The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (17 page)

Though all these assessments can happen in less than a second, the order is nonetheless important. If there is a conflict between signals, we’ll trust the signals in the order you’ve just seen. As always, body language trumps all other signs of charisma. Even if all the other signals are present, a body language of insecurity will undermine any possibility of authority charisma. Conversely, you can gain a certain measure of authority charisma through body language alone if it’s strong enough.

Developing Authority Charisma

Your main aim if you want to gain authority charisma is to project power by displaying signs of status and confidence. Luckily, the
two most important dimensions of status and confidence are also the ones over which you have the most influence: body language and appearance.

Because it is affected so strongly by body language, your authority charisma depends on how confident you
feel
in that moment. This is where the tools you gained in
chapter 5
come in: you can use visualizations, warm-ups, or your body to change your mind to get into a confident mental state.

To project power and confidence in your body language, you’ll need to learn how to “take up space” with your posture, reduce nonverbal reassurances (such as excessive nodding), and avoid fidgeting. You may need to speak less, to speak more slowly, to know how and when to pause your sentences, or how to modulate your intonation. We’ll cover all the specifics of emanating power through your body language in
chapter 9
.

As far as appearance goes, choosing clothing that appears expensive or high-status is one of the easiest ways to look authoritative.

Once you have it:
Authority charisma has the advantage that you get listened to and often obeyed. It does, however, have several disadvantages:

• It can inhibit critical thinking in others.
  
• It doesn’t invite feedback, so you risk not receiving information you actually need.
  
• It can easily make you appear arrogant.
  

This is where learning to emanate warmth can be your saving grace. Not only will your warmth reduce the risk of your being perceived as arrogant or intimidating, it will also be more highly valued because you’re now seen as high-status. If a low-status person is eager to please us, we may find this pleasant, but we don’t necessarily value their eagerness very highly. After all, they can’t do much for us; it’s rather we who can do things for them. On the other hand, if a high-status alpha grants us attention and warmth, we’re thrilled, because they can move mountains.

When to use it:
Authority charisma works well in many business
situations, and in any situation where you want people to listen and obey. It’s particularly useful during a crisis (see
chapter 12
), and whenever you need immediate compliance from people. On the other hand, you might want to avoid it in social settings such as weddings or funerals or in sensitive business situations such as delivering bad news. Avoid it also when you want to encourage creativity or constructive feedback, as it can inhibit critical thinking in others. In these cases, use visionary, focus, or warmth charisma instead.

Choosing the Right Charisma

There isn’t just one way to be charismatic, nor does one charisma style work in every situation. When are certain styles more effective? Which style will suit you best? Determining your preferred charisma style and knowing when to use it is a crucial step toward fulfilling your charisma potential.

Different kinds of charisma will be appropriate in different circumstances. And different kinds of charisma will be a better or poorer fit for you. To decide which elements of charisma to bring out you’ll need to assess three indicators: what’s best suited to your personality, your goals, and the situation.

• Your personality:
  It’s important to know what feels right for you, and to choose the styles, tools, and techniques that match your signature strengths.
  
• Your goals:
  You also need to be clear on what you want to achieve. Some modes of charisma will make people obey you, others will lead them to open up and share.
  
• The situation:
  What context are you stepping into? The situation sets the stage upon which your charisma will play out.
  

The Right Charisma for You

The first consideration is your fundamental character.

One of John Kerry’s mistakes during the 2004 presidential
campaign was trying to “dumb down” his focused, intellectual charisma to become more “accessible.” Not only was this ineffective, it also backfired by alienating those who had been drawn to his original personality. His discomfort made him appear awkward and inauthentic.

On the other hand, in the world of business, Steve Jobs cultivated and stayed true to his kind of visionary charisma and, despite what may be said of his personality or leadership style, always came across as authentic as well as powerful. Oprah Winfrey has spoken about her decision to be authentic as a critical turning point in her career. Once she gave up her attempts to be “the next Diane Sawyer,” she flourished as “the best Oprah she could be.”

You don’t have to force yourself into one particular style to be charismatic, and I firmly advocate not doing something that goes against your values: it would only work against you. Trying to force yourself into a charisma style that really isn’t right for you can be as unpleasant as it is counterproductive. For example, an introvert forcing himself to be extroverted might feel unnatural and awkward, and be perceived that way by others. Not only would he put himself through an unpleasant experience, he would also fail in his quest to appear naturally extroverted. Instead of fighting it, knowing how to work with your natural style can reap major rewards.

Not only do you not have to force yourself into one particular charisma style, you don’t have to limit yourself to just one style. These styles are just examples of how the different elements of charisma play out in the world around us. In reality, you can alternate between several modes of charisma, from one moment to the next. The more modes you master, the more versatile you can be.

The ability to adapt to a variety of social situations is characteristic of highly charismatic people. Hayes Barnard, the charismatic CEO of Paramount Equity, told me that he sees himself as a Swiss Army knife, adaptable to any situation. When he moves through a room, he intentionally varies his voice and body language according to the person or people he is speaking to. In selecting leaders, he looks for people who have a similar ability to adapt in multiple ways.

This is really just a matter of accessing different aspects of your personality and getting comfortable expressing them—we all have within us a measure of kindness or a modicum of authority. As you practice each style, it will gradually become more natural. Practice enough, and these behaviors become as easy and comfortable as brushing your teeth.

Not only can you flow from one mode of charisma into another, you can also mix and match, adding a dash of kindness to your authority charisma or infusing some confident authority into your focus charisma. Oprah can demonstrate focus, kindness, and in some cases even visionary charisma during a single interview.

Presidents Clinton and Obama both embody visionary charisma. Both have a touch of authority. However, Obama leads with focus. People who meet him say that his intelligence is palpable, and that he intensely focuses on whomever he is interacting with. Clinton, on the other hand, leads with warmth. He’s known for being “off-the-charts empathetic.”

When choosing a charisma style, remember to check in with your mental and emotional state. If you’re feeling insecure, don’t try to pull off authority charisma until you’ve regained your confidence. Instead, choose a charisma style that demands less confidence, such
as focus or kindness, and then gradually move to authority if you so desire. Or take the time to ramp up your confidence so you will be ready to broadcast authority charisma.

The second consideration when choosing a charisma style is the goal you want to accomplish. How do you want to make others feel? How do you want them to react to you? For instance, if you want to be listened to and obeyed, authority charisma is ideal. The previous sections gave you an idea of which charisma style can best support which goal. As you practice each style you’ll get a feel for which works best in different situations.

The Right Charisma for Each Situation

The third consideration when choosing a charisma style is the situation you’re in.

There are scores of situations in life where certain kinds of charisma, no matter how powerful, are not welcome. On the other hand, certain situations specifically call for certain kinds of charisma. For example, studies consistently show that in times of crisis, people turn to individuals who are bold, confident, and decisive.
⁴
This is the time to bring out authority or visionary charisma.

The context in which you operate sets the lens through which others will perceive you and your charisma.

First, let’s look at the emotional context. People’s emotional states influence their perception of you, and either enhance or inhibit the power of your charisma. Certain emotional states, such as a feeling of crisis or urgency, increase the chance that people will find you charismatic. However, there can be charisma without crisis: President George W. Bush was considered charismatic well before the turmoil of 9/11.

To get a sense for the emotional context around you, simply ask yourself: How are the people around you feeling? What do they need in this moment? If you’re firing someone, authority charisma might not be most fitting—you may want to bring out focus or kindness charisma instead. And just like Oprah, you can alternate among
several modes of charisma, playing on different parts of your personality as you respond to different aspects of the situation.

Social context matters, too: one behavior could be seen as charismatic in the United States but not in Japan. The same amount of eye contact that would be welcomed as an honest, straightforward gaze in most of North America could be seen as aggressive and obnoxious in parts of Asia. Though presence, warmth, and power are the fundamental elements of charisma, how they get expressed varies somewhat from culture to culture.

However, with all this said, if you get your mental state and behavior right, you’re 80 percent of the way there. Facial expressions are universal,
^*
so an expression of goodwill, empathy, or concern would be perceived in New York exactly as it would be in New Delhi or even Papua New Guinea.

More important, people give great credence to the intentions they perceive you to have. So if, for instance, you can get yourself into a mental state of goodwill, this would show in your facial expressions and body language and register with people on a deep emotional level. People perceiving this would
want
to like you,
want
to see your behaviors and actions in the most positive way. Think of goodwill as your charisma safety net: as long as you can get into a state of goodwill, you will have the absolute best chances of getting your charisma right (you can refer back to
chapter 5
for goodwill-boosting techniques).

In addition, you can be strategic in choosing when to try out new charisma styles: choose low-stakes situations to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone. If, for instance, you’re going to a networking event or a cocktail party that will have little impact on your career or your social life, use it as a testing ground. This is the time to experiment and try out new behaviors. Use these occasions to get progressively comfortable with new charisma styles. You could even
practice new techniques in short, casual interactions with cashiers or doormen.

On the other hand, when you’re in a high-stakes situation—about to give a key presentation, or going for a job interview—don’t take the risk of coming across as uncomfortable or inauthentic. In cases like these, it’s best to stick with the behaviors and charisma styles that are most natural to you.