The Bakery Sisters (68 page)

Jesse handed over the information she'd printed out that morning. “The rent is incredibly reasonable. He's excited to have the extra cash. We pay for the increase in electricity and that's it. Our only start-up costs will be extra pans for the brownies and a few more bodies.”

Nicole shook her head. “I just don't know,” she began.

Because she didn't want to know, Jesse thought, frustrated and annoyed.

She stood and grabbed her sister by the arm. “Okay, that's it. Come with me.”

Nicole jerked free. “What are you doing?”

“You and me. Outside. We're going to have this out. I'm tired of almost fighting with you every single day. Let's get this settled.”

For a second she thought Nicole was going to refuse, but then her sister followed her out into the parking lot where they faced each other in the light morning rain.

They stared at each other, arms folded, both glaring. Jesse figured she was the one who had called the meeting so she got to go first. She thought about all the rational things she and Bill had discussed, then spoke from her gut.

“You're seriously pissed off because I'm making this work,” she said. “You're angry that I came back and you resent that I know what I'm doing. You can't stand not being the good sister anymore. You want me to go back to being the screwup, because that's the world you know and it's a lot more comfortable than facing me as an equal.”

Nicole stiffened. “You want to be honest? Fine. I'll be honest. Who the hell are you to waltz back into my life and try to take over? Where have you been for the past decade while I was struggling to hold it all together? I took care of you your entire life, Jesse. I was the one who was always there for you, who handled things and grew up too fast so you still got to be a kid. But does that matter? Of course not. It has to be about you. So you're back. Let's hold a parade. Jesse got her life together and is willing to work with me now. I'm all quivery inside. Yes, you got it together, but you know what? I never lost it. I never had to go off and find myself. I was too busy being here, running the business on my own.”

They were hard words to hear, probably because they were the truth, Jesse thought sadly. “I'm sorry,” she said quietly.

“Sorry?” Nicole's voice was shrill. “Sorry isn't good enough. Who the hell are you to show up and make it better? I've busted my ass here for years and you're the one who will reap all the rewards. Do you think I like that? Do you think I'm proud of how I'm acting? I don't know how to fix it. I don't trust the new you. I keep waiting for the mistake, because I believe it's coming and I wonder how big it's going to be this time.”

“You don't trust me?” Jesse asked, stunned.

“Why should I? You've been home five minutes. You won't even acknowledge what you did last time. No one else knows the reason we're doing so well on the Internet is that you have practice.”

She was bringing that up now? “You do realize it's been five years,” Jesse said.

“You stole the family recipe for chocolate cakes, baked them yourself and sold them on the Internet.”

Jesse couldn't argue with that. She had. “You fired me from the bakery.”

“I thought you'd slept with Drew.”

“Yeah, and I hadn't. You fired me for something I didn't do. I had to earn a living.”

“You could have gotten a job.”

“The bakery was all I knew. Besides, I'm half owner, remember? So I owned that recipe, too. How could I steal what was already mine?”

They stared at each other, the tension practically pulsing between them.

Nicole looked away first. “At least admit you showed bad judgment.”

“I did,” Jesse said easily, knowing it was true. “You'd hurt me and I wanted to hurt you back. So I sold the cakes. I knew that would make you crazy.”

Nicole nodded. “Thanks for saying that. For what it's worth, you did make me crazy.” She looked at the ground, then back at Jesse. “I'm sorry I didn't believe you about Drew. There are a lot of reasons I didn't. Your past, how you were always being so difficult. But mostly I wanted you to be the bad guy because then I didn't have to look at myself. Like you said before, if you slept with him, I wasn't the reason the marriage failed.”

Jesse absorbed the words, letting them fill her with peace. Finally, she thought. That had been a long time coming.

“You weren't the reason your marriage failed,” she said, able to be generous now. “He was. Drew was a jerk.”

Nicole gave a half laugh, half sob. “Yeah, and I picked him. I know I shouldn't have married him. I knew it was a mistake when I said yes. I guess I was afraid no one else would ask.”

Jesse moved to her sister and held her. “That's crazy. You're beautiful and smart and funny. Guys love that. Look at the guy you're married to now. Hawk is a total hottie.”

“I know. Sometimes I look at him and wonder how I got so lucky.”

Jesse stepped back. “As long as he thinks the same thing about you.”

“He does. Who would have thought.”

They looked at each other. Jesse knew the harmony was tentative at best, but there was more to be said.

“We need to rent the space across the street. It's cheap, it's close and it's short-term, so the risk is minimal. If we don't keep up with orders, we'll lose everything.”

Nicole gritted her teeth, then nodded. “I know you're right. I don't like it, but I know it.”

“I'm sorry I came back with an attitude,” Jesse continued. “I didn't mean to imply I'm better because I've changed. But you're not better because you didn't have to change. Because you
do
need to be different. We can't keep the old roles we had before. I'll always be your sister, but I'm not the person you knew. Everything is different. We have to get to know each other all over again and figure out how we fit. I want us to be family, but if you can't get over the past, that's not going to happen.”

“I know,” Nicole said softly. “I see what's wrong, but I'm not sure how to change it. We've each lived such different lives.”

Meaning what? They had nothing in common anymore? They couldn't be close? Had their connection been lost to hurt feelings and time?

The front door opened and Sid stuck out his head. “Nicole, you got a call. Walker Buchanan. He runs the Buchanan restaurants. He says he's interested in stocking our cakes. Want me to take a message?”

Jesse smiled at her. “Buchanan's, huh? That's the big time.”

“I know. I should take the call.”

Jesse watched her walk away. She felt both better and worse. Some of the problem between her and Nicole had been solved, but new roadblocks were now in place. Was her sister willing to accept who she was today? Was the past really, if not forgotten, then forgiven? And if it wasn't, how would Jesse ever be able to make things right and prove herself?

M
ATT WOKE UP RESTLESS
after a bad night's sleep. He couldn't stop thinking about how Gabe had run to Bill, like the old man was the kid's father. Just as bad, he couldn't shake thoughts of Jesse either.

His plan was working. They were getting closer. Soon he would be in the right place; he would win everything. So why didn't he feel better about the situation? Why didn't he have that powerful sense of victory that came when he was about to launch a great new game? He had everything he'd ever wanted and he couldn't shake the feeling of “So what?”

He drove to the office where Diane watched him as he greeted her.

“What's wrong?” she asked, following him into his office.

“Nothing.”

“You look like something's wrong. Is it Jesse?”

She knew too much, he thought, reminding himself to tell her less. He'd made the mistake of talking about Gabe and Jesse when they'd first arrived.

“It's not Jesse.”

“Of course it is. What else would it be? It's been five years since she left town. Is having her back better or worse?”

“Both,” he admitted.

“So you still have feelings for her.”

“No.” He didn't have feelings for anyone. He knew better. Jesse had taught him that. Except she'd never betrayed him. She'd been caught up in circumstances that had conspired to make her look bad. Because of her past, he'd believed her sister rather than her.

No, he told himself. Not because of her past. Because a part of him had never thought he could win someone like her. Someone smart and funny and beautiful and totally into him. She'd been his fantasy and what guy got to keep his fantasy?

It was different today.
He
was different. He knew he could get any woman he wanted. It made other men envy him. But the price of that was there weren't any more fantasies. There was only the women who came and went in his life, interchangeable beauties who offered all they had and left him completely unmoved.

“Matt?” Diane watched him. “Are you all right?”

She was concerned because that was her nature. She worried about him. For the past few years, she'd been the closest thing to a connection he'd allowed himself. His assistant. A hell of a legacy, he thought.

“I have to go,” he told her. “I'll check in later.”

He drove around the city and found himself parked in front of his mother's house. It was early, so he called before walking up to the door.

“You up?” he asked when she answered.

“Sure. Want some coffee?”

He joined her inside, sitting in the renovated kitchen, following her movements as she made a fresh pot, then offered him breakfast.

“Coffee's fine,” he told her.

She looked good. Older. He liked her new shorter hairstyle. He studied the wrinkles around her eyes, then did the math. She was in her sixties now. While he'd always had Diane send flowers for her birthday, he hadn't called or done anything to celebrate. He'd never forgiven her for being happy about Jesse's infidelity. Never forgiven her for not wanting to lose him.

He knew all about her past, about why she'd held on so tight. When he'd been younger, he'd appreciated her support. If that was her biggest flaw, he'd gotten off very lucky.

He swore under his breath, walked around the high counter and pulled her against him.

“I'm sorry, Mom,” he said. “I've been gone too long.”

She was stiff with surprise, then softened in his embrace and hung on to him with a fierceness that spoke of pain and love.

“You had to be yourself,” she said.

He rubbed her back, feeling how small she was. “You're giving me too much credit. I wanted to hurt you. I was a selfish bastard, thinking staying away was the worst thing I could do. What I didn't see was how I was punishing myself.”

“Oh, Matthew,” she breathed, her voice muffled as she clung to him.

“I hope you'll be able to forgive me and give me another chance.”

She stepped back and smiled at him, her eyes bright with tears and love. “There's nothing to forgive.”

He thought about Gabe, his growing feelings for the boy. How he wrestled with a fierce protectiveness that was unlike anything he'd experienced before. How much bigger would that feeling be if he'd known him longer, had been with him since birth? Is that what his mother felt for him?

He returned to his seat while she poured coffee. She kept looking at him, as if checking to see he was real. She smiled as she handed him his mug.

“Normally Gabe would be in here, making a mess, but Bill took him out for breakfast.”

“Not someone I want to talk about,” Matt grumbled. “He knows Gabe better than I do.”

“He's known him longer, but that will change. You should be happy. Jesse and Gabe had someone special to care for them while they were gone. Bill's a good man.”

There was something in her voice. He looked at her. “How do you know him so well?”

“I don't. We just met a couple of days ago. But there's a strength about him, a steadiness. I'm glad Jesse wasn't completely on her own.”

Matt knew he should be glad, too, but he wasn't. He resented everything about the other man, especially the look on Gabe's face when he'd run to him.

“Being alone with a baby is a frightening thing,” his mother said. “I was alone with you and I was terrified. You were so small and it was all up to me. But having you changed me. I finally grew up.” She sighed. “It only took me thirty-plus years.”

He wasn't sure where she was going with this. “You were always there for me,” he said. “No matter what.”

“I loved you with every part of me,” she said as she leaned on the counter and held her coffee. “You were so different from me. So smart. Scary smart. You were eight when you took apart your first computer. You were ten when you learned how to put them back together.”

He remembered that. He'd been far more interested in the insides of a computer than what it could do. Once he understood the basics, fixing them, making them better, was easy.

“You were right about me,” she said quietly, not meeting his gaze. “Before. I resented your relationship with Jesse. I could see it was different.
You
were different with her. You'd never had a lot of girls around. I knew you'd grow into yourself and figure it out. I just didn't think it would happen when it did. I wanted to keep you with me forever and she showed me that wasn't going to happen.”

She looked up and gave a sad smile. “I turned into someone I didn't like. A clinging, horrible person who cared more about herself than her child. I knew you were in love with her and I was thrilled when Nicole said she'd been cheating on you. I couldn't wait to tell you. What I didn't think through was how much you would be hurt or how you would see my actions for what they were. I never thought I'd lose you.”

“Mom,” he began, but she shook her head.

“No. Let me say this. I was wrong, Matthew. Very wrong. I was selfish and I hurt you. I'm sorry.”

They were the words he'd been waiting to hear. For the second time that morning, he walked around the high counter and held her. She set down her coffee and hugged him, then began to cry.

“I'm sorry,” she said again.

“I understand,” he told her. “It's all right. I love you. I'll always love you. I shouldn't have waited this long to come back to see you. I was a thoughtless bastard and I'm sorry.”

A part of him, a cold empty place, filled a little.

She pulled back and brushed her face with her fingers. “I'm a mess.”

“You're fine.”

“I'm a cliché, but I can live with that.” She smiled at him through her tears. “I've missed you.”

“I've missed you, too.” He hadn't allowed himself to feel it, but it had been there. “I didn't get the parent thing before, but I do now.”

She nodded. “You're doing better with Gabe. He's wonderful.”

The angry surge caught him off guard. “I shouldn't have to be doing better. I should have known him all this time. Yes, Jesse told me she was pregnant, but she knew I didn't think the baby was mine. She should have tried again. She should have tried harder.”

Paula shifted uncomfortably. “I understand your frustration and I agree.”

He narrowed his gaze. “But?”

“But she was young and scared and hurt. No one believed her. No one would listen. Not even the man she loved most in the world.”

Matt didn't want to think of it that way. He didn't want to see her side. “She could have picked up the phone. How hard would that be? I can't get back what I lost.”

“I know.” She touched his arm. “Believe me, I know what we've all lost. I keep thinking if I'd acted differently, if I'd welcomed Jesse instead of pushing her away, none of this would have happened. I wouldn't have gone to Nicole's that day and heard about Drew. You two probably would have gotten married. We would have been a family all this time.”

He remembered the diamond solitaire he'd bought at Tiffany's. How excited and in love he'd been. He'd wanted to give Jesse something as perfect as possible, something to show how much he loved her. He'd wanted her to know she was his world.

What would have been different if he hadn't learned about Drew the way he had? If she'd calmly told him about that night. He probably would have gone over and beaten the crap out of the bastard. Based on what he knew about Drew, that might have helped out everyone.

Then he pushed the thoughts from his mind. What did he care about what ifs? There was only the now. Jesse had gone away, taking his child with her. She'd shown him he was a fool to ever love, to ever trust. She'd returned and handed him the perfect means for revenge. It was the cycle of life.

“I need to get back to work,” he said, kissing his mom's forehead. “I'll call you soon.”

“We can all have dinner.”

Like a family. Like everything was perfectly all right. It was a battle strategy any general would be proud of. Lull the enemy into a false sense of security, then attack.

Except Jesse wasn't the enemy. She was the mother of his child and the woman he had once loved.

He reminded himself this wasn't the time to get soft. Didn't he want her punished for what she'd done?

He remembered the look on Gabe's face as his son had gleefully run toward another man who was very much the father Matt should have been, then hardened himself against any weakness. Victory was close. He could feel it. He would claim it and move on.

 

N
ICOLE SAT ON THE REAR
deck of her house, coffee cup in hand. Eric was at a friend's house and the twins were, for once, sleeping at the same time. She told herself she should enjoy her rare moment of solitude, but she couldn't. She couldn't stop thinking about Jesse and their most recent fight.

They were both right and both wrong, she thought sadly. Both so determined to come out on top, in terms of righteous anger. Maybe her a little more than her sister. Jesse wanted her to see all the changes she'd made, acknowledge how she'd grown. Nicole wanted proof that everything was different. Once she got that in writing, she might be willing to believe.

She took a sip of coffee, then nearly choked when a familiar male voice said, “You get more beautiful every year. I'm never going to find someone who measures up to you.”

She turned, shrieked, set her coffee cup on the deck and raced toward the tall, good-looking man standing on the stairs.

“Raoul! You're here! What are you doing here? You didn't call. Does Hawk know about this? Are you okay?”

She threw herself at him and he caught her and held her just as tight. “You look good,” she said, taking in the strong, handsome face, the well-cut clothes.

“Thank you. I've been working out.”

She laughed at the joke, then motioned for him to follow her inside.

Raoul did more than work out. He'd just signed with the Dallas Cowboys after graduating from Oklahoma, where Hawk had gone.

“Did you get that investment material I e-mailed you?” she asked as they entered the kitchen. “You can only spend so much of your signing bonus. You need to think of your future. You won't be in the NFL forever.”

Raoul hugged her again and then kissed her cheek. “You always worry about me. If not about my grades, then who I'm dating and if she's good enough for me. You're—”

“Do
not
say I'm like your mother. I'll be forced to kill you.” There were only ten years between them. Nicole didn't need any more help feeling old. The current state of her life was enough to leave her exhausted.

“You were born to nurture,” he said instead.