The Click Trilogy (61 page)
Authors: Lisa Becker
The musician got fired because he wasn't noteworthy.
From: Ashley Gordon – November 10, 2013 – 4:02 PM
To: Mark Finlay
Cc: PBCupLover, Shelley Manning, Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Pun fun for my hun
The gym club worker wasn't fit for the job.
From: Shelley Manning – November 10, 2013 – 4:07 PM
To: Ashley Gordon
Cc: PBCupLover, Mark Finlay, Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Pun fun for my hun
The historian got fired because there's no future in being a fucking historian!
From: Renee Greene – November 10, 2013 – 4:10 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Cc: PBCupLover, Mark Finlay, Ashley Gordon
Subject: Re: Fwd: Pun fun for my hun
Okay. Okay. Enough. I'm laughing so hard my side is starting to hurt.
From: PBCupLover – November 10, 2013 – 4:13 PM
To: Renee Greene
Cc: Ashley Gordon, Shelley Manning, Mark Finlay
Subject: Re: Fwd: Pun fun for my hun
Well done, everyone. Alright, Babe. Time for you to select a winner.
From: Renee Greene – November 10, 2013 – 4:19 PM
To: PBCupLover
Cc: Ashley Gordon, Shelley Manning, Mark Finlay
Subject: Re: Fwd: Pun fun for my hun
It's a tough call. They are all so funny in their own way. But if I have to choose one, I pick…Lumberjack.
From: PBCupLover – November 10, 2013 – 4:20 PM
To: Renee Greene
Cc: Ashley Gordon, Shelley Manning, Mark Finlay
Subject: Re: Fwd: Pun fun for my hun
Congrats, Mark. I owe you one mojito.
From: Mark Finlay – November 10, 2013 – 4:22 PM
To: PBCupLover
Cc: Ashley Gordon, Shelley Manning, Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Pun fun for my hun
Really? I won! I never win anything. I'm stunned. Thanks.
From: Shelley Manning – November 10, 2013 – 5:03 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Pun fun for my hun
Finlay? Really? That lumberjack shit was the funniest? I think this was rigged.
From: Renee Greene – November 10, 2013 – 5:05 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Fwd: Pun fun for my hun
Don't be a poor sport. Your masseuse was a close second.
From: Shelley Manning – November 10, 2013 – 5:07 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Pun fun for my hun
If I had offered you with a real massage, would that have tipped the scales in my favor?
From: Renee Greene – November 10, 2013 – 5:09 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Fwd: Pun fun for my hun
Yes, that would have. Too bad you didn't think of bribery to begin with.
From: Shelley Manning – November 10, 2013 – 5:09 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Pun fun for my hun
Next time.
From: Renee Greene – November 10, 2013 – 5:14 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Fwd: Pun fun for my hun
Okay, the scales are now tipping from my lack of energy/movement (aside from lifting a spoon of frosting or a chocolate into my mouth) never mind the chocolate and frosting themselves. It's time to do something.
From: Shelley Manning – November 10, 2013 – 5:17 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Pun fun for my hun
Yes! Been wanting to hear that for a long time. Get that fire going in your belly, get out there and kick some ass.
From: Renee Greene – November 10, 2013 – 5:18 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Fwd: Pun fun for my hun
Thanks, Shel. Love you!
From: Renee Greene – November 10, 2013 – 6:02 PM
To: PBCupLover, Ashley Gordon, Shelley Manning, Mark Finlay
Subject: Thank you, thank you!
Thank you all! I'm so lucky to have an amazing fiancé to orchestrate all of this nonsense and a group of hilarious friends to feed the frenzy. There’s nothing like having a group of close friends who can support you when things get tough, laugh with you when things get ridiculous, console you when you’re down, and cajole you into doing things that they can see are good for you, but you are reluctant to embrace. I love you all.
From: Renee Greene – November 13, 2013 – 10:01 AM
To: Mark Finlay
Subject: HAPPY BIRTHDAY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Hope you are having a great day! If you don't already have plans, want to grab some dinner tonight?
From: Mark Finlay – November 13, 2013 – 2:04 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Thanks for the email, call, text and cookies. You're such a thoughtful and caring friend. I'm just hanging out on my own tonight. Not feeling like doing anything special. But I appreciate the offer to take me out.
From: Renee Greene – November 13, 2013 – 2:10 PM
To: Mark Finlay
Subject: Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY
This is going to be a GREAT year for you. I can just feel it. Big hugs, my friend.
From: Renee Greene – November 17, 2013 – 9:32 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Mock me!
I think I'm going to join a gym. Perhaps you've inspired me with your yoga efforts. It's possible. I'm hopeful this will help cure my depression. And maybe it's because I've eaten so much frosting, I can't button my pants. Regardless of my motives, feel free to mock me!
From: Shelley Manning – November 18, 2013 – 9:21 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Mock me!
Why would I mock you? I think that's a great idea. Go for it! Just don't tell Ashley.
From: Renee Greene – November 18, 2013 – 9:32 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Mock me!
I just figured you would have something funny to say that would have me laughing so hard my stomach would feel as though I'm doing crunches and therefore getting a solid ab workout and then I wouldn't have to stuff myself into yoga pants after all.
From: Shelley Manning – November 18, 2013 – 9:34 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Mock me!
So you're basically asking me to do all of the work so you don't have to work out?
From: Renee Greene – November 18, 2013 – 9:36 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Mock me!
Something like that. I suppose I just miss you tons. I know you've got stuff going on. Just call me later when you have time.
From: Renee Greene – November 24, 2013 – 7:43 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Ready for my "Close" up
Just tried you again. Sorry I missed you. In case you try to call back, just know we are 15 minutes out from seeing Glenn Close reprise her Broadway turn as Norma Desmond in Sunset Blvd. Ethan got tickets to cheer me up. As noted in my email subject line, I'm ready for my "Close" up. HA! HA!
From: Shelley Manning – November 24, 2013 – 7:45 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Ready for my "Close" up
I don't get the joke. :(
From: Renee Greene – November 24, 2013 – 10:16 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Ready for my "Close" up
You never saw the 1950's movie classic, Sunset Blvd.? It's about this aging movie star who has dementia and is being arrested for murder. She thinks that all of the camera crews covering her arrest are really a film crew reviving her career.
She slinks down the staircase and utters the line, "I'm ready for my close up, Mr. Demille" into one of the news crew cameras. Since Glenn is playing the lead role, I was ready for my "Close" up. Get it now? Are you around tomorrow? Can we talk then? I miss you.
From: Shelley Manning – November 24, 2013 – 10:22 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Ready for my "Close" up
Aha! Quite clever. Shouldn't have doubted you. Enjoy the show!
From: Renee Greene – November 25, 2013 – 10:16 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Ready for my "Close" up
Just tried you again. Do you ever have your ringer on or are you avoiding me? ;) Glenn had laryngitis. Can you believe it? We had to see her understudy. She was great, but not really what I was hoping for. Think we can talk by phone today?
From: Shelley Manning – November 25, 2013 – 10:22 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Ready for my "Close" up
So she wasn't Glenn Close but Glenn Adjacent?
From: Renee Greene – November 25, 2013 – 10:26 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Ready for my "Close" up
Are you kidding me? You did not just think of that? Tell me that Nick thought of that? I did not think that you had that in you!
From: Shelley Manning – November 25, 2013 – 10:31 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Ready for my "Close" up
You didn't think I had Nick in me or that clever joke in me?
From: Renee Greene – November 25, 2013 – 10:35 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Ready for my "Close" up
That smutty comeback is all you, you jezebel. But I did not expect that clever play on words. No offense.
From: Shelley Manning – November 25, 2013 – 10:40 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Ready for my "Close" up
No offense taken. And regarding who thought of it, "close" but no cigar. It was Amber. We're sitting at brunch right now and then have a day planned of shopping, pedicures, etc. I don't want to be rude by typing on my phone. Don't make this more than it is! I know how you think! Mwah! Mwah!
From: Renee Greene – November 25, 2013 – 10:41 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Ready for my "Close" up
Okay. Have fun!
From: Renee Greene – November 25, 2013 – 10:42 AM
To: Ashley Gordon
Subject: Fwd: Re: Ready for my "Close" up
Amber Alert!
From: Ashley Gordon – November 25, 2013 – 12:02 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Ready for my "Close" up
As someone with a young child, don't joke about Amber Alerts. Admonishments aside, why am I just getting copied into the clever banter now? That was some seriously funny stuff. Listen to Shelley. (Can't believe I just wrote that!) She's not replacing you.
As discussed - on numerous occasions - she needs a local friend. A "female" friend. We all know that she has had plenty of male companions but now that she's with someone she needs to meet some other women she gets along with. Let her have her fun and stop overthinking it.
From: Renee Greene – November 25, 2013 – 12:08 PM
To: Ashley Gordon
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Ready for my "Close" up
You're right. She's right. Okay, I need to stop focusing on this stuff and start focusing on finding a job. My goal is to have full employment by the new year.
From: Ashley Gordon – November 25, 2013 – 12:12 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Ready for my "Close" up
I think that's a great goal, Renee. Just keep in mind that the holiday period is a tough time to try and get hired. Between office closures and vacations, it might take a bit longer. Just being realistic.
From: Renee Greene – November 25, 2013 – 12:14 PM
To: Ashley Gordon
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Ready for my "Close" up
That's a good point. I'm going to be optimistic and ambitious. It's the hopeful me.
From: Ashley Gordon – November 25, 2013 – 12:15 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Ready for my "Close" up
Well, then I hope it works out for you.
From: Shelley Manning – November 27, 2013 – 9:54 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Let's get physical?
Totally forgot to ask you earlier…so how's the workout queen doing? Did you go through with it?
From: Renee Greene – November 27, 2013 – 10:08 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Let's get physical
So good to hear from you. I've missed you! I did indeed join a gym. I've been every day for a week. I've also been eating leftover Halloween candy every day, so I'm likely at a zero or negative balance here. Or would that be a positive balance, since I'm not losing weight? I'm just talking out loud to myself.
From: Shelley Manning – November 27, 2013 – 10:10 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Let's get physical
So what kind of workouts are you doing? Cross fit? Zumba? Pole dancing?
From: Renee Greene – November 27, 2013 – 10:11 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Let's get physical
Pole dancing?
From: Shelley Manning – November 27, 2013 – 10:16 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Let's get physical
Yes, that is a legitimate form of exercise. It's only skanky when you're covered in glitter (as opposed to glistened sweat) and letting strange men jam dollar bills in your g-string.
From: Renee Greene – November 27, 2013 – 10:17 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Let's get physical
No, I am NOT doing pole dancing.
From: Shelley Manning – November 27, 2013 – 10:18 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Let's get physical
I think you should try it. Ethan might enjoy.
From: Renee Greene – November 27, 2013 – 10:18 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Let's get physical
Never you mind what Ethan would enjoy.
From: Shelley Manning – November 27, 2013 – 10:19 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Let's get physical
So, what are you doing?
From: Renee Greene – November 27, 2013 – 10:19 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Let's get physical
Promise not to laugh?
From: Shelley Manning – November 27, 2013 – 10:26 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Let's get physical
I know we've not seen each other in a while, but surely you haven't forgotten my personality. I cannot and will not promise not to laugh and what I anticipate to be a hilarious story uttered from your lips/typed from your fingertips. So spill!
From: Renee Greene – November 27, 2013 – 10:26 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Let's get physical
I joined Curves.
From: Shelley Manning – November 27, 2013 – 10:27 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Let's get physical
Curves? The gym for old ladies?
From: Renee Greene – November 27, 2013 – 10:28 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Let's get physical
It's not for old ladies. It's for women. And I am a woman.
From: Shelley Manning – November 27, 2013 – 10:28 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Let's get physical
Okay. So you joined Curves.
From: Renee Greene – November 27, 2013 – 10:29 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Let's get physical
You're laughing, aren't you?
From: Shelley Manning – November 27, 2013 – 10:29 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Let's get physical
Why would you think that?
From: Renee Greene – November 27, 2013 – 10:30 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Let's get physical
Because I know you. You're laughing. Stop laughing.
From: Shelley Manning – November 27, 2013 – 10:30 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Let's get physical
I am not laughing (anymore). Go on.
From: Renee Greene – November 27, 2013 – 10:35 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Let's get physical
So I joined Curves (I'll pause and allow you one more minor chuckle). And it's great for me. First, it's only about a half hour workout, which is about as much as my body and attention span can handle.
Second, I can do the entire workout without sweating buckets or feeling like I'm going to vomit afterward. Yet I still feel as though I'm getting a workout.