The Clitoral Truth: The Secret World at Your Fingertips (19 page)

One of the goals of the Body Electric workshop is to help women become more comfortable with their bodies, and although this introductory session is “clothing optional,” there is no pressure to undress, or participate in any exercise that makes you squeamish. Alex, the facilitator, set an example by removing her shirt during the warm-up, which gave the shy among us “permission” to do the same. There is a place to sit or lie quietly if you choose not to take part in any particular activity.

After warming up and sharing our impressions about the initial session the next morning, Alex divided us into groups of three. We engaged in “reverential disrobing,” in which one woman is blindfolded and gently, ever-so-slowly undressed and caressed.

Before this exercise began, Alex made it clear that no one was required to remove any of their clothes, and that we should ask each woman if there was something that she didn’t want removed. I really liked this part. It took about fifteen minutes from start to finish, and as each piece of clothing vas languidly peeled away, I felt a sense of elation rather than shame or fear. Undressed, we stood in a circle and looked at our bodies, tall or short, lean or voluptuous, and breathed contentment. Then, the tempo of the music increased and we moved from stretching and “shaking out” to ecstatic dancing.

Alex led us through a long, intense breathing exercise that ended in the “Big Draw,” the Tantric technique that is used to focus and intensify sexual energy. After lunch, we gathered in a circle around Alex as she performed genital self-examination, describing each visible part of the clitoris or yoni (Hindu for genitals) and the many other genital structures that are underneath the skin. Then we sat in a circle and each performed a genital self-examination in turn, talking about how we felt about our genitals and how our concept of them had evolved over time. This was by turns heartwarming, funny, and poignant as we described how we had thought about the unnamed structures “down there” as children and what we called them.

Then, two experienced assistants demonstrated nurturing massage using cornstarch rather than massage oil, which allows for a feather- light touch. Afterward, we broke into groups of three and performed massages on each other. Surprisingly, the cornstarch felt like cool

raindrops as it was sprinkled on, and it made our skin feel miraculously silky. Having four hands glide over your body with varying pressure and a touch is definitely a deluxe sensuous experience. We all ended up enormously relaxed and looking like powdered doughnuts.

That night, I could barely make it home before I collapsed, not from exhaustion but from being completely unwound, as if the normal tensions that hold body and soul together had been loosened. I fell into a deep sleep hours before my normal bedtime.

Looking around the circle at the faces and bodies on Sunday morning, I felt as if we had been together for much longer than a dozen hours. We discussed how the first two days had gone for us. Two of Alex’s assistants then demonstrated full-body erotic and genital massage, emphasizing communication between the giver and the receiver, to ensure that the receiver is getting the kind of strokes and stimulation that she likes, and that the giver does nothing that is unwanted. The givers wore latex gloves for genital touching, and the receiver was encouraged to use her vibrator if she wished.

The erotic massage ritual is the centerpiece of the Body Erotic workshop and is quite literally the climax of the weekend. From the opening circle, the movement, breathing exercises, nudity, genital exploration, and sharing information about our sexuality progressively increase in intensity and are carefully designed to

promote intimacy, banish sexual shame, and build energy and anticipation. When my turn came, I lay blindfolded on a massage table as every part of my body was pressed, caressed, soothed, fanned with cool breaths, and vibrated. To my surprise, I found the head massage very exquisite. It seemed to make my hair follicles come alive and gave me shivers up and down my spine. I also rediscovered that the little indentation at the base of the throat between the clavicle bones (the spot Ralph Fiennes adored on Kristin Scott Thomas’s neck in The English Patient) is one of my most hypersensitive spots.

When sexual activity is primarily or exclusively genitally focused, the sensory input travels up the spinal cord to the brain and back. In full-body erotic massage, the genitals are the sacred focal point that everything feeds into, and, whether or not orgasm occurs, the energy seems to be readily reflected not just up and down the spine but to distant body parts as well. I felt as if I was being massaged by the eight-armed Hindu goddess, one hand caressing my temples while another kneaded my tummy, another tugging on my nipples, fingers of a different hand on my clitoris, and another lightly tickling my feet. When I felt ready, I reached for my vibrator and began having one orgasm after another—and entered a state I can only describe as “orgasmic nirvana.”

The sounds of sex are unlike any other. They may at first be mistaken for cries of pain, but there are always throaty overtones of

other worldly pleasure. Then you hear openmouthed howls, squeals of rapture, giggles of delight, and eventually whimpers of surrender. All around me, I heard the sounds of women in ecstasy and I added my own voice to this extraordinary cacophony.

As late afternoon clouds rolled in over the Hudson, we basked in the afterglow of our individual experiences. In the closing circle, we thanked Alex by moving in and placing our hands on her body. We sat quietly in a final moment of meditation, when a stunning thunderclap burst nearby, echoing through the concrete canyons of Tribeca, rattling the window panes, and sending vibrations through us all. In unison we burst into cheers of delight at this uncanny cosmic comment on our erotic adventure.

WORKSHOPS GALORE

A Little Something for Everyone

Experiential workshops like Dodson’s, Sprinkle’s, and the Body Electric School are just a few of the many programs from a wide variety of perspectives designed to enable women and their partners to enhance their sexual experiences in a safe, supportive environment. Sprinkle continues to do her Sluts and Goddesses workshop in the San Francisco Bay area and the northeast. She also has a video version. Dodson no longer teaches her Bodysex sessions, but her program and individual sex coaching sessions are also on

video. Alex Jade, who led the Body Electric class that I took, also teaches “Cunt Classes,” a workshop intended to help women explore issues such as anatomy and female ejaculation, as well as vaginal and anal eroticism, in much greater depth. Ronnie, one of Alex’s students, told me:

I had taken a Body Electric workshop and it was so transforming for me. It helped lower my inhibitions about trying anything new and exploring my erotic potential, and that was so positive that I wanted to go farther. I found that Cunt Class provided the most amazing sense of discovery and liberation. The level of detail was so revealing! I had never ejaculated before, but it was so exciting to learn that I had the potential to, and I learned other things that I never came across in health classes or even in my own reading.

The famous Good Vibrations sex boutique has picked up its toys and taken to the road. This ever inventive group offers an impressive roster of workshops that they stage around California, occasional remote spots in the United States, and even in Mexico (in Spanish yet)! Their repertoire includes workshops on masturbation, improving sexual self- image, sex toys, “lesbian blue movies,” and sexuality and spirituality.

Kim Airs, proprietor of Boston’s woman-oriented sex boutique, Grand Opening!, teaches a variety of workshops covering everything

from female ejaculation to anal sex. Kim even has a workshop entitled “Zaftig! Sex and Sensuality for the Well-Rounded Woman.” The boutique’s most popular class is “Stripping for Women.” For those who want to see the real thing, she conducts a field visit to a well-known local stripping emporium. She also offers an innovative workshop for men on pleasuring women, including information on women’s anatomy and tips regarding sex toys and activities designed to enhance and enliven sex.

There are literally hundreds of instructors who teach Tantric spiritual and sexual practices around the United States, Europe, and Asia. Several have crossed over into the mainstream by writing books and conducting workshops that emphasize the erotic aspects of Tantra along with traditional ceremonies and rituals. One of the best known of these is the Sky Dancing Tantra International, founded by Margo Anand, whose books,
The Art of Sexual Ecstasy
and
The Art of Sexual Magic
, have become classics in the field. Margo and her colleagues teach an “Ecstasy Workshop,” utilizing a variety of Tantric techniques to help participants experience “high sex.” This workshop is also available on video (see Resources).

Mantak and Maneewan Chia are undoubtedly the best known teachers of Taoist spiritual traditions, and their books Cultivating
Female Sexual Energy
and
Cultivating Male Sexual Energy
lay out the basis of Taoist sexual practices. Recently, Mantak Chia took a bold step into the mainstream when he wrote
The Multi-Orgasmic

Man
with Douglas Abrams Arava. The book describes the age-old technique of ejaculatory control in detail and should be useful to any man who wants to learn this technique. Those interested in learning “Sexual Kung Fu” (Taoist sexual practices) can check Chia’s Web site (see Resources).

SEX IN THE TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY

Sex in this new age has the potential to become more egalitarian, user friendly, exciting, and physically and psychologically rewarding than it has ever been. I see more and more women assertively exploring their sexuality, discovering what feels good and just how good it can feel. I watch as the antimasturbation lobby goes down in flaming defeat. As women articulate their sexual desires, I bear witness to more and better erotica being published and filmed. I also see the crumbling of the heterosexual “norm” and increasing acceptance of “ambisexuality.” I see an increasing number of men willing to learn ejaculatory control for their partners’ pleasure as well as their own, and many women discovering their ability to have multiple orgasms, teaching their partners how to make this possible. I also see many women and men having ecstatic sex with or without male erections, even without orgasms, and feeling that it is “real,” physically rewarding, and life affirming.

anal sphincter
(SFINGK-ter)
muscle:
The muscle that encircles the anus and opens and closes to allow the passage of feces. In addition to maintaining fecal continence, this muscle can be consciously relaxed to allow the passage of a finger, penis, or sex toy for sexual pleasure. Strands of this muscle are woven into the bulbocavernosus muscle and together they form a figure eight.

body of caverns:
One of two types of erectile tissue in the clitoris composed primarily of tightly packed arteries. The clitoral bulbs are composed of cavernous erectile tissue. During sexual response, the arteries fill with blood, which becomes trapped and is released by orgasm, or, if no orgasm occurs, it seeps out over a period of hours.

bridle:
The point beneath the glans of the clitoris where the inner edges of the inner lips meet, forming an upside-down V. The Latin term is frenulum.

bulbocavernosus
(bul-bo-kav-er-NO-sus)
muscle
, or BC muscle: Twin muscles lying underneath the outer lips and on top of the bulbs of the clitoris. The BC muscle is attached to the perineal sponge, the bulbs, and the suspensory ligament of the clitoris.

bulbs:
Twin erectile structures of the clitoris, shaped somewhat like miniature eggplants and composed of densely packed and folded arteries and veins, a type of erectile tissue called corpus cavernosum, or cavernous body. During sexual response, the bulbs fill with blood, which becomes trapped and is released by the spasms of orgasm. If no orgasm occurs, the blood will seep out over a few hours.

clitoris
(KLIT-er-ris): The genital organ of women that includes erectile tissue, glands, muscles and ligaments, nerves, and blood vessels. Although structures are arranged differently, the clitoris is entirely equivalent to the penis.

corpus cavernosum
(COR-pus-kav-er-NO-sum): See
body of caverns
.

corpus spongiosum
(COR-pus spun-gee-O-sum): See
spongy body
.

consensual role playing
(CRP): A sexual game in which both partners or all members of a group establish and agree to rules and

set limits of erotically stimulating scenarios, including exhibitionism, voyeurism, dominance and submission (D&S), and sadomasochism (S/M). Conscientious practitioners of CRP insist on three essential elements: (1) Safe: that the players always abide by safer sex guide lines, that no activity will provide more pain than has been agreed upon, endanger vital organs, or inflict any permanent damage; (2) Sane: that limits for both physical and psychological pain are agreed upon and respected; (3) Consensual: that both or all partners voluntarily and knowingly agree to the terms of sex play and games.