The Convenience of Lies (7 page)

My hands are trembling as I turn on my phone in the morning. I turned it off because I didn't want the drama from last night to wake me up this morning. Now that I am awake, it is time to face the day. As expected, I am suddenly bombarded with about twenty text messages from Ramon, all consisting of the same statement, “i heard u had a little chat with alicia yesterday. have fun? she broke up w/me in 1 day.” It was rather strange for him to send me so many of the same message, and I felt a bit uneasy. It's like he's obsessing about getting a response from me. Or he's obsessing about that one and only question. Or for some reason he thinks I'm not getting his texts, or ignoring his texts. Regardless, he's obsessing about what happened, he's being pushy, and he's certainly not happy with me. All of my worst fears are confirmed, especially when I read Ramon's last text, “your not talking 2 me? ok. come on aim when u wanna talk.”

I can see that by not talking to Ramon, he's just going to obsess and get more upset with me. At this point, the best thing for me to do is go online and try my hardest to tame the beast. Additionally, I know that I do owe him a conversation anyway. So, I go online.

I find not Ramon, but Alicia, on AIM. I ask her how the break up went. She doesn't seem to want to tell me the details because all she says is, “It went fine,” and then quickly changes the topic to part of the conversation they had on AIM that she saved for me:

Once this is sent, Alicia continues,

I highly doubt that this is the one and only section that “saved.” But, at the same time, it is also the section that would have been the most interesting to me, and so I figure I can overlook her lie. Obviously she doesn't want to share what they said during their break up, and I can respect that because the break up was between her and Ramon anyway.

At the same time, I can't believe what I am reading. Within twenty-four hours I went from Ramon rejecting me by asking out another girl to finding out that I am on his “crush list.” Now it's crucial for me to pacify Ramon and to make amends.

I don't think that whatever this “reason” is really changes the fact that Ramon likes me. He signs online and Alicia makes a quick exit. Ramon jumps right in:

It's like he thinks I was making things up, or seeking out Alicia to tell her all the shit I knew about him. I want to set things straight, so I tell Ramon exactly what happened.

My eyebrows furrow at Ramon's next comment.

Why is Ramon being so insistent about talking with me when he feels so accepting about the situation? If he's embracing the situation so easily, then what does he have to talk to me about? Deciding to go with the flow, I continue,

I figure if I agree with his logic, then perhaps the situation will be remedied more easily. Besides, even if I hadn't thought of it this way, it is true. Alicia would have eventually found out about Ramon's history, regardless where she heard it from. Even so, I can hardly believe Ramon actually isn't mad at me.

This is too much. Ramon should be ranting at me or something right now. I keep waiting for it to happen and it doesn't. In fact, I am so astounded that Ramon is not giving me a hard time that I have to call him on it,

I still don't see why Ramon had been so insistent to talk to me when he didn't seem too upset by the whole ordeal.

He signs off of AIM. Despite his understanding nature, I am still left feeling like he slammed the door in my face. He didn't even wait for me to say “bye.” I need a moment to process Ramon's reaction. He isn't furious with me, so does that mean he still wants to talk to me? While he did end our conversation abruptly, as I re-read what was said, it seems like he is genuinely not completely pissed at me. After coming to this conclusion, I can now address the enthralling bit of information that Alicia gave me about Ramon. He likes me! I feel like a kid being offered my favorite candy, chocolate toffee bars. There's no way I am going to be able to refuse the candy; I am going to have to open the wrapper and start enjoying it. At the same time, I can't act immediately because it is too close to the incident with Alicia.

A plan starts formulating in my mind. Ramon likes me. I just need to find out what his reason is for not dating me and help him fix it. Whatever it is, it can't be that bad. Ramon gives up easily when he finds something an inconvenience.

Today is Wednesday. Kira is coming back from Russia in exactly one week. I want to have my conversation with Ramon before Kira gets back so that whatever happens… happens before she gets here. So, I will wait until next Monday to have my conversation. By then, the incident with Alicia will be far enough away that it won't look too bad that I am going after Ramon. And, if anything does actually happen, it will not be extremely new news when Kira returns.

Waiting until Monday to put my plan into action is like torture. The four days before then seem to stretch out as long as they can. Is the Earth somehow rotating more slowly just to test my patience? I know this waiting period is a critical part of my plan, and somehow I manage to stick out those four days. I hang out with Shane and Cody. I read. I sleep as much as I can.

Finally Monday rolls around, and I put my plan into action. I call Ramon; butterflies are trying to burst out of my stomach as I ask, “Hey, do you want to go eat dinner and then walk in the park?” I manage to get this important question out. Two critical parts of my plan have now been completed. I've managed to wait out the four days and initiate the active part of the plan. Now I'm waiting with baited breath. Ramon pauses, a pause that feels like eternity as my hands clam up, and I feel as if I'm frozen in time.

“Ok, sure.”

These are the sweetest words I have ever heard in my life. The third, most variable, part of setting up this plan has gotten the green light to go. As excitement wells up in me at the prospect of this actually happening, I notice the butterflies are still there, still making their presence known. It is like I am taking Ramon on a date, and he doesn't even realize it. Well, I know what's going on, and the butterflies in my stomach tell me that I can't seem to decide what to make of it.

During dinner, we don't say much. It is taking all of the energy I have to contain my giddy excitement and to tame those butterflies. These two emotions are battling for my attention, and I can barely think of anything else, let alone start a conversation. It's an awkward silence. Ramon is looking at me like, '
Why
did you want to hang out with me?'

Finally, it seems that Ramon has concluded that I am not going to be instigating conversation today, and takes it upon himself to do so. Part of my anxiety wears off as he distracts me with, “My tournament starts this Saturday.” I can feel a small sense of relief wash over me. My emotions are still running at 100 miles per hour, but now it's as if they are starting to find order. Ramon is rescuing me from myself.

Ramon is mentioning a boxing tournament that he has been training for over the past several months. I find myself blown away by knowing he is talented enough to enter a semi-professional tournament for actual money. The prize for first place is $20,000. I feel safe knowing a serious boxer has got my back. Ramon claims that this will be his first, and his last, tournament. I guess he sees it as a once in a lifetime experience. He has decided against boxing professionally because of how hard it is on a fighter's body.

With this news, I find myself thinking things aren't lining up. “But wasn't it supposed to start a month from now?”

“Yes! But they moved it up, so now I'm back a month in training.” Ramon is clearly distraught about this change in events.

“Well, if they moved the whole tournament up a month, then everybody lost a month of training. You're going to do fine; I know it.” I mean this sincerely. And the logic makes sense to me. Everyone in the competition is in the same boat, and so he is still on even ground with everybody else.

“Everybody thinks I am going to get my ass kicked. EVERYBODY. Even you do at the back of your head.” I feel taken aback at this accusation. But, I guess Ramon is just being insecure and seeing what he wants to in other people. Really, this accusation is a plea for support, a plea to prove him otherwise. This will not be hard for me to do. Ramon is one of those people who never loses. I have never heard of him losing any fight, except possibly when he was jumped. But that was not a fair fight, so I can't possibly imagine him doing anything other than beating the other guy's ass. “No, seriously, I think you're going to win. You're going to get the grand prize. I swear, I think so,” I insist as confidently and wholeheartedly as I can.

“Okay,” Ramon responds, but I know that he doesn't believe me. I drop the subject. Obviously I am not going to get anywhere with this, and so Ramon will just have to find out for himself when he's in the boxing ring.

We pay for dinner and head out to Fountain Park. It is a huge grassy park with rolling green hills and large trees planted every so often. The trees look like they must be the oldest ones in Verdad, and they form a cool canopy over the various picnic tables sprinkled throughout the park. Birds are chirping and fluttering throughout the trees, giving a sense of calm and beauty to the atmosphere. Winding throughout the park is a concrete trail that the occasional jogger can be seen frequenting. We follow this trail all the way from one end of the park to the other, at which point there is a gorgeous, tall fountain that has a couple of waterfalls into a giant pool that's so large it's like a lake. The fountain is lit up at night, providing a serene setting where anyone can come to relax, listen to the water gurgling, and watch the light sparkling off the lake. During the day, fish can be seen swimming throughout the lake - all kinds of fish ranging from little black ones that resemble tadpoles to large orange and white koi fish who meander around the pond with giant grace.

As we are circling around the lake, I marvel at its beauty and congratulate myself for casually creating such a beautiful setting. Things couldn't be going any better.

“Oh shit!” Ramon interjects. I jump, and instantly the birds stop their playful chirping. I see what has caused the disturbance; Ramon has noticed something shiny on the ground. He bends over and picks it up. As I get a better look at it, I realize it's a knife. Ramon eyes, shining in the fountain's light as he searches the immediate area, land on a wooden picnic table not too far away. He brings the knife over to the table and sits down to inspect it further. I don't see this discovery as impeding my plan at all. It is just something to talk about before I change the topic to the real reason why I asked Ramon out tonight.

Ramon flicks out the blade and notices that the knife is double-bladed, so he flicks out the other blade. He grabs the knife on the handle, and it looks like a four-inch blade is projecting from both sides of his hand. I draw in a breath as I feel the knife has a sense of power. I have never seen anything like it, and I'm not sure how close I want to get to it. It's like I'm looking at a masterpiece in a museum that I'm not supposed to touch. But in this case, I shouldn't touch it for my own protection, not the protection of the masterpiece.

Ramon places the knife on the table, and as my initial fear subsides, I start to study its features. I can see that there is a black “X” engraved into its silver side. The “X” is graceful and powerful all at the same time. With the two blades open, the knife looks deadly. I would not want to be on the receiving side of an attacker with that weapon. Ramon closes one of the blades, leaving only one open. I marvel at how now the knife looks like a normal, one-bladed, knife. If I didn't know better, I wouldn't have any idea that it had a second blade. What a clever, secretive design. It looks like something you would only see in a movie.

Ramon carves his initials into the wooden table. My eyes go wide as the blade just glides into the hard wood like butter. I figure that is because Ramon is so strong. But then he says, “Fuck, this is really sharp.”

He hands me the blade. “Your initials,” he says. Despite my heart going 1000 miles an hour, and my intuition telling me not to, I take the knife timidly. I want Ramon to be impressed with me; I don't want him to think I am too childish as to not accept the knife. I carefully grip the handle where it feels most comfortable, being sure to face the blade away from me and Ramon. I diligently and precisely place the tip of the blade on the wood, and carefully cut away from myself. Instantly my jaw drops as I see how effortlessly the knife cuts the wood. It has the perfect amount of give for me to cut cautiously, with the blade going exactly where I want it to.