Tempting Rowan (Trace + Olivia #3) (13 page)

I sat in the car, parked in the driveway, my hands clenching the steering wheel.

When did my life get so fucked up?

Had it happened when I was born?

Or had there been a time when I was a normal kid who loved her mom?

I didn’t know. I’d
never
know. For as long as I could remember I’d raised myself. Then Ivy, and finally Tristan. I couldn’t ever remember being a kid, playing with dolls, having sleepovers. All I had ever had was this hell.

I pushed my body out of the car, grabbing my stuff, and
headed inside.

I moved mechanically.

The kids greeted me and I bent down to hug and kiss them both, holding them in my arms longer than normal as I soaked in their comfort.

“You’re squeezing me too tight, Row,” Tristan squirmed his small body out of my arms.

“Sorry,” I told him.

“Row?” He tilted his head questioningly. “
Are are you going to cry?”

I hadn’t even realized
my eyes were filling with tears. The tears didn’t spill over and I didn’t even know why they were there in the first place—maybe for everything I had lost and was working so hard for my siblings not to have to experience. I had a suspicion that these tears were because of Trent too. He’d surged back into my life, making me
feel
again, and my emotions had burst forth like water from a dam.

“No, sweetie, I’m not going to cry,” I forced a smile as he gripped my face between his two small hands, looking at me in fascination.

“I don’t want you to be sad,” his lips turned down in a frown.

“
Sometimes you have to be sad,” I told him, my voice shaky.

Tristan wrapped his arms around my neck and clung to me tightly. We had a special bond—one I didn’t share with Ivy.

I picked him up to carry him to the kitchen when my mom opened her bleary eyes from where she lay on the couch. “Don’t baby him.”

“Whatever,” I rolled my eyes as she passed out once more.

I was tired and didn’t even feel like boiling pasta noodles, so I settled on peanut butter sandwiches that the three of us dipped in milk—don’t knock it until you try it.

“This is yummy,” Tristan grinned, smiling up at me. Ivy nodded in agreement to his words. Watching the two of them, my throat clenched. They deserved more than peanut butter sandwiches eaten at a card table. I didn’t understand how a parent couldn’t want better for their children. But my mom, she w
anted us to suffer like she had, while she escaped into oblivion—the coward’s way out.

Ivy helped me clean up from dinner, then I gave Tristan a bath, and read them both a story. I fell asleep in Tristan’s bed, my body wrapped around his, with Ivy beside me.



The wind blew my hair in my face, several long strands getting stuck on the gloss coating my lips. I pulled my hair way, my head lowered. When I looked up, my steps faltered. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

This had to be a mirage or something.

Trenton stood straight ahead of me, h
is back leaning against a light pole with a coffee cup and something else in his hand. I was so confused. He was still supposed to be at school, what was he doing here?

He looked up then,
a smile spreading over his handsome face as he spotted me. He was dressed nicely in a pair of jeans and a long black button down coat. His dark hair was brushed out of his eyes. To me, he looked like he should be on the runway, not chilling on campus. He looked so sophisticated and out of my league.

He didn’t jog up the steps. I
nstead he waited for me to meet him.

I walked slowly to him, butterflies assaulting my stomach.

“Hi…what are you doing here?”

Go
d, even when I wasn’t trying to I still sounded like a bitch. There was something seriously wrong with me.

He chuckled, licking his bottom lip. “I brought you coffee,” he held up the paper cup.

“I can see that, but why are you
here
on my campus,” I hissed. “Aren’t you supposed to be at school?”

He shrugged his muscular shoulders. “I finished my school work early and decided to head home. There was no point in hanging around there when I could be home.”
With you,
the words hung there unuttered.

“Well,” I reached for the coffee, “thanks for this.”

“It’s caramel,” he assured me before I took a sip. “Caramel’s still your favorite right?” He asked hesitantly.

“It is,” I nodded. “I can’t believe you remembered that,” I whispered in awe, taking a sip of the hot liquid. It gave me a dose of much needed caffeine and warmth.

“I remember everything about you,” he whispered. “Oh, here’s this.”

My throat closed up as I looked at the shiny teal wrapper in his hands. I took t
he Rice Krispie Treat from him.

“You really do remember everything,” I gasped.

He chuckled. “Yep. You’re middle name is Elise and you hate it because you think it sounds old fashioned. I, on the other hand, love it. Your favorite color is green. Rice Krispie Treats are your favorite sweet,” he nodded at the wrapper in my hand, “you love to read anything and everything, and…shall I continue?” He raised a brow, waiting for my response.

I gazed at him in awe. I would’ve thought all these years later, we’d have to get to know each other again, but he hadn’t forgotten anything about me. I certainly hadn’t forgotten him either.

“No,” I squeaked as we walked side by side. I had to get to my last class of the day.

Trent fell into step beside me, both of us silent. I stopped outside the door to the building that led to my next class. “I have to go, I can’t be late,” I mumbled.

Trent nodded. “I know. I’ll…see you later,” he smiled, leaning in to give me a soft kiss that left my whole body humming.

“Thanks for this,” I held the coffee and Rice Krispie Treat aloft.

He nodded, tipping his head at me as he backed away.

“Red!” I called at his retreating back.

He turned around, stopping in his tracks with one brow raised.

“Your favorite color is red,” I breathed. “I remember things too, Trent.”

chapter nine

Even hours later, I was still shocked by Trent’s surprise visit and the sweet gesture of the coffee and Rice Krispie Treat. I’d greedily slurped down
the coffee, finding it to be the most delicious thing I’d ever tasted. For some reason, though, I had found myself unable to devour the sugary treat currently residing in my backpack. Like a child, I wanted to hold on to it and treasure it for what it signified.

Five years.

One thousand eight hundred and twenty-six days.

It was a
long
time.

Yet, it was also like no time at all.

Neither one of us had ever been able to forget the other. I remembered things about Trenton that I
wished
I could forget. It would make ignoring him so much easier. But we had a past, a past that refused to let either of us go. We were tethered together and our bond was indestructible. My years of ignoring him had proven just how everlasting it was, because here he was—here,
we
were—back to pretty much where we’d always been.

A
connection like ours—I refused to think of it as love, love was simply a fairytale—it wasn’t easily broken. It stretched, it frayed, but it did not break.

I looked at the time on my phone, cursing under my breath. I had to get home, the kids were probably starving, and my “study time” had been pretty much non-existent.

I packed up my stuff and locked up the library on my way out.

I couldn’t get home fast enough. I felt horrible that I’d completely forgotten the time. I might have to stop staying late at the library—but that meant I’d never get any
school work done.

Technically, though,
I shouldn’t have had to worry about rushing home. They were my mom’s responsibility, but the woman couldn’t do anything.

When I walked in th
e front door and into the house I found the kids in their bedroom playing.

“Hey,” I stopped in the doorway, a little breathless.
“Are you guys hungry?”

They shook their heads.

“Ivy made me a sammy,” Tristan smiled up at me, from where he played on the floor with little toy cars.

I frowned. “Oh. Okay.”

I knew at Ivy’s age she was perfectly capable of making a sandwich, but I didn’t want her to have to do that. I wanted her to be a child, to know that I’d always be there to make everything better. I didn’t want her to have to be…me.

I smiled in Ivy’s direction, and she frowned, feeling like she’d done something wrong.

“That was very nice of you, Ivy,” I hastened to add. “If you two are okay without me for a bit, I’m going to shower.”

Ivy nodded. “We’ll be okay.”

She didn’t know it, but those three words hurt. It made me feel like they’d be just fine without me. Maybe I was being selfish by thinking they needed me.

I grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a loose shirt from my bedroom, locking myself in the bathroom. I leaned against the door, wondering why a stupid sandwich had made me upset.
It wasn’t the sandwich, but what it represented—that life went on without me around.

I sunk to the floor, resting my head on my knees.

One thought lingered in my mind.

Nobody needs me.



I wasn’t
surprised to see Trenton waiting beside my car when I left school. I had come to expect him to pop up wherever—and why would he stop now?

“Hi,” I said hesitantly.
After my breakdown last night, my emotions were raw and I wasn’t ready to see him. I knew Trent would pick up on something being wrong and another day to quiet my mind would have been welcome.

“Coffee, Rice Krispie Treat,” he
held each out for me to take.

Despite my efforts, I smiled, taking the items from him. “Is this going to become a daily occurrence?” I questioned.

He grinned, flipping his nearly black hair out of his eyes. “Sure. It gives me an excuse to see you until I go back to school. Let’s not talk about that, though,” he seemed to sense my discomfort at the mention of him being away at school. “Are you okay?”

I nodded. “Fine.” I brought the coffee cup to my lips and tried not
to drop the Rice Krispie Treat. I was determined to actually eat this one. Since it wasn’t a very cold day I hopped up on the trunk of my car and tapped the empty space next to me. Trent quickly took the spot beside me, the car bouncing from the momentum. A small laugh escaped me. He kicked his legs out, and for once seemed unsure what to say.

“Today was your last day of classes?” He asked as I set the coffee cup between us and ripped the
wrapper off the treat.

I nodded, taking a bite—and oh my God it was the best thing I’d ever tasted. I hadn’t had one of these in forever. I was beginning to regret not eating the one from yesterday.

“I never have asked you what you’re studying,” he probed me for answers.

“Nursing,” I answered around a mouthful of food, using my hand to hide my mouth.

His eyes widened in surprise. “I didn’t expect that.”

“Why not?” I asked, finishing the last of the Rice Krispie Treat and licking my fingers clean.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye. “It just doesn’t seem very…you.”

His statement didn’t offend me. When I’d known him I’d been convinced I was destined for bigger and better things. I’d been
interested in acting…oh, how dreams change when life gets in the way.

“And what seems like me?” I countered, picking up the coffee cup once more and holding it between my hands.

He peered at my thoughtfully. “Teacher…yeah, I could see you as a teacher. You’re good with kids. I remember watching you with your sister once, Ivy, right?” When I nodded, he continued. “I thought I’d never seen anyone handle a little kid so well before. You’ll make a great mom one day, Row,” he looked at me wistfully.

I
glanced away and out to the parking lot. I didn’t want to talk about this.

I brought the lid of the coffee cup to my lips and let the warm liquid heat my suddenly bone-chilled body.

“Did I say something wrong?”

I turned to look at him and shook my head.

“You don’t seem okay,” he whispered. “Are you…?” He left the question hanging.

“Having regrets? No,” I rubbed at my tired eyes, “it was just a rough night.” After my mini meltdown—minus actual tears—I’d showered and climbed into bed with Tristan. I’d needed to surround myself with the comfort of the kids. If I’d shut myself up in my room, I think I would’ve went crazy.

“Well,” he started, and I swore a slight pink color stained his cheeks, “allow me to make tonight not so rough.”

I raised a bro
w.

“Come over for dinner…please,” he tacked on, like he thought the
‘please’ would make me give in.

“You know I can’t,” I frowned. “Ivy and—”

“It can be an early dinner then, and I’ll make plenty, so you’ll have leftovers to take home to them. Or you can bring them with you. I wouldn’t mind. It would limit my time kissing you,” he winked, “but I’m willing to make the sacrifice.”

“I’ll need to go home and change, but I can be there in two hours.” That would give me plenty of time to shower, change, and give myself a muc
h needed pep talk, because I was going to be at Trenton’s place…just the two of us…oh, God.

Trent’s grin was so wide that crinkles appeared
at the corners of his eyes. He hopped off my car and started to back away. “I guess I better figure out what I’m making.”

“I would’ve thought you’d already have a plan,” I retorted.

He shrugged. “I figured you’d say no.”

With that, he turned on his heel and jogged down the lot to where his black car was parked.

I continued to sit on the trunk of my car, drinking the delicious caramel coffee, and wondering what the heck I’d gotten myself into.




My hair was clean and dry, hanging in a straight sheet down my back. I wore a pair of jeans, a loose black sweater that hung slightly off my shoulder, and an old pair of boots that had certainly seen better days, but were so comfortable I refused to get rid of them.

The kids Christmas break didn’t start for another week, so there was still a good hour before they’d be home, and they were used to being here alone anyway. Not that they were
technically
alone, since my mom was here, but still.

I brushed my teeth for the fourth time since I’d been home and forced my fingers through my hair. My heart was racing in my chest, at the possibility of what might be about to go down between Trent and I. I sort of felt like a cocky dude, assuming sex was on the menu, but after the kiss in the car…I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want more.

That didn’t mean I wasn’t scared though.

I hadn’t had sex
, except that one time so long ago. I was sure Trent had had plenty of practice and knew exactly what he was doing. I, on the other hand, was pretty clueless. One time hardly made me a master. Sure, there were times over the years when guys had expressed interest in me, but I couldn’t even make myself kiss them, let alone have sex. In the back of my mind, there was always…well, there was always Trent.

“Stop it, Rowan,” I glared at my reflection in the mirror. “Stop this right now. It’s only dinner. That’s all.”

Oh, God. Now I was talking to myself in the mirror. I was destined for the loony bin. Shit.

I forced myself out of the bathroom, shrugged on my coat, and grabbed my purse. I was almost out the door when I looked back and saw my mom passed out on the couch—sans trashcan.

I rolled my eyes, and strode back inside, grabbing the waste bin and sitting it beside her. I didn’t want to come home and have to clean up her vomit.

I guess
ed the sound of the trashcan being sat down woke her, because her groggy hazel eyes opened to meet mine. “What the fuck are you doing leaning over me like that?”

I pointed to the trashcan. I didn’t owe her an explanation. I didn’t owe her
anything
.

“You’re a worthless piece of shit! You know that!” She called after me.

I turned around, flipping her off. “Only because I’m your spawn,” I spat. “So, you would know.”

“You little bitch,” she snarled, her greasy
hair hanging limply in her eyes as she struggled to get off the couch and come at me.

I slammed the door closed and ran for my car, speeding away before she could make it outside. A part of me hoped she’d come outside and be so drunk she’d forget how to get back inside, then maybe she’d freeze to death. Fuck.
I was a horrible person. What kind of sane person
wishes
their mother would die? The sick kind, that’s who. I was so going to hell.

Trent had texted me directions to his place, since he no longer lived at his family’s ma
nsion. As big as that place was I was surprised he hadn’t stayed. Surely he had plenty of privacy there.

I drove through town and turned into a nice neighborhood lined with brick three-story townhomes. My mouth gaped open. What kind of twenty-one year old guy needed a place like this?

I pulled along the road and checked my phone to make sure I’d remembered the right house number. When I was sure I had it correct, I drove forward and pulled into the driveway. I sat for a moment, a bit scared to get out and knock on the door.

“You have nothing to be scared of, Rowan,” I mumbled to myself.

Great, not only did I talk to myself in the mirror, but now I did it in the car too.

I stepped out and locked my car—although, in this nice neighborhood, I doubted anyone would want to break into this jalopy.

I bound up the steps to the front door with a pep I didn’t really feel. I reached out and hesitantly knocked on the door. No sounds greeted me, and when more than thirty-seconds had passed without Trent appearing, I pushed the doorbell.

I hear
d Trent talking, but no one answered, so I was a bit confused about what was going on.

“Stay away from there, Dean!” He yelled as the door swung open.

“Hi,” I said, but he wasn’t looking at me, but over his shoulder.

That’s when I
saw the baby.

Holy shit.

Trent had a kid.

A fucking
baby
.

My throat
closed up. He had a kid with some girl that was probably a whole lot prettier and nicer than I was. I wondered why he wasn’t with her and why he was wasting time with me.

I didn’t even realize I was doing it, but
I turned around and ran towards my car.

Trent
called after me, but I didn’t stop.

I
went to unlock my car, but I couldn’t find my keys. Where the hell were my keys? I patted my pockets, looked in my purse, and they weren’t there. So much for my quick escape.