The Bakery Sisters (46 page)

Did he? Love? He'd never thought about that. He'd always had fun with women, but he didn't get involved. Not seriously. Love.

“I don't know,” he admitted, turning the idea over in his mind. Love?

“I hate you,” Brittany screamed. “I hate you and I hate her.”

Her door slammed. Hawk ignored the sound and his daughter's tantrum.

Why hadn't he seen it before? How important Nicole had become to him? How much he looked forward to seeing her? How he counted on her and trusted her and needed her in his life?

Love. Who would have guessed it was possible?

 

“I'
M SO EXCITED
,” Claire said, grabbing Nicole by the arms and bouncing up and down. “This is wonderful and amazing. How did it happen?”

Nicole wasn't in the mood to bounce. She pulled back and walked into the kitchen. “The usual way.”

“You're pregnant.” Claire sounded far too happy.

“I know. I'm the one who told you.”

“You should be happier. Pregnant. That means a baby.”

“I'm clear on the biological ramifications of the event.”

Claire shook her head. “Why aren't you more excited? I thought you wanted a family.”

“I do.”

“Now you and Hawk can get married.”

Nicole ignored the stab of pain that ripped through her. If only. But that wasn't going to be happening.

“It's a new century,” she said. “Getting married because the girl gets pregnant is no longer required.”

“But you really like Hawk. Actually, you love him.”

“So not the point.”

“Why?”

Nicole crossed to the freezer and pulled out two pints of Ben & Jerry's. She really hated to share her stash, but Claire wasn't going to simply sit by and watch her eat ice cream alone. It was unnatural.

“There are complications,” she said setting the cartons on the table and grabbing spoons. “I'm not sure Hawk is over his late wife. His house is a shrine to Serena. He has this vision in his mind about her and no mortal woman can measure up.”

“You can handle that.”

“There's more.” Nicole sat across from her sister and picked up one of the pints. “He has a spoiled princess of a daughter who isn't going to deal with any of this well.”

“Brittany will be graduating in June and leaving for college. She's a short-term problem.”

Possibly. But there was still one more thing.

Nicole waited until Claire had swallowed before saying, “Hawk and I weren't really going out. I made a deal with him to be my pretend boyfriend. I was tired of everyone feeling sorry for me because of Jesse and Drew. He was coming on to me, so I traded him sex in return for pretending to date me. We're not really going out.”

Claire dropped her spoon. “You lied about your relationship?”

“Yes.”

“To me?”

“Yes.”

Claire's face got all scrunchy, like she'd just been hit in the stomach. Nicole felt sick.

“It's not what you think,” she said quickly. “Everyone seemed overly concerned. I hated that. And Drew was showing up every fifteen minutes telling me I had to take him back because no one else would ever want me. I felt completely undesirable. Then I met Hawk and he was interested in sex, which isn't exactly a love match, but he's hunky and appealing and I thought it would be better to make people think we were together.”

“You lied to me.”

“I know. It was wrong. I'm sorry.”

Claire nodded slowly. “I guess I've been a bad sister, if you thought you had to trick me.”

Nicole felt herself shrinking. “Don't go there. You're taking it wrong. This is all about me. You've been great and patient and I appreciate that.”

“You hate me.”

Nicole wanted to pound her head against the table. “This isn't about you,” she yelled. “Don't you see? This is about me feeling like crap about my life. I was humiliated by what happened and then you found Wyatt and you're so damn happy. It was really annoying. And you were worried and Wyatt was worried and I couldn't stand it.”

Claire licked her spoon. “Was the sex good?”

“Amazing.”

“That's something.”

Nicole took a deep breath. “Are you still mad?”

“I'll get over it. Tell me about Hawk.”

“There's nothing to say. We had sex, I got pregnant.”

“You fell in love with him.”

“Yeah, that, too. Not very smart, huh?”

“You can't control your heart.”

“Right now I can't control anything in my life.”

“What do you want from Hawk?” Claire asked.

“A happy ending. But I'm not fooling myself. I know that's not going to happen.”

“It might.”

“Unlikely,” Nicole muttered. “He doesn't want more children. He never gets involved. His life is complete. He doesn't need me.”

“On the surface.”

“Have I ever mentioned how your ongoing optimism gets on my nerves?”

“Everything gets on your nerves.”

That was true.

“Are you happy about the baby?” Claire asked.

Nicole felt the need to touch her stomach, as if that would connect her to the child growing inside. “Sort of. How crazy is that? Like I need more responsibility in my life.”

“Oh, please. You love responsibility. You always have.”

Nicole glared at her. “You have no idea what you're talking about.”

“I know a lot more than you think. You thrive on responsibility. Why else would you have kept the bakery? You could have sold it years ago, taken the money and done something else with your life. It's in a great location. Just the land has to be worth a couple million. So you're there because you want to be there. You love Jesse, so as much as she bugged you, you never wanted to get rid of her. Even now. With all she's done, you miss her. It will be the same with the baby. You'll eat up the responsibility.”

Nicole didn't know if she should be impressed by Claire's insights or totally pissed off.

“It's kind of cool that we're all pregnant,” Claire said. “The three Keyes sisters. The timing is pretty amazing.”

“So's the fact that none of us are married,” Nicole said, not wanting to think about Jesse pregnant and gone. “Although you're engaged, so you're almost married.”

Claire squeezed her arm. “You're having a baby. Aren't you excited?”

Despite everything, Nicole smiled. “I am. I'm also terrified.”

“Me, too. The mom thing. What if I don't know how?”

“You know. You lead with your heart. Sometimes that's very annoying.”

“You know, too. You've had practice.”

“I didn't do a great job with Jesse.”

“You did. She created a lot of the problems herself. Plus, you were just a kid.”

Nicole nodded slowly. “I miss her. I keep wanting to go find her.”

“And then what?”

Nicole didn't have an answer for that. “My head tells me I have to let her go. My heart says she'll never make it on her own. I don't know which one is right.”

Claire squeezed her arm again. “You'll figure it out.”

“I hope so.”

 

R
AOUL ARRIVED
a few minutes after Claire left. Nicole hugged him hard, then hit the back of his head.

“Don't run off again. You scared me.”

“I know. I'm sorry.”

“Sheila missed you. I had to explain to the puppies where you were. I won't cover for you again.”

“You won't have to.”

They stood smiling at each other. Nicole felt as if some of the weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

“Go unpack,” she said. “If you're lucky, I'll cook dinner later.”

“I'd like that.”

He carried his duffel bag upstairs.

She watched him go. Life would be a whole lot easier if he would stop seeing Brittany, but she doubted her luck was that good. She would guess it was just a matter of time until Hawk's daughter showed up, so she might as well cook enough for three.

She headed into the kitchen, then made a detour to the front door when the bell rang. She half expected to see Brittany on her doorstep, but instead found herself staring at Drew.

This was so not how she wanted to spend her evening.

“Hi, Nicole,” he said. “May I please come in for a few minutes?”

Her instinct was to say no. She wasn't in the mood for his rants right now. But it would probably be faster to let him say whatever he wanted and then get him the hell out of here.

She stepped back to let him enter. He closed the door behind him and gave her a tentative smile.

“You're looking good,” he said as he shoved his hands into his pockets, then pulled them out again. “Better than good. Great. Really great.”

“Is this about money?” she asked. “Do you need a loan?”

“No. It's not about money. It's about…” He looked into her eyes. “I'm sorry. I'm here to tell you that I was wrong about, you know, everything. I hurt you. You were great to me, Nicole. I never appreciated you the way I should have. I'm sorry about what happened with Jesse. I take full responsibility for that.”

Her first thought was that he was on drugs. Her second was that he'd had his body hijacked by some kind of space alien.

“I don't know what to say,” she admitted.

“Then let me talk. I still love you, Nicole. I've never stopped loving you. I know coming on to Jesse the way I did was totally wrong. I was messed up in the head. But I'm clear now and I know what I want. I want you. I want us back together, the way it used to be.”

An apology at last. He was taking responsibility. While she appreciated it, she knew it was too little too late.

“The divorce will be final in a couple of weeks,” she said.

“We can get married again. It will be great.”

She studied him, his blue eyes, the way his smile was slightly lopsided. At one time she'd done her best to convince herself he was the one.

“Why?” she asked, curious rather than angry. “Why do you want to be with me?”

He frowned. “Because I love you.”

“Do you like me?”

“Sure.”

“What do you like about me?”

“I don't understand.”

She shrugged. “We don't have very much in common. You like to party and it's not really my thing. You enjoy going out every night and I like staying in. I'm sort of a morning person and you're a night owl. You never liked that I work at the bakery, I don't really like your friends. We don't have very much in common, Drew.”

He looked at the floor, then back at her. “I'm at my best when I'm with you.”

Which was kind of sweet and still all about him. “Maybe you should try being your best on your own.”

“But…”

“Drew, you don't really love me. I'm not sure you like me all that much. You weren't happy married to me. Were you? Really?”

He slowly shook his head.

“We're not in love,” she told him. “It's over. I think you need to go find someone who likes what you like, who understands you.”

“I guess.” He looked at her. “But you loved me. You know, before, right?”

She thought about how she felt about Hawk. It was so different, so powerful, so unlike anything she'd felt before. That was love. Really deep, lasting love. But there was no win in hurting Drew and that's all the truth would do.

“I loved you,” she lied.

“Well that's something.” He gave her a small smile. “I guess I should go.”

She moved around him and opened the door. “Goodbye, Drew.”

He leaned in and kissed her cheek. “Bye, Nicole.”

And then he was gone.

She leaned against the closed door. Life was nothing if not interesting.

She'd barely gotten halfway across the room when there was another knock. Nicole sighed. She was just going to have to get mean. She didn't want to hurt Drew, but the situation was getting out of hand.

She turned around, crossed to the door and pulled it open. But instead of Drew, Hawk stood on her porch.

Her body reacted as it always did, with heat and longing. Her heart fluttered. She wanted to throw herself at him, to kiss him and then take him to bed. None of which was going to happen.