Take a Breath (Take 1) (8 page)

    Jake growls loudly, “Fuck, Ana,” as he thrusts inside me a warm feeling of his own release. 

We
lay for a while, Jake on top of me trying to catch our breaths.  I
can’t believe this has just happened and I feel delirious from the come
down of the most mind blowing orgasm.  Nothing can get much better
than this.  If this is a version of heaven then I never want to
leave.  I’m feeling so high and I can’t escape the smile sweeping
across my face.  It doesn’t last long as once realisation kicks
in; Jake has to spoil the whole moment.  

   “Oh shit, Ana, what just happened, I can’t think properly when I’m around you?”  

    I’m not quite sure what he means by this, is he regretting it now?  

 
 “I’m sorry Ana.”  Oh no, those words again.  “Are you
on any contraception, your mother and I never.”  

 
  He stops what he’s saying, realising the almighty fuck up, he’s
just made. I’m lying there half naked and I start feeling sick all of a
sudden.  They never what, do I really want to be hearing
this?  Fantastic timing Jake, well done.  

   “I’m sorry Ana, I need to get away, I can’t do this, I can’t be doing this, it’s wrong.”  

 
  Oh god, I think I’m going to die.  Why does he keep doing
this to me?  “Get out Jake, please.”  I can’t help the tears
that sting my eyes.  He gets up and quickly pulls his trousers
up.  I’ve never felt so used in all my life.  He looks over
to me and winces when he sees my ripped dress.  

   “I never meant for this to happen Ana, I’m so sorry I can’t do this.”  

    The anger I feel just keeps building, “I said get out Jake, just GET OUT.”  

 
  He timidly shuts the door and I throw myself into the pillow and
sob my heart out.  I feel like the world around me is ending and I
just want to get away, I’ve had enough of feeling for this man.  I
can’t believe he mentions my mother after we’ve just, oh god, is this
sick?  Am I sick? What did he mean they never, they ever
what?  I can’t get my head around what he was trying to convey and
I don’t think I really want to.  That’s a territory I need to
quickly get out of my head and fast.  I lay there for a while
until I have the sudden urge for a shower.  I run into my bathroom
taking off my ripped dress and I get a wash.  I can still smell
him everywhere and I don’t want to wash it off, but at the same time I
feel dirty after what he’s done to me.  I can’t help what I feel
for this man, it has grown and grown and now that this is has happened,
I’m not sure what I’m going to do next. 

I
wash myself off, get dried and eventually dressed.  I feel
deflated, I wish I could talk to someone about this but I can’t say
anything.  I think about giving Jessie a call, she would know what
to do, but I can’t tell her who it’s all about.  I pick up the
phone and dial her number anyway, my body seeming to go through the
motions.  She answers the phone and I say hi.  

 
 “Ana, is that you?”  A sob escapes me, I can’t help
it.  “Ana, what’s wrong, do you want me to come over, Ana, are you
hurt, talk to me?”  

   “Sorry to trouble you Jessie, I didn’t know what else to do.”  

 
  Jessie sighs, “Ana, you’re my best friend, if there is something
bothering you I want it to be me that you come to for help.  I
know I can be a bit of a handful and joke around and shit, but if you
need me I’m here.  That’s what friends are for right?”  

    I let out another sob as her words settle in.  “Thanks Jessie.”  

    She takes a deep breath, “Now tell me Missy, how can Auntie Jessie help you today?”  

 
  I laugh down the phone already feeling a little better. 
“I’m in love Jessie.”  The sudden words flying out my mouth feel a
huge weight off my shoulders.  

 
 “So what has this asshole done, he’s obviously done something to
you as you wouldn’t be ringing me in tears?  Give me his address
and I’ll go round and rip his throat out, do I know him?  Who is
he and why have you not told me about him before?”  

    Oh no, of course she was going to ask me that.  “It’s complicated Jessie, I can’t say.”  

 
  She sighs again, “He’s married isn’t he?  Ana, don’t get
mixed up with married men, you’ll only get heartache at the end of it
and there are so many single men out there you can pick...”  

 
  I have to stop her.  “Jessie, it’s ok, he’s not married
exactly, it’s just complicated.  Please just trust me enough that
I can’t tell you who it is but that I need your help,
please.”  

 
  I hear her clear her throat, “Ok Ana, I don’t like it but I
won’t push you.  Can I ask at least what happened?”  

 
  My head spins, where do I start?  “I have liked this person
for a while and I have just recently found out he likes me too, well at
least I think he does, but every time I think we are getting somewhere
he pushes me away.  I’m exhausted with it and don’t know what else
to do.”  I feel a bit better knowing I have at least shared some
of the burden now.  

   “Can I at least ask if this person will be at the party tomorrow?” 

 
  I forgot all about that.  Jake is having a barbecue
tomorrow afternoon and has invited a lot of the gang over.  My
stomach ties in knots with the thought of it now.  “I believe he
is coming, yes.”  I hate lying to her about this but I can’t tell
her the truth, it’s too much.  

 
 “Well then Miss Thang, I know exactly what you need to do. 
Tomorrow morning you are going to go out and pamper yourself silly, get
a facial, get your hair done, nails, the lot.  Then I want you to
buy yourself a knockout dress and then at this party you will throw
everyone's socks off including this asshole and you will flirt with
every man except him until he realises what he’s missing.  You got
that?”  

    I can’t help but laugh.  “You said all that without taking a breath Jessie.”  

    She snorts, “Well, he’s an asshole, whoever he is.”  

    I chuckle again, “You said that three times already.”  I’m feeling much better now.  

   “Well, he is.”  

    I feel sad and thinking out loud I say, “I wish you were coming tomorrow.”  

 
  She sighs again, “Me too, I can’t get out of this, my mom will
kill me if I miss my cousin's wedding.  I’m sure you will be
fine.  Are you going to take Auntie Jessie’s advice?”  

 
  I’m thinking that I will.  I feel suddenly pissed off with
Jake and I would like to teach him a bit of a lesson.  I just hope
it works.  “I think I will Jessie, thanks for that, I feel a lot
better.  I’ll text you either Saturday night or Sunday morning and
let you know how I got on.”  I can hear movement in the
background.           “Ok Ana, as long as
it’s not too early Sunday.  Look I got to go now; I have to start
packing so I can get to Williamsburg by tonight.  Speak soon ok
and keep your chin up girl.”  

 
 I know what’s coming next so we say in unison, “And don’t let the
bastards get you down.”  We both laugh together, “See, that’s
better, now take care of yourself Ana, you hear me?”  

 
  I roll my eyes, “Yes, Auntie Jessie, now go have fun and be
careful on the roads.”  Traffic can be terrible on the 495. 
We say our goodbyes and I think of Jessie’s plan. 

I
have been saving money for a while now so I can get my own place. 
I would like to own my own home rather than rent so I have been trying
like mad to get a deposit gathered.  On the other hand I haven’t
treated myself for a while and it has been a long time since I got a
hair cut or went shopping.  I look across to the floor at my
ripped bikini bottoms.  I suppose I will need to get a new
swimsuit now too.  My heart sinks again.

I spend most of the day sulking in my room, but around five I start to
feel hungry.  I don’t want to go downstairs but I need to
eat.  This is ridiculous!  I take a step out of my room and
creep along the landing.  The house is beautiful; a huge arch
window greets me as I gaze out a few seconds at the beautiful day I’m
missing.  I sigh to myself.  I head down the stairs quickly
passing through the empty living room and into the kitchen.  I
don’t think Jake is in the house.  I let out a huge sigh of relief
and get on with making myself a ham and Philadelphia sandwich.  I
grab a few lays crisps to snack on after and pour myself an orange
juice.  I sit down at the breakfast bar and get on devouring my
sandwich.  I didn’t realise how hungry I was.  Once I’m
finished I wash up and put everything away.  I grab myself an
apple and head upstairs again.  Wherever Jake is I don’t want to
be around when he gets back.

I
searched the internet for a while looking for some dresses and shoes
and I book my hair appointment at Tyson’s Corner for 12.30pm, conscious
that the party starts at 4pm.  I gaze outside and only realise
that night is upon us and its 9pm.  I’m wired up and exhausted at
the same time.  I need to clear my head.  A run is probably
the best solution.  I grab my kit and get ready.  It is muggy
outside but at least the sun is down and the more I think about it the
more I feel I need this.  I get dressed and put my hair up in a
high ponytail to keep the sweat away from my hair.  I run
downstairs and see Jake is on the sofa.  I quickly move to the
door and open it.  

   “Ana, where are you going?”  

 
  I don’t look around; I can’t believe he wants to know where I’m
going.  Isn’t it obvious what I’m doing?  I quickly run out
the door and shut it behind me starting a steady pace.  

    I hear the door open behind me, “Ana, come back you can’t go out.  ANA.”  

 
  How dare he talk to me like that, who does he think he is? 
I quickly get out of earshot and make my way around the main roads so I
am not on my own too often.  There are plenty of people walking
their dogs so I feel safe.  I put my iPod on and start listening
to music to keep me going.  My adrenaline is pumping and in my own
little world trying desperately not to think about Jake’s every
touch.  I quickly snap out of it wondering how long I’ve been
out.  I look at my watch and see its 10pm, shit I must head back
now as it’s getting late.  I’m only a mile away from home now so
it will not take me long.  I turn around the last corner before
heading home and I see a group of young boys.  I instantly tense
as I get nearer to them.  They all look up and see me which is the
last thing I wanted.  

   “Hey pretty lady are you having a nice run?” 

 
  I study him a moment, he doesn’t look very old about 19 with
short cropped brown hair.  There’s another two with blonde hair,
possibly brothers, but I don’t want to stay any longer to notice. 
I try and pass the guy who spoke to me but he blocks my
path.  

 
 “So what is a girl like you doing out so late on your own? 
There are some terrible people about you know.”  

 
  I look into his soulless brown eyes, “Do you mind moving out of
the way please?  I can’t get home and be safe away from the
terrible people if you’re blocking my path now, can I?”  He laughs
obviously finding my statement amusing.  

 
 “Pretty and witty guys and with a British accent, you know we
were just off to a party, would you like to come?”  

 
  The other two are getting closer to me now and I’m starting to
panic.  I’m about to speak when I see that their eyes are no
longer on me any longer.  I jump at the sound of his voice. 

   “I think you boys better be running along don’t you?”  

    They all step back but the brown haired boy tries to regain some of his cockiness.  

   “Look Mr, it ain’t none of your business ok, we were just chatting to the pretty lady here that’s all.”  

 
  He storms past me and grabs the boy by his neck and lifts him up
like he was made of straw, causing him to choke.  The other two
steps back in horror watching the scene unfold.  

   “I won’t ask you again young man; take a hike before I really lose my temper.  Do you hear me?”  

 
  I eventually find my voice, “Jake for god’s sake, put the boy
down.”  The boy is starting to turn a funny colour and I was a
little uncertain of how much of a hold he has on the situation. 
Luckily Jake puts him down and the lad starts choking trying to catch
his breath.  

 
 “Look, I’m sorry Mr ok, I didn’t realise she was your girl and
all, we just wanted to ask her out to a party.  We didn’t mean any
harm.”  

    He looks over to me and pants, “Sorry lady ok, we’ll be on our way.”  

 
  I nod my approval and quickly turn to walk back home.  Jake
grabs my arm and spins me around.  He’s mad Jake again and it’s
becoming a bit of a habit.       “I told you not to
go out Ana, if I hadn’t of turned up…”  

    I pull my arm away, “Nothing would have happened; now I’m going home.”  

 
  He lets out a heavy sigh, “Ana, there is a mad man going around
killing girls with blonde hair and blue eyes, you’re practically
advertising yourself out here running on your own at this time of
night.  You can’t be out here, it’s too dangerous.”