Tales From a Broad (22 page)

How would I know? I probably wouldn’t.
Unless...

I jumped up and sat on my knees. Should I
just let him come see me? If he wanted to spend eight hours on an
airplane for a two hour dinner, then who was I to stop him?

I picked up my phone and began to type a
reply back.

Cooper,

I thought about your invitation. We will be
in Florence on Friday night, so if you want to grab a bite, I’m
game. Let’s meet at your hotel and keep it simple.

-Lucy

Then I pressed my fingers into my aching
stomach and positioned myself into a child’s pose. My gut was
trying to tell me something, and I wished it would just pipe down
already. I sure was getting tired of the way my stomach, head, and
heart worked in tandem. They were the three amigos from hell and
always had each other’s backs.

“What do you want?” I groaned. “Are you
hungry? Mad that I may see Cooper? What are you trying to say? I’ve
had it with mixed messages...” Before I could change my mind, I hit
send.

Five minutes later, I received a reply back.
I jumped to my knees and read Cooper’s message.

Lucy,

Thank you for putting the biggest smile on
my face. I’ve booked a room at the Four Seasons Hotel Firenze and
will meet you in the lobby at 6pm on Friday. I promise you won’t
regret this. Can’t wait to see you.

Love,

Cooper

Filled with nothing but regret, I looked over
at the balcony at Tess. She was pacing around with the phone to her
ear, making sharp turns every ten feet, alternating between wild
hand gestures and rapid twists of her hair.

I shook my head. I had forgotten all about
her in my temporary insanity. How was I going to explain Cooper? It
felt like an ulcer was forming in my stomach, and I fell into the
fetal position, hugging my knees to my chest.

C’est la vie, bebe. C’est la vie.

Chapter
Eleven

Hi ho, Hi ho, back to the dorms we go.

Facebook Status June 11 at 4:00pm

When we checked into the Munich hostel the
next day, I actually had to take a long hard look at my watch. The
time may have read two o’clock, yet the ambiance screamed midnight.
Between the insanely loud Katy Perry music and the beer bottles
scattered around, it looked like a cross between a fraternity party
and a rave.

After our peaceful stay at the Parisian
hotel, the raucous scene was a shock to my system. Where the last
hotel had votive candleholders and hurricane vases scattered
throughout, the Munich hostel seemed to favor ashtrays and the
random left-behind pint glass. All the posh people had been
replaced with sloshed people.

I was, however, quite pleased to discover
that for once, I wasn’t the oldest person in the crowd. The owners
themselves were older Americans, and although they looked as if
they belonged on the set of
Animal House
, the place itself
wasn’t actually that bad.

An antique looking glass chandelier hung from
a stucco ceiling and shone light on dark wood moldings and exposed
beams. The wood was so dark it almost looked black and formed a
nice contrast against the cream color of a veined marble floor.
There was a whole lot of old age charm, even though the ambiance
gave it a new age feel.

Tess and I weren’t really in a party mood, so
after walking around the city for a bit, we called it an early
night. The highlight of our evening was when we received a box of
marzipan in our room at turndown. It sweetened the fact that we had
roommates, who happened to be out on the town.

So what if no one offered to turn down my
sleep sack? I got to go to bed sacked out with a fistful of
everyone else’s candy.

* * * *

The next morning, my internal alarm clock
screamed for me to get out of bed way too early. By the time
evening came and we were en route to the notorious Hofbrauhaus, a
beer hall in the Munich City Center, I was already on my fourth cup
of coffee.

“I’m exhausted,” I said to Tess, stifling a
yawn. “I’m not so sure the Glockenspiel show was worth getting up
for at the butt crack of dawn.”

“Waste of time?” Tess said vaguely, slumping
down in the backseat of the white Mercedes taxicab. She hadn’t been
herself since Mark stood her up at the bar, but I couldn’t help
wonder if perhaps she had come down with something. She’d still
been incoherent when I left that morning, even though we’d already
put in a full night’s sleep. She’d ended up sleeping most of the
day away.

“Was it a waste of time?” I repeated Tess’s
question as I tapped the empty coffee cup on my lips. “Well, I
wouldn’t go that far. It was definitely cool, for about the first
five minutes, anyway. These little men marched out of the clock and
danced in memory of the black plague and then jousting knights came
out to kick a little ass.”

I paused and slashed the air with an
imaginary sword.

“I read it was some sort of reenactment from
back in the day. It was cute, but after about ten minutes of
annoying yodeling music, by the time the bird tweeted three times
to signal the finale, I just wanted to stuff him back into his
little house myself.”

Tess had been looking out the window and
turned to give me a distracted smile.

“I think the show is just another excuse to
gather around and party. At half past noon, a band was in full
swing, and the beers were flowing. By the way, I really think that
beer is a basic part of nutrition in Munich.”

Tess didn’t respond, and I reached over and
tugged the back of her smooth ponytail. “Hey, shouldn’t you be
smiling? This is supposed to be happy hour, right?” I gave her a
playful nudge with my elbow.

She looked at me and put on a strained
closed-mouth smile.

I cocked my head to the side and raised my
eyebrows. “Are you kidding me? I can spot a real versus fake
anything in an instant. Smiles included.”

Tess looked down and fiddled with a string
hanging from her purse.

I reached into my bag for my nail clippers.
“It’s not like you to be so doom and gloom. I thought that was my
job.”

I slid over and cut the loose string, which
made Tess look up at me in surprise. “Yeah, that’s right. I’ve
become quite the savvy traveler,” I said with pride.

The taxi came to a sudden stop. I looked out
the window at the traditional Bavarian fixture that sat in front of
us.

“Hofbrauhaus,” the driver said over his
shoulder.

“It looks like Germany in Epcot. Too bad we
can’t just walk next door to Italy,” I said with a chuckle. I knew
Tess was really looking forward to seeing Landon in Florence the
next day.

I laughed at my own joke and handed the
driver ten euros. When I stepped onto the street, I pulled my damp
hair out of the ponytail I’d been wearing and shook it free.

“Did my air-dried pony do the trick? Do I
look like one of those women in the hair commercials?” I batted my
eyelashes as Tess came around the back of the car to join me.

“What did you say?” Tess glanced up from her
phone with a distracted look on her face.

The door to the beer hall opened and I heard
the sounds of Bavarian music and laughter until it closed shut
again.

“Okay, that’s it. We need to talk. You spent
the entire day in our room. You haven’t laughed at any of my jokes,
and I’m sorry, but you always laugh at me.” I sniffed. “Are you
okay? Is it Mark?”

“Yeah,” Tess said wistfully. “He called me
like ten times today.” She held up her phone and showed me the
missed calls.

I stepped back in surprise. “Wow.” That lucky
girl. I wouldn’t have minded a call from Simon.

I sucked in a breath and widened my eyes.
Simon?
Where did that come from? I thought I had moved on to
Cooper, but then again, my own thoughts never ceased to amaze me. I
wouldn’t have wanted ten missed calls from Simon. Well, one
might’ve been nice though. I wonder if he had thought about me at
all. Would he have called if he had my number?

“I just don’t know what to do. I shouldn’t
call him back, right?” Tess said.

“No,” I said in a firm tone. “No way, no how,
no, no.” I pursed my lips together and winced as my teeth bit down
on my lip.

“I knew you would say that,” Tess said, as
she pushed out her bottom lip. “See, what comes around, goes
around. I practically yelled at you about Cooper, and you listened
to my words of wisdom. I just wish I could follow my own
advice.”

Just thinking about the secret I’d kept from
Tess made my stomach drop. I planned to see Cooper the next night
and still didn’t have an exit strategy for Tess. Suddenly, my
stomach was swimming again.

Another string from Tess’s purse had come
unraveled and was clinging to her tank top. This time I just
wrapped it around my finger and yanked it off.

“Stay strong. You know it’s best to cut all
strings,” I scolded.

Tess gave me a funny look and I too, was
surprised by the firm tone of my own voice. It was as if my own
subconscious was giving
me
the lecture.

“C’mon.” I took a hold of Tess’s arm and gave
it a pat. “Let’s go drown our sorrows. I think we could both use a
drink.”

Tess’s eyes widened and she nodded. “You can
say that again. Let’s do it, and while we’re at it, let’s get
shitty.”

I snickered as we headed to the entrance.
“Your mother would be so proud of me. How about we just start with
a drink?”

From the street to the door, I managed to not
only berate myself about Cooper, but also question my chaperoning
judgments. First, I got stoned with my niece in Amsterdam, and now
I was her accomplice in Operation Get Shitty? I should never have
allowed Tess to spend so much time alone with Mark.

I opened the door to the beer hall and was
immediately slapped across the face with life. The smell of roasted
meat and beer wafted through the air and gave me a jolt of
energy.

The sounds of music, singing, laughter, and
conversation filled the room and drowned out the noise in my head.
Hundreds of people sat at long wooden tables. They held massive
mugs of beers and swayed along to the beat of the Oompah band.

The wait staff was dressed in traditional
Bavarian clothing. The women wore white blouses with a black dirndl
and red aprons, while the men wore Lederhosen and white shirts.
They raced around the room, balancing a dozen heavy steins at a
time.

People were laughing, yelling, and singing in
German. My senses came alive and my worries began to slip away.

“This is so cool!” Tess shouted over the
music. Apparently, the vibe was contagious. “You want to sit?”

“Sure,” I said, eyeing the big baskets of
salty hot pretzels scattered around the tables.

“I can practically taste those.” I pointed to
a waitress who walked by with a tray full and swallowed the saliva
forming in my mouth. “There’s nothing like a little carbohydrate
therapy.”

“Aunt Lu,” Tess’s eyebrows were knit
together, “I’m really sorry. I’ve been in my own world today. You
don’t seem quite like yourself either.”

“Ha. Who the heck is that? Honey, I don’t
even know who my real self is anymore.”

Tess cringed and made a clicking sound with
her tongue. “Do you miss—“

“No one,” I finished her sentence, dismissing
her words with a wave.

I was sorry I had opened my big mouth. All I
knew was that I needed to stuff in a pretzel, asap. I looked around
for an empty table and froze when I saw a table of senior citizens
gaping at us.

“Hey, is it me or are those old men checking
us out?”

Tess followed my gaze to the table of men.
There were about seven of them, and they were all motioning for us
to join them. “I think the beer went to their heads,” she said.

“No kidding. They look like smitten little
dwarves who just found Snow White and her sister.”

“Well, in that case, you can be Snow White.
It looks like Happy is on his way.” Tess nodded towards one of the
old men heading towards us. Like the rest of his senior posse, he
was short, chubby, and grinning from ear to ear.

“Hello ladies.” He tipped his hat and
smiled.

I was pleasantly surprised to hear an
American accent. “Hi there,” I replied.

“This is totally innocent, and I can promise
you we are not dirty old men. Well, most of us, anyway,” he said
with a wink.

Tess and I looked at each other and shared a
smile.

“You girls remind us of our granddaughters.
Where are you from?”

“New York?” Tess answered.

“It sounds familiar,” he answered while
bobbing his head. He looked over at me and winked.

“We’re your neighbors over in New Jersey. The
German-American Club has taken the show on the road. Please, let us
buy you a beer.”

He pointed to the table where the rest of the
group sat. They were all smiles as they sat on the edge of their
seats, waiting for their fearless leader to return.

“You’ll make us all look good, and at the
very least, please don’t make me look bad.” He placed a hand on his
chest. “Whadaya say? Just know that if you say no, I will never
live this down back at the clubhouse.”

Tess and I looked at one another. The
expression on his face was so endearing that neither of us had the
heart to turn him down. Tess gave me a subtle nod.

“Let’s do it,” I said. I linked arms with
Happy dwarf who had already given his group the thumbs up sign.
“I’m Lucy. This is Tess.” I had to shout as he led us past the band
to his table.

“And I’m drunk,” he yelled back.

And that he was. I don’t think he stopped
talking from the moment we sat down. He and his friends showered us
with so many compliments that I was actually starting to feel like
I could be a contender in the Miss Germany contest. They were
interested in everything I said, laughed at all my jokes, and
complimented me into oblivion. I was like a queen holding court,
and I ruled the kingdom with a beer stein.