The Barbarian's Mistress (23 page)

Her hands came around to cup each side of his face. He seemed so incredibly fragile beneath her hands. Not the strong, hard lines of a warrior’s face now, but the soft
, blurred features of a youth, unsure of himself. Unsure of her. His insecurities fostered her courage. She deepened the kiss further, asking for access to his mouth and receiving it. The surge of passion at his acceptance had her breath dragged from her lungs. Her hands began to tremble, her heartbeat battered at the inside of her chest. Not with fear this time, but with arousal.

Her tongue met his and after a tentative moment, they began to dance. Weaving in and out, touching stroking, giving more. When he pushed her down on the bed she couldn’t contain the moan of pleasure. His kisses became more passionate, taking back control, leading them both on.

‘I almost lost you,’ he murmured into her mouth. ‘I wouldn’t have lived, if I’d lost you.’

His words urged her higher. She felt the answering desperation. The answering fear that she might have lost him in those awful, violent minutes. But instead of expressing them, she chose to reassure him.

‘You didn’t. I’m still here. Safe. You kept me safe.’ Her words were delivered between kisses, each one meant to comfort him.

‘Just. Only just. Next time… we’ve got a whole world to cross, with all its dangers. I’m just one man…’

She drew his face back so she could meet his eyes. They were dark with passion, fevered with need. ‘You’re more than one man. What you did tonight was the work of more than one man. I know you can keep me safe. I know it, and so did my father!’

‘Your father entrusted me with a comparatively short journey between Rom
e and Pompeii, not across the Empire. What if we meet pirates on the sea? What if a larger band a brigands attack us in Gaulia…’

‘You will do what you are trained to do, what that brilliant mind tells you to do. I am safer with you than in the hands of my mother. Never forget what the alternative is. I don’t.

‘The gods are protecting us, Vali. They got us out of Pompeii when so many others didn’t escape. They have given us smooth seas and safe conduct. Tonight is the first trouble we’ve hit since Pompeii, and you handled it easily. My love… you took on five armed men and won without injury to you or me!’

He kissed her then. Deeply, fully, with such emotion she could hardly breathe for it. Then he was gently shifting over her, so his big body lay in the curve of her pelvis. The weight of him there ignited something primal inside her. All she wanted now was to be whole. And she needed him buried deep inside of her for that.

She slid her hands between their bodies, feeling the hardness of his arousal in her hand, the quick buck it gave at her touch. He sucked in a deep breath and moaned. With untrained fingers, she drew him down so that his blunt head pressed against her weeping core. Never had she wanted anything as much as she wanted this. It felt like she had been waiting for four long years to be joined with him completely.

But he didn’t press into her. Instead, he moved down her body, kissing and licking her skin as he went. When he found her nipple he sucked it in hard so that she jerked in a blissful mix of sharp pain and pleasure. She dug her nails
into his back, urging him on, wanting more of that pressure that seemed connected directly to the deepest part of her. The part that felt so empty.

His hand came up and cupped her other breast, kneading it until her body arched off the bed for more. With his other hand he pressed against her entrance and slowly slid one finger deep inside her. The moan she gave him was swallowed by his mouth. His finger was calloused, but her sheath was slick with moisture, if tight. After several strokes, he slipped a second finger inside her, stretching the flesh, preparing his way.

He was going to do it. This time there would be no release from the pressures for either of them. This time they would come together fully, with nothing between them. The thought had her body responding in a rush of fluid.

Moaning against her lips he said, ‘So wet for me, little sweetling. You drive me mad wanting you.’

‘Take me, Vali. I want you. I love you so much it hurts.’

He drew his fingers out of her and shook his head as if coming to his senses. ‘No, I have to protect you from me as much as from anyone…don’t tempt me anymore, please. I’ll ease you. Let me ease you…’

He began to kiss his way down her body, preparing to take her with his mouth. The thought excited her. She knew what pleasures awaited her there. But that wasn’t enough for her this time. They had come so close to losing each other.  Somehow, she knew that the only way they could keep that fear at bay was to do more than just give each other release. They both needed more.

Gripping his hair in her fists she dragged him back up so she could look him in the eye. He let her. But his twin pools of burning blue held determination, angry determination.

‘I am yours. You told that man tonight that no one takes what’s yours. I don’t ever want to belong to anyone but you. Take what’s yours. Take me!’ Her voice was loud to her ears, harsh with frustrated passion.

For one long moment she thought he wouldn’t bend. Then his hand slid between their bodies, and he moved his hard length against her core. He began to gently but firmly press into her body.

At last. She almost wept from the enormity of what he was giving her. ‘Only you. There will only ever be you, for me.’

The pain, when it came was insignificant. She arched her back so that she could accommodate him more fully as he surged deeper. Tears stung her eyelids. Finally, it was done. His full length lay within her and she felt deliciously full. A fleeting thought of how they had managed this anatomical feat was quickly washed away by a swell of intense pleasure, as his body began to move. One slow slide out, one slow slide in.

Lara couldn’t hold back the groan of pleasure the movement gave her. She looked up into his face. Blonde hair fell across his flushed face, his eyes burned, his lips were drawn tight. There was no way she could read what he was feeling, so she gave up. Gave herself over to the sensations that were building inside her.

No stranger to building that pleasurable tension now, she relaxed into it, matching her movements to his. To get him deeper, she locked her legs around his thighs, curving her hips up. His gasp of pleasure told her she was doing something right. On and on he went, getting faster and harder with each stroke. His forehead was drenched with sweat, his breath coming in gasps, just as hers came in gasps. The heat between them was like fire.

Each time he rammed home she came closer and closer. This was different to when he used his mouth on her. This was more. She struggled for something, reached for it with all she was. Nothing existed but their bodies moving in punishing unison, driving them both harder and higher until she knew it was close. She knew it was time. And with the next deep jab her body ignited, and she flew off into a million bright sparkling pieces, like stars exploding in the dark sky.

She called his name like a prayer. And he answered her with a deep, guttural groan, as he followed her over. His hot seed flooding her, sent her over into another white-hot explosion before the last had subsided. Bucking against him, completely out of control, she drove them both harder, until Vali’s body slowed and he slumped down onto her, burying his head in her hair.

‘Sorry,’ he muttered when he could draw breath again. He drew his length from inside her.

Lara stiffened. ‘What for?’

‘Being the animal I am.’ His voice was heavy with self-loathing and defeat.

Furious, she struggled beneath him, trying to push him away. He held her still too easily.

‘I said I was sorry. I can’t make it plainer than that. I warned you what I was like…’

She brought her right hand up and slapped him hard across the back of his head. Never had she felt so furious. Angry tears started to blur her vision.

‘How dare you say that to me! How dare you reduce what just happened to something unfortunate… How dare you dismiss me so… so easily!’

He pushed himself up off her, onto his elbows, as one hand came up to the back of his head. The shock on his face would have been laughable if it wasn’t so infuriating. By taking her he was supposed to finally accept her as his. Instead, he regretted his lack of control!

‘Dismiss you? How was I dismissing you? I just deflowered you after just seventeen days. Not my record but…’

She swung at him again and he let her hit him on the cheek this time. It only made her more furious. Her hand stung from the blows. For someone who had always abhorred violence of any kind, to find herself pushed to this point of fury was horrifying.

‘Don’t do that! Don’t make what happened into nothing. If you don’t want me, at least be a man about it and say so. Don’t make it seem as if it was just a momentary loss of control.’

Her eyes were so filled with tears she could no longer see his expression. Blinking rapidly she tried to clear her vision. What she saw when she did, froze her soul.

‘A man?’ He sneered the word. ‘I’m not a man. I told you that. Why do you keep trying to make me into something I’m not?’

‘Do you love me?’ she barked out. ‘You said you loved me! You said you were afraid of losing me. Were they lies?’

‘Not lies. But I can’t have you, Annia Minor. I am your father’s ex-slave, your mother’s ex-bed slave. I can never have what I want. What we did doesn’t change that.’

‘I’m not Annia Minor any more. My father is dead. I have documents that say I’m Lara, the liberti. You can have Lara. You can make her your wife. That’s all I want. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Stop putting up barriers between us that no longer exist. Love me, Vali. Just love me,’ she pleaded. The tears began in earnest then. She was so tired of crying.

Something in her desperation seemed to break through the cold shell he’d formed around himself. His hand came up and stroked her cheek, as he settled down on the bed beside her.

‘Don’t cry sweetling. I’m sorry. I know what you want, and I want it too. But this world is too harsh to allow us to have it. You can call yourself Lara, but you aren’t her. Lara lived a life as a slave, not a life of wealth, position and comfort. Lara could handle living poor, scraping to make ends meet because she’d known far worse. Even as the manager of your paterfamilias’ estate in Britannia, I won’t be much more than an impoverished slave.
You would be expected to work: seeding the fields, threshing the harvest, washing clothes in boiling water in vats over burning coals. Your back will bend beneath the weight of it. You’ll be old before your time. Your hands,’ he took one up gently, turning it over so the palm was uppermost, ‘won’t be soft like this anymore. There’ll be calloused, with cuts on them like mine. They’ll be the hands of a pleb. You think you know what that life will be like, but you don’t. You have no idea.’

Lara tried to take in what he was saying. She knew it was not meant as criticism of her soft life. He was simply trying to get her to see what she would be getting if she became Lara for good. When she felt she could speak calmly, she took his hand in hers, and turned it palm side up.

‘I have never had to work for what I was given. My only callouses are from playing the lyre. But while my body has known comfort, my heart has not. There have been only a few people in my life who have loved me. My father is dead, my brother is on the other side of the world, and my friend is a broken shell because of me. My sheltered, comfortable world has been my prison. If I go back to that, even if I was somehow able to remain under my brother’s control, or married off to a rich patrician like Severus, I would simply trade one prison for another.’ She paused as she tried to put her next thoughts into words.

‘I am not underestimating what my life with you would be. I know it would be harder in some ways than what I’ve known. But to be wife to you, to lie beside you every night, to share pleasure like we experienced just now, to bear your children and to love them. To me, that means more than what state my hands are in, or whether I age faster than I would as a rich man’s breeding mare.

‘I love you, Vali. This is not a childish crush like when I was thirteen. I love you as a woman loves a man. And calling yourself an animal doesn’t make it so. You are a man. You are
my
man. And I will fight you if I have to, so I can stay at your side.

‘I can be very stubborn, so Ninia tells me. On this I will not budge. You will have to sell me into slavery to be rid of me, because I’ll follow you wherever you go. I am yours. I will never belong to anyone else again.’

For a long time Vali said nothing, letting her trace lines and circles across his palm. Finally, he closed his fingers over hers and lifted his head.

‘I will try to give you the life you deserve. I will try to make sure you never regret what you are giving me. I fear you are making the biggest mistake of your life, but I won’t try to convince you otherwise. I’m too greedy, too selfish. I want you too much. Maybe if I loved you more, I’d be strong enough to make other choices. Better choices…’ He sighed heavily.

‘You do love me… And if that’s not enough, then I’ll love you enough for both of us.’ Lara smiled brightly through her tears.

He leaned down and kissed her deeply. It was their pact.

Chapter Seventeen

Lara woke to a languid ache between her legs. Her limbs felt heavy and her brain moved at a snail’s pace. Already the heat of the day was oppressive. What time was it? The sun was well up.
With bemused curiosity she cast her mind back to what she could remember: Vali getting up in the predawn, rummaging around under the bed, kissing her cheek, and then leaving.

Further back… the sensation of pure bliss as Vali took her fully for the second time
that night. This time there were no apologies afterward, only words of love.

Further back… She jerked into a sitting position letting the coarse sheet drop to her lap. Looking down at her hands, she tried to see any traces of blood from the murderous scene the night before. The only blood was on the sheet beneath her.

Her maidenhead’s blood. That brought a slow smile to her lips and drove the other memories away. She hadn’t killed anyone. All she’d done was help save herself and Vali. In her heart of hearts, she knew that was just self-justification. Her actions had led to a man’s death. But Vali was also right. Those men would have killed them. What choice did they give them?

Reluctantly, she moved to the edge of the bed, and gingerly stood up. She was definitely sore. But it was a good sore. It brought flashbacks of pleasure and oneness she could live off for the rest of her life, if she had to. What they had shared was not usual. Though she knew little about sexual matters, she sensed that what existed between Vali and her was special. Their bond was stronger than with most.

She found the chamber pot under the bed and used it. Then she looked around for clothes. Everything she had was dirty after their trip from Palinurus. Their last clean clothes had been the ones they’d donned after their baths last night. And they would now be…

Sitting on the edge of the bed, she began to comb through the knots and tangles in her hair with the comb her father had given her. Vali loved to play with her hair, run his fingers through it, and clench it in fists when the passion was high. She loved that he did that, but it played havoc with her tresses afterward.

Just as she finished plaiting the long length and wrapping it around her head in a crown, the door opened, and Vali stepped across the threshold. He looked vital and incredibly handsome, even in the crushed and filthy tunic he’d put aside before his bath yesterday.

‘Good, you’re awake. How do you feel?’ He dropped a pile of clothes on the unmade bed, noticing and then blushing at the sight of the blood on the sheet.

‘Wonderful…’ She was not going to admit to soreness. It seemed too personal. The absurdity of that thought after what they’d done together didn’t go unnoticed.

‘I bought us new clothes and took our old ones to be washed. All but what we wore last night. I disposed of them…’ He shot her a curious stare, as if judging her reaction to mention of the fight.

‘Good. I don’t think the blood would have come out completely… I would always have seen it…’

‘Yes, I imagined you’d feel like that. Anyway, there are clothes, some breakfast and this…’ Shyly he held out a gold and amethyst necklace. Carthago was known for its jewellery, and this piece was no exception. With tentative fingers she reached out for the piece, more touched than she could ever remember being by any gift. Other than his piece of amber, of course.

‘Thankyou… it’s beautiful.’

‘If you want, you can think of it as your bride gift. We give the father of a bride wedding gifts. The more worthy the bride, the richer the gifts. You deserve far more, but I had to be sensible. We have limited resources and a long way to go…’

‘Bride?’ Her voice came out as a squeak.

‘If you want. I will not hold you to it. Last night was … well you may feel different in
the light of day… ‘

‘Vali, I don’t feel differently. I accept your bride gift gladly. Do we need to do anything else to seal the bond?’

His shyness evaporated and he grinned at her. ‘We’ve done it all, twice. But after we’ve eaten and bathed, I wouldn’t mind confirming the bond, one more time. Just to make sure.’

She laughed at his silliness. Suddenly, she felt like the young girl she was. She felt like a young woman in love on her wedding day. For her class, there would have been formalities, augers ascertained, gifts to the gods, the exchange of contracts and verbal vows in front of witnesses. But none of those were truly necessary to seal the bond. A vow said between man and wife, and consummation. That was all that was required.

Standing up gingerly, unconcerned by her nakedness, she held out her hand. ‘I take you Gaius…’

Vali knew the simple wedding vow of her people. He took her hand and said, ‘I take you Gaia…’ Then he kissed her tenderly on the lips and turned her around so he could place the necklace around her throat. ‘I will love and protect you and our children with my life, forever.’

She shivered at the simple words. They meant so much. When she felt the soft kiss on her shoulder she shivered again. So much love. How was it possible to feel so much love? Though she had lost everything in the last few weeks, somehow she’d ended up with so much more.

‘Now eat, wife, so we can get clean. Then I plan on spending the day in bed with you, unless you have other ideas?’

‘No. Bed sounds wonderful, even if it is getting stifling in here.’

He nodded as he began laying out their simple breakfast of pomegranates, dates, honey cakes and sweet wine. Then he stripped away his clothing and sprawled naked across the bed. The earthenware plate holding the dates and cakes was strategically placed over the blood on the sheet.

For a moment Lara could do nothing but stare. He was the most beautiful man she had ever seen. His long limbs were heavily muscled from his months in the ludus, his skin was tanned golden except for the area normally covered by a loin cloth. The paleness of this area was particularly arousing. It told her that no one but her saw him like this. His chest was heavily muscled with the strange inking over his heart. Tight corded muscles ran down his lean belly to his hips.

And the face. The gods could not have a fairer face than Vali. Adonis. He was Adonis. That white blonde hair that feathered over his ears and fell negligently over his brow perfectly set off his skin and ice-blue eyes.

Beautifully formed lips suddenly split into a broad, white smile. ‘You like what you see?’

She blushed, and looked away. Suddenly his hands were on her arms, drawing her toward the bed. ‘Sweetling, there’s no need for embarrassment. I have never valued my appearance. It has led me down paths I wish I’d never been forced to take. But if I please you, then I’m glad for my appearance. It’s something I have that’s mine to offer you.’

She looked up into those startling blue eyes. ‘You have far more to offer than just that, but the most important thing is love. If that was all you offered me, it would be enough.’

He leaned in and kissed her lips tenderly, as he had when they exchanged their vows. There was a strange reverence in the way he treated her now, as if she were something of untold value. It felt disconcerting, because she didn’t really believe she deserved it. He thought far more of her than she deserved. But it was nice, too. No matter how undeserving, she would accept his adoration with gratitude.

‘Later in the afternoon, I’ll go to the docks and see if the
Baal
has come in. It would be good if we had another day to rest, but I’m conscious of the days passing. We must complete our journey before the end of the season.’

She lay down on her side of the feast and began to eat hungrily. She hadn’t realised how hungry she was until that moment. Last night, they hadn’t had a meal after their bath as they’d planned. A cold shiver ran down her spine, but she shrugged it away. This was her wedding day. Nothing was going to spoil that for her. Nothing!

9 September 79 CE, Carthago
AFRICA

The sun was just rising as the large merchant ship, the
Baal,
slipped out of Carthago’s artificial merchant harbour, fully laden for the journey back to Gaulia. Vali and Lara stood at the midship railing watching the flat roofed houses of the magnificent city pass them by. The water was the colour of aquamarine, the sky above the palest amethyst streaked with blue. With the sea breeze at their backs, the heat of the city seemed to be already left behind.

As the sails were fully raised, they filled with unseen wind, billow
ing out toward their destination, cracking and pulsing like living things. Vali’s breath caught in his throat. Was there any sensation more arousing than the first moments the wind took a sail? It was electric, and filled with promise.

Then he looked down at the beautiful face of the woman at his side. Yes, there was. Looking into those amber eyes gave him that same feeling. As if he could conquer the world. As if he was powerful beyond measure. 

Her rosy lips turned up at the ends and those eyes warmed beneath his gaze. His
wife
smiled at him. That thought still scared him senseless. It was the most reckless thing he’d ever done, taking her as his own. But he didn’t regret it now. There would probably be plenty of opportunity for regrets somewhere in the future. Now, there was only joy and hope, and
love.

How much he loved her! Not just her beauty or her grace. Not just because she loved him, no matter what. Not just because she was courageous, uncomplaining, gentle and kind, and oh so sweet. Not even because she was his perfect mate in bed. Her boundless energy, her uninhibited responses, her hunger and greed for more, were the ultimate gift. Nothing he did to her, nothing he asked her to do, was wrong or degrading in her eyes. Other women were excited by what they considered dirty or depraved acts. His sweetling was excited by the acts themselves, and the pleasure they gave. Because she gave and took pleasure as naturally as she breathed air or ate food.

But no, he didn’t love her for any one of those qualities. It was the accumulation of them all that made his love so potent. With her he felt clean and whole, powerful enough to take on the world, brave enough to protect her from anything that would threaten her. It had been a long time since he felt this sense of belief in himself. Because of her.

‘We’re worried about the chilis,’ the Master said, as he came to stand at Vali’s other side. ‘They’re worst in spring and autumn. If I had my way I wouldn’t sail except in summer. But my master is a greedy man.’ He grimaced with rancour. ‘So far this season we’ve been lucky. Pray to your gods, Norseman. Maybe they have power to calm the djinns who drive the southern gales.’

‘Woden would have no interest in this south land. He rules the north. Could offerings to Neptune assist?’

‘We make offerings to Neptune, to all the Venti, especially Auster, the god of the south winds, to Priapus, and even to the dolphin-boy god, Palaemon. But I thought you might have some additional gods we could call on if the worst happens.’ The ship’s master quirked a grin, revealing a gold front tooth. Against his dark olive skin and jet-black hair, it presented the exotic mix so common in the region.

‘You found your place?’

‘Yes. Behind the deckhouse, as on the
Utica.
It keeps us out of the way but provides cover,’ Vali replied.

‘Fahri is an excellent sailor. It is an honour that he recommended me to you.’

‘On such a dangerous route, it’s always important to choose your ship well.
Baal
is seaworthy and her master is experienced and skilled. Those factors are essential, when putting your life in another’s hands.’

‘I couldn’t agree more, my friend. I hear you men of the north are expert seaman. You’re a long way from home, though.’

‘Going aviking has more dangers than the sea and the elements. My father’s longboat was attacked by pirates. I was young, and survived to be sold at the slave markets. That was eight summers ago. Now I’m a freedman and a citizen of Rome, with a lovely new wife. The gods were hard, but ultimately good, to me.’

The man nodded and studied Vali from beneath his bushy eyebrows. Vali knew that seaman the world over were superstitious. By painting himself in this light, he assured their safe passage. No sailor would risk the wrath of the gods by harming one of their favoured sons. He couldn’t say the same for other passengers. If the ship was becalmed or faced some other dire situation, it might be blamed on someone’s bad luck. Whoever caught the crew’s eye as unlucky would be thrown overboard. That was a fate to be avoided at all costs.

‘You’ll be sharing our main meals with us during the crossing. I have a decent cook, and our food stock is fresh. You’ll be pleasantly surprised.’ With that the ship’s master gave a curt nod of farewell, and strode off.

They were well out of the harbour now and heading west. They had one more port of call before they made the crossing to Narbo. Thrabraca was just a half day’s sail along the coast. But from everything Vali had learned, it was a treacherous stretch filled with shallow reefs and unexpected sandbars. As the
Baal
had so recently sailed these parts, the risks were greatly reduced, although sandbars were known to move unexpectedly.

For the first time, Lara seemed content to stay out on deck, enjoying the cool breeze and the scenery. The sandy land they passed was parched, and widely scattered with patches of coarse grass and the occasional palm tree. In the distance were dark mountains from which, he was told, the city’s water supply came. There was talk of building a huge aqueduct, like they had in Rome and other provincial cities, to carry the water from the mountains to the city. It would prove more effective than the underground water caches they now used.