The Bakery Sisters (66 page)

He tightened his hug, then quickly relaxed, not wanting to accidentally hurt him again. Gabe hung on.

“How you feeling?” he asked.

“Okay,” Gabe said. “Tired.”

They'd been at the aquarium all of an hour, but maybe at four, that was enough.

“Want to go home?” he asked.

Gabe nodded.

Matt waited, but the kid didn't let go. That was going to make it hard to walk. Then he said, “Want me to carry you?”

Gabe nodded again.

Matt carried him back to the car. Gabe hung on like he was never going to let go. Matt held him close, vowing that no matter what, he would protect this child. Take care of him. Unfamiliar emotions battled for space in his heart, but the one that got his attention the most was burning anger for all that he'd lost.

 

G
ABE SLEPT MOST OF
the way home. He woke just as Matt pulled up in front of Paula's house. Matt helped him out of the car seat then watched as Gabe ran to the front door where Paula waited and began talking about his trip. Jesse appeared, hugged him, then walked toward Matt.

She looked tired. His mother had told him that the temporary business was booming with plenty of Internet orders. Jesse was taking the early shift, arriving at work around four and staying at least twelve hours.

“He sounds like he had fun,” she said as she approached.

“He got sick. I gave him too much ice cream and he threw up.”

She winced. “At that age, it's a pretty developed reflex. Did he get better right away?”

Matt nodded.

“Then he should be fine,” she told him. “Were you freaked? I should have warned you that could happen.”

She was beautiful, he thought. The long blond hair that had haunted him for months after she'd left. Her blue eyes. The shape of her mouth. Every inch of her appealed to him. Everything about her made him want her. Making love with her should have been nothing more than a way to further his plan, yet he'd been sucked in to the moment.

“You shouldn't have to warn me,” he said, letting the frustration and anger boil up inside of him. “I should know.”

She looked confused. “How could you? You haven't spent any time with Gabe.”

“You're right. I haven't. Whose fault is that? Who made sure I didn't get to know my son?”

She took a step back and crossed her arms over her chest. “You did,” she told him. “You refused to believe the baby was yours, so don't put this on me.” Only she didn't sound totally convinced of what she was saying.

He had a reputation for being a ruthless bastard and he'd earned it by never letting a moment of weakness go unexploited.

“It's more than that,” he said, narrowing his gaze. “You knew there was no way I would believe you after what I'd found out.”

“No,” she snapped. “Not found out. After what you'd been told. I never slept with Drew, remember? There was nothing to find out.”

“All right. You knew I wouldn't believe you after what I'd been told. You knew I'd think you'd gone back to your old ways—if you'd even given them up. But did you try to convince me again? Did you bother to get in touch with me after you had Gabe?”

“You didn't come looking for me. You didn't bother to find out.”

“I wasn't the one who was pregnant,” he yelled. “You had a responsibility to give me the chance to be a father. You took that from me. You stole four years of my son's life and there's no way for me to get that back. You didn't have the right, Jesse.”

She seemed to shrink into herself. “I wanted you to know him,” she said, obviously fighting tears.

“No, you didn't. You liked being a single parent. You liked being right and thinking I was nothing more than the bastard who let you down. You got to play the victim card and that was always your favorite.”

She raised her hand like she was going to slap him. He grabbed her wrist. “Don't.”

“Stop attacking me.”

“I'm telling the truth,” he said coldly. “You're the one who is suddenly so big on the truth. You kept him from me on purpose. You were punishing me for not believing you.”

“Maybe I was,” she screamed and pulled her hand free. “Maybe I was. You hurt me, Matt. You said you loved me. You said you'd always be there for me but at the first sign of trouble, you couldn't get rid of me fast enough. You never meant anything you said.”

“That's bullshit and you know it. You're the one who couldn't handle our relationship. You're the one who ran.”

She flinched. “Maybe, but you didn't come after me and I know why. You were already having regrets about us. You wanted out and I gave you a convenient excuse.”

She couldn't have been more wrong, he thought, remembering how it had felt to hear his mother tell him Jesse had been cheating on him for their entire relationship. He wouldn't have believed Paula—he knew she wanted Jesse gone. But learning that Nicole had thrown her sister out of her house for sleeping with Drew had made the impossible real to him.

He'd been beyond devastated. Her betrayal had made him question everything they'd had together, made him question himself. In the dark, ugly pain of losing her, he'd vowed to never care about anyone ever again.

“If you think I wanted out, you didn't know me at all,” he told her.

“Just like you didn't know me,” she whispered. “What was it you said? Once a slut always a slut?”

He'd regretted the words as soon as he'd said them. Now was the moment to tell her he was sorry. But he was so angry about Gabe, so enraged at what she'd done, that instead he said, “My opinion hasn't changed.”

“How dare you?”

He noticed she didn't try to slap him again.

“It's pretty easy, Jess,” he told her, deliberately trying to provoke her. “Gabe talks about his ‘uncles' all the time.”

“I've told you who they are.”

“Yeah. You've told me.” His tone made it obvious he didn't believe her. “Why did you come back? Was this just more of your game? You wanted to make sure you showed me exactly what I'd been missing? You wanted me to suffer more? You picked a hell of a good way to do it. What I've lost with my child can never be recovered. You deliberately stole that. You decided I wasn't going to be his father in anything but name and you made that happen.”

She went pale. “That's not what I wanted,” she whispered. “Matt, no. You can't believe that. If you could have seen how you looked at me five years ago. Do you know what you said to me? How you destroyed me? I wasn't punishing you. I swear. I was trying to survive. I was so torn up inside, so hurt.”

He wasn't impressed. He might have started with the idea of taking Gabe away from her as punishment, but now that he was realizing all that had been lost, he wanted her to feel what he was feeling now. The sense of knowing the past could never be recovered.

“You were wrong not to give me a chance,” he told her. “Nothing I said justifies what you did.”

Tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. She started to speak, then stopped and shook her head. He felt her pain and did his best not to give a damn. She'd earned this.

“It wasn't what you think,” she said.

“Does it matter? The end result is the same.”

A truck pulled up behind his car. He barely noticed. Jesse wiped her face, turned at the sound of a door slamming, then stunned him by running past him and launching herself at the man who'd just climbed out of the truck.

Matt eyed the two of them, hugging. His irritation cranked up a notch when the other guy wiped her face, then kissed her forehead.

He crossed to them, prepared to do battle, only to come to a stop when they faced him.

“Are you responsible for making my best girl cry?” Jesse's friend asked.

Matt stared at him. This guy was old enough to be her grandfather, though tan, and still straight and tall. Under other circumstances, Matt would have instinctively liked him.

“She did that to herself,” Matt told him.

Jesse wiped away the rest of her tears. “Matt, this is Bill. Bill, this is Gabe's father.”

The old guy eyed Matt. “You've had a bit of a shock. How you taking it?”

“Not well.”

“Jesse did the best she could.”

She had a champion, he thought grimly, not liking the situation. “She had a responsibility to tell me the truth.”

Bill looked at Jesse. “Is he an asshole? Do I need to beat the crap out of him?”

Matt was more than willing to take the old guy on. Except he couldn't, what with Bill being twice his age.

“He's okay,” Jesse said. “We're working our way through it.”

Bill studied him for a few seconds. “If you say so, darlin'.”

Bill had his arm around her. She seemed very comfortable next to him. Yet looking at them, Matt
knew
there had never been anything between them. The old guy was just what she'd said. A friend.

Which should have made him feel better, but didn't.

Jesse knew she should probably be standing on her own two feet, but it felt good to be leaning on Bill, even for just a couple of minutes. He'd always been there for her and right now she needed a friend.

Matt's accusations still rang in her ears, making her feel small and petty.

He was wrong, of course. He had to be wrong. She hadn't been punishing him by keeping his son from him. Had she? While she'd never thought of that as her motive, was it possible that deep inside she'd wanted to hurt him back? Hurt him as much as he'd hurt her? Was she really that horrible a person?

It was too much to consider, so she focused on Bill. They walked up to the house, Matt coming with them. She ushered Bill inside, only to have Gabe come running into the room, then launch himself at the older man.

“Uncle Bill! Uncle Bill!”

The boy's joy was impossible to miss. Jesse glanced at Matt. His face didn't show any emotion, but she saw the tightness in his jaw, the stiffness in his body. Bill had known Gabe all his life. He'd been a part of everything Matt had missed and it was possible that was her fault.

She touched his arm. “Matt, I'm sorry.”

He looked at her, his eyes blazing with a rage she'd never seen before. “Do you think that comes close to being enough?” he asked, then turned and left.

Five years ago…

J
ESSE PUT THE LAST OF
the plates in the cupboard, then stood back to look at the neat stacks of dishes. Matt hadn't had much in the way of housewares to move. Except for his clothes and a few personal items, everything in the town house was new. The flatware, the pots and pans, the sofa, the bedroom set, all of it. It was new and lovely and made what had been an empty space seem almost homey. Or it would when the furniture arrived.

She glanced at her watch. All the delivery appointments were between ten and one. She and Matt had decided to get them all over at once. She'd volunteered to take the day off work, because sitting in an empty place was better than dealing with Nicole at the bakery.

Now as she moved from room to room, she tried to imagine what it would look like when Matt really lived here. When
she
really lived here.

Just thinking the words made her both smile and shiver. He'd asked her to move in with him shortly after he'd signed the paperwork to buy the place. They'd picked out all the furniture together, had argued about towel colors and who was going to do the cooking. They'd made love on the carpeted floor and he'd promised he would love her forever.

For all her sexual experience, Jesse had never had a real boyfriend before. Not one who called when he said, didn't explode for no reason, who seemed to love her as much as he said. It was wonderful…and terrifying. She couldn't stop wondering how long it would be until she totally screwed up everything.

That was her pattern. She'd done it all her life. Her sister kept telling her she took screwing up to a professional level. Jesse had never cared about it before because there hadn't been anything to lose. But now? Matt was everything to her. She didn't know if she would survive destroying what they had.

Which was why she hadn't yet agreed to move in with him. She was beyond scared. The love that burned inside of her was so strong, so real, it had become as much a part of her as her heartbeat. What if she did something wrong?

Matt understood why she was afraid and had told her to take her time. He'd been kind and loving and then had teased her into laughing. He was perfect, or as close as she needed a guy to be.

The doorbell rang. She hurried to the front door and let in the first of the delivery guys.

The next couple of hours passed quickly. The upstairs media room sofa came first, quickly followed by the kitchen table and chairs they'd ordered. The living room furniture was still being put into place when two guys showed up with the big bed he'd bought. A bed they'd giggled over in the showroom.

When she was finally alone, Jesse walked from room to room, seeing the town house as it was going to be. They still needed to get pictures and maybe some plants or books. Work was required to make the space lived-in, but they were getting closer.

Could she see herself here? Did she want to? She closed her eyes and imagined herself with Matt. In the living room, reading. Upstairs, watching a movie. In the shower, making love. Sleeping with him every night.

Her throat tightened as love washed over her. He was the best man she'd ever known. She would be crazy not to try to make it work, despite her fears. She could do this, couldn't she?

She was about to head upstairs to make the bed when the doorbell rang. She crossed the carpet. As far as she knew, everything had been delivered.

When she opened the door, she saw Paula standing there. The two women looked at each other.

Paula spoke first. “Matt said his furniture was being delivered today.”

“It was. I let them in.”

“Oh.”

Obviously Paula had expected Matt to be the one waiting. She'd come by to see her son.

“Do you want to come in?” Jesse asked, hoping she would say no.

Paula nodded and stepped past her into the living room. Once there, she glanced at the leather sofa, shook her head, then faced Jesse.

“I've wanted to talk to you for a while,” she said.

Inside, Jesse winced. Paula wanting to talk to her couldn't be good.

“This won't last,” Paula said bluntly. “I know that sounds harsh, but it's true and the sooner you accept the truth, the easier it will be for you.”

“Because you care so much about me,” Jesse said bitterly, not surprised at the other woman's attack. “I'm who you're so concerned about.”

“I am concerned,” Paula told her. “Not that I expect you to believe that.”

“Oh, good.”

Paula ignored that. “Matthew is a very special man. I'm sure you've seen that in him. I'm sure that, and his money, are why you're together.”

Jesse ignored the slam about the money. She hadn't known about it when she'd first met Matt and it had never mattered. But Paula wouldn't believe her so there was no point in trying to convince her.

“He is honorable and sees the best in people,” the other woman continued. “What he wants them to be, rather than what they are.” Paula walked over and glanced in the kitchen, then turned back to Jesse. “I'm a little like you. I have a past. Not one that we're going to discuss, but I've lived through things. I know what you are, Jesse. You're trying to be more than you were meant for and you see Matt as your way to get there. I'm sure you care about him, but you are completely out of your league with him and it's just a matter of time until he figures that out, too. Until he sees he can do better and moves on. You're simply not good enough and once he realizes that, it's going to be over.”

Jesse told herself Paula was angry and bitter and her words didn't mean anything. Unfortunately, they still hurt to hear.

“You're wrong,” she said quietly, holding herself still and straight. “About all of it.”

“Am I? I don't think so. You won't last six months. I know you think I'm being an incredible bitch. Maybe I am. I'll admit to some anger about how you've turned Matt away from me. I wouldn't mind a little revenge. But I'm not going to bother. You know why? Because you'll be gone and I'll still be here. When he finds the right girl, he's going to marry her. That's what I'm waiting for.”

Paula gave her a tight smile, then walked out of the town house.

Jesse sank onto the sofa and did her best not to cry.

“Stupid old cow,” she muttered.

Paula was trying to push her away. Trying to make her doubt Matt so she would do something stupid. That wasn't going to happen. She was stronger—stronger than Paula knew. She and Matt weren't going to break up. They loved each other. Jesse would do anything to protect their relationship.

That decided, she made her way upstairs where she went to work unpacking the boxes Matt had brought over from his mother's house. She put clothes in the new dresser and hung up shirts in the closet. The whole time she worked, she did her best to forget what Paula had said. Those words didn't matter.

Except they'd scared her because Matt's mother had said one thing that was true—she was in over her head. Being with someone like him, someone so good and loving and supportive, terrified her. She loved him so much and was desperate not to do anything wrong. If only she could shake the sense that she was going to mess it all up.

She reached for another box of stuff he'd brought over and pulled out a pile of T-shirts. As she lifted them to the bed, something fell onto the floor. She bent down to pick it up, only to gasp as she saw a small, pale blue box. A Tiffany's jewelry box.

Jesse's heart pounded in her chest. Her body went completely still just before her legs gave way and she sank to the carpet.

It was earrings, she told herself. Maybe a sort of thank-you present for helping him move. It could be for his mom, although she doubted that. Matt hadn't been getting along with Paula for weeks now. Or it could be something else. An engagement ring.

She should put it back in the box and stop unpacking, she told herself. She should pretend she never found it and just see what happened. That would make the most sense. Except she couldn't. She had to know.

Her fingers trembled as she picked up the box and opened it. Nestled on soft, white fabric sat a stunning solitaire diamond ring. The perfect engagement ring.

It was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen, she thought, barely able to breathe. The diamond sparkled. It was probably a high-quality stone and expensive, but what reached inside and squeezed her heart was what it meant.

Matt wanted to marry her.

He loved her. He really
loved
her. He believed in her and trusted her and wanted to spend his life with her. He wanted to have children with her and grow old together. How was that possible? How had someone like him fallen for her?

“He loves me,” she whispered, as she closed the box. “He loves me.”

The wonder of the moment took her breath away. Her body felt light with hope, her future bright with possibilities. As long as Matt believed in her, she could believe in herself. Maybe she could go back to college and get her business degree. Maybe she could figure out a way to make it work with Nicole in the bakery. Maybe her life didn't suck. Maybe she could be forgiven her past.

She stood and carefully tucked the ring back into the moving box and put the T-shirts on top. She moved that box back with the others in the closet and went downstairs. She would unpack the rest of the house, but leave the bedroom. She didn't want him to know she'd found the ring. She would wait until he gave it to her, until he asked her to marry him, and then she would tell him yes.

 

J
ESSE SAT ON HER BED
in Nicole's house and sighed. “I'm so scared,” she admitted to Drew, Nicole's husband. “He really loves me.”

“Which is what you want.”

“I know. It's hard to explain. I don't feel like I'm good enough. I'm terrified I'm going to mess everything up.”

Jesse had never understood Nicole and Drew hooking up, let alone getting married, but it had happened. While Drew wasn't the brightest bulb in the chandelier, he was always willing to listen, which Jesse appreciated. Aside from Matt, she didn't have anyone else to talk to. Certainly not Nicole, who had an ongoing list of complaints about Jesse.

“He knows the worst about me,” she continued. “He knows the worst and he's okay with it. Unbelievable but true.”

“So be happy,” Drew said. They were the right words, but there was something strange about him. His body language, maybe the intensity of his expression.

Jesse eyed him. “What's wrong with you tonight? You're acting, I don't know, kind of disconnected.”

He moved from the chair to the side of the bed. “I want to be happy for you, Jess, but come on. You with one guy? You'll be bored in a week. You love the variety, the chase.”

His words surprised her. “I
don't
love that. I love Matt.”

“Or at least the idea of him.”

“What? No. You're wrong. I love him.”

“I don't think so.” He shifted closer.

A little
too
close, she thought, moving away. Drew had been hanging out in her room and talking to her for months, but this was the first time she'd been uncomfortable.

“Maybe you should, um, go see what Nicole's doing,” she said, trying to smile and not able to fake it. What was wrong with her? So Drew sat on her bed. He was Drew. They were friends. But there was something in his eyes…

“You're so pretty, Jess. Did I ever tell you that?”

Jesse couldn't move. She could barely breathe. Was he drunk? As far as she knew, Drew wasn't into drugs, but maybe that had changed. He shifted closer and put his hand on her arm.

“So pretty. You're a lot like Nicole. The long, blond hair, the blue eyes, but you're softer. Touchable. You're the kind of girl lots of guys fall for. Come on. Admit it. You like the attention.”

Was he right? Sure, she'd used sex and men to feel good about herself, but not anymore. She had Matt. He loved her and wanted to marry her.

“One guy forever?” Drew asked as he leaned close and kissed her. “No way. It would be a waste.”

Her mind exploded into a shrill scream, but she couldn't let out the sound. It was as if she'd actually left her body and was watching from a distance. She could see herself stiffening as his mouth pressed into hers, could feel his lips. Maybe he was right. Maybe she couldn't be faithful. Maybe…

Drew moved closer. “Oh, baby, I want you bad. I see you all the time, prancing around here in your shorts and T-shirts. You want it, too. I can tell.”

He tugged at her T-shirt. Even though it was early, she'd already dressed for bed in an oversized shirt and shorts. So when he pulled it over her head and tossed it on the bed, she was nearly naked.

“Oh, yeah,” he breathed as he kissed her neck. “I knew you'd have great tits.”

Her eyes burned, but no tears fell. The shame was so powerful, she could taste it and still she couldn't move. Because she knew why this was happening. She knew why he had changed.