Talk Nerdy to Me (38 page)

"Soon," Rick
said.

"Let me know when it's
destroyed."

"I
will," Rick said, but Peterson had already disconnected. Rick struggled
to breathe. For several seconds the display of centerfolds wouldn't snap into
focus. He stood there until all those tits were perfectly clear again. Then he
left to rejoin Charlie.

Eve
was desperately in need of a carb fix by the time she and Denise arrived at the
Pastry Parlor. Denise had acted as if she didn't want to go, but Eve could tell
her sister was curious. Eve had always wondered if Denise was a wild child
underneath all that bossy, controlling behavior.

When they walked in, Myrtle
was behind the counter, looking very chipper considering the fact she'd been up
late the night before baking cookies. Eve admired the spunk of these two women,
who weren't letting their senior-citizen status keep them from building a
business.

The shop was bustling, so
Eve and Denise had to stand in line. Denise was trying to look as if she walked
into a bakery like this every day of the week, but her glance kept darting
toward the cases marked
booby
buns
and
bawdy
breadsticks
. Her cheeks were very pink.

Then
Eve noticed that the usual tray of doughnuts had been relabeled. Now they were
called
cock rings
.
And a marble cake with a condom packet sitting on top was advertised as
safe sex swirl
. The ladies had decided to
go for it.

As
Denise stood beside Eve, she ducked her head, lowered her voice, and mumbled a
question that sounded like
loco.

Eve leaned close to her
sister and talked out of the side of her mouth. "Not even slightly crazy.
Rose and Myrtle are two of the sanest women I know."

Denise
frowned and shook her head. Putting her mouth closer to Eve's ear, she said
softly. "No. Are these
locals?

"Oh."
Eve took inventory of the people in front of her. There was
Agnes Heath, who ran a dress shop on Main Street. And behind her stood Betty
Magnum, who worked in the post office. And there was Jeremy Nagle, bank
president, looking dapper in his yellow polka-dot bow tie.

Eve looked at Denise.
"All locals," she murmured.

"Amazing."
Denise adjusted her purse strap over her shoulder and scanned the bakery cases
again. "I'm thinking of switching some things around in my
portfolio."

"Huh?"
Eve couldn't imagine how being surrounded by Bawdy Breadsticks, Booby Buns, and
Cock Rings would make her sister start reevaluating her Investments.

"I
thought the mood of the country was more conservative than this," Denise
said. "So I've been putting my money into sectors that support that
mind-set. Home and hearth staff. But now I'm wondering if I shouldn't diversify
into some adult entertainment stocks."

"They have
stocks?"

"Sure.
You just have to know where to look. I didn't realize that it was a growth
market, but it makes sense—two sides of the same coin. Let me know if the
Pastry Parlor decides to franchise. I might be interested in being a silent
partner."

Eve
was in awe of that kind of thinking. The extent of her investment skills
included buying a house in Middlesex, buying some savings bonds, and opening
an IRA. She could have asked Denise about managing her income, but she hadn't
wanted to. Maybe her pride was costing her money.

Jeremy
Nagle turned. "Oh, hi, Eve. I heard someone talking about investments, so
naturally my ears perked up."

And
Jeremy had quite the ears to perk up, too. Eve had always thought they looked
like elf ears. "Hi, Mr. Nagle. This is—"

"Please call me
Jeremy."

"Okay."
Eve thought
Mr. Nagle
fit him a lot better, considering
his bow tie. "Jeremy, this is my sister Denise. She's an economics
professor at Yale."

"Is
she now?" Jeremy shook Denise's hand enthusiastically.
"I've spent many happy hours at Yale."

"You went to school
there?" Denise asked.

"No,
no. I just drive over and wander around." He giggled. "I don't
normally tell people about this, but we're all here in the Pastry Parlor
together, so I guess I'm among friends." He winked broadly at Denise and
Eve.

Eve
didn't get it. "I don't see anything strange about wandering around
Yale," she said. "It's a pretty campus."

"That's
not all that's pretty." Mr. Nagle winked again. "You know that old
song about standing on the comer and watching all the girls go by?"

By
now Denise was staring at the banker as if she might be considering calling the
guys with the butterfly nets. "I don't believe
I
know
that song."

"I
heard it once on an oldies station." Eve was getting the drift of this
confession, and it was cracking her up.

Mr.
Nagle gave them a nasal, off-key rendition of the first few bars of the song.
"And so on," he said, smiling. "That's me at Yale. Standing on
the corner watching ail the pretty girls. I don't whistle at them anymore like
I used to, though. It's not PC to do that now."

Eve
worked so hard at not laughing that she choked, causing both Denise and Mr.
Nagle to pound her on the back. Or rather, Denise pounded and Mr. Nagle patted.
Eve had forgotten how hard Denise could thump a person's back.

Shortly,
thanks to Denise's energetic pounding, Eve managed to breathe again. She
coughed and cleared her throat. "Thanks.
I
must
have swallowed wrong."

Mr.
Nagle took his turn at the counter and ordered a dozen Booby Buns. Eve glanced
over at Denise. Ever since Denise was little, when she tried not to laugh, she
got very red in the face. At the moment, she was scarlet from, holding her
breath.

Looking
at Denise set Eve off again, and she had to hold her hand over her mouth and
stare at the Mack and white tiles on the bakery floor to get herself under control.
It might have been one of the best sisterly moments she'd had with Denise in
ten years.

After
Mr. Nagle left with Ms Booby Buns, Eve and Denise took their turn at the
counter.

"And
this is your sister!" Myrtle said immediately. "I saw you come in and
I knew it had to be her. Definitely a family resemblance, there."

Eve
smiled. "Myrtle Bannister, I'd like you to meet Denise." Maybe having
a sister wasn't so bad, after all. It was nice to be connected to someone.

"Nice
to meet you, Denise. Eve tells me you're a professor." Myrtle said it
with just the right amount of reverence.

"Yes,
I am," Denise said. "And speaking from a marketing standpoint, this
is a great concept you're developing."

Eve
was liking this more and more. Good vibes all the way around.

"Thank you."
Myrtle beamed.

"But
you would improve traffic flow and encourage more browsing by giving out
numbers instead of having people stand in line."

Eve
winced. For a while there she'd actually had warm feelings toward her sister,
but apparently Denise couldn't help being Denise.

"I'll
take that under advisement." Some of the warmth had left Myrtle's smile.
"Until recently, we haven't been this busy."

"And
the name of the shop should change. You might consider—"

"Myrtle,
we're in kind of a hurry." Eve decided to cut off this discussion before
Denise embarrassed her completely. "We'll just take four Cock Rings and
two Booby Buns, please."

"Coming
up." Myrtle snapped open a paper bag and started loading it with Eve's
order.

Denise cleared her throat.
"As I was saying, the—"

"Is
Manny in the back, by any chance?" Eve asked, desperate to sidetrack her
sister.

"That
boy is still frosting," Myrtle said. "What a worker. Kyle's home'
sleeping, but Manny came in with us this morning. I think Rose is trying to
make a baker out of him."

"I
hate to interrupt that," Eve said. "But I know he wanted to meet
Denise."

"I'll
go get him." Myrtle put down the bag and pushed through a swinging door
that led to the back.

"Who's Manny?"

Eve
turned toward her sister and threw out what she hoped was irresistible bait.
"He works for Charlie's cousin, Rick. He wants some Investment
advice."

"Really?"
Denise brightened, "Do you know about his holdings?"

"Not my area."

"The
market is volatile right now, so I can understand him seeking advice,"

Eve
heard the unmistakable sound of Denise licking her chops. Then Manny came
through the swinging door and Eve heard another, more surprising sound from her
sister—a quick intake of breath. Uh-oh. Denise thought
Manny
was hot. This was a complication Eve didn't need, but it was too late, now.

"Hey,
Eve." Manny stripped off his clear plastic gloves as he came around the counter.

"Hi,
there. This is my sister, Denise. Denise, this is Manny Flores, full-time
photographer's assistant and part-time cookie froster."

"I'm really getting
into this bakery thing." Manny shook hands with Denise. "Nice to meet
you. I don't know if Eve told you that I'm looking for some investment
advice."

"She
mentioned that." Denise's expression softened. "I'd be happy to be of
some help."

Eve
realized it had been years since she'd seen Denise in the grip of infatuation.
She'd forgotten the transformation that took place. Gone was the drill
sergeant, replaced by a girly girl who spoke in dulcet tones.

"That's
good, because I need all the help I can get," Manny said.

Denise
shifted her position so she partially blocked Eve out of the conversation.
"Well, Manny, I don't pretend to have all the answers, but—"

A
snort of laughter came out of Eve before she could censor herself. Manny
glanced at her in surprise, but Denise's glare brought back memories of being
the little sister biding behind the couch on a Saturday night.

"'Scuse
me," Eve said. "I had a flashback to our Jeremy Nagle experience.
You two continue talking. I'll just step over here and pay for our order."
She moved to the counter and left Denise to impress Manny with her Wall Street
smarts.

Eve
thought she deserved a medal for corning up with such a brilliant excuse for
laughing at the wrong moment But Denise pretending that she might not have all
the answers was too rich. Eve was also proud of herself for resisting the
impulse to remind Denise that they had a washing machine repairman coming to
the house soon. Was she a sensitive sister, or what?

No
matter how fiercely Charlie argued against it, Rick was determined to follow
through with his plan. He was sure that if he put the moves on both female
suspects, separately, of course, he'd coax the truth out of each of them during
a hot, unguarded moment. As Rick and Charlie polished off large pieces of apple
pie a la mode, Charlie tried to convince his cousin that the idea was not only
sleazy, it was doomed to failure.

"For
one thing," Charlie said, "these two women will be in proximity to
each other. You can't seduce one without the other knowing."

"Sure
I can." Rick cracked his knuckles. "You're going over there this
afternoon to work on the hovercraft, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then
I'll tag along and meet Denise, see how far I can get before Eunice comes home
from the office."

Charlie
was beginning to regret his impulse to fill Rick in on the situation.
"Don't you have location scouting to do?"

Rick
waved away that objection. "Kyle and Manny are handling that. Well, Kyle
is. Manny's spending all his time down at the Pastry Parlor. The guy seems to
love bakery work. Who knew?"