The Arrangement (21 page)

“I never thought you were an angel. None of us walk around with untarnished halos. Stop trying to think you need to be perfect.”

“You don’t understand.”

“Then help me to.” Frustrated, Reed stood to pace the room. “We’re human, we’re allowed to make mistakes.”

“My mother having children was a mistake.”

Children?
“You have siblings?”

Carter nodded but said nothing further.

In order to keep the conversation going, Reed continued to ask questions. He’d already assumed from that errant text a few months ago Carter had a child in his life. Maybe he’d finally open up, and instead of giving the story like a puzzle in bits and pieces, he’d tell Reed the whole truth.

“You said you changed your name. Why?”

Carter opened his mouth, but instead of speaking, took another sip of his drink.

The small hesitation from Carter told Reed he still had unresolved issues about that subject.

“It’s okay. I’m not judging you.”

“Doesn’t matter if you are or aren’t. I’m too busy judging myself.” The empty glass dangled from his long fingers, swinging between his knees.

“Sometimes talking about things helps you feel better about them.”

“Sounds like that philosophy stuff again. Are you sure you’re not studying psychology?”

That comment hit too close to home for Reed. “Not at all. I’m letting you know I’m here for you.”

Carter let out an audible sigh, and Reed watched the internal struggle play across his face.

“Everything I did from the time I left home I did on my own. I wanted a clean start and no possible connection with my mother. To be brutally honest, I’d never wanted to see her again. But when I changed my name, I discovered I needed her one last time.”

“Did she make it difficult for you?”

Carter’s mirthless smile sent chills down Reed’s spine. “In order to change my name, I needed to know in what state my birth certificate was issued so I could get a copy. Ugliness ensued.”

Almost afraid to ask, Reed couldn’t help himself. “What happened?”

An unpleasant laugh escaped Carter. “True to form, she made it a business arrangement. I’d pay her and tell her my new name; only then would she give me the information I needed for my paperwork. I had no choice, so she ended up knowing my new name and address.” That haunted look Reed now recognized darkened Carter’s eyes. “I thought I managed to put those days and my real name behind me, but I guess that’s never really possible, is it?”

Thinking of himself, Reed had to agree. “No matter how much we try, no. I don’t believe we can ever fully escape our past. Take us for example. We couldn’t seem to.”

“I guess I have my answer.” Carter drained his glass. “You speak of us in the past tense. I guess that means we’re done.”

How quickly Carter shut down and presumed the worst; that defense mechanism of his—pretending the hurt didn’t matter—so achingly familiar to Reed. He’d used it himself for almost half his life. But no longer. He wouldn’t let Carter go without a fight.

“Is that what you assume? I thought you were smarter than that.”

Carter glanced up at him sharply, but Reed pushed on and sat down next to him on the sofa. There’d be time enough in the future for Carter to tell him everything about his past; it didn’t matter at this point. He knew what he needed to know. Reed would make damn sure his future included Carter. Most important now was for him to reassure Carter that he had no intention of leaving. That sometimes things worked out in the end.

“You think I’m going to walk away from you for good without looking back? Tell me,” said Reed, plucking the glass out of Carter’s hands and setting it on the coffee table. Yes, he’d made the promise not to get physical, but that was before Carter unburdened himself, sitting broken and strangely hesitant. Reed discovered he hated seeing Carter as anything but the slightly arrogant, cocky, self-made man, and right now Carter needed to hear how much Reed wanted him. “Would you leave me if I’d done what you had to do? It’s made you who you are, and so far I haven’t had a problem with that.”

“Who I am.” Carter’s laugh was anything but humorous. “I have no idea who the fuck I am. Son of a woman who didn’t give a shit about me and a nameless father I’ll never know. A liar, thief…”

“All things you had little or no control over. I see someone who made me feel safe when no one ever bothered to find out why I was afraid. A man who gives money to children’s charities but doesn’t blow his own horn.” Reed took Carter’s face between his hands and brushed their lips together, almost reeling from the waves of pleasure and sweetness crashing through him.
This man.
This man was his, and he had no plans to let him go. “I also see the man I’ve come to love and want to be with.”

Carter slid his hands over Reed’s, his palms damp with sweat. His voice shook. “That’s crazy. You don’t love me—you can’t.”

“Says the man who never lets anyone tell him what to do or say. If you don’t believe my words, then feel them.” Reed kissed him again, his tongue pressing against the seam of Carter’s lips and finding little resistance. “Feel what you mean to me. It’s you.
You
are everything to me. How could I not love you?”

All pretense of sweetness ended; they ate at each other’s mouths, their kisses greedy and urgent. Their tongues met and battled; then Reed found himself flipped underneath Carter, who with a wicked glint in his eyes popped open Reed’s jeans and drew the zipper down. “Lift up.”

Reed complied and allowed Carter to yank his pants down.

“Tell me again.” Carter traced the outline of Reed’s dick with his tongue, the heat of his breath drifting against his thighs. “Say it.” He mouthed Reed’s cock through the thin fabric, wetting it, then reached inside his boxers to fondle his balls.

“What, that you never let anyone tell you things?” He hissed and threw his head back against the cushions, unfathomable, delicious thrills sparking through his body.

“No, you bastard. Tell me again. Please.” From his place between Reed’s legs Carter gazed up at him, and his honesty almost took Reed’s breath away.

“I love you.”

Carter smiled, his silvery eyes glinting in the light, and he freed Reed’s dick from his boxers, then engulfed the head, his firm lips sucking first at the tip before sliding down the rest of his shaft. Reed reached down and grasped the nape of Carter’s neck to steady him while he flexed his hips, urging Carter to take him deeper.

He undulated his hips faster and faster, but Carter took it all in his mouth, creating a sucking friction Reed felt down in his toes.

“Fuuuck.” Reed groaned.

Carter responded by slowing down, tracing the thick veins down the side of his cock while hefting his balls, squeezing them slightly. His teeth grazed the underside of the flared crown. Through half-lidded eyes, Reed watched the flushed, reddened head of his dick, wet with precome and saliva, disappear into Carter’s mouth. Carter hummed deep in his throat.

Reed began to fuck Carter’s mouth in earnest, emotions mixed up with the bone-melting pleasure battering him until all sensation centered upon his groin and his cock and he couldn’t hold back if he tried. His orgasm tore through him, and he caught his breath, unable to speak or even cry out. Carter made little self-satisfied noises as he drank him down, not letting go of his cock even after Reed had softened in his mouth.

Reed lay spent, flattened like the tread of a cheap, used tire. He doubted his ability to stand as he couldn’t feel his legs. Carter, on the other hand, looked supremely pleased with himself, his lips curled in a crooked grin. He wiped at his mouth with the heel of his hand, and a rush of happiness poured over Reed.

“Will you stay with me tonight?” Carter slid in beside him on the sofa and took his face in between his hands, his touch tender and loving. “I have the room anyway; I wasn’t taking it for granted that you would.” Their kisses turned sweet in contrast to their earlier desperation.

They lay snuggled together; Carter’s head rested on his shoulder, their fingers entwined, softly playing with each other. Reed, drained from the highs and lows of the day, felt strangely content and at peace. While he’d neither asked for nor expected a response, he could tell Carter cared for him. It might take him time to understand his feelings and say it, but their talk tonight had opened the door.

“Yeah, I’ll stay.” He struggled to remain awake, but the pull to sleep proved hard to resist and he succumbed, only dimly aware of Carter taking off his sneakers and jeans; then he drew Reed into his arms, his lips brushing the top of his head.

‡

A
buzzing and
ringing startled Carter into immediate wakefulness.

“What the fuck?” He untangled himself from Reed’s arms and jumped up from the sofa where they’d fallen asleep. His phone kept buzzing, and good thing it lit up when it rang so he could find it in the pitch black of the room. When he saw Michelle’s name flash on the screen and the time was 3:30 a.m., dread whited out his vision.

“What’s wrong?” Carter didn’t wait for niceties. He knew Jacks must be in trouble. All along he knew it was a bad idea to let him go on a sleepover and yet he let himself be talked into it. “Is it Jacks? Is he okay?”

“Carter, calm down. He had a bad nightmare and was calling out for you. We got him up, and he’s here in the kitchen having hot cocoa, but he says he doesn’t want to go home.”

Carter alternated between wanting to throw up and pass out; he vaguely felt a hand on his back, but Reed’s touch barely registered. “I’m coming over right now.”

“I don’t know—”

“But I do. I’ll hop in a cab and be there in half an hour. At this time there’ll hardly be any traffic. See you soon.” Before Michelle could voice a protest, he ended the call.

On his way to the desk he banged his knee on the coffee table. “Fuck, ow.” He bent over and cradled his knee, and in the interim Reed turned on the light. They squinted at each other in the glare, and Carter reached out to grab his jeans, which lay in a heap on the floor where he’d kicked them off only a few hours earlier.

“What’s going on?” Reed stood in his T-shirt and boxers, rubbing his eyes, and Carter hesitated. If he left now without telling Reed about Jacks, no matter what Reed had said earlier, he’d never want to see Carter again. The execution was terrifying, but the payoff—having Reed in his life with Jacks—was huge.

“I have to go. The sibling I mentioned earlier—the child you’ve asked me about before? He’s my brother, my little half-brother. I’ve been taking care of him for three years. He-he has some issues, and I don’t have time to explain everything now, but he’s at his first sleepover tonight, and he woke up from a nightmare, and I have to see him and make sure he’s all right.”

“Carter.” Reed walked over and put his arms around him. For a moment Carter allowed himself to sink into Reed’s embrace. It felt so good to be held for once. To allow someone to carry the weight with him and tell him maybe it would be all right.

“Take a breath. Slow down. It’s okay.” Reed’s fingers tangled in the hair curling at the nape of his neck, and Carter breathed against Reed’s shoulder, feeling Reed’s strength in the tenderness of his touch and the play of muscles underneath his skin. “Stop talking; let’s get dressed, and we’ll go. Okay?” Carter allowed himself a smile against Reed’s shoulder.

“You’re getting kind of bossy. I like it.”

“I had a good teacher. He taught me to go after what I wanted and never take no for an answer.”

Carter cupped Reed’s chin. “I don’t think I could say no to you anymore.”

“Good.” Reed kissed his palm. “I’ll be ready in a second.”

They dressed and left the hotel, catching a cab idling near the hotel entrance. Carter automatically gave Michelle’s address, then leaned back in the seat, his heart pounding from a combination of worry and tension. Was Jacks scared waking up in a strange place in the dark, thinking Carter had finally abandoned him? He’d never forgive himself if that proved to be true.

Probably understanding his need to be inside his head, Reed said nothing on the way to Brooklyn. Instead he held Carter’s hand until the cab pulled up in front of the wood-framed house.

“Go on inside; I’ll take care of it.”

Carter squeezed his hand and ran out of the cab, taking the front steps two at a time. Not wanting to wake up the other children, Carter tapped lightly on the glass front of the wooden door, hoping Michelle would hear him. Within a few seconds the door opened and he faced a man in his mid-thirties, his sandy-blond hair looking like he’d spent the better part of his night running his hands through it. But his eyes behind his tortoiseshell glasses were kind, and Carter instantly warmed to him as a man he could trust.

“Carter? Hi, I’m Evan, Michelle’s husband. Come on in.”

He heard steps behind him and paused a moment, waiting for Reed to catch up.

“Hi. This is Reed.”

Evan walked down the long center hall, beckoning them to follow. From his last time there, Carter remembered the big modern kitchen took up the whole back of the house. He hurried after Evan, with Reed falling into step right behind him.