The Changeling (Book One of The Síofra Chronicles) (15 page)

I frowned until I realized that she must have woken up. It was the first time I had ever seen a soul transition back to the real world
, and it was weird to see someone turn invisible and disappear.  That would have been nice to have a warning about. 

I felt my sense of unease return.  I didn’t like being alone in the woods when I knew Niall was prowling around
, but what was I going to do when Aleksander had asked me to stay there?  Forcing my mind off of my fears, I turned my attention to the Pool and watched the dreams with a sadness and a longing that surprised me. Caroline might not miss dreaming, but I knew I would.  Before the nightmares had come to plague me, I had had the most amazing and vivid dreams.  I missed them already.

Chapter Eighteen

The water lit a dark
, dusky purple and a wasteland appeared before me.  The land was barren and dry, the earth cracked and crumbling and stretched out in the distance as far as I could see.  The sky was a toxic orange, pale and shimmering with heat, making the land blister beneath it.  In the middle of the dead earth stood a lone figure.  Dressed in a ripped t-shirt and jeans with tears in the fabric, she was ill prepared for the environment she had created for herself.  Tears streaked down her dirty face, leaving a jagged path where they had cleansed the skin, and her hands were fisted in her long, tangled black hair as her mouth stretched in a scream. 

I felt my heart tug in sympathy, dragging me from my thoughts of self-pity.  The despair on her face
was so acute that I could feel it building in me as well.  She fell to her knees, her sobbing intensifying as she wrapped her arms around herself and lay on the ground, preparing to give up.

"No!" I yelled at her
. "Get up! Get up! Don't give up!"

She couldn't hear me despite my frantic cries on her behalf. Her shoulders shook with the strength of her grief as the darkness
crept over the edges of the wasteland, devouring it and leaving only emptiness in its wake.  Soon the darkness would be upon her if she couldn't bring herself to move. 

I
wildly looked around the trees, searching for somebody—anybody—to help her.

"Aleksander!" I screamed helplessly.  But he was too far away to be able to hear me, still at
Court, where he had been summoned. 

The darkness stole closer as I realized the gravity of the situation.

I had to save her. There was nobody else.

The dark devoured more of the land,
stealing ever closer to the girl while she continued to sob in her despair.  If I didn't save her, she would never get herself out of the nightmare before hurting herself.  She didn't look like she had much fight left in her. 

I was a Fae.  Or I could be. This was my purpose in life, what I was meant to be
, and I knew I was ready for the challenge. 

Making up my mind, I thrust my hand into the water, letting the cold semi solidity of the barrier swallow my hand until I felt the sucking pop that let me know I was through.  The air around my hand was cold and throbbing with the girl's intense fear.  I closed my eyes and thought of my mother.  Of her arms around my shoulders as she told me she loved me.

I felt a sizzle in my hand and opened my eyes to see the small ball of light.  Concentrating on the light, I fed it more emotion, thinking of my father and the feel of his beard tickling my cheek when he would kiss me goodnight. I thought of Elliott and Brittany and how much I loved them.  I thought of Becca and Miguel, their eyes warm and full of love.  I poured everything I had into the ball of light, urging it to grow.

It complied, straining as it
slowly increased in size as if it were fighting against heavier gravity.  Then it stopped.  I felt the first notes of panic begin to build in my chest and willed the light to grow, sweat beading on my brow with the effort.

It shrank.

I felt despair in my gut as the light sputtered and started to fade.  The darkness was moving faster now, sprinting across and enveloping the landscape, taking the girl with it.

"No!" I screamed,
stretching my hand toward her, feeling the darkness pulling at my hand, my arm, sucking it in through the barrier.  Tears clouded my vision and I reached further into the dream, desperate to find her and pull her through if I had to. I had to save her.  I had to save myself.

I was teetering dangerously over the edge of the stone, my arm up to my shoulder through the barrier
. My heart thudded loudly in my chest, and I felt the girl’s terror overtake me, my breath catching in the building hysteria. I started to shake with the effort.

"No! No!" I sobbed, my eyes shut tight against the darkness as I reached wildly into the nothingness.  I couldn't find her. She was gone. I had failed her. I had waited too long and the darkness had taken her. Just like it was taking me. 

I felt it seeping into my mind, the bitter cold freezing my thoughts, making it impossible to remember why my eyes were shut tight, why my arm was thrust so far into the Pool. It spoke to me, told me that I should give myself over to it, over to the terror, and I wanted to. I wanted so much to give up. I was so tired of fighting. I could lie there and stop fighting and it would all be over.  I wouldn’t have to feel this darkness in my soul anymore.  I couldn’t disappoint my friends and family anymore.  I couldn’t hurt Dom.  All I had to do was just let go.

"Cassie, No!"

I heard the shout in the distance, but it sounded weird. As if my head were under the water too. I struggled to open my eyes but found that I was so tired, I couldn’t pry them open. 

"Cassie
, hold on. Listen to my voice and come back to me."

I felt myself being lifted and moved onto my back
. I was so very tired. All I wanted was to rest.  The darkness clutched tight inside my chest, roughly squeezing my heart as I cried harder. I wanted the fear and the anger to stop.

"Just let me go
. I just want to go," I moaned, my voice catching with the building sobs. 

"No! Hang on
, Cassie. I've got you. I won't let the darkness have you too."

I pulled my eyes open with great effort and saw Aleksander hovering over me, his eyes filled with fear as he brushed the tears off my face.

“Don’t you dare give up! Hold on."  He held his palm out over my chest and let his light build.

I felt ashamed that my own light had failed me. 
That my love hadn’t been strong enough to save the girl. It wasn't strong enough to save myself.  The harder I cried, the brighter his light became until it hovered in his palm, as bright as the sun.

"I need you to trust me
, Cassie. Can you do that? Can you trust me?"  His eyes burned with intensity.

I nodded weakly.  I trusted Aleksander. It was myself I had no faith in. 

"Trust me," he said as he pressed the light down, forcing it into my chest.  It burned, the strength of it overwhelming me, frightening me. And as suddenly as it had begun, it changed. 

I felt a peace wrap itself around me like a blanket, comforting me and soothing my terrified heart.  It was the most amazing sensation as the darkness retreated, helpless before the strength of Aleksander's light
, and I gasped at the intensity of his emotions as they filled me, driving away the despair. 

His
eyes searched mine, desperate to know that I was okay. He raised his fingers to my face, tenderly wiping my tears away.

"What were you thinking," he asked, his voice raw with emotion. "Why would you enter a nightmare by yourself?  Haven't I told you how dangerous that is?  You could have been lost in the darkness if I hadn't found you when I did."

"I'm okay.  I'm so sorry I tried to do it on my own. But I'm okay."  I bit my lip and turned my face away, regretting that my actions had caused him even a moment of anxiety.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, struggling to find the words to address my stupidity.  I watched him, wishing I could give him back some of the calm that he had given me with his light.  Instead
, I sat up and reached out to him, cupping his face in the palm of my hand, willing him to be calm, to feel what I was feeling in that moment.  He covered my hand with his own, turning his face and pressing a kiss into my palm.  My breath caught as my heart fluttered wildly.

He took a ragged breath and wrapped his arms around me, crushing me to his chest.  I inhaled sharply and stared up into his eyes
.  I could see emotions warring in their depths, and he moved without warning, capturing my mouth with his.

My eyes fluttered shut as his lips moved over mine, the light in my chest growing and stretching, reaching through my body as it filled every pore, every cell
, until I was certain I had to be glowing like a ball of light myself.  I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him into me, and poured all of the emotion he had given me into that kiss, showing him how scared I had been, how grateful I was that he had rescued me, telling him with my kiss how conflicted I had been.  I told him how I felt about him, explaining everything in the space of that single moment in his arms.

He groaned and moved me back down to the rock, settling himself over me as his hands moved to my face
. Cupping my cheek before moving around and grasping the back of my head firmly, he tilted it up closer as he ran his lips over my face, my jaw, and my ear, his teeth nipping gently at the flesh there. I gasped at the contact and arched into him, the terror and hopelessness of the dark all but forgotten as he rained kisses over my cheeks and my lips.

"What are you doing to me?" he whispered sharply against my lips.  "I am trying so hard to do the right thing, to let you choose without influencing you.  But I can't lose you too
, Cassie.  Promise me you won't do that again. Promise me you won't go into the nightmares anymore."

I shook my head, pulling myself away and trying hard to
rein in my emotions. 

"I can't do that
, Aleksander.  I can't watch the nightmares take somebody without trying to help.  That girl… She was so helpless. I had to do something. I couldn't leave her there."

He sighed and sat up next to me, his eyes clouding over. 
"You have to.  You can’t go into nightmares unprepared, Cassie.  It is not safe for a Síofra. You have nothing to tie you to either world, and if the darkness takes you, you could wind up lost in the Dreaming forever.  You think you’re ready for this, but you are not.  That was foolish of you. And selfish. You can’t charge off and play the hero and not think about the consequences." 

My head snapped back as if I had been slapped and my heart dropped to my stomach.  Selfish?  He
’d thought I’d just tried to play a hero, and maybe I had, but it hadn't been for glory's sake.  He hadn't seen the panic on her face.  I couldn't have left that girl there any more than I could have left Becca or Brittany.  Tears stung my eyes and I scrambled to my feet, the sweetness of the moment gone.

"Then what the hell
am I doing here, Aleksander?  If I'm not supposed to learn how to help people, then what is the point of being here at all?  Why show me how to do these things if I'm not allowed to do them?"

He frowned, running his fingers through his hair and exhaling with frustration.
"Yes, you're supposed to learn. But you aren't ready.  You charged in without any experience and look what happened? You almost got yourself lost!" he snapped, his eyes flashing as he climbed to his feet and paced.  "Of course you can't do that again.  Do you ever stop to consider the consequences before you charge off and do whatever you feel like?  You can’t do that here! I'd have thought you would have figured that out after you got yourself attacked by the piskies but no. I ask you to wait for me here so I can keep you safe and what do I find but you being sucked up into the darkness. It’s like you can’t help but jump headfirst into whatever trouble you can find.  I know you're young but I never thought you were foolish too. And where is Caroline?  I told you to stay with her!"

I glared at him angrily as I pulled myself up tall.  A thousand retorts ran through my mind and danced on the tip of my tongue
, but I couldn't think of anything hurtful enough to say.

"She woke up," I seethed.  "And right now
, that sounds like an awesome idea."  I opened my mouth to fire another angry retort but I couldn’t choke the words out.  I scowled at him instead and turned on my heel, charging away from him.

If he thought that I was foolish and selfish
, then clearly there was no reason to hang around here.  It was childish, but I didn’t care.  I wanted out of there before he could see my heart cracking from his accusations.

"Cassie, come back! I didn't mean it like that," he called behind me, struggling to catch up with me
, but my anger gave me an unnatural speed. I shut my eyes tight and focused on going home. I was sick of this place and I didn't want to face him after having kissed him with nothing held back only to be called foolish.

I opened my eyes again and stared at my bedroom ceiling, the tears welling into my eyes as I rolled over
. Burying my face in the pillow, I gave vent to my despair.