Tequila & Tea Bags (16 page)

‘You know him?’ I ask, still trying to take this all in.

Will’s reaction has attracted stares from the locals. I can't help but wonder if they’ve seen it. If they’re judging me. Silly little slut from London.

‘Aye,’ he nods. ‘Riley used to go out with him. He reckons I stole her off him. We’ve hated each other since. Then there was the whole feud between villages. But this is too far. Even for him.’

I can feel everyone’s eyes on me.

‘The whole village has seen my boobs?’ I hiss out in a distressed whisper.

It doesn’t matter how much I try to make a fresh start, I’m still going to let myself down.

‘I have to get out of here.’ I stand up onto wobbly legs, with Will following close behind.

‘Don’t worry, Rose,’ he says determined. ‘He’ll pay.’

Thursday 23
rd
October

I cried all night. Well, in between trying to block out the filthy sounds coming from next door. They really don’t seem to tire like normal people. It would be impressive, if it wasn’t so gross.

Never before has something upset me so much. And I’ve had some pretty bad shit happen to me. Once I jumped on stage at a local gig and managed to fall off, exposing my arse to everyone. They called me Rose Bum for years.

I think it’s because I had the chance of a fresh start here and now it’s ruined. God, everyone has seen me naked! Not that I don’t have great tits. I do. I really do. Well, apart from that badly placed freckle that could pass as a third nipple, but that’s not my point.

Elsie storms through the door, making me jump. She stomps to the kitchen, throwing her keys on the side. Marbles suddenly appears from nowhere, meowing and pressing herself against Elsie’s legs.

‘What’s wrong?’ I ask, my mouth full of chocolate. ‘Don’t tell me they got you too?’ I laugh. Even my laugh sounds fake.

‘Don’t be stupid,’ she snaps, her face like thunder. ‘I manage to keep my breasts
inside
my bra.’

Ouch. She might as well have thrown a knife at me.

‘Who shit on your parade?’ I whimper, my voice breaking. Do NOT burst into tears.

‘No one.’ She sits down and starts stroking Marbles. ‘I just…’ She takes a deep breath, obviously trying to calm herself down. ‘I found out I can't watch television when I become a nun.’

Is she for real? My life is in ruins and she’s talking about TV?

‘Seriously?
’ I fume. ‘This is why you’re so upset? The whole village has seen my tits!’

I can't believe her! She’s normally so selfless.

‘I know, I’m sorry.’ She sits down and pats my head. ‘I just…I knew I was giving up my life, but…’  She looks into the fire sadly.

‘But what?’ How can she be so bloody naïve?

‘Well, I suppose I didn’t think that would include Netflix. I mean, missing Orange is the New Black? I’m not sure I can do it.’ Her eyes well up, as if she’s going to cry.

‘THIS
is what’s making you reconsider becoming a nun? A television programme?’ I ask in disbelief. She’s unbelievable.

‘Not just one, Rose,’ she snarls, her eyes shut. ‘I’ll miss
every
show.’

God, she’s ridiculous, but hey, whatever makes her change her mind has to be a good thing.

A knock at the door startles me, but I’m glad for the distraction. I swing the door open to find Will still looking as pissed off as when I saw him yesterday. Clearly time has not calmed him down. He pushes past me, his face determined.

‘Err…hi?’ I mumble.

‘I’ve figured it out,’ he announces, making himself comfortable on our sofa. He’s so big against it. I have to stop myself curling up in his lap and demanding he stroke me like Marbles. ‘I’ve figured out how we’re going to retaliate.’

This sounds interesting.

‘Retaliate?’ Elsie shrieks. ‘There will be
no
such thing!’

God, she’s such a goody two shoes.

‘You
are
joking, right?’ Will asks, his face disgusted and furious. ‘The bastard flashed her tits all over the village! He deserves to pay.’

I’ve never seen him so angry. He’s trying to protect my honour. It feels kind of awesome. And Lulu throbs, telling me she’s also impressed.

‘Well, I’m having no part of it!’ she shrieks, rushing upstairs.

Don’t pee yourself, Els. God, she's a baby.

I grin at him, rolling my eyes. ‘So, what’s the plan?’ I ask, an excited grin on my face.

I’m stupidly pleased at the idea of spending more time with him. I didn’t think he’d want to know me at all. I assumed he’d be completely ashamed to be seen anywhere near me.

‘Easy. We give him a taste of his own medicine.’ He smiles devilishly, his eyes lighting up with malice.

‘And…that means?’

‘Jay used to play rugby with them and says he has a tiny dick.’

I burst out laughing. Is he serious?

‘We’re going to get him drunk and take a picture of it.’

My eyes widen in shock. Wow, I’m impressed. Who knew Will had it in him?

‘William, you’re so cunning,’ I joke. ‘Who knew you had it in you?’

‘But…’ he shifts uncomfortably in his chair. ‘Well, you’ll need to get him drunk and flirt first.’ He looks uneasy at having to ask me.

‘You’re whoring me out?’ I giggle, raising one eyebrow in question. The thought of that prick’s hands on my body repulses me.

‘It’s for a good cause,’ he grins. ‘So, I’ll pick you up after work?’

‘Okay,’ I nod, a stupid dreamy smile spreading on my face.

Whatever you say, Big Willy.

***

I force myself into work at the pub that evening. Will says it will give me a bit of an alibi. He’s thought this through so much its almost scary. Remind me never to piss him off. I’d really just like to be left alone with my thoughts of self-loathing, but I can't seem to get rid of Megan. She’s dismissed the whole thing, explaining there was a girl in her year that it happened to.

‘So it’s my birthday next week and I’m not allowed a party. How stupid is that?’ she moans, pouting her lips. ‘It’s only my sweet sixteenth!’

God, teenagers and their dramas.

‘Why can't you have a party? You live in a pub.’ I point around at all of the booze. ‘Surely you’ll have it here.’

‘Not according to my dad,’ she whinges, throwing her head down onto the bar. ‘He said he doesn’t want young people here drinking, risking his liquor licence.’

‘I suppose I get that,’ I reason. God, when did I grow up?

‘Don’t take his side!’ she snaps. ‘I’m only going to turn sixteen once. Plus everyone at school will think I’m some sad loser.’ She looks at me, dead serious. ‘Help me plan a secret party?’

‘What? Where?’ I pretend to wipe down the bar, feigning being busy. I really don’t have time for this.

‘Err…I was hoping you’d help with that too.’

I look up into her pleading face, her pout prominent, her brown eyes drooped.

I’m now planning children’s birthday parties. My life gets more obscure by the second.

‘Are you sure you want to do this?’ he asks as we wait in the car outside Gerry’s house.

The plan changed slightly. Will picked me up after work and we headed to the bar Gerry works at. Only we found out he’d got shit faced drunk and gone home. We watched him stumble in half an hour ago, and I would bet anything he’s completely passed out by now. We plan to break in and take the picture while he’s asleep. Only this is better. I don’t have to pretend I like him for more than a second. I wasn’t sure if I could do it without squeezing my hands around his neck.

I nod my head. He grips my hand, squeezing it reassuringly as we get out of the car. I take a deep breath as we creep towards his back door. Just as Will thought, his spare key is under the mat. How bloody predictable. He opens the door, it making an enormous creaking noise. I nearly pee my pants.

‘Ssssh!’ Will whispers accusingly.

‘I didn’t say anything!’ I hiss back.

He places his hand at the small of my back, sending tingles down to my toes.

‘Upstairs,’ he nods, pointing the way.

I let him lead me up the stairs, every step seeming to creak more than the last. I can feel adrenaline coursing through my veins. What if we walk in and he’s murdered or something? What if we end up getting fingered as the murderers? I mean framed. Why am I thinking about being fingered? I need to get some. Lulu is lonely and Will continuing to touch me at every opportunity isn’t helping.

Will points to a bedroom door and ushers me in. How he knows so much about his house I don’t know. I’ll have to ask him later. I walk in and find him asleep under a spider man duvet. His arms are hanging over his head, dribble on his pillow. Gross, but at least I know he’s out for the count.

Will takes his camera phone out and I slowly, ever so slowly, pull the covers back. He’s in Simpsons boxers. I swallow the disgusted feeling in my gut and quickly pull them down before Will has to ask me. I burst out laughing. He’s got the smallest dick I’ve ever seen! It’s actually comical. It’s almost a vagina.

‘Sssh!’ Will snaps, covering my mouth with his hand.

He stirs, a low moan echoing through the room. I freeze in place, my own hand over his on my mouth. If he wakes up now we’re in big trouble. He stills again and I nod for Will to take the photo. The room brightens up for a second with the flash.

‘Got it,’ he mouths.

I sigh in relief. Thank God for that. I slowly lower the bed spread back to cover him not wanting him to notice any foul play. Will takes my elbow and guides me out. I’m glad for the help. My legs feel like jelly. This is
so
illegal. It’s basically breaking and entering. We walk down the stairs and out the door, placing the key back in its place under the matt.

‘Thank God that’s over,’ I say, panting from my held breath. My body starts to de-clench itself.

‘You can say that again,’ he smiles, leaning back against the brick wall.

‘Thank God that’s over,’ I say again, smiling from my little joke.

He grins, popping his adorable dimple.

‘I mean it,’ he says, his face turning serious and upset. ‘Watching you touch him made me feel sick.’

He looks so possessive, his eyes blazing with some furious emotion.

‘Wow, you must really hate him.’

I wonder what he did to him to get this reaction. Could it really be over Riley? If he still feels anger, does he still have feelings for her?

He stops to look at me earnestly, his green eyes staring intently at my lips. ‘Or I just really like you.’

My breath leaves my body all at once. I stare back at his jealous face. He’s jealous, over me.

Before I know what’s happened, I’m being pushed against the wall by his sexy hips and my arms are placed around his neck. He pushes his lips on to mine roughly, as if he couldn’t breathe without them. He lets go of my arms, my fingers intertwining in his glossy hair. I feel him smile against my lips before applying more pressure with his. He presses his chest harder against me until I’m almost being crushed. I like it though. Then I feel his erection.

Wowzas. I wasn’t over playing the memory. Big Willy really is big.

He suddenly pulls away. My lips follow him until its clear he’s not going to kiss me back. I open my eyes. He looks apologetic, running his hand through his already dishevelled hair.

‘Sorry. We should stop. I’m sorry,’ he says regretfully, his forehead creased in worry.

‘Why?’ I ask, dumbfounded and pissed off. I grab the collar of his shirt and pull him back to me, his lips meeting mine again. God they’re sweet and warm. I never want them to leave mine.

He pushes me back, his arms on my shoulders. I glare at him as he puts his hands in his pockets.

‘Because you’re my employee. This is totally inappropriate. We need to wait.’

I almost burst out laughing, until I realise he’s serious.

‘Wait?
Why the hell should we wait? What are we waiting for?’ I sound so pathetic and needy. I don’t care. I’m already trying to push back into his arms.

‘Besides, I don’t know you properly yet.’ He smiles and tucks a bit of hair behind my ear. ‘I can feel you holding yourself back still.’

‘Holding myself back?’ I shout, suddenly enraged. ‘I’m offering myself to you on a plate. You’ve seen my tits, as have half the village. What the fuck am I not giving you?’

‘And what beautiful tits they are,’ he smiles. He strokes my face with his thumb. ‘Good things come to those who wait.’

‘Yeah, well, curiosity killed the cat and right now my pussy is dying a slow, painful death.’ I turn on my heel and start to storm off. Fuck this; I’ll walk home if I have to.

He laughs and grabs me around the waist, pulling me into him for a hug. A measly hug. How boring. Although it is nice being in his arms, smelling his scent and feeling warm and secure. God, I sound like a girl. See what he’s doing to me?

‘Come on,’ he smiles. ‘Let’s get these posters made.’ He grabs my hand and starts leading me back towards the car. I hesitate, suddenly not so sure if this is a good idea. ‘What’s wrong?’ he asks, clearly noticing my trepidation.

‘I’m not sure if we should retaliate,’ I blurt out, without fully thinking it through myself.

‘What?’ he shouts, his mood swinging back to irritated in a second. ‘Rose, the guy took advantage of you and spread pictures of it all over the village. He’s lucky I didn’t cut it off.’

Wow. This dark Will is different. And sexy as fuck.

‘You’re being dramatic,’ I shrug.

‘I’m being dramatic? That creep had his hands on you. God, just the thought of him touching you makes me want to kill the guy. You’re mine, remember?’

He’s so possessive. God, it’s hot.

‘Wow. I didn’t realise you were so possessive. I kind of like it.’

‘And you should,’ he smiles. ‘Think about it seriously before you decide.’

I just think Elsie might be right. What good can come of this? And what if he has more photos? He could post more and this could continue for months. Perhaps I should just be the bigger person for once.

‘Why do you hate this guy so much anyway? There’s clearly more to this than just me.’

He stares at me silently, chewing on his lip, obviously assessing whether he should tell me.

‘He was one of the people who created this village rift.’

This village rift thing is ridiculous.

‘What actually happened? It must be serious if you hate him this much.’

He sighs loudly, as if to portray how annoying I am. ‘It’s a long story,’ he shrugs, as if to dismiss me.

‘Fucking spill, Will!’ I shout, drawing the attention of a neighbour who turns their lights on. ‘Please,’ I whisper, knowing he’ll be upset with me. He grabs my hand and begins to walk us back to the car.

‘We used to have a village rugby team. We played their village team and there was some argument about a tackle. The story goes that we blamed Damon Trevy for cheating. Only their village said we were lying and being racist. We were disgusted they’d dare call us racist and it kind of went on from there. We heard stories back and forth about them all talking about us and it sort of blew up.’

Rugby? They fell out over rugby? A leather ball?

‘So wait, this whole feud is over a bloody rugby match? Are you serious? You have to see how dumb that is, right?’

He nods, but looks away. ‘A lot of cruel things were said, Rose. The people of this village have their pride, if nothing else.’

‘Okay,’ I nod, having no intention of leaving this alone.

I don’t know how, but I’m going to try everything in my power to fix this pathetic feud. It just sounds like a huge misunderstanding.    

***

Friday 24
th
October

So tonight’s the outdoor cinema event and I should be excited, but instead I’m worried about Eric. Having the whole poo fiasco and then my tits on parade distracted me, but now I can't stop thinking about it. I still can't believe he went to the police. What if he turns up at the home and starts mouthing off in front of everyone?

I’ve tracked him down to Lye Lane. Apparently he lives in the small farm at the edge of the village. I know I’m close when the pavement disappears and turns into mud. Damn it, these boots are going to be ruined soon. I follow the sound of sheep and finally come across a small brick house with smoke coming out of the chimney. I knock on the front door and wait, shuffling impatiently from foot to foot.

‘Around the back!’ someone shouts. It doesn’t sound like Eric.

How the hell does he live here with his OCD? The mud and mess must drive him insane.

I walk around the back of the house and find a man in his early sixties shearing a sheep. God, it’s weird to think my jumpers are made of that.

‘Hi.’ I wave awkwardly. He ignores me.

The sheep shoots me an evil look. I suppose if a man with a razor was sheering me I wouldn’t want someone stealing his attention either.

‘I’m looking for Eric,’ I shout over the razor buzz.

‘He left this morning,’ he says gruffly, still not giving me any eye contact.

‘Oh, right. So…what time will he be back?’ God, it’s like pulling teeth.

‘Nay idea. He’s moved to London. Something about pursuing a singing career.’ He rolls his eyes.

‘You’re joking?’ I laugh.

He turns to look at me and I realise I may have offended his son. Oops.

‘Afraid not, love. He cleared the pub at the last karaoke, but he’s got it set in his head that they’re just jealous of his talent.’

‘Wow,’ I breathe. This is amazing. If he’s not around he won't be able to cause any trouble for me.

‘Plus he reckons he can live cleaner down there. Good luck, I told him. He’ll be in a studio flat with six other people, full of rats, for the crazy prices down there.’

I nod along, already throwing a celebration party in my head. Thank God tonight’s the outdoor cinema. I can celebrate in style.

***

I look around at the amazing turnout. Almost the whole village is here. I suppose not much happens here, so this must be exciting for them. The way Elsie’s been leafleting I’m surprised there isn’t everyone here. She threw herself into doing it after she felt bad for shouting at me the other day.

I’ve got the care home residents sitting on fold up chairs, as I doubt I’d be able to get them back up from the grass otherwise. Everyone else is sat on the picnic blankets I laid out. I’ve told the oldies it’s because they’re VIPs. They seemed to like that idea.

As the sun sets the cool autumn air brings with it a chill. Jumpers are put on and couples snuggle up closer together. I turn on the twinkle lights that I’ve hung above us. It’s going to look amazing when it gets dark. I watch as the light leaves the projection screen.

I take a deep breath and walk to the front as soon as I think it’s dark enough. Expectant faces look back at me. I’d try to imagine them naked in order to calm myself down, but it’s hard when I know they’ve all seen
me
half naked.

‘Erm…hi, I’m Rose,’ I mumble nervously.

‘We know!’ Violet jeers. Her friends laugh cruelly.  

I make a mental note to trip her later.

‘Thanks so much for joining us today,’ I say, reading from my speech. ‘We’re here to raise money for the care home. It might feel like a lifetime away for most of us, but we’re all going to get old one day. So any extra contributions would be welcomed. Thanks.’

A few people clap as I run over to the laptop and press play on the film. I sit down on my blanket as quickly as possible, still reeling from the embarrassment of public speaking. I take a deep breath, trying to centre myself. Or whatever it is those yogis say.

I feel someone sit down next to me and from the close body heat I know it’s him.

‘Nice speech,’ Will says. I turn to see him stuffing a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

I shift in my seat, instantly feeling awkward around him. I’ve barely seen him since the other night, so yet again I feel lost and confused. Why does he always make me feel like a kid?