The Black & The White (35 page)

It all made sense. It was no wonder
the room had been so full of tension.

“
But I wanted to see you.
That was worth it, so I went.” He looked at me and smiled. I smiled
back.

Jeffrey paused. His demeanor changed
to something more somber. He looked like he wanted to say more. I
waited for him to continue talking. “Money changed Eric. Peter’s
still a nice guy. He’s a great guy. Super guy. But, unfortunately,
we don’t talk anymore either. But Kim and I are still
friends.”

He paused and seemed to be
thinking.

“
It took a while to get to
where I am now. I just can’t deal with all of those secrets and all
of the lying. I love Kimmie—she’s a great girl inside,” he said as
though trying to convince himself. “New York just jaded her. She’s
just lost right now.”

He seemed contemplative. I remained
silent waiting for him to continue.

“
Yeah, nothing is ever what
it seems… I’m sure that you’ve become slightly corrupted, living
here.”

“
What does that
mean?”

“
I’m just repeating what
I’ve said before: people in New York change. You’re in New York.
You’re a person. Do you think you have changed?”

“
Yeah, I guess.” I started
to think of the various ways in which I had changed. Drugs and
kissing married men seemed like a far cry from where I was when I
first got on the bus to New York from Philadelphia.

“
Just don’t change too much,
Isabelle. I’ve seen a lot of fallen angels in New York. You’re an
angel. Don’t fall.” He smiled. “A cutie-pie angel, I may
add.”

I smiled at him coyly before I leaned
over to give him a kiss. It was our first kiss. The kiss felt so
comfortable. He then continued as if the significance of the moment
was lost on him. I was disappointed, but it was evident he had
things on his mind.

“
Just look at Kim and the
mess she’s in with Eric. When I met her, she was so appalled that
married men had girlfriends. Look at her now.” He shook his
head.

“
Kim’s not dating Eric
anymore. I think he dumped her, from what she told me. I’m glad it
ended,” I said.

“
Did she tell you that?” he
asked.

I nodded.

“
Well, that’s a lie. Eric
and I are frat brothers. I saw him and Kim at an alumni function in
midtown last week. Word gets around, especially with a hot chick
like Kim. There’s a line of men around the block for her if she
wants them.”

I felt betrayed by my best friend. How
could she have lied to me?

The constant lying was becoming too
much. Kim was lying to me. I was lying to Jeffrey. I was lying to
everyone about Stephen. It took a lot of energy to be able to
maintain an act, to keep track of the stories of who was where,
when, with whom, and for how long. Sitting there with Jeffrey, I
felt that all I wanted was for all of the lies to end.

Jeffrey escorted me to my apartment,
and once we were inside he maneuvered my bicycle through the dingy
narrow hallway.

At the door to my apartment, I kissed
Jeffrey goodnight. This time, he seemed to acknowledge the kiss. I
wanted him to stay, but I had spent most of the day with him and
needed some time alone. He kissed my forehead before he left. “It
was a lovely day. Thank you, Angel,” he said.

After he left, I chopped and drew a
few lines of coke on my kitchen counter. Kitty paw prints were
randomly scattered through the countertop. I snorted one line. Two
lines. Four lines total.

“
Ahhhh.” I exhaled. “I
needed that, kitty.”

I waited thirty minutes before taking
another hit. I was running out of powder, so I called Stephen’s
dealer for a new bag.

A few days later, I met Stephen in the
early afternoon before my scheduled date with David. I had lied to
Jeffrey, telling him that I was going to be at a client dinner all
night and might not be able to see him until the following
day.

“
Okay, well, have fun. Don’t
drink and ride,” Jeffrey had said. “I don’t want to read in the
Post ‘Girl gets ticketed for reckless bike driving.’ Call me when
you get home so I know you are safe.”

As I nodded and smiled, I thought how
adorable he was.

When I met Stephen at his apartment
after work, I told him I couldn’t stay long because I had to go
meet David.

“
Then I am going to fuck you
silly until you leave” was his response.

After a steamy session, we both lay
naked on the bed, dripping with sweat. My phone rang. It was
David.

“
I’m running fifteen minutes
late. Is that okay?” David asked.

“
Yeah, no
problem.”

I had not even realized it was almost
eight. I pushed the covers to the side. Then I noticed that the red
wine had spilled onto the newly ironed white sheets and onto the
floor. When had that happened? I looked at the headboard and saw
that it had moved several inches from the wall. I picked up my
shirt from the floor and noticed one of the buttons had popped
off.

“
Shit. What am I going to
wear?”

I ran around frantically trying to get
dressed.

“
You don’t have to go with
that fucking loser,” Stephen said as he propped himself up on the
bed and leaned against the headboard. “Stay with me. I’m not going
home tonight.”

“
Give me a break. How often
is it that I go on dates with celebrities?” I asked.

I turned and snorted two lines from
the nightstand before leaving.

My first stop was a store where I
quickly bought a sweater to replace my shirt. I wanted David to be
impressed by my looks again.

“
How does it look?” I asked
the store staff. “I have a date with David McFadden right
now.”

“
No way! That’s cool. He’s
going to think you’re hot.”

I smiled at them. I looked at myself
once more in the mirror and realized that mucous was dripping from
my nose. I quickly wiped my nose, hoping no one had
seen.

The plan was for me to meet David at a
small Italian restaurant in the West Village. When I was half a
block away, I saw him standing outside the restaurant.

“
David!” I yelled. I skipped
in my heels, swinging my purse high in the air.

He smiled. “Hey, cutie.” He picked me
up and twirled me in the air. “You’re in a great mood.”

“
Why wouldn’t I be? I get to
see you!” He kissed me on the lips. I was happy that I had
remembered to take a piece of gum from Stephen’s apartment to mask
the smell and taste of drugs.

“
You’re getting really
skinny,” David commented. “I felt like I was going to break you.
Here.” David escorted me through the door. “Let’s get you something
to eat before you fall through the sidewalk cracks.”

I liked being skinny, it was
fashionable.

We walked into the restaurant hand in
hand. Restaurant patrons tried not to stare, but their efforts were
obvious.

“
Just ignore them,” David
said, but I didn’t mind at all.

“
This place is cute,” I
said.

The restaurant was small, only eight
tables. David enjoyed eating at off-the-beaten path restaurants as
much as I did.

“
Yeah, well. People leave me
alone here,” David said. “You know me. I like to be away from
crowds.” David wasn’t the pompous, overly arrogant man gossip
magazines made him out to be. Rather, he was sincere, understated,
and inquisitive.

The host seated us at a table for two
near the window.

David immediately focused the
conversation on me. “Let’s see. You have your boss, who is an ass.
You have a job you think you are going to lose.”

I liked that he remembered these
things and found myself wishing he was in town more than twice a
month.

“
No, I’m okay with that one.
I don’t think I’m going to lose my job.”

“
Okay, so you hate your boss
and you have clients who hit on you. Right?”

I nodded.

“
I’d hit on you too. Wait! I
am hitting on you.” He reached for my hand across the table and
gently touched my fingers. He placed the palm of his other hand on
my face. “You’re adorable,” he said. I leaned into his
hand.

David turned to the window and noticed
flash bulbs going off. Paparazzi. He shook his head.

“
Let’s get out of here,” he
said, suddenly irritated.

He left enough money on the table to
cover the bill before we left.

“
That’s what sucks about
this job. I’m never really alone,” he said. “Let’s head to the
hotel room. No pictures there. Unless you’re into that
stuff.”

“
Hey!” I said as I slightly
tapped him on his shoulders.

“
Joking, Little One.” He
took my hand and kissed it.

We jumped into his black
studio-sponsored SUV and headed towards his hotel.

David had me dropped off a block from
his hotel, to avert suspicion. I understood his rationale. En
route, I placed a quick call to Carin and told her I was with
David.

“
I’m jealous. Take pictures
so I can tell everyone I know the girl who’s dating David
McFadden,” she said.

“
So cool, baby! It is like
in the movies—hiding and stuff. He’s so nice. I think I really like
him.” I ended the conversation when I saw David step out of the
car.

Once in the hotel, I nonchalantly took
the elevator to his floor. He had left his door slightly ajar. When
I pushed it open, I saw him tearing open the cellophane wrapping of
a gift basket filled with DVDs, spa certificates, an assortment of
chocolates, jeans, T-shirts, caps, CD’s, and beauty
products.

“
It’s like Christmas in
here,” I said. The room was filled with multiple baskets and other
movie-sponsored products.

“
Most of it is junk. Take
anything you want,” he said.

“
You’re offering me
junk?”

“
The best junk,
though.”

We picked out a pre-released DVD to
watch.

David and I kissed but I averted his
further sexual advances. There was something weird about sleeping
with two men in one day, especially after my afternoon with
Stephen, so we lay against the down pillows, kissing and talking. I
questioned if I would have slept with David, had it not been for
Stephen earlier.

I wanted to know more about his work,
but he insisted on talking about me.

“
I talk about myself all day
with people, I like to hear about other people’s lives. I want to
get to know Isabelle,” he said, pointing at my heart.

“
Well, my story is not
interesting. I grew up in a super small town where I was the only
Asian. My mom is a conservative Malaysian. My sister, who lives
near my mom, is a housewife. My dad died of lung cancer. He smoked
and drank a lot. When he died, we realized he had a large gambling
debt. He used up all of my college fund, so my mom had to go back
to work, in a factory. I had to take on lots of student loans just
to get to school.”

“
That’s amazing,” David
said. I wasn’t sure why I was being so candid with him that
evening.

“
Yeah, well, after that I
swore that I would take care of my mother after she had sacrificed
so much for me. So I went to Wall Street, like everyone else I
graduated with, to rake in the dough,” I said with a
smile.

“
That’s honorable. I
understand you better now. I had always wondered. Tell me
more.”

“
I don’t know. I guess I was
a nerd in school. Tall, skinny, socially awkward. We ate Malaysian
curries instead of mac-and-cheese. Rice instead of pasta. I didn’t
have a boyfriend until I was in college. He was Syrian. I thought I
was going to marry him.”

“
What happened?”

“
New York, I
guess.”

David laughed. “I understand. You
really don’t come off as someone who was a shy nerd. I was a shy
nerd also. A complete geek. Everyone thought I was gay because I
was a guy in the drama department.”

We talked for a long time, often
laughing at ourselves. Eventually, I nearly fell asleep and
realized I should get myself home.

“
Baby,” I whispered into
David’s ear. “I have to go.”

He begged for me to stay and even
offered his boxers as pajamas.

“
Everything you need is in
that basket. We can get the concierge to buy you a toothbrush in
the morning. Just one night. If you leave, I’ll be lonely.” He
pouted. “Don’t make me beg.” Then he begged.

“
Cute. But I can’t. My cat.
He misses me too.”

I had no urge to stay. I wanted to be
home with my cat. I thought about how Meowser would rub against my
face as I slept, the way he would rest his head on my arms, the way
he would purr loudly and lick my face at night. I missed
him.

“
You’re ditching me for a
cat?” David asked. “That’s a new low for me.” He
laughed.