The Arrangement (23 page)

They headed to the third level. “Here’s my room.” Carter opened the door to a surprisingly large and airy master bedroom and flicked a switch, turning on a small lamp on the nightstand next to the large king-size bed that dominated the room. The polished oak floors gleamed here as they did in the rest of the house, and small Turkish rugs lay by the side of the bed. In a corner Reed spotted a door leading, he presumed, to an attached bathroom.

Carter closed the door behind him and toed off his sneakers, leaving them to the side of the doorway. “You know, you’re the first man I’ve ever wanted to bring to this house and into my bedroom.” They stripped in silence leaving their clothes on the floor and climbed into the most comfortable bed Reed had ever slept in. Carter rolled toward him and held him close for comfort. “Let’s try and get a little sleep, shall we?”

If Reed had his way, he’d be the last. But he wondered, as he drifted off to sleep with Carter’s arms still around him, if Carter would still want him in the morning.

*     *     *

Waking up, Reed
stretched and found himself flush up against Carter’s very warm naked chest.

“Good morning, beautiful.”

Sliding his leg over Carter’s hip, Reed nestled his groin against Carter’s, and they rocked, their stiff cocks rubbing and thrusting against one another. Reed reached between their bodies and grasped both their cocks, running his hand up their rigid erections. The coating of their sticky precome helped him stroke faster and harder over the heated silken skin. Carter arched his back, groaning deep in his chest, his dick thickening in Reed’s hand. Liquid seeped steadily from the slit in the wide crown, and Reed knew now, from the increased cadence of Carter’s breath to the tautness and twitching of his muscles, Carter was close to blowing.

Working him hard, concentrating all his efforts on taking care of Carter’s needs, Reed nipped at Carter’s neck, then sucked at the smooth skin. “God, you’re so fucking sexy.” He blew his heated breath over Carter’s sweat-slicked skin. “Come all over me; go on, cover me with it.”

Carter grabbed him by the back of the neck and crushed his mouth over his, sucking at Reed’s lips until his torso stiffened, then shook, his cock shooting out stream after ropy stream of semen all over Reed’s hand and chest. Reed continued to pump Carter through his orgasm until Carter weakly batted his hand away.

“Too sensitive.” But he smiled as he whispered it and held Reed’s hand as they both finished Reed off to his own bone-melting climax. Reed shuddered and spilled hot and hard between their fingers.

Held within the circle of Carter’s arms, Reed waited to speak until his heart stopped pounding and his vision cleared.

“Before anything, I need to tell you some things. Things about myself that might change how you feel about continuing this relationship.”

Carter rolled over and picked up his T-shirt from the floor and cleaned their hands off. After wiping each of their fingers, he tossed it down and held Reed close again “Highly unlikely.” Carter kissed his jaw, then his lips. “But continue.”

Here goes nothing.

“Remember the time I said I didn’t feel well, that I was coming down with a cold?”

“Yeah, the night we went dancing.” Despite the sticky mess between them, Carter drew him closer. “I’d like to do that again.”

Reed sensed Carter’s smile against his skin, but it brought him little solace. “I lied. I wasn’t coming down with a cold. I was having an anxiety attack. I forgot my medication, and that, coupled with the stress of not knowing if you really wanted to be with me or that guy who came up to us, triggered a bad reaction in me.”

“A bad reaction?” Carter drew back to gaze into Reed’s eyes. “What do you mean?”

“Uh.” Reed gulped down his panic and barreled through. “I have severe anxiety and ADHD. Sometimes it’s so bad I get these panic attacks where it feels like everything, the world, is closing in on me.” Letting out a whoosh of breath, Reed squirmed in Carter’s arms, wanting to run, hide, do anything possible not to have to look into Carter’s pitying eyes.

“Don’t.” Carter tightened his hold, arms like steel around Reed. “It’s fine.”

Struggling in earnest, Reed pushed against Carter’s chest. “No. Let me go. Please.”

Carter loosened his hold and held his hands up. “Okay.”

Breathing hard, his face hot with shame, Reed flung back the covers and scrambled off the bed. “I need to take a shower.”

“Reed, wait. Please.” Carter swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up but made no move to grab at him again. “I understand, really.”

“You think you do?” That he sincerely doubted. And even if he did… “So what? You understand. Now you can make excuses for why you can’t see me anymore, and even though you’ll be nice about it, in the end, you’ll leave because you won’t want to be tied down to someone who’s so nervous sometimes it feels like my insides are about to explode. Or you’ll get tired of being with a man you think is listening to you, but in reality, a thousand different thoughts and sounds are vying for attention inside my head. You deserve better than damaged goods.” Blinding panic ballooned inside him. Reed wondered what would happen if he burst apart from the tension of holding himself together.

The words Mason had flung at him echoed in his head. Reed choked up for a moment, then drew in a shuddering breath and continued. “You need to concentrate on your brother—he’s still young and from what I see is a wonderful child. You have enough to handle without my mental illness adding to your problems.”

A dark flush rose over Carter’s face. By now Reed knew the signs of his anger, but he was angry as well. Angry that he’d let himself fall for someone he knew was so wrong for him right from the beginning. He turned and walked into the bathroom.

Reed heard rather than saw Carter come after him and tried to step aside, but Carter grabbed his arm and pushed him up against the wall. Those silvery eyes glittered like moonlight on the water, and his normally soft, full lips pressed together in a tight, white line. A muscle twitched in his jaw, and a shiver of fear trickled through Reed. His heartbeat sped up.

“Do you think I’d let you say those things about yourself and walk away? Is that what you think about yourself…and me? Because if you do, that way of thinking, not your anxiety, is what’s wrong between us.”

“It’s true,” said Reed. “I’ve tried to stop my medicine or play with my dosages to see if there was some way I could eventually stop taking them. But the worry and the anxiety always come back.” He dropped his gaze to the floor. “Even now, I have to take my medicine but I forgot it at the hotel. I have to go get it sometime this morning. I hate it. I hate that I need it.”

Carter tipped up his chin and their eyes met. The harsh planes of his face had softened, the flush of anger fading from his neck and chest. Rather than let go of his arm, Carter slid his hand up his shoulder and around his neck in a move so tender Reed bit his lip to keep from sighing his pleasure out loud. “There’s no need to stop taking the medicines if they’re working. You can’t risk your health. I want you exactly as you are.” He leaned forward until their foreheads touched and their lips were a breath apart. “I love you, every part of you—broken pieces and all.”

For a second Reed thought his heart stopped beating. The enormity of Carter’s words had blocked out everything else in his world—all sounds and incoherent thoughts—so that for the first time in his life, Reed’s complete and total focus was on one thing only.

“You said you love me.”

“I did, didn’t I?” Carter brushed his lips over Reed’s. “Is that a problem?”

“Not unless you think I’m a project. You’re not going to be able to fix me. Who I am is always going to be a man with ADHD and an anxiety disorder.”

Carter caged him in between his arms. “Why do you think I’ll want to change you? You are who you are. I’m not looking to change you.”

“You say that now, but how about when we spend more time together and you get sick of my panicking in new situations, or you think I’m not paying attention to you because I’m distracted, and it’s beyond my control?” Even now, Reed could sense the apprehension building within him, flowing through his bloodstream. He needed his medicine.

“How about it? If I’ve learned anything from Jacks, it’s that perfection is a myth, most likely spun by fairy tales. And even in fairy tales everyone struggles through shit until they reach the happy ending. Reality sucks; life is hard and kicks us in the ass. It’s whether we choose to fight for what we want that makes us winners.”

Reed smiled in spite of himself. “An interesting take.”

“Do you think I’m lying? Or saying this to make you feel better? I’m not, you know. I’m not looking for perfect; perfection is boring and bland. I like the struggle; the hard climb up the mountain. The reward, in my opinion, is much sweeter.”

He sobered up, and Carter cupped his jaw.

“What made you sad now? Your whole face changed from light to dark, and I hate seeing it.”

“My mother left because she couldn’t handle having a child with disabilities. Rather than fight for me, she left everything to my dad. It reminds me of the way your mom treated you and Jacks. As afterthoughts.”

The storm clouds returned to Carter’s face. “Some people don’t deserve to have children. Especially wonderful kids like Jacks.” He trailed his thumb over Reed’s chin. “Or you. I’ve learned so much from him—he’s taught me not to judge people by looks alone and how to be a better person. Having him with me changed my life. I wouldn’t trade him for anyone.” Carter kissed him lightly. “And I wouldn’t change you either. You’re perfect for me.”

Who could’ve known when they made this arrangement last year they’d end up sharing lives that on the surface appeared so different but in peeling back the layers proved shockingly similar? The last vestiges of fear and self-loathing still clung to Reed.

“My only serious relationship ended when my boyfriend told me he was tired of my problems—my mental illness as he called it. He wanted perfection; he was into his clothes and appearance. Once we got beyond that, he had zero interest in me or my life.” Unwilling to see the pity in Carter’s eyes, Reed looked away and drew his toe along the grouting of the floor tiles. “When we broke up, he called me damaged goods.”

He jumped as Carter’s fist banged against the wall by the side of his head. “That fucker. That piece of shit. Who the hell is he or anyone to call someone that? Was he so perfect?” His ragged breath reverberated loudly against the walls. “I’ll bet he wasn’t. Did he make you feel like I do?” Once again, Carter pinned him against the wall. A thick, muscular thigh slid in between Reed’s legs, putting delicious pressure on his balls and cock.

“No,” said Reed, sliding his hands up Carter’s arms. “No one has. I never cared about perfection. All I wanted was for someone to care about me notwithstanding my imperfections. I’ve spent my whole life worrying about what other people think of me.”

“Fuck that, Reed.” Carter skimmed his fingertips over Reed’s face. “Everyone has problems. No one and nothing can define you unless you allow it. Own it, control it, then smash it to pieces if you want to change. But I think you’ve already conquered it. You have a job where people care about you, you go to school, and most importantly, you’re kind, loving, and caring.”

“That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

Carter traced Reed’s lips with the pad of his thumb, his eyes darkening again, but this time with rising passion, not anger. “Then you’ve been horribly neglected. I’ll have to think about ways to make it all up to you.”

“This might help you think.” Reed pressed his lips to Carter’s, their addictive softness as necessary to him now as breathing. His home; his forever.

At the first swipe of Reed’s tongue, Carter trembled. Reed loved unnerving this strong, self-confident man.

He smoothed his hands over Carter’s ass. “I can think of a few suggestions.”

Reed peppered small kisses along Carter’s jaw, the hitch of Carter’s breath music to his ears. More self-assured than ever, Reed sucked at Carter’s neck, tiny ripples beneath Carter’s skin quivering beneath his lips, loving how his touch made Carter come undone.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish, Reed. We have to go to the hotel to pick up your medicine, then come back to get Jacks.” With one last kiss and regret shining in his eyes, Carter stepped back. “Rain check on the shared shower?”

“Yeah,” Reed said with a smile. “Definitely.”

‡

A
fter speaking to
Michelle and receiving her reassurance that yes, Jacks was fine, and no, he couldn’t come to the phone because he was outside in the back yard playing, he and Reed headed back into the city to the hotel. Neither had spoken much since their mutual confessions of last night and this morning, but their shared smiles and simple touches brought Carter a comfort and peace he hadn’t known existed.

He checked out of the hotel, and after paying the bill Carter wondered if this would be the last time they’d need to do this. He’d have to discuss it with Reed, but once he and Jacks met, there was no reason to only see each other once a month. Perhaps, eventually, Reed might even move in with the two of them.