight the grin turning up the corners of my lips.

The waitress apparently thought my smile was for her. Her grin widened as she leaned in closer to me. “See something you like?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, I see a bar full of alcohol behind you. Bring me a beer. I don’t care what kind.”

She seemed a bit annoyed with me, but she kept it to herself. “Sure. Coming right up.”

As she walked toward the bar, I turned my attention to the band on stage, and I immediately wished I hadn’t. They sounded horrible, and that was putting it lightly. While the guy playing the guitar wasn’t bad, the rest of them were. The drummer was playing faster than everyone else, and it clashed with the singer’s slightly off-key singing.

I groaned as I listened to them. It was depressing to see one of our replacements. If Breaking the Hunger were playing, the bar would be packed, but tonight, there were several open tables. I wasn’t being conceited, but I knew that we’d brought in a lot of business for Gold’s.

A few minutes later, the waitress returned with my beer, and I sipped on it as I continued to watch the band. Someone seriously needed to remove them from the stage before people started throwing beer bottles at them. I glanced around the bar and noticed Jerry watching me with a grin on his face. I waved him over, and he laughed as he headed my way.

“They’re fucking awful, aren’t they?” He sat down in the chair beside me.

“Who the hell are they?” I asked.

“Some local band just starting out. I don’t think any of them are older than eighteen, and they need some serious work.” He paused long enough to grin at me. “Unlike you, of course. Why don’t you do something acoustic when they finish up? Hopefully, this is their last song, or I’m going to stab myself in the eardrum.”

I laughed at the look on his face. “I didn’t bring my guitar with me.”

“So? Use one of theirs. It’s the least they could do after making us suffer through this.”

I shrugged. “Sure. Why not?”

I needed something to help soothe my nerves, and music always served as my release when I had too much shit on my mind. Maybe it could help me now since my head was one big clusterfuck.

Sure enough, a few minutes later, the band finished their last song.

I stood and walked to the end of the stage. “Hey, do you have an acoustic guitar with you?” I asked the guitarist.

He seemed surprised, but he nodded. “Yeah, I have one out in the van.”

“Do you think I could borrow it for one song?”

“Um, sure. Let me take my stuff out, and I’ll bring it in for you.”

I went back to my table and waited as the band packed up and carried their instruments out of the bar.

A few minutes later, the guy returned with his acoustic guitar.

“Thanks.” I took the case from him and pulled out the guitar. I strummed a chord and found the instrument was horribly out of tune. I spent a couple of minutes adjusting it until I was satisfied. These guys had a lot to learn.

The bar was quiet as I left my table and went on stage. I pulled up a stool in front of the mic and sat down. “Evening, guys. I’m sure most of you know me, but for those of you who don’t, I’m Drake from Breaking the Hunger. I thought I’d play something since I’m just sitting on my ass in here.”

A few people laughed, and then I started playing “Fine Again” by Seether. It seemed like the perfect song for my life right now, and I wanted to share it even if the audience wouldn’t understand the meaning behind it. I let the music take over as I poured my soul into the song. This was the release I needed to deal with all the bullshit in my life. When everyone left me, music was always there to soothe me.

I finished the song and exited the stage. The room was dead silent as I handed the guitar back to its rightful owner and walked back to my table. I knew they had to be wondering what that little performance was about, and I didn’t want to hang around for the questions that were sure to follow. I threw a couple of bills on the table, and without a backward glance, I left the bar to return to my own personal hell.

“This is unfuckingbelievable!” Adam shouted as he boarded the label’s private plane.

Jade laughed as she followed him up the steps and onto the plane. I followed behind her, and Eric entered last. We all stood in awe as we looked around the interior of the plane. The last time I had been on a plane was years ago, and it was nothing compared to this. This one was surprisingly roomy for being so small. There were five seats on each side, and in the back, two couches were situated directly in front of two flat-screen televisions mounted to the wall.

Adam ran to one of the couches and flopped down onto it. “If this is the life of a big time musician, then I never want to leave. This couch has to be worth more than my car!”

I couldn’t help but grin as I slid down into one of the seats. I could always count on Adam to cheer me up when I was having a shitty day. Jade sat down in the aisle across from me, and Eric took the seat in front of me.

“I have to admit that this is pretty cool,” Eric said as he looked at me.

“Yeah, it is. I could get used to this,” Jade said.

After spending over an hour and a half in Eric’s cramped car on the drive to the Pittsburgh International Airport, these seats felt like heaven on earth. I stretched my legs out in front of me and reclined the seat.

“It is a pretty nice setup,” I said before yawning.

I’d tossed and turned most of the night before as Chloe had constantly filled my mind. I’d wondered how close was she to me? What would she do if I called her and asked to come over? Would she hang up on me? Would she let me spend the night with her? Of course she wouldn’t. That was a stupid question. She’d made her decision very clear. As long as I was using, she didn’t want anything to do with me. I wasn’t sure if she would even talk to me once I was clean.

When she wasn’t consuming my thoughts, I was thinking about how many hours had passed since I used last. This was the longest I’d gone without coke for a while, and I felt like I was going crazy. I was determined to stop using though. I was tired of hurting everyone around me, but I wasn’t sure how long I could handle it.

I didn’t want the band to know that I was trying to stop on my own. They would only worry about me and watch me constantly. I didn’t need three babysitters. I could do this on my own.

And if you fail, they’ll never even know you tried
, a little voice in my head said.

I had to agree with it. If I couldn’t quit on my own, I didn’t want to see the disappointment written all over their faces.

“Attention, passengers. We are preparing for takeoff. Please make sure your seat belts are fastened,” a male voice said over the intercom.

I fastened my seat belt as Adam stood from the couch and walked to the nearest seat.

I had to admit that I was excited about this whole thing. If the label liked us, it would change our entire lives. We could get a deal, record an album, and tour the country. There would be no more gigs in small-town bars for us. I smiled as I pictured myself in front of thousands of fans with Chloe standing just offstage, watching me proudly with a huge grin on her face.

And there she was again. She obviously didn’t miss me, so why couldn’t I get her out of my head? Thoughts of her consumed me. She was an addiction, just like the cocaine, and I couldn’t let either one of them go.

A young woman stepped out of the cockpit and started walking toward us. She checked to make sure each of our seat belts were secured before walking back into the cabin. I closed my eyes and listened to Adam and Jade bicker as we waited for the plane to take off.

A few minutes later, I opened my eyes to see the same woman from earlier walking back into our cabin. She took a seat in the front. “We will be taking off momentarily.”

Sure enough, less than a minute later, I felt the plane start to move. I grabbed both armrests, preparing myself for when we lifted off the runway. Flying didn’t scare me, but I wasn’t too keen on the actual takeoff part. When I felt the plane leaving the ground, the muscles in my arms tightened as I clung to the armrests. I closed my eyes and waited for the okay to unfasten my seat belt.

When the pilot announced that we could move around the cabin, I threw off my seat belt and stood. Between craving my fix and the takeoff, I was feeling antsy to say the least. I walked to the couches and dropped myself down on one of them. Maybe I could nap for a little bit if I closed my eyes and blocked out the voices in the cabin.

I opened my eyes and looked around. I noticed Eric studying me closely. Lately, it seemed like he was always watching me, and it made me nervous. Eric was one of the most perceptive people I had ever known, and his constant scrutiny made me feel like he could see right into me.

He stood and headed toward me. He sat down beside me and stared at the blank television screen. He obviously wanted to talk, but I wasn’t sure if he was waiting for me to say something or if he was thinking things over before he spoke.

“You okay?” Eric finally asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

“You’re fidgety today, more than normal.” He looked away from the television and directed his gaze at me.

“Flying makes me nervous,” I lied.

“It’s more than that. Did you see Chloe last night or something?” he asked.

That wasn’t what I had expected at all. He never mentioned Chloe. “No, I didn’t. I know when I’m not wanted, and I’m not about to go chase after her like a lovesick idiot.”

“You still love her.”

It wasn’t a question. He was simply stating the obvious, but for some reason, it bothered me.

“Does it matter?” I asked.

“It does.”

“It doesn’t. Even if I do still love her, she’s made it clear that she wants nothing to do with me.”

“She left because she loves you, Drake. She couldn’t stand to watch you destroy yourself. You have to know that.”

I shrugged, hoping that he would drop the conversation. Of course, I knew he wouldn’t though. Eric rarely spoke about private matters, so when he did, he made sure to say everything he needed to.

“If this label signs us, things are going to change. If you think the women are bad now, just wait. You will have hundreds of women throwing themselves at you constantly.”

“So? What are you trying to get at?”

“I honestly think Chloe would take you back in a heartbeat if you got your life together. I just don’t want you to do anything that you might regret later.”

“Like sleep with one of the groupies?” I asked, finally understanding what he was getting at.

“Exactly. You’re a good guy, Drake, and I hate seeing you like this. I don’t want you to destroy what you had with Chloe any more than you already have. Just think things through before you act.”

I nodded. “I will.”

He smacked me on the back as he stood from the couch. “Good to hear.”

I relaxed as I watched him walk back up to the front toward Jade and Adam. His words echoed through my mind. Even though I realized that Chloe wasn’t coming back, I hadn’t accepted any invitations from the women who threw themselves at me while I had been out at the bars. It had just felt wrong to me, like I would be cheating. Besides, no woman could ever come close to Chloe. She was one in a billion.

The rest of the flight was uneventful. I felt like I hadn’t slept in weeks, but no matter how hard I tried, sleep wouldn’t come. All I wanted was a line of coke and to get off this damn plane. That wasn’t too much to ask, was it? By the time we landed in L.A., I was cranky and ready to put my fist through a wall.

I followed the rest of the band off the plane and into the airport. We collected our bags and walked toward the exit. Near the door, we noticed a huge guy holding a sign with our names on it. Eric approached him first, and we all followed. After the guy verified who we were, he led us outside to a limo idling by the curb.

I whistled as I slid into the seat next to Jade. Eric and Adam slid in across from us. This label was the real deal. First, they had flown us over in a private plane, and now, we were in their limo. We rode in silence. All of us seemed too nervous to say anything. When the limo stopped, I glanced out the window to see a huge building with the record label’s name displayed across the entrance.