The Blazing World and Other Writings (Penguin Classics) (24 page)

The Empress having thus declared her mind to the ape-men, and given them better instructions than perhaps they expected, not knowing that her Majesty had such great and able judgment in natural philosophy, had several conferences with them concerning chemical preparations, which for brevity’s sake, I’ll forbear to rehearse: amongst the rest, she asked, how it came, that the imperial race appeared so young, and yet was reported to have lived so long; some of them two, some three, and some four hundred years? and whether it was by nature, or a special divine blessing? To which they answered, that there was a certain rock in the parts of that world, which contained the golden sands, which rock was hollow within, and did produce a gum that was a hundred years before it came to its full strength and perfection; this gum, said they, if it be held in a warm hand, will dissolve into an oil, the effects whereof are following: it being given every day for some certain time to an old decayed man, in the bigness of a little pea, will first make him spit for a week or more; after this, it will cause vomits of phlegm, and after that it will bring forth by vomits, humours of several colours: first of a pale yellow, then of a deep yellow, then of a green, and lastly of a black colour; and each of these humours have a several taste, some are fresh, some salt, some sour, some bitter, and so forth; neither do all these vomits make them sick, but they come out on a sudden and unawares, without any pain or trouble to the patient: and after it hath done all these
mentioned effects, and cleared both the stomach and several other parts of the body, then it works upon the brain, and brings forth of the nose such kind of humours as it did out of the mouth, and much after the same manner; then it will purge by stool, then by urine, then by sweat, and lastly by bleeding at the nose, and the emeroids;
¹²
all which effects it will perform within the space of six weeks, or a little more; for it does not work very strongly, but gently, and by degrees: lastly, when it has done all this, it will make the body break out into a thick scab, and cause both hair, teeth and nails to come off; which scab being arrived to its full maturity, opens first along the back, and comes off all in a piece like an armour, and all this is done within the space of four months. After this the patient is wrapped into a cere-cloth, prepared of certain gums and juices, wherein he continues until the time of nine months be expired from the first beginning of the cure, which is the time of a child’s formation in the womb. In the meanwhile his diet is nothing else but eagle’s-eggs, and hind’s-milk; and after the cere-cloth
¹³
is taken away, he will appear of the age of twenty, both in shape, and strength. The weaker sort of this gum is sovereign in healing of wounds, and curing of slight distempers. But this is also to be observed, that none of the imperial race does use any other drink but lime-water, or water in which lime-stone is immersed; their meat is nothing else but fowl of several sorts, their recreations are many, but chiefly hunting.

This relation amazed the Empress very much; for though in the world she came from, she had heard great reports of the philosopher’s stone,
¹⁴
yet had she not heard of any that had ever found it out, which made her believe that it was but a chimera; she called also to mind, that there had been in the same world a man who had a little stone which cured all kinds of diseases outward and inward, according as it was applied; and that a famous chemist had found out a certain liquor called alkahest,
¹⁵
which by the virtue of its own fire, consumed all diseases; but she had never heard of a medicine that could renew old age, and render it beautiful, vigorous and strong: nor would she have so easily believed it, had it been a medicine prepared by art; for she
knew that art, being nature’s changeling, was not able to produce such a powerful effect, but being that the gum did grow naturally, she did not so much scruple at it; for she knew that nature’s works are so various and wonderful, that no particular creature is able to trace her ways.

The conferences of the chemists being finished, the Empress made an assembly of her Galenical physicians,
¹⁶
her herbalists and anatomists; and first she enquired of her herbalists the particular effects of several herbs and drugs, and whence they proceeded? To which they answered, that they could, for the most part, tell her Majesty the virtues and operations of them, but the particular causes of their effects were unknown; only thus much they could say, that their operations and virtues were generally caused by their proper inherent, corporeal, figurative motions, which being infinitely various in infinite nature, did produce infinite several effects. And it is observed, said they, that herbs and drugs are as wise in their operations, as men in their words and actions; nay, wiser; and their effects are more certain than men in their opinions; for though they cannot discourse like men, yet have they sense and reason, as well as men; for the discursive faculty is but a particular effect of sense and reason in some particular creatures, to wit, men, and not a principle of nature, and argues often more folly than wisdom. The Empress asked, whether they could not by a composition and commixture of other drugs, make them work other effects than they did, used by themselves? They answered, that they could make them produce artificial effects, but not alter their inherent, proper and particular natures.

Then the Empress commanded her anatomists to dissect such kinds of creatures as are called monsters. But they answered her Majesty, that it would be but an unprofitable and useless work, and hinder their better employments; for when we dissect dead animals, said they, it is for no other end, but to observe what defects or distempers they had, that we may cure the like in living ones, so that all our care and industry concerns only the preservation of mankind; but we hope your Majesty will not preserve monsters, which are most commonly destroyed, except
it be for novelty; neither will the dissection of monsters prevent the errors of nature’s irregular actions; for by dissecting some, we cannot prevent the production of others; so that our pains and labours will be to no purpose, unless to satisfy the vain curiosities of inquisitive men. The Empress replied, that such dissections would be very beneficial to experimental philosophers. If experimental philosophers, answered they, do spend their time in such useless inspections, they waste it in vain, and have nothing but their labour for their pains.

Lastly, her Majesty had some conferences with the Galenic physicians about several diseases, and amongst the rest, desired to know the cause and nature of apoplexy, and the spotted plague. They answered, that a deadly apoplexy was a dead palsy of the brain, and the spotted plague was a gangrene of the vital parts, and as the gangrene of outward parts did strike inwardly; so the gangrene of inward parts, did break forth outwardly; which is the cause, said they, that as soon as the spots appear, death follows; for then it is an infallible sign, that the body is throughout infected with a gangrene, which is a spreading evil; but some gangrenes do spread more suddenly than others, and of all sorts of gangrenes, the plaguey-gangrene is the most infectious; for other gangrenes infect but the next adjoining parts of one particular body, and having killed that same creature, go no further, but cease; when as, the gangrene of the plague, infects not only the adjoining parts of one particular creature, but also those that are distant; that is, one particular body infects another, and so breeds a universal contagion. But the Empress being very desirous to know in what manner the plague was propagated and became so contagious, asked, whether it went actually out of one body into another? To which they answered, that it was a great dispute amongst the learned of the profession, whether it came by a division and composition of parts; that is, by expiration and inspiration; or whether it was caused by imitation: some experimental philosophers, said they, will make us believe, that by the help of their microscopes, they have observed the plague to be a body of little flies like atoms, which go out of one body into another, through
the sensitive passages; but the most experienced and wisest of our society, have rejected this opinion as a ridiculous fancy, and do for the most part believe, that it is caused by an imitation of parts, so that the motions of some parts which are sound, do imitate the motions of those that are infected, and that by this means, the plague becomes contagious and spreading.

The Empress having hitherto spent her time in the examination of the bird-, fish-, worm- and ape-men, etc. and received several intelligences from their several employments; at last had a mind to divert herself after her serious discourses, and therefore she sent for the spider-men, which were her mathematicians, the lice-men, which were her geometricians, and the magpie-, parrot- and jackdaw-men, which were her orators and logicians. The spider-men came first, and presented her Majesty with a table full of mathematical points, lines and figures of all sorts of squares, circles, triangles, and the like; which the Empress, notwithstanding that she had a very ready wit, and quick apprehension, could not understand; but the more she endeavoured to learn, the more was she confounded: whether they did ever square the circle, I cannot exactly tell, nor whether they could make imaginary points and lines; but this I dare say, that their points and lines were so slender, small and thin, that they seemed next to imaginary. The mathematicians were in great esteem with the Empress, as being not only the chief tutors and instructors in many arts, but some of them excellent magicians and informers of spirits, which was the reason their characters were so abstruse and intricate, that the Empress knew not what to make of them. There is so much to learn in your art, said she, that I can neither spare time from other affairs to busy myself in your profession; nor, if I could, do I think I should ever be able to understand your imaginary points, lines and figures, because they are non-beings.

Then came the lice-men, and endeavoured to measure all things to a hair’s breadth, and weigh them to an atom; but their weights would seldom agree, especially in the weighing of air, which they found a task impossible to be done; at which the Empress began to be displeased, and told diem, that there was
neither truth nor justice in their profession; and so dissolved their society.

After this the Empress was resolved to hear the magpie-, parrot- and jackdaw-men, which were her professed orators and logicians; whereupon one of the parrot-men rose with great formality, and endeavoured to make an eloquent speech before her Majesty; but before he had half ended, his arguments and divisions being so many, that they caused a great confusion in his brain, he could not go forward, but was forced to retire backward, with the greatest disgrace both to himself, and the whole society; and although one of his brethren endeavoured to second him by another speech, yet was he as far to seek as the former. At which the Empress appeared not a little troubled, and told diem, that they followed too much the rules of art, and confounded themselves with too nice formalities and distinctions; but since I know, said she, that you are a people who have naturally voluble tongues, and good memories; I desire you to consider more the subject you speak of, than your artificial periods, connexions and parts of speech, and leave the rest to your natural eloquence; which they did, and so became very eminent orators.

Lastly, her Imperial Majesty being desirous to know, what progress her logicians had made in the art of disputing, commanded them to argue upon several themes or subjects; which they did; and having made a very nice discourse of logistical terms and propositions, entered into a dispute by way of syllogistical arguments, through all the figures and modes: one began with an argument of the first mode of the first figure, thus:

Every politician is wise:

Every knave is a politician
,

Therefore every knave is wise.

Another contradicted him with a syllogism of the second mode of the same figure, thus:

No politician is wise:

Every knave is a politician
,

Therefore no knave is wise.

The third made an argument in the third mode of the same figure, after this manner:

Every politician is wise:

Some knaves are politicians
,

Therefore some knaves are wise.

The fourth concluded with a syllogism in the fourth mode of the same figure, thus:

No politician is wise:

Some knaves are politicians
,

Therefore some knaves are not wise.

After this they took another subject, and one propounded this syllogism:

Every philosopher is wise:

Every beast is wise
,

Therefore every beast is a philosopher.

But another said that this argument was false, therefore he contradicted him with a syllogism of the second figure of the fourth mode, thus:

Every philosopher is wise:

Some beasts are not wise
,

Therefore some beasts are not philosophers.

Thus they argued, and intended to go on, but the Empress interrupted them: I have enough, said she, of your chopped logic, and will hear no more of your syllogisms; for it disorders my reason, and puts my brain on the rack; your formal argumentations are able to spoil all natural wit; and I’ll have you to consider, that art does not make reason, but reason makes art; and therefore as much as reason is above art, so much is a natural rational discourse to be preferred before an artificial: for art is, for the most part, irregular, and disorders men’s understandings more than it rectifies them, and leads them into a labyrinth whence they’ll never get out, and makes them dull and unfit for useful employments; especially your art of logic, which
consists only in contradicting each other, in making sophisms, and obscuring truth, instead of clearing it.