The Changeling (Book One of The Síofra Chronicles) (24 page)

Chapter Twenty-Nine

My body felt heavy with exhaustion as I struggled to reach surface to get to the air.  I broke through the water and made my way to the shore, pulling myself weakly onto the grass and vomiting up the water I had inhaled. I greedily gulped the air and collapsed on my back, closing my eyes, my body weak with fatigue and relief. 

Dom was gone, and I was safe.

I lay on the damp grass beside the creek, shivering so hard it physically hurt. Or maybe that was my ribs.  It was painful to breathe, and I was pretty sure Dom had cracked something when he had been slamming his heels into my sides. I felt as weak as a kitten, and I fought to bring myself into a seated position when I heard shouts coming from the bridge. 

"Hey! Hey you down there
! Are you okay?"

I looked up and was momentarily blinded by the flashlight aimed straight at my face. I held up my arm, blocking the light and letting my eyes adjust.

"Hang on. I'm coming down."

I heard movement and moved my arm from my face, seeing the campus security guard making his way down the grassy bank to my side. 

"Oh my god. Hang on, honey. I'm going to call for help.  Do you know who did this to you?" His voice rang with pity, and I realized I probably looked as bad as I felt. 

I raised my fingers to my face and gingerly touched the skin, wincing as the fingertips brushed past sensitive and swollen areas.
"No," I said. "I don't know. It doesn't matter now. He's gone. I'm safe."

I hadn't ever really known Dom apparently.  Aleksander had been right to question my judgment.  I felt like a tool for letting Dom worm his way into my life.  Not only had I befriended the enemy, I had kissed the asshole that had murdered Caroline
. I had talked myself into a relationship with him.  No wonder Queen Mab had abandoned them in the real world. I wouldn't want them around me either.  Shame flooded me and deep, racking sobs soon replaced the shivering as the reality of what had happened hit me, how close to death I had been.

"It
’s okay, honey," the security guard said kindly, taking off his jacket and wrapping it around my shoulders.  "You just cry it out."

When the shivering stopped
, he helped me walk to his car, driving me to the hospital, where they traded out the security guard’s jacket for a hospital gown and a flimsy robe.  The police showed up too, patiently waiting outside while the doctors conducted their exam. 

The damage wasn't pretty.  I had been right. Dom had cracked a rib.  I had a pretty nasty cut on my cheek and required three stitches on a gash on my eyebrow.  When I finally got to see myself in a mirror
, I started crying all over again.  My face was misshapen and swollen, and parts were already turning shades of blue and purple. I looked like I had been hit by a truck—or a monster. A monster I had invited into my life.

I told the police what I could. I had known Dom for a brief period of time.
He had taken me out to dinner, we had taken a walk, he’d pushed for something I hadn’t wanted, and he had turned violent when I refused.  Apparently someone had seen him chasing me down and called the campus police on my behalf. It bothered me that nobody had tried to intervene, but at the same time, I was so grateful that they hadn't.  I couldn't have any more blood on my hands.  Caroline's and Erik's was enough to stain them forever.

"Do you know where is now
, miss?" the older officer asked, his face gentle and sympathetic.  He looked like somebody’s grandfather.

"No," I lied.  "When I fell off the creek bridge
, I think he ran off.  He was gone by the time I climbed out of the water, and the campus security officer found me right after I crawled out of the water."

"He probably saved your life
, miss. Who knows what would have happened if he hadn't found you when he did."

"Who knows," I agreed. 

I felt horrible lying to the police, knowing they were going to waste precious man-hours hunting for someone who wasn't there. If I told them what had really happened, they would lock me up and throw away the key.  It would be hard enough for my parents knowing I had been attacked, thinking I was bat-crap crazy on top of everything else would give them unnecessary stress.  If I had ever doubted the validity of Otherworld, my battered and bruised body stood as a painful reminder. For the first time since my birthday, I knew beyond a doubt that I was stone-cold sane. 

They took pictures of all of my bruises
—and there were a lot of bruises—and told me I could come to the department later in the week to sign the statements. They took my clothing for evidence and found me a pair of hospital scrubs to wear.  They were too big, and I had to fold up the cuffs to keep them from dragging on the ground. I wondered idly what kind of DNA they would find on my clothing where he had pressed against me, and a mirthless laugh bubbled up over my lips until my sides screamed in pain.

I tried not to cry at the bruises on my arms from where he had grabbed me so viciously.  It was hard enough being surrounded by all the nurses and the police officers
, and every time I moved my ribs, it felt like someone was shoving a red-hot poker into my side. 

"Oh my god!" A strangled sob forced my attention away from the kind young police officer
who was measuring the bruises on my shoulder.  Becca stood in the doorway, her face twisted with worry.  "Cassie, oh my god! What happened?"

The
sight of her distress broke the damn and I sobbed again, my shoulders shaking with the force of my distress. I could take my pain, my fear, and my regret, but I couldn't take adding any more stress to Becca's plate.

"What happened to her?" Becca demanded, turning toward the police officer in the corner of the room. 

"She was beaten pretty badly and left along the creek by her boyfriend," he told her in a low voice.  "There were several calls from witnesses who saw a young man assaulting her on campus."  He looked at me with pity in his eyes, and I wanted to scream at him not to look at me like that.  I stifled my sobs and glared at him instead. 

I wasn't someone to be pitied.  I had stood up for myself and been my own hero.  Dom was gone thanks to me.  I had ransomed my own safety and the safety of all the other Síofra
, so he could keep his pitiful looks for someone who deserved them. 

I was done being a victim.

"Dom did this to you?" she gasped, whipping her head back around and staring at me in shock, the color draining from her face.  "That son of a bitch.   When I get my hands on him, I swear I'm going to kill him," she seethed.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that," the police officer cautioned and excused
himself from the room, winking at Becca as he left.  

"Oh
, babe, are you okay?" She turned back to me, her big brown eyes glistening with tears.  "I'm so sorry. I didn't know.  I should have known something was wrong. You've been acting so off lately and I've just been picking fights with you, feeling bad for myself.  Why didn't you tell me!" 

Oh my god. She assumed he had been beating me and I had been hiding it.  My jaw would have dropped if it hadn't been so swollen. I shook my head and interrupted her.

"This is the first and last time he's ever laid a hand on me, Becca, I swear.  I get that I'm not smart with guys, but I'm not that dumb.  I would never let a man knock me around."

She eyed me and tried hard to conceal her thoughts
, but I knew her too well. I could read her face like a book, and this one was called
What to Expect When Your BFF is in Denial
.  I grinned at her even though it hurt my face and my lip split open again, the coppery tang of blood on my tongue.

"If you think I look bad, you should see him," I told her and burst into a
peal of laughter, wheezing and crying at the same time as I grimaced.  I had to remember to stop laughing until my ribs healed.  She stared at me like I was crazy, and I laughed harder until my laughter turned to sobs. 

"It'll be okay," Becca crooned, hugging me.  "I'll never let anyone hurt you again."

She was wrong. 
I
would never let anyone hurt me again.

They kept me in the clinic for several more hours
, and I was pretty sure Becca had called everyone in my family by that point.  I knew when she called Elliott because I could hear him raging through the receiver from across the room. 

"I know
, baby," she murmured, trying to calm him.  "But you should be proud of her.  She fought back like you taught her.  She did everything you showed her to do. She's a fighter, like her big brother."

I smiled a little. I was more like Elliott than I had given myself credit for. There was more that bonded us than just the DNA of our physical bodies. 
Being a changeling didn't change anything.  He would always be my big brother, and I would always be his little sister. 

Miguel and Ray showed up not long after Becca.  Ray's face crumpled as he saw me lying in the hospital bed
, and Miguel looked like he had swallowed something sour.  He spewed out a string of curse words in Spanish I didn't understand but wanted to, and he flew across the room to my side.

"I'll kill him," he
said, his voice low with anger. "When I find him, he's a dead man."

"Get in line!" Becca glowered from the seat next to me.  "Right behind me and Elliott, and it's only going to get longer when Elliott reaches Cassie's dad."

"No need," I argued, my voice hoarse from screaming.  "He's gone.  He's not coming back."

"How can you be sure
, Cassie?" Ray asked quietly, squeezing my hand gently as he watched Miguel pace the room like a caged lion. 

"I'm sure," I said firmly, meeting his eyes.  "It's over now. I'm so sorry I've pushed you guys away. I promise it'll never happen again."

Becca squeezed my other hand. "No, Cassie.
We
promise. We knew something was off about you and we let you push us away.  Not anymore. We'll never let anyone hurt you again."

I didn't correct her
, but the truth was that I didn’t need their protection anymore. 

Chapter Thirty

The great thing about living a second life where your body was comprised entirely of your soul
? You leave all your mortal wounds behind. They’d released me with strict instructions to come back in a few days to check on my rib, and the police had promised to be in touch.  Miguel and Ray had driven us back home and helped me up the stairs and into my room.  After a hefty dose of painkillers and strict instructions from Becca to get some rest, I’d closed my eyes and awoke in Otherworld, all my wounds and pain left behind. 

I inhaled deeply
, enjoying the ability to breathe without fiery pain knocking me off my feet.

Aleksander waited for me, his eyes worried and dark
, and shame flooded me.  He had been right about Dom and I had ignored him because my feelings had been hurt.  If I had listened to him, I could have spared myself so much pain, but then the Erlking would have still been out there on the hunt and the other Síofra would still be in danger.

"Cassie," he
called, "I've been waiting here almost since you left.  I need to apologize.  I had no right to accuse your friend of being a monster.  It was jealousy speaking, and I don't want to let that affect our friendship."

I closed the distance between us and pressed my fingers to his lips.
"Don't apologize," I told him, shaking my head.  "You were right about Dom."

"No, I shouldn't have
—"  He broke off, processing my words.  "What do you mean I was right about Dom?"  His green eyes flashed with panic and his breathing became labored and shallow.

"You were right," I
said, my lip trembling.  "He was the Erlking."

"Oh
, Cassie," he said sadly, tucking me into the circle of his arms, holding me tight while I cried bitterly.  I had been so brave in front of my friends because they didn't know what I had faced. They couldn't know.  But with Aleksander, there was no pretending, no hiding it.  My shoulders shook with the force of my sobs as I let all my fear, my anguish, my anger release.  We sank onto the sand and he gathered me in his arms and murmuring soothing things into my ear.

"What happened
?" he asked when my sobs had finally subsided. 

"I noticed his eyes change," I admitted.  "And I called him on it.  He admitted what he was and that he knew what I was.  And then he said he was going to break me."

"How did you get away?" His eyes darkened with fear. 

“I almost didn’t," I confessed.  “He had me.  He was pulling my soul from my body. I could feel it ripping away
, and somehow it was like I knew exactly what to do, like there was a little voice in my head telling me to do it.  I used my light and I shoved it into him.  I gave him my magic and he kind of exploded.” 

"You could have been killed,"
he growled, scowling down at me. 

"I wasn't though.  I just feel like I
was," I admitted.  He shot me a questioning look and I sighed.  "My body is pretty beat up.  I have lots of bruises, some stitches, a broken rib.  It could have been worse."

"You could have died!" he flared.  "You should have made your choice and you would have been safe! I could have lost you!"

"But I didn't," I insisted. "And if I had hid out here like you wanted me to, he would have moved on and killed the next Síofra he found. He was already stalking that other one's dreams.  And if I had just figured out what he was sooner, Caroline would still be alive."  I would feel regret for my blindness for the rest of my life.  I’d left my physical exhaustion with my body, but I had taken my mental exhaustion with me.  It was too much for me. 

I thought longingly of the
doe-eyed girl who had come here on her nineteenth birthday, never having known loss or pain or fear.  I wished I could be that girl again, but deep down, I knew she was dead and gone, buried with her friend Caroline.  I wasn't sure what kind of girl I was anymore, but I was relieved I would have the chance to learn for myself.

Aleksander ran a hand through his hair and blew out an agitated breath.  I could see
that it didn't sit well with him that I had been in danger and he hadn't been there to save me.  I felt guilty, knowing that if something had happened it would have devastated him.  I had been so silly, insisting that he would have nothing to feel guilty about if I had died, but I knew better now.  I would always feel guilty for not seeing through Dom's façade before he got to my friend.  I would carry the shame with me through eternity, and it had been cruel of me to not realize that my death would have done the same to Aleksander.

I reached out to take his hand, wanting to comfort him, to reassure him, but mainly to reassure myself that I hadn't botched everything between us permanently, that maybe in the future
, when I pulled myself together, there could be a chance. He pulled his hand back away from mine, and I stared at my empty hand.

"I don't understand!" I shouted at him, my frustration boiling over the top until I could no longer contain it. "What's the problem now?" I blinked back my tears and told myself
that it was from frustration, not rejection. I was too used to his rejection to keep letting it hurt me the way it did. I had had enough of the drama and I was tired of the games.

"The problem is you don't know anything about anything!" Aleksander yelled
, his face screwed up in exasperation. "I warned you over and over again what it would do to me if you died, and instead, you charged off and threw yourself headfirst into danger anyway, not caring what it would to do me."

"It's not that I didn't care
, Aleksander," I said sadly,.  "I didn't understand.  You said I didn't know anything about true guilt, loss, or fear, and you were right.  I thought I did but I was wrong. You have no idea how much shame and guilt I feel now, knowing that the monster was under my nose the entire time.  That the day after he ripped the soul out of my friend and ate her like a midnight snack, I was freaking crying on his shoulder.  It's my fault she's dead, and Erik too, because I didn't see him for what he was."

"You couldn't have known," he
said, his shoulders slumping in defeat.  "How could you?  None of us knew."

"Then what's the problem?" I asked.

"The problem is I'm in love with you. I don't think there ever is a time that I wasn't. From the moment I saw you on the beach, I knew it was over for me. I tried so hard not to, Cassie. You don't know how hard I tried not to love you.  When Erik fell, it was like the most painful reminder of what I was setting myself up for with you, putting my heart into the hands of a Síofra who hadn't even made a choice yet. Knowing you were blindly throwing yourself into danger and there was nothing I could do to stop you, so I tried to pretend I didn't care, tried to be cold so you would leave and stay safe.

"I don't have the energy to pretend anymore," he sighed, his eyes shadowed and dark as they watched me. "It's a
full-time job acting like you aren't in my every thought, my every breath, and each beat of my heart. I can't do it anymore, not knowing I came so close to losing you. You could have died with me still pretending you meant nothing."

"But I didn't die
.”  My heart sped up, his words shocking me. "I'm still here.”

"You still don't get it
, Cassie," he asserted. "It's draining. Loving you is draining. You are the only person in the world to me, and I cannot emphasize how horrible that is when faced with the prospect of losing you.

"You wouldn't even remember me if you left here," he said, his voice growing hoarse with emotion. "You would grieve for maybe a week, and then it would be like I never existed to you. You would dance along on your merry way and live your life. But for me..." He reached out and grasped my hands in his own, pulling me into his chest and looking down at me. His piercing green eyes, eyes so like my own,
captivated me so much that I couldn't look away even though I wanted to. I still didn't want him to see the pain of his rejection in mine. "For me, nothing would ever be the same. At least not for the short amount of time I'd have left.  This isn't a flirtation for me. You're not just a source of amusement or some silly little human crush. What I feel for you is stronger than that. I love you. You don't understand how dangerous that is to a Faerie."

"Then why?" I demanded, the blood rushing to my face with my anger. "Why did you push me so hard to make a choice? I thought you wanted me gone! Why would you send me away if it would hurt you?
If it would kill you? Why not tell me how you felt in the first place and avoid all this unnecessary drama?"

"Because I would rather die than see you
become a victim of the Erlking," he said flatly. My eyes widened at his unexpected response. I started chewing on my lip, fidgeting nervously as I always did when words wouldn't come. "I wasn't really thinking about what would happen to me. I just wanted you safe. If he had devoured your soul, my heart would have shattered anyway, but at least if you had chosen, you would have been safe, even if it was safe in another place. If you chose to stay here, I wanted it to be because you wanted this life, because you wanted me. Not because you felt you had to or risk my life. I want you to stay for love, not for guilt. I wasn't even supposed to push you to make a choice at all."

I inhaled sharply, my mind racing a mile a minute. I already felt like such a fool for falling for Dom's game in the first place. Now, to find
that I had been angry with Aleksander for trying to protect me at the cost of his own life only furthered my low opinion of myself. I wasn't worthy of this man's heart. I was a silly little girl throwing a tantrum because things hadn't gone my way, and I had horrible judgment.

I tried to put myself in his shoes. Could I have been that selfless? Would I have willingly risked my own life to ensure his safety? I knew as soon as I silently questioned myself that I would have. I would risk anything to protect Aleksander from harm. Even if
it would cost me my own life, but I wasn't ready to make the same declaration. I had already proven to myself once tonight I was no judge of character.  I had thought Dom was thoughtful and caring and he’d turned out to be a cold, calculating monster.  But Aleksander was different.

He did love me. What's more was that I knew I could love him if I was willing to let myself. Caroline had known it
. She had seen it and tried to tell me. The thought of never seeing him again, of not even remembering him, was painful to imagine.

There was no way I could go back to my mortal life and leave him behind. Even if I couldn't remember him, I knew my heart would feel the loss and I would mourn him without knowing what I was mourning for the rest of my life.  I would have left my family behind eventually anyway and forged my own life independent of them
. This would just be a life nobody could have imagined.

He watched my face, searching for clues as to what was going on in my
mind as I was sure he could read me like an open book. I had never been good at disguising my emotions well. Smiling tentatively, I closed the gap between us, wrapping my arms around his neck and stretching on tiptoe to press my lips to his cheek.

"I choose this life," I whispered into his ear, silently rejoicing when I felt his arms encircle my waist, crushing me to him. "Whatever else comes, this is what I want."

"Are you sure?" he asked, still clutching me tight as if he were afraid I wasn't sure at all, turning his face and burying it in my hair. "You know you can't change your mind, and I want you to make certain you know this is what you want. It's a big step, Cassie. I don't want it to be something you regret later."

"I'm sure," I replied, reveling in his embrace. "I don't want to make it official until I have to though. Dom isn't around anymore so there's no reason to rush anything.  I want as much time with my family as I can. But when the time comes, I will choose to stay here. I care about you, more than I've ever cared about anyone I'm not bound to by blood or friendship.  But I'm only just learning who I am now.  The girl I was thought she knew everything, and it turns out she didn’t know anything. The only thing the girl I am now knows is that this is where she belongs."

"We've got forever to learn about the girl you are now," he said as he held me. "But know that whichever girl you are is the girl who holds my heart and that, whoever you are, she is going to be okay."

Though I didn’t want to admit it, I knew deep down
that I wasn't okay—not even a little bit. But I would be...in time. And that was all that mattered.