The Child Whisperer (19 page)

Crawling:
Type 2 children scoot around before they start to crawl. Since they are a lower movement, they don’t have a need to move around quite as much, so crawling will be less noticeable in their world. They generally start to crawl around six to eight months and do just enough of it to get to where they want.

Walking:
Type 2 children generally walk with a smooth, fluid movement. They keep their feet close to the ground and adults might get after them for literally dragging their feet. They like to stroll, which will be especially apparent if you prefer to powerwalk.

Sitting/Standing:
A dominant Type 2 movement is an elongated S-curve, which you may see in your child’s posture. They may stand in a relaxed bend, holding their head to one side. When they sit, they often lie back, looking for the most relaxed position they can find. They like leaning on other people they feel comfortable with.
Lounging
is a good word to describe how these children sit.

Voice/Language:
These children often have a softer voice with a medium pitch.
Because they speak more softly, they may feel like others often talk over them.

Child Whisperer Tip:
It’s fine to ask a Type 2 child to speak a little louder if you do it in an honoring way. But the next time your child speaks quietly, try something different. Stop what you’re doing and lean in until you can hear, even if you need to get down on your child’s level. The more attentively you listen, the more you may find that your child naturally finds a more confident voice. Help your Type 2 child understand that when they relax into their subdued nature, instead of fighting it, others may actually hear them even better. 

Personal Space:
Type 2 children like their space to feel cozy and they enjoy details like pictures, flowers, or decorations.

Because your Type 2 child is so detail-oriented, you may find that they are expert organizers. They like to keep track of details and they may keep their rooms very tidy and comfortable.

That description may sound confusing if your Type 2 child’s room is pretty messy. But look carefully at the quality of the mess. If your child is a dominant Type 2, a large amount of the clutter will be sentimental. They tend to keep mementos like cards, letters, gifts, knick-knacks, photos, or tickets to movies or concerts that were meaningful to them. These items help them feel a sense of connection to comforting, pleasant memories and people they love. Without support to help them sort through the details, they may pack their closet or shelves full of stuff they don’t understand they can let go of.

Type 2 children also tend to organize things in piles. All their piles have a connection and they have an ongoing plan to go through all of them. But when they finally do, it doesn’t take them long to create new ones! Even if the pile looks like a mess to you, each pile has meaning and an intention for your child.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Your Type 2 child will function best in a clean space. There are many ways you can help your Type 2 child manage their tendency to hang onto items and create piles. Warning: Throwing things away while your child is gone is
not
the best solution. Even if you do clear things out, your child will not learn the process of choosing what to keep and what to let go—and the clutter will build right back up.

Instead, help them identify a designated place to create each one of their piles: a pile for dirty clothes, a pile of papers to go through, or a pile of projects they want to finish. If the pile grows beyond that border, it’s time for them to go through it.

Add another pile to their room: a “maybe-let-go” pile. In this space, they can place items they’re considering letting go of, but are still questioning. This gives them time to just consider the possibility that they can let go of it, without actually having to make the decision yet. Once they see how long some of those items sit in that pile, they may be more willing to donate them or throw them away. I know a grown Type 2 who actually uses a recycle bin to trick himself into believing he can get papers back if he really wants them. This is a great option for a Type 2 to start young.

Scrapbooks can be a good gathering place for cards, tickets, and other mostly flat memorabilia. Consider helping your child take pictures of other sentimental items that take up lots of space in their room. Always give them the final decision in which items are deemed important enough to keep. Put the rest of them in the “maybe-let-go” pile so your child has time to think about it.

What can you do to make your Type 2 child’s personal space more comfortable? Is their room cozy and calming? How could you help them create that sort of environment? List your ideas here:

Challenges as a Parent: Communication and

a Slower Pace

I’ve heard some parents with other Types of children say that they want a Type 2 child because they must be so easy. And they are! These children truly do bring a gentle peace to their families.

But they also face their own unique challenges—however subtle they may be—that parents need to be aware of so they can empower their Type 2 children to live true to themselves and create the peace in their homes that these sensitive children crave. 

The first challenge for parents of Type 2 children is often figuring out if and why something is wrong. Type 2 children give subtle signals from day one, and they can be tricky to pick up on if you’re not paying attention. Because these children do not express their needs or feelings very loudly, a parent may think everything is fine until their Type 2 child’s suppressed anger bursts or the child gets sick. If these children do not feel safe or invited to speak up, they may go along with everyone else, even when they don’t want to. This can lead to whining and moping that parents often don’t understand.

Child Whisperer Tip:
When your child is very young, you’ll just need to pay more attention to pick up on their subtle cues. As your child grows, ask and invite them to share their feelings. They might not come out and say what they really want at first, but they will learn as you encourage them to say what they really want. Don’t cut them off or tell them that what they are feeling isn’t true or real. They need to feel safe in expressing themselves or they will shut down.

Don’t let whining be the only time you respond to your Type 2 child’s needs. By the time they begin whining, they already feel ignored and looked over. If they whine, tell them you want to hear them and you will listen as soon as they use a normal tone. Reassure them regularly that it’s safe to speak up.

Parents of Type 2 children may also wonder how to motivate their child to move forward and act. To parents who express a different dominant Energy Type, their Type 2 child may look like they just sit around thinking about plans, but never making a decision and moving forward. The truth is, Type 2 children do have a hard time making decisions when they don’t know what to expect. You can do something to help them.

Child Whisperer Tip:
If your Type 2 child feels like they’ve stalled in the detail-gathering phase of their plan, you can help them by asking questions, rather than pushing them forward. Here are some ideas: “I notice you’ve wanted to do this for a long time, but haven’t done it yet. What’s keeping you stuck?” “What else do you need to know in order to start working on this?” “What would help you feel more comfortable about making this decision?” Also reassure them that their plan is good enough and it’s safe to move forward. Share with them: “Trust yourself. You can always modify your plan once you get started.” “You can get going on it now. You’ve done a good job planning and preparing—it will be fun for you to move into the activity phase.” And sometimes they just need a gentle push. In those moments, share this: “You are ready. Go for it. You can do it!”

. . . .

CALEB’S STORY

Making Decisions

As a teenager, Type 2 Caleb was offered a summer job in Arizona. He didn’t give an immediate reply and was trying to figure out whether or not he wanted to take it. His mother asked him a question so perfect for his Type 2 nature: “What would help you feel more comfortable about making a decision?”

He explained that he just didn’t know what to expect. So they called an aunt who had worked in the same place for the same people. She shared her experience and Caleb got to ask her questions. Learning what to expect helped Caleb feel comfortable enough to accept the position.

. . . .

One of the biggest challenges that parents of Type 2 children face is knowing how to handle their child’s seemingly slower pace. Life moves so quickly that a parent may feel daunted by the idea that they need to slow down and give one of their children all this extra time. Here’s a Child Whisperer tip that I want you to read twice: