TAKE ME HOME (16 page)

A half hour later, Kyle was still awake. He heard Evan’s uneven breathing. He wasn’t sleeping either. Maybe they should do a replay of the night before. No matter how pissed off he was, he was sure he could give himself a few strokes, picture fucking Evan up against the wall of windows out in the hall, and get hard in an instant. Despite their lack of sexual experience together, he knew Evan would like being pressed face-first against the glass so he could watch the snow fall, feeling like they were out in it, while Kyle rammed into him from behind. That image had his cock perking up.

Evan shifted on the bed above. “Kyle?”

Perfect timing, Ev. “Yeah.” The simple word sounded more like an exhale.

“Are you really moving to Ohio?”

The words flew out of his mouth before Kyle could stop them. “Would you be upset if I did?” He held his breath, knowing the answer now but needing to hear it anyway.

Too bad Evan had another question. “What about your writing?”

“I can do that anywhere.” Or not. It wasn’t as if he’d been writing much the past year.

Although he’d been writing a lot in the last few hours. Since he’d started reading the journal.

Without warning, Evan climbed off the top bunk and headed for the door. “I’m going for a walk.”

“A walk?” Kyle threw back his blanket and jumped in front of him. “Where to? We’re on a fucking train.”

Take Me Home

81

Evan stared at Kyle’s chest. He didn’t answer, but he also didn’t make a move to leave.

“Why are you mad at me?” Kyle asked.

“You have a career, and you’re fucking it up.”

He’d have been less shocked if Evan had taken a swing at him. “What?”

“You have a chance, and you’re tossing it away because you’re scared. Do you know what I’d give to be where you are with my career?”

Kyle took a step back. “I’m doing the best I can. It’s called writer’s block.”

“Sure. You’ve got too many people interested in your work now. It’s not just for you this time, so you’re running away. It’s what you always do. Never let yourself feel anything. Never allow yourself to do anything that means making a commitment, an emotional connection.” Kyle moved into Evan’s space, backing him against the far wall. “What the fuck—” Evan shoved him, both hands on Kyle’s chest. “I was there for you when you hit it big. I celebrated with you and cheered you on. I listened when things got tough. Now it’s my shot, and you’re taking off? I should’ve known I could never count on you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You worked on those two books for years. You can spend weeks writing and rewriting one scene, but you cannot commit to anyone.”

“Bullshit.” Kyle raised his hands and smacked his palms against the wall on either side of Evan’s head like he’d done when they’d been in his apartment the night before. Everything was getting out of hand. He took a steadying breath and moved in closer, their foreheads almost touching. “I have always been there for you.” He couldn’t hide his shock, his anger at Evan’s words, but he also hated Evan being mad at him, hated Evan sounding so lost. He wanted to make promises he couldn’t find the words for.

There was a low rumbling sound. The train lurched. Evan fell against Kyle, and they tumbled onto the bottom bed, Evan on top. They were breathing heavily, staring at each other.

Evan’s weight on him felt right. Like every fantasy he’d been having. He wanted the rest of those fantasies to come true. He wanted all of Evan.

Too bad words hadn’t been his friends for a long time. He had no idea how the hell to ask for any of it.

82

Sloan Parker

Evan bit his bottom lip and stared down at Kyle. He hadn’t meant to hurt him with his words, but he hadn’t felt so alive in the past six months as he had telling Kyle how he felt.

Or lying on top of him.

He slowly rolled his hips, putting more pressure against Kyle’s body, the fabric of his flannel pants sliding along the bare thighs below him. He wanted to rip the damn pants off. He wanted what they’d done in the hallway at the apartment. He wanted everything he’d been dreaming about.

The train lurched again, and that pulled him out of the lust-filled daze. Only then did he notice the pull of the brakes working against their forward movement. Now if only he could find the brakes for his body. “The train’s stopping.”

Kyle’s voice was low when he finally spoke. “Pretty fast too.”

“Maybe something’s wrong.”

“No.” Kyle thrust his groin upward against Evan, creating friction in all the right places.

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“Okay.” Evan shifted his hips again, caressing Kyle’s body with his own. “Probably just need to wait out the storm.”

Kyle sucked in a sharp breath as Evan kept moving. “Best to stop before it becomes serious.”

Right. They had to stop this. Evan stilled.

Maybe that wasn’t what Kyle had meant. He grabbed Evan’s hips, his grip tight, demanding, and he forced Evan to move again. Evan sat up and straddled Kyle’s thighs, pressing his ass against the hard cock underneath him, blocked only by the thin fabric of briefs and the flannel of his pajama pants.

Maybe it was too late to stop anything.

There was a commotion in the hall, and then a knock sounded at the door. Oscar’s voice rang out. “Are you boys okay in there?” The train was nearly stopped.

Kyle hadn’t looked away from him. Evan could make out his features in the low light seeping in around the curtain covering the door to their room. Kyle’s dark eyebrows were drawn in, and his expression was a little too serious, too concerned, for Evan’s comfort.

Oscar knocked again. “Hello.”

Evan climbed off Kyle and went for the door. Oscar looked like he’d been woken up from a deep sleep, still in his uniform, but he no longer wore his Santa hat.

“You boys all right?”

Take Me Home

83

Evan glanced back at Kyle. He hadn’t moved, hadn’t covered himself as he lay in only his briefs. He was still staring at Evan just as intently as before. Evan spoke without looking away from Kyle. “We’re okay.”

“Good.” Oscar let out a long whistle. “That was one hell of a stop.” Evan forced himself to focus on Oscar. “What happened?”

“Avalanche. Everything seems to have settled, so we’re not in immediate danger, but we’ve got snow and debris piled on the tracks ahead. It buried the snowshed. We might not be able to get through. The engineer is checking it out now.”

“A snowshed?”

“Covers the tracks to protect it from snow. You know, in case of an avalanche.” He laughed. “Guess they needed to make it just a tad longer. We’re okay, though. That’s the important thing.” Oscar leaned against the wall and pointed at the windows directly across the hall from their room. “This is one horrible storm we’ve gotten ourselves into. Well, I’ll keep you boys posted. I need to check the rest of the car.” He went down the hall and knocked on the door of the next sleeper compartment. A moment later, Evan heard the words, “I’m sorry for all the inconvenience, and I hope you enjoy the rest of your travels with us.” Evan stepped out of the room to get a better view out the wall of windows. The wind was howling, the train swaying. The snow drifts were piling up around them and more was blowing off the mountain. The howl of the wind sounded louder than the train had when they’d been speeding along. Under normal circumstances, he would’ve been more worried about the storm, about being stuck out there, about missing Christmas in Liberty Falls, but he couldn’t get how Kyle had looked at him out of his head. Evan rested his forehead against the window. His breath fogged the glass, and he had the urge to run the tip of his finger through it to write a secret message, then wipe it away like Rebecca had done earlier. He raised his hand.

“Jesus.”

Evan jumped at the sound of Kyle’s voice. He rubbed the side of his fist through the condensation, destroying any chance of leaving an embarrassing message. How stupid that he’d almost done it. He wasn’t a kid falling for the new boy in school anymore. “You heard what happened?”

“Yeah.” Kyle was standing beside him, looking out the window, wearing only his jeans, the top button undone. “This isn’t good.”

More people came out of their rooms and stared out the windows farther down the hall.

The wind surged louder, and the car rocked. Evan gripped the railing below the windows, and Kyle placed a hand against the opposite wall. They were facing each other, blocking the hallway.

Kyle’s voice was low when he spoke. “Ev—”

“It’s okay. I knew the minute I met you you’d never be mine.” Kyle moved toward him. “I am.”

“Don’t.” Evan squeezed his eyes shut. “You don’t mean that the way I want you to.”

“I think I do. This isn’t just sex for me.” The same words he’d said to Kyle the night before in the apartment. Not that they’d gotten to any actual sex. Yet.

Another gust of wind rocked the train. Evan clutched the railing tighter and shook his head.

“Why are you fighting me on this?” Kyle asked.

84

Sloan Parker

Just because every kiss, every touch had been as intense as ten years ago did not mean anything. “We want different things.”

Kyle scoffed. “Sounds like that’s a common problem for you.” So what if he knew what he wanted out of life? Why shouldn’t he have it? Why should he settle for less?

“All right, folks,” Oscar said as he came out of the room at the end of the hall holding a radio in his hand. “Just got word we’re blocked in and there’s more snow behind us. They’re checking it out now. We might be here for a bit until we can get the tracks cleared, so go on back to bed and get some sleep. Shouldn’t take too long, and we’ll get going again.” He walked the length of the hall, shooing guests back into their rooms.

Kyle and Evan hadn’t moved.

“What if we have another avalanche?” Evan asked. Seemed stupid to sleep through what might be left of their lives.

“Guess that’s a possibility, but it sounds like we’re stuck here.”

“Yeah.”

“All we can do is wait it out. No sense worrying.”

Oscar approached and pointed to their room. “Go on, boys.” Evan went inside. He heard the door slide shut behind him, not the angry rattle of glass he’d expected, but a slow closing off of their room. He turned around. Kyle was staring at the floor, his hands in the pockets of his jeans. The frustration was gone, but Evan couldn’t read the look on his face. His instincts told him to go easy on Kyle, make this easier for both of them.

Although it would never be for Evan. “Guess we should get some sleep.” Kyle nodded. Neither made a move for the beds.

The advance was quick, and Evan had no time to prepare. Or to stop it. Kyle came at him and planted a hard kiss on his lips. It wasn’t a passionate kiss. It was frustrated and possessive and didn’t seem like it would ever end. Then Kyle pulled back, not letting go of Evan. “No matter what, I will be there for you. Whatever you need.” Evan slowly wrapped his arms around Kyle’s waist. “I know that.”

“Do you?” The words were spoken into the hair above Evan’s temple.

Their relationship had always been important to both of them. They cared for each other.

They were attracted to each other. That didn’t mean they could find a future together as more than friends, but that also didn’t mean he had to lose Kyle. Sex or no sex.

“I do.”

They stood locked in that moment, holding each other. They’d never done anything like this before. This push and pull between them was going to kill Evan by the time they reached Ohio.

Kyle stepped back and leaned against the closed door. “What is it you want?” His voice was low, tense.

Might as well lay it all out. “A home. A partner.”

“You had that. So what freaked him out?”

Take Me Home

85

“Children. I want a family.” He sighed, then hurried to say the rest. “I want to be old and retired and still with the same person, traveling together on the train, bickering over broccoli, worrying about our grandkids.”

“Oh.”

Yeah. Nothing Kyle Bennett wanted. Just as Evan had been thinking in the dining car.

He hadn’t expected the fall from the high he’d been on when they’d been touching earlier to make him feel so sick. Hell, he hadn’t expected the fall at all. Was that how it was for junkies like the guy who’d broken into Kyle’s apartment? Did they ever think about what it would be like after they came down from the high they were after?

Evan forced himself to look at Kyle again. He was still leaning against the door, sporting a frown and frustrated lines across his forehead.

“Let’s just get some sleep.”

“Yeah,” Kyle said. “Okay.” He moved slowly. Like a man who’d had too much to drink.

He lay down on his bed over the blankets, still wearing his jeans. Evan took a deep breath and turned away to climb back on the top bed. A few minutes later, Kyle was asleep on the bench below him. How could he be so free, so able to touch and then stop and go on as if nothing had happened? As if an avalanche hadn’t just rained down around them? In more ways than one.

That proved Evan’s point. If they started something, he would be the one putting his heart on the line.

Then why did he still want to?

86

Sloan Parker

“You’ll send me those pages after the holiday?” Sue Ann asked.

Kyle shifted the phone to his other ear, tucked the end of the towel in at his waist, and tried not to snap at her. He’d just stepped out of the shower when she’d called. Since heading into the mountains, the signal on his phone had been spotty at best, so he’d figured it was a good idea to talk to Sue Ann before she sent out a search party for his manuscript. Despite learning the train was stuck, she’d gotten right to the point of her call.

“Consider it done,” he said as he ran a hand through his wet hair to shake off some of the water. He had written twenty pages so far, but since the argument with Evan the night before, since Evan had told him what he wanted for his future, the muse had taken another train. Kyle had tried to write more that morning, but he was stuck again.

“All right,” Sue Ann said. “Be safe out there, and do what you can to stay focused on the manuscript.” The call cut out before he could make another promise he wasn’t sure he could keep.