Tear Stained Beaches (13 page)

When we got back to our suite, I kicked off my shoes and fell onto the bed. Chase lay down beside me. We didn’t say a word for some time. My head rested on his chest and his hand caressed my arm.

“I think you could use a hot bath.” Startling me, he sat up. “I’ll order some room service and you can take a bath while we wait for it.”

“Well I certainly won’t argue with that. My feet are aching after walking all day. The thought of relaxing in the deep soaking tub is very appealing right now.”

“Great. I’ll get the water ready.” He headed into the bathroom.

I undressed and when it was ready, slid into the tub.

“Want to join me?” Thinking it might help clear his mind.

“I’m going to order us some dinner. This is your night to relax.”

“Alright, well you know where to find me if you change your mind.”

I was in the bath for about twenty minutes when I heard a knock on the outside door. Chase’s voice echoed through the walls as he thanked the man for our food. I shouted from the bathroom, asking if it was time to eat. He told me it wasn’t ready yet and to stay in there until he came to get me out. I was almost a prune by the time he walked into the bathroom.

“Everything is all set. You have to keep your eyes closed though when you walk out. You promise? He asked. “Only open them when I tell you to.”

“Alright, I promise.”

I stepped into the towel he held up for me, eager to see what my surprise was. With his hands over my eyes, Chase guided me into the main room. He left me standing there for just a minute, until he said, “Ok, open them.”

I gasped. Candles flickered on the table illuminating silver cutlery and a gourmet dinner. Chase was in front of me, down on one knee with a ring box in his hand. I slapped both hands over my mouth.

“I’ve been thinking about the future a lot lately, and every time I do, I see you in it. A year from now, five years from now, even twenty years from now, I see you by my side. You’re everything I could have ever wanted in a wife, and I want to spend forever with you.” His voice began to shake and I could see him fighting to hold back tears in those blue eyes.  He opened the ring box. “Haylie, will you marry me?”

I stared at the open-curved diamond platinum band in envy. It held in place a perfect 2-carat solitaire diamond. I could feel tears forming as I blurted out my answer.

“Yes! Yes, I’ll marry you!”

I bent over, placed my hands gently on his cheeks and kissed him. As he stood up, I wrapped my arms around his neck and squeezed him as tight as I could.

“You have to let go so I can put this on.” He was staring into my eyes.

“Oh right, yes!” I giggled and put my hand out as he slipped the ring on my finger. It was absolutely stunning, and fit perfectly! I had waited my whole life for this, and couldn’t have asked for anything better.

I stared at that picture for a very long while remembering just how happy we were that day. Thanks to my love of Reese Witherspoon, and
Sweet Home Alabama
, we were married on a crisp fall day at a plantation just like the one in the movie. I walked down the aisle with a mixture of peach and white roses in my hand. We danced the night away with our family and friends.

And now, it has all come to this. Sitting alone on the couch in our living room wondering how in the world we got here? Two people, so young and in love, with the whole world at our fingertips. And now, here we are, all our hopes, dreams and plans crushed. I stood up slowly and walked to the fireplace, never taking my eyes off the photo. I slid my finger over the glass of the frame a few times where his face was. Then gripped my fingers tightly around the frame. I pulled it into my chest for a minute, closed my eyes and envisioned the very moment that was captured. Then, I threw it.

It flew across the living room before it hit the wall near the front door. I heard the impact and watched the glass shatter. All the worrying I’d been doing, the constant anxiety, it had finally become too much. You can only bend something so much until it breaks and that is what happened to me. I turned back to the fireplace, swept my arms across the mantle and flung the rest of the pictures to the floor. I picked up our wedding album from the coffee table, its weight satisfying, and threw it. The books that rested on the other side of it, I picked them up and hurled those as well. The loud thumps as they hit the wall punctuated my screams.

By the time I was done, my living room was a train wreck. Nothing but broken glass and clutter surrounded me. It was like I had blacked out. I couldn’t stop myself, and when I was done I couldn’t remember doing it. I stood in the middle of the mess for some time; the only sound that of my panting. I wiped sweat from my brow, and my shoulders slumped. And then, when I was ready, just like I had to do with the mess my life had become, I grabbed a broom, and as I started the massive job of cleaning up, the tears came anew.

It took me over an hour to make sure all the glass had been picked up off the floor. I swept multiple times, vacuumed and mopped. I threw everything in a garbage bag, ripping up the pictures as I pulled them off the floor. it made me feel better. At that moment, I couldn’t look at his face.

Chapter 24

Several days passed since I had my outburst in the living room. I didn’t do much in that time. I left once to go to the grocery store. Hoping to avoid anyone I knew, I went to a store in the next town over. I spent most nights on the couch watching soap opera re-runs with a box of tissues in my lap. I hadn’t worked up the courage to call Chase. Sometimes it bothered me, wondering what he was doing, if he was hurting as bad as I was, but other times I tried not to care.

It was just after dinnertime late that next Friday, when I heard a knock on my door. I was caught off-
guard. My friends and family were still completely unaware of the situation and I planned on keeping it that way until I was ready to make a final decision. I hesitated—what if it was Chase?

I smoothed out my clothes and made my way through the living room. Peering through the peep
hole I could see Katie. I’d felt awful I hadn’t called her during any of this. She’d texted me several times. I always meant to respond, but would get sidetracked and forget. I opened the door and stood aside. As soon as she stepped over the threshold she hugged me, then leaned back and squeezed my shoulders with a sympathetic look on her face.

“Can I get you something to drink?” I asked, trying to break the awkward silence.

“No thanks. I just came over to see how you were doing. I hadn’t heard from you in a
while.”

“I’m sorry. I, I just didn’t want to talk about it. Do you want to sit down?” She followed me to the couch. “Have you spoken to Chase recently?”

“No. Have you?”

“No, not in awhile.”

As Katie was one of the very few people who sort of knew what was going on, I began to fill her in. I told her how after the credit card statements I continued to look through Chase’s things and came across the video, and after seeing that I could no longer be in the house with him, so I left. I told her how I found the airline receipt and knew he would be on Kettlewood Island for the holiday weekend, so that’s where I went.

I explained how I was befriended by Meghan, how close we had become, how spending time with her helped ease the pain and put my life into perspective. And of course I ended the story with finding Chase outside her beach house that morning and all the details that followed. She didn’t say anything once I finished. She sat there, her hand resting on mine. Then, with no warning, she began to cry. Quickly it turned into a sob. I kept telling her I would be ok and not to feel sorry for me. After a few minutes she had calmed down and looked at me. Her serious face worried me.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about how I didn’t stick up for you with the girls when you came to us for support, but there was a reason I couldn’t say anything, if I did, I would have been a fraud. I mean, any good friend would tell you to leave him, that he doesn’t deserve you, but I can’t do that.”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

“The last time you came over, you kept mentioning how you wished your relationship could be easy like mine and David’s, how we were always happy together and I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you.” She looked at the ground. I put my hand on top of hers reassuring her that whatever it was she wanted to tell me; I was here. “Three years ago, Dave and I were going through a real rough patch. We fought all the time about him always being gone, forgetting our plans and just treating me more like his maid than his wife. He was always making demands of me and I began to feel alone.” The tears were still in her eyes. She told me about how she reconnected with an old flame during that time and reached out to him for support and someone to talk to. “It was innocent at first. I just needed to feel wanted.” I could tell it wasn’t easy for her to go on, but she did. She told me how hours of talking over dinner and drinks one night turned into something more. “It was just one time. One time that I’ve regretted every day since.” Dave most likely would have never found out what happened, but Katie couldn’t live with that. The night he arrived home from his business trip, she told him. She told him that she felt lonely and unappreciated and that there was no excuse for what she had done, but that it happened. He flipped out on her, called her every name in the book and threw her out of the house. “At first he told me never to come back again unless it was to pick up my stuff, but after a few days he wanted to talk.”

They sat down for hours and yelled and screamed at each other. She told me that she will never forgive herself for what she had done, but it made her realize how important Dave was to her. How much she wanted Dave to love her and it made Dave painfully aware of the way he’d been treating her. I could tell she was still in pain for what she’d done, that she didn’t want to justify the things that happened to me, but she wanted me to know that I had a choice if I wanted one.

“I can’t speak for Chase, but I’ve never been sorrier about anything in my entire life, and there’s no excuse for what I did, but I’m thankful that Dave gave me another chance. I’m thankful he saw my remorse and my pain and that we could work it out.”

I searched for something to say, “Oh. Wow, um.” I took a deep breath, “Thanks for sharing. I know that couldn’t have been easy.”

I told her about destroying everything in the house. How, if I had it in me, I would just forgive and move on, but I wasn’t sure I could. Nodding, Katie listened as I went back and forth about each choice I could make. It was nice to be able to have someone caring to tell.

When I was done, Katie assured me that whatever decision I made, she knew it would be the best one for me. “I’m just next door. If you need anything you come on over, OK?”

              “Thank you. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.”

Once she left, I knew it was time to make a decision. I had put it off long enough. I knew Chase wanted to come over and talk, but up until then I wasn’t ready. One minute I was throwing things and destroying memories, the next I was crying, telling myself that no one was perfect and that I owed it to our marriage to give him another chance. That would once again switch when I would think about the video I saw, the credit card statement and the fact that he drove 4 hours to see another woman, knowing his wife was someone in pain, hurting without him. During those moments, I hated him again. I wanted to pack all of his things and throw them out on the front porch, lock the doors and tell him to come over and pick it all up and never come back.

All of the thinking I did that night and the several days after, all the emotions I dealt with, were extremely draining. I didn’t want to live in this in-between space anymore. There was no more avoiding it. It was time to talk to Chase.

I jumped in the shower, which I hadn’t done in several days, and tried to make myself look like something other than death. Then, I picked up the phone and dialed those seven numbers I had known by heart for the last several years. The phone barely made it to my ear before he picked it up. He told me his phone hadn’t left his side, hoping at any moment I would call.

“I’m ready,” I said. He knew exactly what I meant.

“I can be there in ten minutes; if that’s okay?”

“Ok, I’ll see you then.” I pressed the end button on my phone without saying goodbye. Breathing deeply, I prepared myself for what I was about to face.

Chapter 25

I swear I could see eyes staring between the blinds of every window on the block when Chase’s car finally pulled in the driveway. I could imagine a few of them on the phone with each other gossiping about it all and how they told me I should have just left it alone. I’m sure they eyed him all the way to the front door. I heard his footsteps come up the porch and stop. At first I thought he would knock, but I think he was doing just as I was: preparing himself. I watched the door handle turn slowly, and finally, it opened.

I sat on the oversized chair in the living room. I didn’t want to sit on the couch and have him sit next to me. I stared at the floor as he walked in. He maneuvered around the furniture, but I didn’t look up. He sat down, leaned forward, and folded his hands in between his legs. He was looking right at me, I could tell, but my eyes looked in every direction but his.

I sat there waiting. Neither of us spoke. I hated to have to be the one to speak first. This was not my doing. We were not here because of what I had done. He slid further to the right of the couch, making his way closer to me, just like I knew he would. At least I had the chair arm as a barrier; he couldn’t get any closer. Not talking became deafening. I couldn’t handle it anymore, as he sat there with a pitiful look on his face.