The Comedy of Errors (13 page)

There did this perjured goldsmith
swear me down
²²⁹

That I this day of him received the chain,

Which, God he knows, I saw not. For the which

He did arrest me with an officer.

I did obey, and sent my
peasant
²³³
home

For
certain
²³⁴
ducats: he with none returned.

Then fairly I
bespoke
²³⁵
the officer

To go in person with me to my house.

By
th’way we met my wife, her sister, and a
rabble more
²³⁷

Of vile confederates. Along with them

They brought one Pinch, a
hungry
²³⁹
lean-faced villain,

A mere
anatomy
, a
mountebank
²⁴⁰
,

A
threadbare
juggler
²⁴¹
and a fortune-teller,

A
needy
, hollow-eyed,
sharp-looking
²⁴²
wretch,

A living dead man. This
pernicious
²⁴³
slave,

Forsooth
,
took on him as
a
conjurer
²⁴⁴
,

And gazing in mine eyes, feeling my pulse,

And
with no face, as ’twere, outfacing me
²⁴⁶
,

Cries out, I was possessed. Then all together

They fell upon me, bound me, bore me thence,

And in a dark and
dankish
vault
²⁴⁹
at home

There left me and my man, both bound together,

Till gnawing with my teeth my bonds in
sunder
²⁵¹
,

I gained my freedom, and immediately

Ran hither to your grace, whom I beseech

To give me ample satisfaction

For these deep shames and great indignities.

ANGELO
    My lord, in truth, thus far I witness with him,

That he dined not at home, but was locked out.

DUKE
    But had he such a chain of thee, or no?

ANGELO
    He had, my lord: and when he ran in here,

These people saw the chain about his neck.

SECOND MERCHANT
    Besides, I will be sworn these ears of mine

To Antipholus

Heard you confess you had the chain of him,

After you first forswore it on the mart,

And thereupon I drew my sword on you:

And then you fled into this abbey here,

From whence I think you are come by miracle.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    I never came within these abbey walls,

Nor ever didst thou draw thy sword on me:

I never saw the chain, so help me heaven,

And this is false you burden me withal.

DUKE
    Why, what an intricate
impeach
²⁷¹
is this?

I think you all have drunk of
Circe’s cup.
²⁷²

If here you housed him, here he would have been.

If he were mad, he would not plead so
coldly.
²⁷⁴

You say he dined at home, the goldsmith here

Denies that saying.— Sirrah, what say you?

To Dromio

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
    Sir, he dined with her there, at the Porpentine.

COURTESAN
    He did, and from my finger snatched that ring.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    ’Tis true, my liege, this ring I had of her.

DUKE
    Saw’st thou him enter at the abbey here?

COURTESAN
    As sure, my liege, as I do see your grace.

DUKE
    Why, this is strange. Go call the abbess hither.

I think you are all
mated
²⁸³
, or stark mad.

EGEON
    Most mighty duke,
vouchsafe
²⁸⁴
me speak a word:

Haply
²⁸⁵
I see a friend will save my life,

And pay the sum that may deliver me.

DUKE
    Speak freely, Syracusan, what thou wilt.

EGEON
    Is not your name, sir, called Antipholus?

And is not that your
bondman
²⁸⁹
, Dromio?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
    Within this hour I was his bondman sir,

But he, I thank him, gnawed in two my cords,

Now am I Dromio, and his man unbound.

EGEON
    I am sure you both of you remember me.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
    
Ourselves we do remember, sir, by you
²⁹⁴
,

For lately we were bound as you are now.

You are not Pinch’s patient, are you, sir?

EGEON
    Why look you
strange
²⁹⁷
on me? You know me well.

ANTIPHOLUS
    I never saw you in my life till now.

EGEON
    O, grief hath changed me since you saw me last,

And
careful
hours with time’s
deformèd
³⁰⁰
hand

Have written strange
defeatures
³⁰¹
in my face.

But tell me yet, dost thou not know my voice?

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    
Neither.
³⁰³

EGEON
    Dromio, nor thou?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
No, trust me, sir, nor I.

EGEON
    I am sure thou dost.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
    Ay, sir, but I am sure I do not, and whatsoever

a man denies, you are now
bound
³⁰⁸
to believe him.

EGEON
    Not know my voice? O time’s extremity,

Hast thou so
cracked and splitted my poor tongue
³¹⁰

In
seven short years
³¹¹
that here my only son

Knows not my
feeble key of untuned cares?
³¹²

Though now this
grainèd
³¹³
face of mine be hid

In
sap-consuming winter’s drizzled snow
³¹⁴
,

And all the
conduits
³¹⁵
of my blood froze up,

Yet hath my
night of life
³¹⁶
some memory,

My
wasting lamps
³¹⁷
some fading glimmer left,

My dull deaf ears a little use to hear:

All these old witnesses — I cannot err —

Tell me thou art my son Antipholus.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    I never saw my father in my life.

EGEON
    
But
³²²
seven years since, in Syracusa, boy,

Thou know’st we parted, but perhaps, my son,

Thou sham’st to acknowledge me in misery.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    The duke, and all that know me in the city,

Can witness with me that it is not so.

I ne’er saw Syracusa in my life.

DUKE
    I tell thee, Syracusan, twenty years

Have I been patron to Antipholus,

During which time he ne’er saw Syracusa:

I see thy age and dangers make thee dote.

EMILIA
    Most mighty duke, behold a man much wronged.

ADRIANA
    I see two husbands, or mine eyes deceive me.

DUKE
    One of these men is
genius
³³⁴
to the other:

And so of these, which is the natural man,

And which the spirit? Who
deciphers
³³⁶
them?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
    I, sir, am Dromio, command him away.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
    I, sir, am Dromio, pray let me stay.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
    Egeon art thou not? Or else his ghost.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
    O, my old master, who hath bound him here?

EMILIA
    Whoever bound him, I will loose his bonds,

And gain a husband by his liberty.

Speak, old Egeon, if thou be’st the man

That hadst a wife once called Emilia,

That bore thee
at a burden
³⁴⁵
two fair sons?

O, if thou be’st the same Egeon, speak,

And speak unto the same Emilia.

DUKE
    Why, here begins his
morning story
right
³⁴⁸
:

These two Antipholuses, these two so like,

And these two Dromios, one in
semblance
³⁵⁰
—

Besides her
urging of
³⁵¹
her wreck at sea —

These are the parents to these children,

Which accidentally are met together.

EGEON
    If I dream not, thou art Emilia.

If thou art she, tell me where is that son

That floated with thee on the fatal raft?

EMILIA
    By men of Epidamium, he and I

And the twin Dromio, all were taken up;

But by and by,
rude
³⁵⁹
fishermen of Corinth

By force took Dromio and my son from them,

And me they left with those of Epidamium.

What then became of them, I cannot tell,

I to this fortune that you see me in.

DUKE
    Antipholus, thou cam’st from Corinth first.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
    No, sir, not I, I came from Syracuse.

DUKE
    
Stay
³⁶⁶
, stand apart, I know not which is which.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    I came from Corinth, my most gracious lord.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
And I with him.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    Brought to this town by that most famous warrior,

Duke Menaphon
³⁷⁰
, your most renownèd uncle.

ADRIANA
    Which of you two did dine with me today?

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
    I, gentle mistress.

ADRIANA
    And are not you my husband?

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    No, I say nay to that.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
    And so do I, yet did she call me so.

And this fair gentlewoman, her sister here,

Did call me brother.— What I told you then,

To Luciana

I hope I shall have
leisure
³⁷⁸
to make good,

If this be not a dream I see and hear.

ANGELO
    That is the chain, sir, which you had of me.

Points to chain

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
    I think it be, sir, I deny it not.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    And you, sir, for this chain arrested me.

To Angelo

ANGELO
    I think I did, sir, I deny it not.

ADRIANA
    I sent you money, sir, to be your bail

To Antipholus of Ephesus

By Dromio, but I think he brought it not.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
    No, none by me.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
    This purse of ducats I received from you,

To Adriana

And Dromio, my man, did bring them me.

I see we
still
³⁸⁹
did meet each other’s man,

And I was ta’en for him, and he for me,

And thereupon these errors
are arose.
³⁹¹

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    These ducats pawn I for my father here.

Offers money

DUKE
    It shall not need, thy father hath his life.

COURTESAN
    Sir, I must have that diamond from you.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    There, take it, and much thanks for my good
cheer.
³⁹⁵

Gives ring

EMILIA
    Renownèd duke, vouchsafe to take the pains

To go with us into the abbey here,

And hear at large discoursèd all our fortunes.

And all that are assembled in this place,

That by this
sympathizèd
⁴⁰⁰
one day’s error

Have suffered wrong, go, keep us company,

And we shall make full
satisfaction.
⁴⁰²

Thirty-three years have I
but gone in travail
⁴⁰³

Of you, my sons, and till this present hour

My heavy burden ne’er deliverèd.

The duke, my husband, and my children both,

And you the
calendars of their nativity
⁴⁰⁷
,

Go to a
gossips’
feast, and
joy
⁴⁰⁸
with me,

After so long grief, such festivity.

DUKE
    With all my heart, I’ll
gossip at
⁴¹⁰
this feast.