The Barbarian's Mistress (7 page)

‘I know. But I still worry. If Publius got something in his head, he’d be hard to stop. I wouldn’t put it past him to get mother to send her out to him. Soldiers have women.’

‘Camp followers. Romans aren’t like northerners, who keep their families close when they go to war.’

‘Do your people take their families to war?’

‘We don’t wage war that often. We’re a seafaring people. If we go aviking, we fight to take what we want from others. But we don’t invade other’s territory. And no one invades ours. We’re too strong, and our land is too harsh for anyone else to covet.’

‘Aviking?’

‘To go travelling for trade or pillage. When a season has been hard and we can’t feed our people, we go to milder climates and take what we need.’

‘That’s theft!’

‘It’s survival. Rome does far worse. It takes the very land from others. We leave them their land, and take only what we need. Slaves, goods, food.’

‘Slaves? You kept slaves?’

‘Yes. My father had many slaves. Just like Rome.’ Vali seemed embarrassed by this.

‘Do you believe that slavery is wrong now?’

‘I didn’t. I never thought about it at all when I was young. It was what it was. Slaves were like livestock. You cared for them like you’d care for a goat or a sheep, and they would then serve you well. My first woman was a slave my father gifted me. I took her without considering her feelings in the matter. Knowing what that’s like… Now, I don’t know.

‘There are always people with power and those without. It’s the way of man, the way of nature. When those pirates attacked us, killed
my father and uncles, I didn’t think of it as wrong. It was what it was. It angered me that we were bested. But I didn’t blame them. When they sold me into slavery, and I was traded from one Roman bitch to another, I hated those women and their men, I hated what I was forced to do. But I didn’t think of it as wrong. I’m not sure I do now. Would I take a slave without her consent now? No. And if I owned slaves, I would only keep slaves who were willing to work for me…’ His voice tapered off, as if his own thoughts were becoming too complex to explain.

‘Did she… did she seem to like what you did to her?’

‘Who, that first girl I took?’

She nodded, unable to say more. Vali studied her for a moment and then shrugged. ‘I think so. When I try to remember that first time, I see her giggling behind her hand, fluttering her eyelids. She was no virgin, and she didn’t seem reluctant. But I had no experience, no skills back then. I doubt she gained much pleasure from the act, the first time. Maybe the more practice I got the better she liked it. I don’t know. I was concerned only with my own pleasure back then.’

‘There doesn’t seem to be much pleasure in it for the woman.’

Vali laughed his quiet laugh, but it was not happy. There was an edge to it she didn’t like. ‘If watching Publius rape Ninia is your only experience with the act, then no, it would not seem as if there was much pleasure in it for the woman.’

‘I have seen animals mate. The female never seems to enjoy it.’

‘Mating to an outside observer can look … painful, when it’s not. And sometimes pain can enhance pleasure. Sometimes it is pleasure.’

‘No. I can’t believe that. Ninia felt no pleasure.’

‘No. But for some… Let’s talk of other things. Eat more berries. They won’t last until tomorrow.’ He drew himself up from the
relaxed pose he’d dropped into and began to study the goose with more attention. Lara couldn’t tell whether he was embarrassed by their conversation or angry.

‘Tell me of your gods. I have heard that the people of Germania have very fierce and warlike gods.’

‘Like Mars and Jupiter? Or Poseidon perhaps, who wreaks vengeance through storms on those who offend him?’

‘I do not worship the male deities. I prefer the ancient numena. The nature spirits. The Mother.’

‘I would expect nothing else from someone like you.’ He said it neutrally, giving no indication whether he meant it as a compliment or insult.

‘When I was in the forest, before you called to me, I felt numena around me. They seemed to be whispering to me.’

He turned from the goose and studied her again. ‘What did they say?’

She shrugged. ‘I don’t know. But they meant me no harm. I felt no fear out there.’

‘And here?’

Lara tipped her head to the side and tried to focus on what existed beyond the glow of the fire. ‘They’re watching us. But they mean us no harm.’

‘Good. I don’t want to upset otherworldly beings. They might warn us of more worldly threats. This close to civilisation, I don’t expect to find wolves or bandits, but it doesn’t hurt to be wary.’

Lara lay down and rested her head on her arm as she stared into the fire. It was becoming harder and harder to stay awake.

‘Don’t fall asleep yet. The goose is just about ready.’

She nodded and tried to keep her eyes open. But the task was too difficult. ‘I’m glad father found you. I can’t imagine what this trip would have been like with anyone but you. I feel safe…’

Chapter Six

Vali studied her sleeping face in the firelight as he finished off the last of one side of the goose. It was the best thing he’d tasted in an age. The crunchy skin had made him lick his lips with pleasure. He tried to remember the last time he ate meat. Back before the gladiator school, certainly. There they never ate meat. Now, for the first time in however long, he felt full, replete and satisfied.

He would have to get his little mistress to eat some of the cold meat in the morning. What she had eaten since last night wouldn’t keep a mouse alive. But he hadn’t had the heart to wake her when the goose was ready. Sleep was more important to her at this moment than food.

After tossing dirt into the fire to douse it, he wrapped the left over goose meat in a waterproof skin to keep the scent of it from attracting scavengers. When everything was stowed away he considered his sleeping arrangements. It wasn’t cold, but as the night went on the temperature would drop. And there would be dew in the early hours of the morning. The mosquitoes would also begin to attack bare skin in earnest now the smoke was gone. Anni… Lara would need to be covered, and made as comfortable as possible. At the moment she slept on her side, legs drawn up to her chest, using her arm as a pillow. That would get uncomfortable over time, especially as her body was already aching from the day’s journey.

If he were to rest her in the crook of his arm, his cloak covering them both, his sword beneath his hand on his right side, ready for the first noise, she might sleep more comfortably. But what of him? Having her that close would be like pleasurable torture. And what would she think when she awoke in the morning and found them so entwined? Would she be offended? Unlikely. Her response was more likely to be embarrassment or mortification. Either would hurt him.

But he needed sleep, and he was more likely to get it if she was close. Safe. He had been a light sleeper since the first days of hunting as a child. Hyper-alert to all sounds, he could be awake and ready to fight in seconds. It had served him well on the slave ship. It had served him well in many of the houses he had lived, in Rome. Male slaves would attack when you slept. But they learned fast to never underestimate him, even when asleep.

Decision made, he eased
himself down beside his charge; placed her soft satchel with the bag of gold concealed within it, under his head; threw the cloak across them both, his sword at his side; and then drew the girl’s sleeping form over, positioning her head on his shoulder, his arm wrapped around her. To his intense pleasure, she snuggled into him, moaning softly.

His body was instantly hard. What else had he expected?

But being aroused was not unpleasant, and it wouldn’t keep him from sleep. He was so tired. The last time he had slept felt like days ago. In fact, except for the hour he’d had in the heat of the day, he hadn’t slept for 36 hours. His body craved sleep. More than sex. Dropping off slowly, his body relaxed. Feeling a woman’s soft form curled against his, her sweet scent in his nose, was as close to the Roman Elysium as he was ever going to get. That it was his young mistress that he held was irrelevant. Any woman’s sleeping form would have produced the same sense of contentment. But that lie was too bald, even for him to accept.

The buzz of the mosquitoes, the croak of frogs, and the hum of crickets lulled him closer to sleep. The air was very still, not a breath of a breeze stirred around them. He could smell the vestiges of wood smoke and goose over the fragrant musk of woman.

Woman. A deeply desirable woman. Had he thought of her sexually when he’d known her before? No, to him she had always been a child. Not until he had seen her transformed into this beautiful young woman had his feeling changed. And yet this didn’t feel a totally new experience, holding this particular woman to his side. It felt as familiar as his old home, and as dear. But it did no good to concern himself with the meaning of that familiarity. All he had to do was complete his task …
one step after another
…

22 August 7
9 CE Pontine Marshes, LATIUM

She woke from a pleasant dream feeling warm and safe. Her nose told her there was a man nearby, a familiar, safe man. Her hands rested against a warm, hard body and she could hear the steady beat of a heart beneath her ear. That was so strange. So intimate. His slow, deep breaths soothed her. But how did she come to be curled up in a masculine cocoon? And were they birds she could hear in the nearby trees? Where was she?

How she knew the moment he was awake, she couldn’t say. Maybe his body tensed ever so slightly, or his heart beat sped up. But it didn’t surprise her when she heard him speak, his deep rumble passing from his chest to her ear in the oddest way.

‘It will soon be dawn.’

‘The birds think so.’

‘How did you sleep?’

‘Well. How did I get here?’

She heard him chuckle like thunder under her ear. ‘It seemed the most sensible choice of position for us both.’

‘Hmm. My father would not approve.’

‘Your father isn’t here.’

The wave of grief that washed over her was shocking. She gasped back the pain of it. Vali’s arm tightened around her.

‘Sorry. I didn’t think.’

‘It’s all right. You’re correct. My father isn’t here. I hope he’s handling things…’

‘He will be. Our flight was not planned haphazardly. He had worked it through like a master tactician.’

‘I miss him.’

‘You’ll see him again soon.’

She nodded her head against his arm and the feel of his rough tunic was harsh against her sunburned face.

‘What?’

‘Nothing. My face hurts a little that’s all.’

‘We’ll avoid travelling in the heat of the day. Maybe I can work out a cover for your face. ‘

‘I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me. You have enough to do.’

‘Handing over a boiled lobster with yellow hair to your husband-to-be may not be the best plan.’

She chuckled and unconsciously tightened her arm around him. ‘Boiled lobster indeed!’

His chuckle made his chest bounce up and down.

‘I don’t want to move. I’m not sure I can.’

‘Me either, but the cool of the day is the best time to travel. So up!’ The arm that surrounded her body shifted and began to ease her gently off him. It took everything she had not to fight to stay where she was.

‘The numena kept us safe last night.’

‘Maybe. There was certainly nothing to disturb our sleep. I haven’t slept that deeply or well for a long time.’

She turned to smile at him, noting the sleep dust in his eyes, the way his short white-blonde hair stood up on end, and his cheeks glistened with blonde stubble in the predawn light.

‘I’m so glad you’re here. I missed you terribly when mother sold you. I cried for days.’

His sleep blurred features suddenly hardened. He shifted to his side and climbed agilely to his feet.

‘What did I say?’ His reaction bewildered her. They had seemed so close only moments ago. And now there was a wall as high as a villa between them.

‘Nothing. It’s just time to be going. No fire this morning. Eat as much of the goose as you can because it won’t keep. Then get washed up and we’ll get on the road.’

She did his bidding, silently. But the goose tasted like ash in her mouth. Tears stung her eyes. Swallowing forcefully, she made a determined effort to eat her fill and not cry. Her brother had taught her that lesson well enough over the years. But she had never expected to have to utilize it with Vali. Why did he go from warm to cold, kind to cruel in a blink of an eye?

As they journeyed through the dawn mist, they saw others preparing for another day’s travelling. Huge wagons with six or more oxen, loaded high with produce for the city, began to lumber north as they travelled south. Few people spoke at this time of the morning, faces still drawn with sleep, throats croaky with phlegm, some hung over after a night of drink to help them sleep. They heard the occasion whiplash and ox
-driver’s yell, but otherwise the morning was still.

And she and Vali were just as quiet. Whatever had passed between them that morning had broken down their bridge. Lara was uncertain of him for the first time. Did he mean her well or was he determined to make her pay for the crimes of her family and her people. Could she trust him?

They passed the way station of Forum Appii, but only stopped long enough to replenish their supplies. Vali came back to her carrying a colourful, exotic looking cap with a narrow brim and fabric that fell like a veil on three sides. He put it on her head wordlessly, and drew the longer length on one side over her neck to the other shoulder. This she could see would keep the worst of the sun off her head and shoulders, and protect her from the insistent bites of the mosquitoes.

They travelled on until mid-morning before stopping to give the horses a breather and a drink from the freshwater canal. Lara went for a walk to stretch her legs, relieve herself, and to stay away from Vali for a while. When she finally wandered back he was ready to go again, watching for her return. Anxious. She remembered how he’d been the night before when she’d gone too far into the copse of trees. Then he’d seemed worried about her. Would someone who worried about her mean her harm? But then, if not, why was he so hurtful to her in moments
when he should be anything but?

As she limped toward him, his eyes burned blue fire. His day old beard was the same pale colour as his hair. His face seemed less misshapen this morning, the swelling gone down, some of the bruising fading. Only the red scars remained the same.

‘I’m sorry, all right? I didn’t mean to be hard on you.’ He said reluctantly as he helped her up into the carrus. ‘To hear someone cried for me…It makes me feel things… I can’t afford to be vulnerable, Lara. I can’t afford to feel weak.’

Lara nodded her head and sat down on the hard bench seat. She took the water skin from him and swallowed down the fresh water they’d collected at the last way station. When he got the horses on the road again, she felt ready to talk.

‘How can me crying because I missed you make you weak?’

He swore softly
, and squared his shoulders. Without turning around, he answered. ‘Feeling anything but anger makes me weak. I have survived this long on my anger. If I stop feeling it, even for a while, I’m vulnerable. Off guard.’

‘But you never seemed angry. Not really angry, when you lived with us before. You would laugh. I could make you laugh. Remember the time I dressed up as a ghost, my face and hair covered with flour. You were in the office working and I jumped out and cried, ‘Boo!’ You laughed then, louder than you ever did. I saw the tears in your eyes, you laughed so much.’

She saw him stiffen, his back becoming even straighter. ‘Yes, you made me laugh. You could always make me laugh. It’s hard to explain how I could be angry and laugh at the same time. It’s like I play-acted with you. With everyone. Put on an easy face, as if I didn’t care about anything. And I kept my fire banked. ‘

‘I don’t understand.’

‘You know how Publius wanted you to cry and plead? And you learned that the more you cried, the worse he got. So you stopped crying and made out that you didn’t care. Well I learned that was the only way to keep on top of your mother, and people like her. Bravado, pure and simple, because, if I showed them how angry I was, how they got to me, it would just make them worse.’

Lara looked out at the flat
, reclaimed marshland that seemed to go on and on forever ahead of them. The heat was stifling under the strange headdress she wore. Sweat trickled down her back, making her itchy. The mosquito bites from the night before still stung.

‘So you didn’t care for me. It was all an act?’ Her heart had begun to hurt her, physically hurt her. It made her other discomforts seem trifling.

‘I did care about you, little mistress. But I didn’t let it affect me. I kept my guard up. Like Elaeni and Herakles started to do with you after what happened to Ninia. If I’d let what was happening to you affect me, I would have been undone. I had to survive.’

She let that sink in for a while. It was hard for her to imagine what that must feel like, to turn off your feelings. To stay hard, and yet wear a mask of playfulness. She started to realise that the warm, gentle man she had known had simply been a front. The harsh warrior she was coming to know now, had always been there, just well hidden. Now there was less need for the front. He could be himself. Tears trickled down her face, cool against her burned face.

He looked over his shoulder and swore. ‘Why are you crying?’

‘Because I don’t have to keep up my act anymore. Like you, I can be the real me now that my cruel family are gone.’ She made no attempt to wipe away the tears.

‘But why are you sad?’

She shrugged and looked away from him. And he drove the horses off the road until he pulled them to a halt beneath a small stand of trees. Wordlessly he unhitched the horses and led them to nearby marsh water.

Lara knew she needed to get down and help prepare their midday meal. But she was so tired and so emotionally drained she could barely think. Her logical brain told her she was probably feeling shock, because of the rapid changes that had taken place in her life. And her body had been put under more physical strain than ever before. No wonder she felt numb, exhausted, uncaring what happened to her.