Take Me As I Am (18 page)

While striding toward the long table, Jo received odd glances and heard whispers that floated around the room.

“It can’t be. Can it?” echoed around the room.

†

Thea grinned at her stepfather as the song ended. “Grayson, I have to go check something in the office, I’ll be back in half an hour for the cutting of the cake, I promise.”

“I’ll tell your mother and you know she won’t be happy. She said you had to enjoy yourself tonight and she would take care of the hotel.”

“I know she did and trust me, she can. This is personal business, Grayson. I have to make a call to someone I haven’t seen in a while and it’s long overdue.”

Grayson smiled, then winked. “Half an hour or I send your mother after you. Go, I see she’s heading in our direction.”

Thea left the room by one of the service entrances quickly, rather than face her mother near the hotel foyer door.

“You’ll never believe this Gray….” Thea heard as she left the room to make that call to Joanna.

Alice had given her the number Joanna left with her. After seeing people happy together and the love that they shared, she had to at least try to make contact again with her friend. She needed it, her heart hadn’t stopped bleeding since she’d left the apartment they shared, and possibly, it never would. Somehow, she had to fight for this. It was too important to give up.

†

“Papa,” Jo’s husky voice said. Blue eyes sparkled with unshed tears as she looked at her father. He was still handsome and now with his hair liberally peppered with gray, he was very distinguished looking.

Alexander looked up and Stella put a hand to her mouth to stop herself sobbing.

“Joanna? My God, it is you!” The aged eyes now shimmered with tears as his head shook from side to side in astonishment.

“Yes, Papa, your black sheep has turned up at last.” This time Jo rushed forward and her father engulfed her in a hug as fierce as any she had experienced in her lifetime. She listened to words her father spoke in his native language as he cried them into her hair, stroking it softly.

“Stella, Stella, our daughter has returned to us. Look, here she is and she’s real, darling, she is.”

Stella joined in the hug and they all dissolved into tears and laughter kissing one another repeatedly.

“Hey, Papa, I want to live to see another day, not be suffocated.” Jo pulled away and smothered her laughter realizing that every eye in the room had turned to them.

Alexander laughed at the remark and drew her to arm’s length as he looked at her closely. He shook his head and then placed a kiss on her cheek. “Thank you, Joanna, for making this evening even more special than it already is. Come, your brother will want to see you and so will his family. You have a niece you have never seen. Come, Joanna, come.”

“Okay, okay, Papa, I’ll come. I’m here for a while. I promise.” Jo smiled at her father wondering why she had left coming home for so long. They loved her for nothing more than being their daughter. Why had she taken so long to realize that?

†

Thea couldn’t stop the tears that drenched her cheeks as she let her cell phone fall from her dead fingers. Why, why was this happening to her? The number Joanna had given to Alice was being answered by a messenger service and they informed her that Ms. Lackerly had left the country for a tour and wouldn’t be back for three months. They asked if she wanted to leave a forwarded message for the singer.

No. No, she needed to speak to Joanna, not leave some stupid message that might never get to her or if it did, it might not be for weeks. This wasn’t fair, it really wasn’t.

Her head fell toward the desk as she cried for the heartbreak she knew might never end. What should she do? She had thought she could live and start afresh without Joanna in her life but now a year later, the pain of the separation was as acute as the day she had left. No, now it was worse because she had to listen to her friend sing on the radio and in the shops she frequented, and even in the privacy of her own rooms. Now, to make it worse, posters of Joanna were everywhere and television ads were promoting her to the public. Soon Joanna would be the property of everyone and she would only ever see her through the anonymity of being a fan.

It was all her fault. She should never have left. She should have confronted Joanna with her fears and discussed the problems she perceived face-to-face and not run like a scared rabbit. She was no better off now than if she‘d stayed in Danvers and married George Andrews.

The door to the office opened and she looked up with the ravages of her tears covering her face.

“Thea, darling, what’s the matter?” Karen flew around the desk and pulled her daughter into her arms.

“Nothing, it’s nothing, Mom. I promise it’s—” Her tears belied her words as she sank her head into her mother’s shoulder.

“You can tell me, Thea. It can’t be that bad and if it is, I’ll help you solve it, I promise you that.”

“Mom, if only you could. It’s impossible now. I can’t contact her.”

“Is it someone you knew before you came here, Thea? Perhaps she’s just out of town?”

Thea looked into the green eyes that mirrored her own and saw compassion. How could she tell her mother how she felt about Joanna? Would she understand? “Yes, I knew her before, she was my friend. No, she was more than that. She was my protector, Mom. She looked after me when I left Danvers. Oh, Mom, you wouldn’t understand. Even I find it hard to understand. She’s out of the country and I really needed to speak with her one last time.”

“Did she leave you alone, Thea? Is that why you had to find us? Did she abandon you alone in Nashville?”

“No. No, Mom, that’s just it, I abandoned her. She did everything for me—looked after me, kept the roof over my head, fed me, and even paid me to help around the house. You wouldn’t understand, Mom, she was perfect. I loved her.”

Karen moved away and looked carefully at Thea before placing her arms back around her shoulders. “Now I understand the problem. Trust me. Everything will be fine, Thea, trust me. Now we have a cake to watch being cut by special friends of ours, are you up for that?”

“I’m sorry, Mom, I have a headache. Will you apologize to Alex and Stella for me and tell them I’ll see them tomorrow. I really can’t face people celebrating right now. I’m too miserable. Do you understand?”

“Yes, darling, of course I do. They will be disappointed though, especially after the special surprise they had a little earlier.”

“Mom, I just can’t.”

“I’ll apologize and tell you all the gossip tomorrow. Now you go have a nice scented bath and have an early night. Tomorrow everything will be clearer, you see if it’s not.” Karen pushed Thea toward the private door to her rooms.

†

Karen heard the anguish and pain in Thea’s words and the pathos behind them was hard to bear. It struck her heart and she wanted to strangle the woman who had hurt her so deeply. She had missed out for so many years on Thea’s life and this was her chance to comfort her daughter and help her through the torment she was going through. Thea was in love with a woman, perhaps they had even been lovers, and she’d thought they wouldn’t understand.

Love was love, no matter who it was. She would speak with the only person she knew who gave without judgement as he always had ever since she’d met him. Grayson. Yes, Grayson would know what to do for Thea. As a family, they would work it out together. Her daughter was no longer alone. She had them to help now.

The door to the office opened, the woman who had entered earlier and now she knew was a relative came inside. Karen put on her business smile. “Hi, how can I help you?”

“My parents insist I sing for them tonight. I wondered if you had a decent microphone.”

“Why yes, of course we do. You will have to give me a few minutes to find it. My daughter runs all the equipment and she would go straight to it. However, I have to look around.”

“Your daughter isn’t here? She wouldn’t be the lady who came to my Gran’s home earlier today, would she? I wanted to apologize to her for my Gran’s abruptness. “

“Actually, yes, she did. It was a foolish thought of my husband but well meant. Unfortunately, it’s not possible to see her right now. She has a migraine and has retired for the night. You know how these things happen.”

“Yeah, I do. A nice hot bath and an early night would be kinda welcome about now for me as well.” Jo coughed again.

“Maybe after the song you can do just that and come back and see your parents tomorrow?”

“I wish I could. I’m afraid I’m going abroad tomorrow. This is my one and only chance for three months, although I’ll be back in the fall to see them again and visit longer.”

“Well, in that case, I’d better find the microphone for you, hadn’t I.”

Karen walked out of the room and switched off the light as she went out to find the equipment.

Tomorrow they would tackle Thea’s problem and she was sure they would find a solution. There was always a solution to every problem. You had to find the key that was all, and in Thea’s case, that key was an unknown woman.

Thea lay in her bed with her eyes closed as the morass that filled her life for the past year invaded the room, taunting her. It was so bad that, in the distance, she could hear the sounds of Joanna singing one of her signature songs. It sounded so real but she knew it was the same trick that her mind continually played on her.

Tears leaked out of the corner of her eyes and she wished once again that she could go back and make things right.

Chapter Twenty

The flight to Berlin was tedious but allowed Jo to reflect on her family situation. She’d spent all those years slipping in and out of small towns peddling her singing, making a meager living, all the while thinking that her parents wouldn’t understand. When at the heart of it, they had. She was the one who hadn’t recognized the value of a family connection. Her family’s unconditional acceptance of her the night before had brought about the end of her time being a loner. It was something she had always thought had to be, if ever she was going to be a success in the music world. That wasn’t the case at all. Her family would have happily supported her wandering ways and by default had for many years. Now all Jo wanted was for Thea to come back home and she would be complete and happy.

Complete and happy.

What a strangely innocuous phrase that packs an enormous punch for anyone whose life was just that. It was a feeling that she now knew she never wanted to end. She desperately wanted to be with Thea, to begin again and to continue indefinitely. Who would have thought a small woman with green eyes and a shy smile would come to mean life to her.

So why am I on a flight taking me thousands of miles away from that goal?

Jo, glancing out of the window, looked at the blue skies and the dashing white clouds realizing that what she wasn’t doing, was facing up to her ultimate dream. To have someone who made her happy share her life. Here she was running away as she’d done time and time before. When would she finally come to terms with the fact that running wasn’t going to solve her problems? It hadn’t in the past and certainly wasn’t in this instance.

Thea might have a wonderful new life and be so happy herself, that Jo turning up on her doorstep would wreck everything for her. She did not intend to do that.

Alice indicated that Thea tried to call me. I wonder why I never got the calls.
She smacked her forehead.
I let Jack block all calls that weren’t on my list.
Damn this could have all been resolved by now.

Maybe when she returned in three months Thea might have contacted her and they could meet up for coffee and talk about old times.

Yeah, and pigs might fly.

A wracking cough caught up with her and one of the cabin attendants in first class immediately came to her, enquiring if she needed anything. Accepting water, she drained it adding a couple of pills to help her sleep for a few hours before the flight landed. Swallowing the medication and settling her headrest back with a blanket curled around her like a cocoon, she closed her eyes as a couple of conversations floated around her from the previous evening.

†

“She’s never going to let Dad be part of her family, Mom. Look, forty years later she hates the sight of him so much she wouldn’t come tonight.”

Jo’s mother turned distressed eyes toward her. She knew she was the younger image of the woman they were discussing. Jacqueline Stephens had never approved of Stella falling for Alexander Xianthos. He was an upstart foreigner who was taking her only surviving child away. Added to the mix was the fact he wasn’t American, couldn’t speak the language properly, and was penniless.

A staunch American patriot, Jacqueline had lived through her husband Alfred’s demise in World War II and her only son was killed in action in Korea. No one, especially a foreigner, was going to take her daughter away. They’d already taken enough from her to last a lifetime.

Not even Jo’s birth had softened her attitude and when her brother Albert was born, named after her grandfather, nothing had changed. Jacqueline had refused to be any kind of maternal grandmother, except for always remembering birthdays and Christmas. There had been a glimmer of hope when Jacqueline had taken an interest in Jo in high school but that had only been because she was rebelling and it was Jacqueline’s way of saying, ‘I told you so’.

“You know that I felt betrayed because you were staying with my mother,” Stella said. “Now, I’m thankful because otherwise you might never have come here this evening. The fates, as your father would say, are clearly on our side this evening. It would have been the icing on the cake if mother had for once buried the hatchet and come, too. I can always hope. However, one miracle is enough for anyone in one evening.” She patted Jo’s hand. “And this evening was ours.”

“You can hope, Mom, but please don’t hold your breath. In the forty years plus since you met Dad she hasn’t thawed and you know what they say about the older generation.”

“Oh, please, Jo.” Stella hugged her daughter to her and laughed, “This feels so good. At times, I’ve wondered if we would ever see you again and now you’re here for this special evening.”

Jo chuckled before winking at her mother and turning her gaze around the room. “Seems like the whole town is here. Did you leave anyone out?”

“Really, Jo, how could we leave anyone out? You know how close knit we are and there would be sullen faces and petty feuds for months afterwards.” Stella looked around at all the people.

Jo grinned and muttered, “More like years.” Her eyes took in the room again. “I wish they wouldn’t stare at me like that. I feel like something being inspected under a microscope.”

Alexander placed a loving arm around his daughter while laughing at the comment. “They have never seen anyone they know so well become famous. Before long they will be asking for your autograph.”

“Dad, don’t be ridiculous.” Jo smiled at a young woman who was staring intently at her before looking away in apparent embarrassment.

“Fans are everywhere, Joanna. You’re the newest country music sensation taking the world by storm. Here you are in this small hotel and they don’t have to pay for the appearance.”

“Dad, you talk rubbish. You are always such a romantic.” Of her parents, her dad was the one who would sing love songs to their mother on Valentine’s Day and shower her with flowers and gifts, if he could afford it, on her birthdays. Most of all, he showed he loved her every day and that was something that Jo had forgotten until now.

“That’s what the papers say.” He kissed her cheek.

Jo smiled raising a skeptical eyebrow and was about to respond when her brother joined the fray. “He’s right, sis, it’s exactly what they say and Dad should know. He buys anything with your name in it.”

A lump stuck in Jo’s throat as her brother nodded his head, affirming his statement. Her dad bought everything that had her name on it and here she was thinking that they had never approved of her lifestyle or her obsession in continually pursuing her music career. She realized just how wrong she had been about so many things.

“How about in the future, I call you and tell you all my news from the horse’s mouth so to speak?”

Alex, grinning with happiness, hugged his daughter to his broad frame and nodded. “You could also come see us more often. Your mother would like that and…”

“And?” Jo waited for the response with a gleam of mischief in her eyes.

“I would too. Now, are you going to sing for your parents this evening?”

“Sing? Oh, now if I’d known I was going to have to sing for my supper—” All her family’s eyes were on her waiting for the reply.

“Alex, Jo isn’t well and she shouldn’t be taxing her voice.”

“Mom, if I was on my deathbed and you wanted a song, you’d get it.”

“Please, don’t say things like that, darling. Although, I would love a song,” Stella said.

“Then a song you shall have. I’ll need a microphone.”

“Karen is with her daughter in the office. I’m sure they will find one for you. Al, go ask for your sister.”

Jo grinned at her kid brother and slapped him gently down. “I’ll go. Al doesn’t know what I need. I’ll be right back to sing for you.”

She sang more than one song and wowed yet another appreciative audience.

†

Jo opened her eyes a fraction and pulled down the blind to the window. She would get some sleep now that the pills were kicking in. She’d call her parents when she arrived at the hotel. She’d promised her dad updates and that was a promise she’d keep from now on. It gave a sense of belonging that she hadn’t felt since Thea had left. Maybe this would fill the chasm of her friend’s leaving.

†

Feeling guilty for leaving the party early, Thea tried to call Alex and Stella several times but they weren’t home. It wasn’t surprising. They had received a special surprise when their estranged daughter arrived unexpectedly to make their special evening even more extraordinary.

Her headache had been genuine, especially when she’d cried for an hour before she eventually succumbed to a restless sleep and endless dreams, not one of which she could recall. The party had been a marvelous success, not just for their friends, but also for the small hotel, which had been booked solid for the weekend. As people left today, they remarked on the excellent treatment they had received and promised that they would recommend the hotel to friends. If only a fraction of the platitudes came to anything remotely like a booking, they would be doing very well indeed.

Her mother had stayed on hotel duty until midnight and then joined the party as the night clerk worked until Thea came to work at seven. She felt better for admitting to her mother that she had a problem. Even though she wasn’t entirely sure how her mother had taken it, since her mind was so upset at not connecting with Joanna, she could remember little else.

Now it was almost five and her mother was due to come in for the early evening shift. She hoped that her mother wouldn’t decide it was time to discuss her problem. Thea wasn’t up for it since she was still processing it all.

“You know, my mother always said if I frowned like that, the lines would never go away.”

Thea turned and grinned at her mother. “You look like you could do with a strong cup of coffee.”

Karen nodded. “I’m still feeling the effects of having drunk far more than I normally do. But, it has been a special occasion and you have to take them when you can.”

“I’ll get that coffee for you.”

“Thanks. I need it to be black and strong to keep me awake. Can’t have the guests arriving thinking I’m asleep on the job.”

Thea placed a cup of steaming coffee in front of her mother, “I could take your shift for you and you could take the morning one from me one day this week?”

“Thea, you are way too good to me, but this was self-inflicted and therefore it shouldn’t stop me working. I think if I’m a little slow it isn’t going to be too much of a risk now, is it.”

“Okay, but call me if you change your mind. I’m going to have dinner and then watch an old movie.”

“I will and last night, Thea….”

“Mom, everything is cool, I promise. Last night I was tired and overreacting.”

“Okay, darling, no problem. Go have dinner and I’ll call you if I need you, otherwise have yourself a wonderful, relaxing evening.” Karen bent to kiss her daughter.

“Good night, Mom, see you tomorrow.”

†

Karen watched her daughter go. She had seen Thea’s smile waver for a split second of sadness that shone out of her usually bright, green eyes. She didn’t intend to discuss the revelation of the night before but wanted to tell her about Alex and Stella’s famous daughter. She’d wait for Thea to broach the subject of her sexuality and knew she would when she was ready. Monday was their mother-daughter get together and would catch up on all the gossip during lunch.

†

Thea walked into the office and toward the door to her suite of rooms and wondered if this was all that life had to offer her
.
Was this it? Was she going to spend every evening leaving work and arriving back in her room alone to have a solitary meal and watch television by herself?

She needed to get on with her life and make a new one just as Joanna obviously had. But had she
?
She wasn’t with Lee anymore but hadn’t tried to contact her and that in itself spoke volumes. How could she contact her, since only Alice knew her phone number and where she was living? She couldn’t find her if she didn’t want to be found. But she did. She was in a self-imposed exile from the one person she longed for in her life. How did she let her life get to be such a mess? Alice would be there in a month and she’d tell her to let Joanna know how to contact her.

†

“Alice, great to see you.”

“Great to see you too, Thea, you look wonderful.” Alice held Thea away from her. “Look at you, all sophisticated looking. I love your new hair style, too.”

“Thanks, you look stunning yourself.” Thea hugged Alice again.

“Thanks. Guess what, I have a surprise for you.” Alice pointed toward the entrance of the hotel.

For a few moments, Thea held her breath, hoping against hope that someone had answered her prayers. The doors opened and her heart sank as it had so many times before.

“Calum? Calum, how wonderful. What brings you here? Did you travel two together or just meet up?”

“Great to see you, Thea, you look marvelous.” The young man grinned, swung Thea up in his arms, and gave her a resounding kiss on her cheek.