The Arrangement (25 page)

Sunday had always been pizza night, and Carter knew how much Jacks liked routine and loved pizza night. Including Reed in on their evening would show Jacks how special Reed had become in his life.

“Why?” They mounted the steps to the limestone, and Carter unlocked the front door. When they entered, Jacks dropped his backpack on the little chair sitting off to the side. “It’s always only been me and you.”

The complaining surprised Carter, and he found himself for the first time getting not so much annoyed with Jacks but frustrated at his unwillingness to be friendly to Reed. Jacks didn’t seem to even want to give Reed a chance. Right from the start he wanted him gone. And from the sad expression in Reed’s eyes, he saw it as well.

But Carter wasn’t about to give in to a sulky ten-year-old. “Because I want you two to get to know each other better. Reed is going to be around a lot more, and I hope you can be friends.”

Carter had never thought to explain his sexuality to Jacks. Up to now it hadn’t been necessary or important; working on Jacks’s socialization skills and getting him to feel safe remained paramount. Perhaps, Carter thought as he hung his and Reed’s jackets on the newel post of the winding wooden bannister that led to the second floor, it was time to introduce, carefully of course, the idea of Reed as his partner. He couldn’t even begin to think about sleeping arrangements or Reed staying the night. Carter groaned at all the obstacles, yet recalling their time last night and this morning, giving Reed up was no longer an option.

They walked into the living room, and Carter flopped down on the sofa while Reed remained standing. Carter pointed to the club chair, but Reed gave an almost indiscernible shake of his head. Frowning, Carter made room for Jacks, who scrambled up next to him.

“Why is he gonna be over more?” Jacks’s prodding cemented Carter’s decision to tell him the whole truth. Jacks was going to be eleven, and Carter had no concerns he wouldn’t understand.

“I gotta pee first.” Jacks raced out of the room, and Carter ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

“I’m sorry.” He held out his hand. “He’ll get used to you, don’t worry. It’ll just take some time. Come sit next to me for support, please.”

To his surprise, Reed shook his head. “I’m thinking maybe I shouldn’t be here and you need to do this alone. I’m too much of a distraction for him, and it’s making me nervous as well.”

Fuck. This wasn’t how he’d thought it would be. He got up from the sofa and walked over to Reed who looked as though he was ready to bolt. “Please stay.” He took Reed into his arms. At first Reed stiffened and tried to pull away, but Carter wouldn’t let go. This was his home, and if he wanted to hug Reed, he would. He held on until Reed relented and returned the hug. “I need you with me to do this.”

“What if he hates me?” Reed pulled back and chewed at his lip. “He might think I’m taking you away from him.”

“He might,” said Carter, admitting Reed’s concern was totally valid. “But all the more reason for you to stay and show him that isn’t the case. That he’s not losing me but gaining you.”

“Why are you hugging him?”

They sprang apart at Jacks’s question, and even Carter needed a moment to catch his breath and wait for his heart to stop pounding. Jacks stood at the entranceway, his eyes wide, a frown tugging his lips downward.

“Come sit next to me.” Carter sat on the sofa and patted the space next to him. “We can talk.”

Shooting suspicious looks at Reed, who’d retreated to a club chair opposite the sofa, Jacks sat next to him. “Talk about what? I want a snack.”

“Wait until we finish talking ’cause this is important. Reed is a friend of mine, a very good friend.”

“Like me and Henry and David?” Jacks scuffed his sneakered toe on the wooden floor.

“Sort of, but more.” Carter’s heart began to pound, and he searched for Reed, who gave him a brief nod and an encouraging smile. “You know how Henry’s mom and dad love each other and are married?”

“Yeah, so?”

“Sometimes two men or two women fall in love like that.”

Jacks’s foot stopped swinging. His eyes widened, and his mouth made a perfect O. “Like boyfriend and girlfriend? You and him are boyfriends?”

The dryness in his mouth prevented him from speaking at first. He pulled at his shirt collar, which suddenly felt two sizes too small, and finally managed to answer. “Yeah, we are. How do you feel about it?”

It might have been his imagination or a trick of the light, but Carter swore he saw something flicker in Jacks’s eyes before he shrugged. “I’m hungry.” Without another word to either of them, he ran from the room and within moments Carter heard the refrigerator door open.

He faced Reed. “Well, that went pretty easy, don’t you think?”

To Carter’s surprise, Reed stood and instead of joining him on the sofa, went to the hallway and picked up his jacket from the bannister. “I think you’re fooling yourself if you believe Jacks is okay with this. Before we jump into this relationship, you need to take a step back.” He slipped on the jacket, then picked up his overnight bag. “Call me after you talk to him without me around and find out how he really feels.”

Before he could open his mouth to answer, Reed walked out the front door, leaving him standing all alone, wondering what the hell just happened.

‡

“T
o what do
I owe this dinner invitation? Aren’t you working tonight?”

Reed and his father sat at a table, away from the noise of the bar area. He’d brought them out a plate of sliders and fries, along with a green salad for a pretense of healthy eating. His father took a healthy swallow of his beer, but Reed sipped on plain ice water. With his thoughts jumbled more than ever, and more anxious than even during finals, the last thing he needed was his mind clouded with alcohol.

“No, I mean, kind of. Yeah I did. A half shift until 6:30. I was supposed to work a full, but I asked Vernon if I could go home early. It’s Wednesday and slow, so…” Realizing he was babbling, Reed set the water down and forced a smile. “Can’t I see you for dinner without an ulterior motive? We haven’t spent much time together lately, and I wanted to catch up. That’s all.”

Grabbing a slider, he took a huge bite. Since leaving Carter’s house three days ago, he’d gone to his classes but done little else except mope about. There’d been no contact from Carter, and Reed assumed he’d spoken to Jacks who obviously had no desire to share his brother’s time with a boyfriend. And Reed could understand the little boy completely. The love between Jacks and his brother was obvious, and after all those years with it being only the two of them, Reed knew he’d be seen as nothing more than an interloper.

His father raised a brow. “Hmph,” he said and chewed on some fries. “You know, you’ve always been the worst liar.”

“I have?” Amused, Reed dipped a fry in some ketchup. “And you can tell how?”

“Aside from the fact you can’t look me straight in the eyes, your breathing is quicker than normal, you’re tapping your feet under the table, and I bet you’re eating without even tasting the food.”

Damn. That was the problem with having a close relationship with your parent. They really did know you better than you knew yourself sometimes. “I’m not lying. I was supposed to work a full shift and—”

“I’m not talking about that, and you know it, Reed. What I don’t understand is why you won’t talk to me about it. You’re still my child, and I’ll always worry about your happiness, yet for the last few months you’ve pulled away from me, and I don’t know why.”

“You have your own life to lead, Dad. And now you have Ariel, the person you should be thinking about, not your adult, twenty-seven-year-old son. I’ll be fine; I mean, I’m fine.”

Shit.

His father’s eyes lit up with victory. “Huh. I knew it. Now spill; tell me what happened. I’m here to help. I can be a friend as well as a father, you know.”

Reed considered his father’s words as he aimlessly stuffed a few fries in his mouth and chewed. Anything to give himself time to think and consider. Over the years he’d tried to become more independent, if for no other reason than to prove to himself he could make it without having someone there to hold his hand to quell his fear. Bad enough he had to still see his psychiatrist; he didn’t need to lay his burdens on his father. The ever-present anxiety made him second-guess himself on so many aspects of his life there’d been times he couldn’t decide what to order from a menu.

But one thing had never wavered; the love he had for his father. The close relationship he’d seen between Carter and his little brother as well as the other families he’d met that afternoon with Carter had unleashed a flood of emotions inside Reed. He didn’t want something to happen to his father without him knowing how much he was loved.

“The guy you met briefly at the bar, Carter? You were right about it being serious.”

“That’s good, then. But I’m confused. I thought you weren’t seeing him anymore.”

Apparently he was a better liar than his father thought. For while it may have taken Reed breaking up with him for Carter to realize he loved Reed, Reed’s heart knew he was in love long before.

“It wasn’t supposed to be serious. I thought I could forget about him, but you can’t control how you feel, right?”

“No, you can’t. But are you telling me he doesn’t feel the same way? That’s surprising, considering I remember how he looked at you that night. Like he knew how special a man you are.”

A mirthless laugh escaped Reed. “Oh no, he told me he loves me, and I believe him; he’s no liar. Carter is like no other man I’ve ever met in my life. He’s guarded and protective. His incredibly hard life shaped him into a man who appears confident and ruthless, but it’s all for show. I’ve seen otherwise. He’s sweet and loving without even knowing it. It’s all in there but buried so deep I’m not sure it can be unearthed.”

A ball game was on the television, and the Mets must’ve scored since the men at the bar roared their approval and got busy high-fiving each other. It reminded Reed how Carter had mentioned he’d wanted the three of them, him, Reed, and Jacks to go to a game that summer. At the time, Reed could think of nothing that would make him happier; now he wondered if it would ever come to pass.

“Then what’s the problem?” Forgetting about the food and putting his glass of beer off to the side, his father braced his elbows on the table, cradling his chin in his hands. “Am I missing something? All relationships take work.”

“This past weekend I found out Carter has a little brother, a half-brother he didn’t know existed until his mother dumped him and disappeared. The little boy has some physical and emotional problems as could only be expected with such trauma. Carter has basically given up his own life to make sure he gives Jacks a life of safety and security.”

“And now Jacks feels threatened by you.”

Dumbfounded, Reed stared at his father, who leaned back in the booth. “Um, how did you figure that out so quickly?”

Crossing his arms, his father gave him a tender smile. “After your mother left, my sole focus was making sure your life continued on as normally as possible. My sole focus had to be you. A parent’s job is to protect their child and I did whatever I could to the best of my ability. Carter is Jacks’s surrogate parent and worries about him as a father would about his child.”

With the vagueness of passing years, Reed now struggled to remember his mother. All he could conjure up was her yelling at him for not paying attention to her at home or to the teacher when he was in school. She didn’t want to hear how the slightest sound easily distracted him, or how he’d rarely finish a quiz without running out of time because he couldn’t focus and needed to read and reread the questions four, five, sometimes six times to get the information to sink into his head.

“She hardly was a normal mother.”

His father’s lips tightened. “My biggest regret is not seeing her behavior sooner and intervening. I’d give anything so that you didn’t have to live like that.”

“Don’t,” Reed broke in, unwilling to let his father berate himself one minute more for his mother’s abandonment. “Don’t you dare blame yourself. It all worked out;
we
worked out fine. I was hoping I’d be able to get close enough with Carter and Jacks to help somehow, but it doesn’t seem likely.”

“Because?” his father prodded. “Did Carter tell you he couldn’t see you any longer because of his brother?”

“No, Reed did.”

Startled, Reed spun around so quickly he almost spilled his water glass and stared at Carter. It must’ve started raining while they were inside as droplets of water ran down Carter’s face and his leather jacket glistened from the damp.

“Carter? What are you doing here?”

Carter’s lips twisted in an attempt to smile but failed. “No offense to your boss, but it isn’t for the food.”

Reed drank in Carter’s appearance, taking in his mussed hair and day-old growth covering his face. His eyes held no life, their normal sparkle dimmed to a flat and lifeless gray. He looked the picture of absolute dejection.

“Would you like to join us?”